Today, Kim and Hank are going to have a moment to themselves - a special moment with no drama, no anger - and without Jay to interrupt them.

And finally they have to talk about the elephant in the room among other things.

Chapter 18

Hank stood in the kitchen, stirring the sauce. He had cooked dinner - for Kim and himself. Dinner for their date. The table in his dining room was already set, candles were on the table just waiting to be lit. He wanted everything to be perfect. For his date with Kim.

Hank was quite excited and nervous at the same time.

It had been a long time since he had been on a date. Last with Camille - back when she had been alive, they had tried to spend some time together, just the two of them. But mostly Hank's work had gotten in the way. And if this, that is, what was developing between Kim and him, was really going to be something serious, he would do better this time.

Kim was pretty excited, too. Tonight, dinner together, would be different than any other night she had spent with Hank. Today, this was a date. A real date. Nervously, Kim sat in her car in front of Hank's house. Somehow she wasn't ready to get out and knock on the door.

She had been to his house many times, but never for this reason. Never because she had a date with him. Today was going to be their first date. For hours, Kim had stood in front of her closet, she couldn't decided what to wear. A dress. A pair of pants. In the end, she had decided on jeans and a blouse. Maybe if there was a second date, she would wear a dress. For him.

Their date, that was a big step they would take there. Their friendship, whatever had developed between the two of them, would change. Nothing would be the same anymore. Actually, things had already changed between them a long time ago. The friendship between them had long since ceased to be a friendship. Was much more. However, they both had not allowed it somehow. So far, anyway. Well, there had been that one night and a few kisses. Other than that, it had been friendship, a close friendship, to this day. And today, today they were taking the next step, together.

Kim took another deep breath before she left the car and walked to the front door.

She had barely knocked on the front door when the door was already opened from the inside. It seemed as if Hank had already been waiting behind the door. As if he had been waiting for her. Oh, and he had been. Hank had been standing nervously in his hallway for a while, after finishing dinner, pacing up and down. Waiting for Kim to show up. Until the end, he had not been sure if Kim would show up.

And now she was here.

"Hello Kim," he smiled at her and leaned over, giving her a kiss on the cheek. As a greeting.

"Hank," Kim returned the smile.

With that, Kim followed Hank into his dining room, where he had set the table for the two of them. Candles sat burning on the table. Kim turned to Hank and looked at him. She was at a loss for words. When he had suggested a meal together, a date, she hadn't known what to think of. Ah, but this, this she liked. A beautifully set table, candles, a meal - this was Hank's idea of romance. You know, not too much. Just right.

And yet, he wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. Whether Kim hadn't expected something different. You know, maybe a little more of everything. Or perhaps Kim didn't like romance. Then again, what woman didn't love a candlelit dinner? But maybe he should have gotten some flowers?

"Please, sit down," he said, pulling the chair out for Kim.

"Thank you."

With that, he leaned down and gave her another kiss on the cheek before sitting down next to her at the dining table.

"I made tagliatelle in mushroom sauce. I hope you like it," he said uncertainly. For him, this date was special. It was the first date ever, since Camille's death. And because of that, he wanted to do everything the right way. Kim deserved it. A perfect date. And so much more.

Kim smiled and reached for his hand. She sensed his insecurity clearly. Kim felt the same way. Her nerves were on edge. At that moment, here at the table, they weren't just two friends eating together. They weren't just sergeant and officer. I mean, they were a man and a woman on a date.

And really, it wasn't supposed to be weird between them. Kim and Hank had already spent a moment or two together. Had dinner together. Take-out on her sofa. And then there had been long conversations. Which is just the kind of thing they wanted today. Just a moment they were comfortable with. With each other. And then they would see how things developed between the two of them.

"Tagliatelle sounds good," Kim finally said.

Hank nodded. He wasn't sure what to say. And then he lifted their intertwined hands and blew a kiss on the back of Kim's hand.

The rest of the meal passed in silence. But every now and then, they looked at each other. Smiling. So later the two of them sat on his sofa again. Like on the other days - whenever Kim had been with him. The sofa, that was their place.

Somewhat uncertainly they looked at each other. Sort of like two teenagers who were just discovering love. You know, and in a way, it was like that. Their love, the thing that was developing, was quite new, quite young. These were feelings that Hank had banished from his life years ago. Actually.

And then Kim had walked into his life. Had crept into his heart.

