Kenshin allowed his lavender eyes to slide open. Hiko had finally succumbed to sleep, leaving Kenshin alone. He pushed himself out of bed. "Why are you doing this?" a portion of his mind seemed to ask him. He began changing out of his pajamas into dark clothing.
"Because," he answered quietly. "It's the only way to keep this one's friends safe." He took a step passed his bed, too quickly. He stopped as a wave of dizziness passed over him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"You're in no condition to go," the voice continued.
"This one has to," he replied, kneeling down beside his bed searching for something.
"Why do you believe that?"
"Shishio will not rest till this one is dead," he answered grimly.
"Is that why you're going? So you can die?"
Kenshin froze, his fingertips touching the object he was searching for. "This one doesn't fear death."
"That isn't what I asked. Why are you doing this?"
"To protect, this one's friends, everyone." He pulled the thing towards him out from below the bed. "This one never thought he would ever do anything like this again."
"Then don't go!" The voice was starting to get desperate.
"That won't solve anything, that it won't," he rose to his feet hands tight around his prize.
"Please."
"If this one doesn't go then, Hiko will send him away, claiming to keep him safe. While they all stay here, close to Shishio's wrath."
"He's doing this because he cares about you."
"They said the same," growled Kenshin. His fingers gripped the end, soft cloth wrapped with rope. He pulled it free of it's container, the long blade glinting silver in the moonlight. "Look where trust got this one listening to all their hollow promises." He swung the blade through the air, listening to the hiss it made. "This one can't trust words promised to him, that he cannot."
"You never kept your word though."
"What?" he asked confused.
"You never promised Kaoru. She asked nothing more from you then your word but you wouldn't give it. That is the reality you've created for yourself."
"Who are you?" he demanded gripping the katana tightly. He raised it, searching the room carefully. His eyes fell on a figure standing in the darkest corner of the room. His heart began to pound as he stared fearfully at the intruder. The person stepped forwards into the moonlight. A gasp escaped Kenshin as he saw the specters face. He dropped the blade, backing away, shaking his head wildly. Calm eyes filled with sorrow framed by raven black hair.
"Can't you keep a promise?"
The world came back into sharp focus. He was standing on a sidewalk, wearing the dark clothing from his dream. "Sleepwalking," he berated himself. He rubbed his eyes, feeling the heat of his fever radiating off his skin. "Great," he muttered. "This one must have gone through the window."
"Kenshin," called a gentle voice from behind. He quickly swung around, guard up. The movement was a little too fast for him, making his head spin. He refused to let his eyes shut, there by leaving himself vulnerable. There was a dark figure before him, but he couldn't see who it was. "Ken…shin?" Finally the voice clicked and he knew who was standing before him.
"Miss Kaoru," he said slowly, relaxing again. She stood on the edge of the lawn, a large shaggy dog at her side.
"I was taking Sano's dog for a walk," she indicated the lazy beast beside her. "What are you doing up this late?"
He shifted nervously, being careful not to insight vertigo. "This one felt like going for a walk, that he did," he answered hesitantly, luckily his voice didn't sound as raspy as it had earlier. But he still had to repress the coughs that were tickling his throat.
Kaoru frowned. "Sano told me you weren't feeling well," she commented. She could just make him out in the light of the street lamp above their heads. His face looked paler then usual and his cheeks were slightly flushed. He didn't give an answer. "What's going on Kenshin?"
"Nothing… this one was merely going for a walk," he insisted in a cool tone.
A warning shot through Kaoru, his voice had gained a cold note since she'd last seen him. "What happened?" she asked. His mouth remained shut, his eyes barely meeting hers. "You're not well Kenshin. It isn't like you, to be out here this late."
"How do you know?" asked Kenshin, a crack of desperation finding it's way into his voice. "How do you know what this one is like?"
She reached out a hand towards him. He pulled away instantly, he couldn't let her touch him. If he did, his resolve would shatter and it would hurt too much to say goodbye. She looked at him sadly. His eyes were expressionless; his face pulled so far behind a mask that nothing would show. He was detached, wanting to be as far as possible to every connection here.
