I'm back! I'm still in pain and was on strict bed rest until Thursday, but it's getting better every day.
Chapter 17
The following morning, Kim was at the precinct relatively early. The uncertainty of how Hank was doing had driven her out of her apartment. She was worried.
Right now, she was standing in front of the mirror in the locker room. Looking at herself. The marks on her arm, the bruises, had faded somewhat by now. But the memories of that moment were still there. Time and again, Kim had to think about the evening in his car. And how he had grabbed her. The pain in her arm. And the other thing that almost happened.
At that moment the door opened. Completely surprised, Kim turned to the door as if by reflex and saw Hank. For a moment they looked at each other. Kim still held her shirt in her hand and stood in front of Hank dressed only in a bra and her jeans.
His gaze, however, was fixed on the bruises on her arm. He knew exactly where Kim got those marks. And from whom. He was the monster who had done this to her. Who had hurt Kim. And he had almost hurt her in the worst possible way.
"Kim, I," Hank began softly as he stepped toward her.
"Don't, don't say it," Kim begged, suspecting he was about to apologize again. She didn't want to hear it. His apology. She couldn't stand it. It would only make her think of it again. The look in his eyes when he had grabbed her. When he had kissed her. When he had-
Hank, now standing very close to her, raised his hand and very gently stroked the bruises with his fingertips. Very gently. Tenderly. He felt her skin under his fingertips.
"It doesn't hurt anymore," she said. Kim felt herself relax. Under his tender touch. A touch that made her forget that she had also experienced another side of him. Almost, anyway.
Hank lowered his head in shame. Seeing it so clearly, what he had done, Hank still couldn't comprehend. The things he had done to Kim. And that was only because he could not control himself. Could not control his temper.
"I don't ever want to hurt you like that again," he whispered softly, "Ever. You're too important to me. You are, I, I don't want to lose you. I need you. I lo-, I like you. I care about you."
And in that moment, he had said it. For the first time. Had admitted that he had feelings. For her. Kim turned her head and looked at him. Surprised. After all, she had no idea what had happened last night after they parted ways at the precinct. What had gone through his mind. Hell, no way could she have known that Hank had been sitting on the couch with his wedding photo in his hand. To think that he'd been staring at it. And that he had thought of a time when he had been happy with a woman, with his wife. How he wished he could be happy again. To be that happy. He wanted to get rid of the anger inside him. The despair that had actually been part of his life since Camille's death. Hank had decided last night that it was time to let go. The pain. The anger. Everything negative. It was time to look ahead.
This whole dance - this back and forth, that had to stop.
Even though they had both said yesterday that right now was not the right time - for an Us - Hank didn't want to wait anymore. He didn't want to wake up one day and find out that there was another missed chance in his life. Or that it was already too late again. That he had already lost everything good in his life. That he had lost Kim.
And Hank knew for sure how quickly it could happen. How quickly you could lose everything. When he had looked at his wedding photo yesterday, he had to think about it. About Kim. His feelings. About how he believed in second chances. And he hoped Kim would give him a chance. That it wasn't just words to reassure him, but that he could really believe in it. In a future. A future together.
"I want to do it right. This," Hank said, making a gesture with his hand, pointing first at Kim and then at himself, " 'Us'. I want to see what this can become. I want to stop putting it off, putting it off until later. Because who knows if there will even be a later. "
"Hank, I want that too." Kim's words yesterday had not been an empty promise. Hank and her, Kim had sensed over the past few days, over the past few weeks, that something was developing. That there might be something that went beyond mere friendship.
Hank looked at her for a moment. He felt relieved. Liberated, somehow. Now that he had finally taken a real first step toward Kim. And he was about to take the second step, too. No time like the present.
"So, what do you think about a real date. Tomorrow night. At my place. I'll cook for us and we'll talk and see, well we'll see how the evening turns out," he suggested.
Kim nodded. That sounded like a good idea. A very good one. Kim liked this suggestion. An evening at his home where they could be themselves. An evening that came close to the many evenings they had spent together and perhaps even went a little further. And Kim knew that Hank would stop immediately if he went too far. She still trusted him, even though a small part of her still had to think about it. That one moment when he almost fell into the darkness. That moment when he almost became the monster that he usually only hunted. But he would never become such a monster, never.
And for a moment, they looked at each other.
Kim couldn't help but think of the evenings she had spent together with Hank. On her sofa, when they had eaten take-out. And to the evening when they had fallen asleep together on his sofa. How he had touched her, tenderly stroked her cheek. That was a Hank that made her heart beat faster. She had never felt the way she did with a man as she did with Hank.