Kim sat sideways on the couch, facing Hank, with her feet pulled up under her. Slowly, Hank reached out and placed his hand on Kim's thigh, stroking it slowly. Kim enjoyed the touch. The gentle side of Hank.

"Kim," Hank began. He had decided that there was something they needed to talk about before this could truly go any further with them. Before what was developing between the two of you could have any real meaning. They had to talk about it. About what had happened in his car. Even though he had already apologized for it more than once. Well, he needed to explain it to her. He HAD to explain to her why it had happened. Even if there was really no explanation for something like that.

Questioningly she looked at him. She waited for him to continue speaking.

"We need to talk about this, about what happened in my car," he said then.

"Hank, we don't have to anymore."

"Yes we do, I feel like we can't go any further until we talk about what I did. Yes, I have apologized for what I did, but still I have to explain it to you."

Kim reached for his hand, which now rested on her thigh, and squeezed it. She thus gave him the strength to continue speaking. Kim knew that he needed to say it out loud. For him to say it out loud, to say what was bothering him, before he could come to terms with it. She had come to terms with what had happened, too. Almost, anyway. For the last two nights, the incident in Hank's car hadn't haunted her dreams. Finally. And Kim was sure that the more the bruises on her arms faded, the more the nightmares would diminish until they were gone. And she knew he hadn't done it on purpose. He hadn't meant to hurt her. Never.

And he had to believe that, too.

"At that moment, in my car, I just wanted to forget everything. All the rage that I felt inside of me. And the anguish because of all the people who had died because of me. I was so devastated. I was ashamed. You know, and then I had to think about a moment when I had last been feeling fine. The last time I forgot all the negative thoughts. I had to think of the one person who made me forget everything bad happening in my life. That person is you," he said, " Right then, I wanted to feel again the way I felt the night we made love. I wanted to feel again what you had awakened in me. I wanted to feel it again. Ah, and I just wasn't thinking in that moment. I was blind in that moment. Just wanted to feel something good. Then there you were. And, Kim there's no excuse for what I did."

"You have to-"

"No Kim, I have to apologize for it, over and over again. What I did, what I almost did. Kim, I, I don't know how it would have went on. In that moment. I don't know if I wouldn't have just kept going if you hadn't stopped me. Maybe I would have stopped, maybe I wouldn't have stopped. Kim, I would have-"

"You wouldn't have, never. You would never have used force to get what you wanted. " she interrupted him vehemently.

Without a word, Hank looked at her for a moment. What had he done to deserve someone like Kim in his life? The trust she had in him, he didn't deserve that. But, well, Kim, the way she looked at him, that look, Hank swallowed hard. Kim's gaze was filled with love - for him.

"Hank, no matter what would have happened in that car or not, I know you never would have hurt me. You never would have done anything I didn't want you to do. Hank, I just, I know it. And please stop blaming yourself."

"I can't stop thinking about it," he confessed, "And when I saw the bruises on your arm...Um, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Hank, it's all right. Please. Believe me."

"I, it, well, it's just hard. Trusting myself. I know I lose my temper sometimes. And my biggest fear is that, well I don't want there to be another moment like there was in my car. A moment where I can't control myself and I end up hurting you," he then confessed.

Kim raised her hand and stroked Hank's cheek.

"Hank, I know you will never hurt me. I trust you. Please, trust yourself, too."

Kim was simply amazing. And if she could forgive him, he should forgive himself too. He should finally forgive himself.

Maybe it really was time for him to forgive himself. For him to look ahead.

Hank looked at Kim for a moment and then placed his hand on top of hers. Stopped her in mid-motion. And then he turned his head, breathed a kiss on her palm. And then another. Before both of their lips found each other for a kiss. It was a kiss that made them forget all previous thoughts. One kiss that made them want to keep going. In fact, they both wanted it. To feel each other. Here and now. At least for a little while. They just let themselves be carried away. Dragged along by the feelings, the desire.

And it was as if that kiss had made them drop all inhibitions - as if someone had opened a door they walked through willingly. Hank and Kim would not stop. Not until they had found their release.

And then he lowered his head and placed his lips on the small hollow at her throat. He brushed another kiss on her skin. And his hand settled on her waist - possessively. His other hand stroked the skin of her belly under her blouse, slowly upward. He had explored her body before, touched her like this. And this, this was a little like remembering something, remembering how it had felt. To feel her beneath him. To touch her skin. To elicit a moan from her with a single touch. Slowly, he undid the top buttons of her blouse. His fingertips trailed over the exposed skin down to the edge of her bra.