"Kenshin." He couldn't meet her gaze, he wanted desperately to get away. "You're leaving." She stated it so plainly and yet some how so painfully. She was asking for an answer and he wanted to give her one. His mouth was dry, heart pounding against his ribs. She was reading him all too easily. Fear flooded through him as her innocent eyes pierced through his barriers. He took an involuntary step away from her. "Kenshin…" There was pain in her voice. He didn't want to hurt her. He shook his head, every connection had to be broken. He wasn't coming back. He had to break her hold on him. He had to. His eyes were burning and suddenly his cheeks were wet. He didn't notice Kaoru until her arms were wrapping around him, pulling him closer. "It's alright," she whispered gently. He stood rigged for a moment in shock. "It's alright Kenshin." He felt himself sink into her embrace, letting his face fall against her shoulder. There were tears in his eyes, he realized, that were trickling freely down his face. "Everything's alright." Her dark raven hair slid against his face, the silk strands brushing against the tears as though they too wished to wipe them away.
"This one wishes it were Miss Kaoru, that he does," he whispered into her hair, sorrow managing to mix into his voice.
"What do you mean?" she asked. Conflict waged inside him. He was tired of all his secrets but knew better then to tell her of them. She was concerned about him; she wanted to know, to help. But it hurts to say goodbye, a small voice reminded him. He tensed, drawing her closer in his arms, afraid that she was going to be pulled away. A vision of blood sparking in firelight danced before his eyes.
"Never coming back," the words slipped out before he could stop them.
"You're leaving? For how long?" Her voice quivered. He didn't have to look to know there were tears in her eyes. His mind screamed, telling him to pull away. But he didn't want to let her go. He cared- NO! His mind shrieked, dispelling the thought. He wouldn't let himself think that, not now. Her voice was kind and gentle as she spoke again. "Hiko isn't abandoning you Kenshin."
His eyes went wide, the struck nerve resonating through him. He pushed her away, freeing himself of her hold. "What do you know?" His voice was low shaking with anger. "No one ever keeps their word. No one ever has, promises can't be trusted. They're all lies. Made up just to be thrown away after being said. Why the hell should Hiko keep his word? He isn't going to. He isn't!" He spoke the man's name with pure hatred. His lavender eyes burning with furry as he glared at her. "You don't know what it's like, you don't understand anything. You never can!" His voice broke into a fit of coughing unable to suppress it any longer.
A choked sob pulled his attention towards her. Even doubled over with coughs racking his lungs, he could see tears of hurt in her sapphire eyes, glinting in the lamplight. He felt sick, his heart twisted guiltily but his face never showed it. He understood that his words had stung her deeply. But he knew he couldn't do anything to comfort her. She took a shaky breath, her eyes never leaving him. His coughs had finally subsided, leaving the air dead between them. He felt dizzy again, he needed to get away but her voice wouldn't let him go.
"How do you expect me to know you, to understand when you won't tell me anything." She couldn't keep her voice level. She felt like she was breaking into small pieces under his unmoving gaze. Her hands tightened into fists. She wasn't going to let him go, not like this. "Kenshin, tell me, do you really believe that Hiko would betray you? Do you think I have?" He couldn't hold her gaze. "Kenshin no one will be able to help you if you don't tell them what's going on." She fell silent watching him for any reaction but none came. "Don't do everything by yourself. You're not alone. I'm…" she hesitated, words catching in her throat.
"This one is," he answered, his eyes hidden. The scar on his left cheek so visible in the dim light. "You don't know who he is, that you do not."
"I told you already," she replied voice still shaky. "As far as I'm concerned you're Kenshin Himura nothing more."
"That is but a small part of this one, Miss Kaoru."