And then, it was as if an inner power magically attracted them. Drawing each other in. Like a moth to the flame. Unable to let go of each other. They couldn't take their eyes off each other.
The moment their mouths met in a kiss, Kim wrapped her arms around his neck and slid her hands over his shoulders. She just wanted to let herself fall. Fall into that kiss. Enjoy the moment with Hank. And she wanted to forget all thoughts. Even the bad ones. And with this kiss he managed to make her forget everything. It was a kiss that was both tender and passionate. It was a kiss that made Kim wish it would never end. And it was a promise. A promise that, yes, what actually? The kiss tasted of hope. And of love. Of a promise that, yes of something good. Something that gave them hope that everything would be all right, with Hank.
And that they could put everything behind them - what had happened.
Hank felt himself wishing to forget all caution. All good intentions, the resolution to take it slow, forgotten. He wanted Kim. He needed Kim. Now. He gently pushed her backward until Kim felt the wall against her back.
"Hank," she moaned, digging her fingers into his shoulders. Hank's kisses were driving her crazy.
And then the door was opened again.
"'Oh, my God. THIS isn't really happening here now?"
Like two teenagers caught in the act, Hank and Kim pulled away from each other. Both of their gazes slid over to Jay Halstead, who had just entered the locker room.
"Jay, I-" Kim began.
"You don't have to explain to me what this is. I can see this clearly. My sergeant and my colleague were making out like two teenagers," he said. Jay couldn't believe it. He thought it had only happened once. You know, the thing between Kim and Hank. Also, he had warned Hank. He was to leave Kim alone. And now, now he caught the two of them in the locker room. What would have happened if he had entered the room a bit later? Jay didn't even want to think about it.
No, he didn't want to imagine that. No, he hadn't wanted to imagine that the last time either. Kim and Hank - that could not go well in his eyes. Never.
And then, as he looked closer at Kim, he saw the bruises. And something in Jay's gaze darkened. Jay couldn't believe what he was seeing. Hank Voight had hurt Kim. And he didn't want to imagine where she might have more bruises.
"'You hurt her,'" anger was clearly audible in Jay's voice and he took a step towards Hank. Ready to deck him. To hurt him the way Hank had hurt Kim.
"Jay! NO! He didn't do anything. He would never hurt me!" Kim put herself between Jay and Hank. Placed herself protectively in front of Hank. She felt him put his hand on her waist, wanting to push past her and face Jay and his accusations. But she couldn't let that happen.
And so she turned her head and looked at Hank, "Leave us alone. I'll handle this. Please Hank."
Even though he didn't like it, even though it wasn't normally his nature not to face a situation like this, Hank nodded and left Kim alone with Jay. With Jay, who gave him an angry look on his way out. With Jay, who had his hands clenched into fists, ready to punch him should Hank say even one wrong word, make one wrong move.
When the click of the door signaled that Jay and Kim were alone again, she turned her attention fully to the man who was like a brother to her. An annoying big brother. A brother who should stay out of HER business. She was a big girl.
"Where did you get those bruises? Was that him? What did he do to you? Are there any more bruises on your body?" asked Jay.
"I bumped into a door," however Kim knew that didn't sound convincing.
"Bumped into a door?",stunned, Jay looked at her, "Kim, that's what a wife who gets beaten by her husband says too. A woman protecting the man who abuses her. Kim what did he do to you? Did he beat you?"
He just couldn't understand. In fact, he hadn't when Kim had first told him about it. Yes, she wanted to be there for Hank Voight. But Jay would not allow Hank to use her as a punching bag.
"You and him, you said that wouldn't happen anymore. That you just wanted to be a friend to him. Like Al was back then. And then, then you have sex with him. Right here in this room. Almost, anyway."
"We didn't. And even if we did, it's none of your business."
"But the bruises are. Kim please, talk to me. What did Voight do to you? Did he do anything to you? Did he beat you? Did he do something to hurt you? Or maybe something worse than that?"
Kim didn't know what to say. She would never tell him the truth. Never tell him about what almost happened. And besides, she had already forgiven Hank.
"Why am I not allowed to be happy? Why are you trying to tell me what to do with my life? I know for myself what is good for me. Who is good for me." Kim demanded. She hated that Jay was interfering in her life. That he thought he knew what was good for her. Furious, she looked at him. She hated arguing with Jay. But this, her and Hank, it was none of his business. It was no one's business.
"He's no good for you. You know, he's bad news," Jay warned her instead.
" I might be what he needs, though. Maybe I'm good for him."
Jay looked at her for a moment. Truly, didn't she want to understand him?
"You can't replace Al. You can't be Al for him," he declared forcefully.
"I'm not. Me, Jay, what's developing with Hank and me, you don't get that."
"Do you?"