"Kim, I," Hank began, and then he made a decision. He wasn't going to stop. He was going to keep going, he wanted to. Just like the times before. When they had kissed. Hank felt himself wanting to forget all caution at that moment. Forget all good intentions, the resolution to take it slow. He wanted Kim. And one look at her face told him - yes, she wanted it too, wanted him. Right at that moment. Kim wanted Hank. She wanted sex. With him. Now. And it was exactly what he wanted.

"Come with me," Hank said therefore, reaching for her hand. Hank pulled her up with him from the sofa, heading up the stairs.

Well, it took them a moment to get to his bedroom door, you see, because on the way up the stairs, he'd pushed her against the wall and kissed her. He had kissed her like there was no tomorrow. Oh, and he loved her boobs. He hadn't gotten enough of kissing her boobs, gently nibbling on her nipples. And Kim had enjoyed it too.

Hesitating only briefly outside his bedroom door, he knew they couldn't stop now. Oh, not now. On their way up here, they had already lost their clothes. They had hastily shed their clothes as they caressed each other's bodies with their fingers.

"Kim, I want you," he whispered, following her onto the bed where he rested his hands on either side of her head and slid his knee between her thighs.

"I want you too," she whispered, and then they both turned so that Hank was lying underneath her.

Kim was touching spots on Hank's body where no woman had touched him in a long time. Lovingly she stroked across his body, arms, chest, belly, legs, before leaning down to him and pressing her open mouth to the hollow of his throat. He tasted warm and musky. Kim carefully explored his neck and torso with her mouth and hands. Very slowly she kissed her way down. Her tongue played around his nipples, prodding against them before she began to gently nibble on one. Right up until it hardened under her ministrations.

Then she continued her way down with her tongue. Kim had one goal. She wanted to taste him, to pleasure him with her mouth.

While kissing her way down his body, Kim tried to figure out what elicited a loud moan and what elicited a soft sigh from Hank. You know, what he liked. It was something she hadn't had a chance to do last time. The last time they had had sex. They hadn't taken the time to explore each other's bodies then. And today, Kim wanted to do that. But Hank didn't want to wait anymore. Yeah, every kiss on his skin heightened his arousal - but he really wanted his release now. He wanted to feel Kim, wanted to feel him filling her. He didn't want to give her time to explore what he liked - like when she lightly bit his nipples. There was still time for that, surely. Later. He wanted more. He wanted Kim. Now! And yet he waited and let her take the lead. He gave Kim control over his body and their lovemaking.

Finally - Kim's lips had reached his hard member. She wanted to take him deep into her mouth until he was hard. Until he was on the verge of coming. And then, then she wanted to feel him inside her. She wanted his hard member to touch her g-spot.

As her lips closed around the tip, Hank's fingers clawed into the sheet to stop himself from burying his hands in her hair. She stroked him with her tongue and sucked him. Kim loved to hear his groans and moans of pleasure while she did it. A twitch of arousal passed through his body. A feeling, Hank thought he didn't know what he was feeling, but Kim, who was sucking him off, was literally driving him crazy. It was incredible. This feeling, Hank almost believed that his insides would be carried away as if riding a wave. Over and over again, this feeling, this tingling rolled through his body.

"Kim", Hank hissed with pleasure, sucking air in through his teeth.

And then suddenly she stopped.

Hank opened his eyes and looked at Kim. Kim smiled at him before she slowly lowered herself onto him. He was bigger than she remembered. And then she paused, taking a moment to get used to the feeling. To the feeling of him like this. To feel all of him. To feel him inside her. Their eyes met. Silently Kim's lips formed a few words.

And then she began to move lightly on him. He thrusted up, again and again, thrusting harder and her head fell back with a long, drawn-out moan. The heated tension inside her increased immeasurably, Kim thought she was about to burn alive, and a comforting, warm tingle ran through her body, growing more intense with each thrust.

Hank sighed again and closed his eyes. He concentrated fully on Kim's movements, which were already driving him almost insane. He felt fingernails scraping along his torso. He arched up under her, moaning, as his orgasm finally overcame him.

He threw his head back into his neck in utter ecstasy and closed his eyes as his fingers clawed at the sheets again. Kim followed him over the cliff only seconds later.

Exhausted, they fell asleep a while later, entwined.

They both suspected that the next few days would drain them of all their strength.