She was confused by his words but they sent a shiver down her spine all the same. He turned as if to leave. "Where are you going?" she demanded. He froze instantly to the spot. "You're in no condition to be wandering around this late at night." He shut his eyes, trying to will himself to keep going. He felt a hand against his on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see her beside him. He tried to pull away but she merely took his hand gently in her own. "You shouldn't be out here." She began to lead him up the grassy lawn to her house. The redhead didn't fight against her, allowing her to pull him silently along. She whistled and he heard the dog following after them. "You really to should take better care of yourself Kenshin." He didn't answer as she pushed the door open letting him inside.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kaoru hung up the phone that was in the kitchen, taking a deep breath as she stepped into the small sitting room. She glanced, side long, at Kenshin who was camped out on her couch. A thick blanket was draped over his shoulders as he sat there shivering. His eyes stared down at a steaming mug of tea cradled in his hands. "Hiko's on his way," she said carefully. Kenshin simply nodded, not looking up. She sat down on the cushion beside him. "Did you walk all the way out here?"
"It wasn't all that far," he answered sipping the tea. Silently thankful that it eased his stinging throat. All the yelling he'd done had irritated it again. "If this one hadn't… he would have headed all the way back, that he would." His eyes were distant, staring at something in his semi-conscious state. He was exhausted but so far had managed to struggle against falling asleep.
"Where?" asked Kaoru softly. He could tell she was surprised at how alert he was still.
The redhead hesitated. He'd planned this through, it had to be done. "Miss Kaoru," he began. "This one will… only say if you swear not to repeat it." She frowned. His tone was dead serious.
"Alright," she answered.
He was quiet for a long moment. "The message Megumi had, she told you after Hiko left." It hadn't been a questioned and he continued before she could speak. "That message was meant-" he choked on the words, finding he couldn't bring himself to say it. A part of his mind cried out desperately against the plan. He was scared, he knew how this was going to end but he had to do it. "When… Battosai was around, Shishio wasn't the leader of the Juppongatanna. They both were considered the greatest fighters of the group. Battosai supported and was loyal to the leader at the time, while Shishio plotted to over throw them. He managed to divide the group into his faction and that of the Battosai's. It was a fierce conflict and to decide the victor the two wished to face each other. Battosai lost and Shishio somehow managed to live being… burned alive." He paused for a second before continuing. "Shishio took over the Juppongatanna easily… after that. No one dared challenge the man who… killed the Battosai." He fell silent taking another sip of his tea.
"You knew… Battosai," commented Kaoru. "When you were Shinta."
He shook his head. "This one didn't know the Battosai as Shinta." He hesitated but didn't say anymore.
"I... don't understand."
"This one knows," answered Kenshin quietly, staring down into the steaming mug. "Battosai is no more, that he is. He can never come back." She studied his face, trying to find the answer he wouldn't give. "If he came back even to stop Shishio then-"
"Wait, he's still alive? If we find him then-"
"He, in a way, is and isn't alive right now. He cannot help with this, that he can't Miss Kaoru."
"What do you mean Kenshin?"
"Battosai is… was-" Kenshin faltered struggling to speak. It's time she found out. But the words wouldn't come. He couldn't say it.
"Why can't he stop Shishio?"
"Because," his voice was choked as he answered. "This one will be lost." He'd never meant to put it that way. It'd just come out on it's own.
Kaoru just looked at him trying to understand. "What?" was all she could say.
He took a deep breath. He had to do this. His hands tightened on the mug. "Kenshin, Shinta… Battosai," he whispered. "All one and the same." He looked up at her, "This one was… once called Battosai." Her face was stricken.
"This… entire time," She couldn't meet his violet eyes. She turned away from him, hiding her face.
He felt it like a blow, tearing him up inside. But his face remained steady, his expression never changing. This had been what he wanted. Break every connection. That's how the game worked, it was nothing new to him. Now that she knew, she couldn't even look at him. She didn't know what to think. She was scared of him. Scared of what he was capable of. He pushed the thought away. The pain wasn't numbing this time, just a dull ache that he could easily ignore. Nothing more could be said here.
He could hear a car pulling into the driveway, just on time. He put the mug down on the table before him, rising to his feet letting the blanket fall away. He tried to repress the shiver that went through him as the cool air wrapped around him.
"Hiko's here," he told her walking over to the front door. He was amazed at how steady his voice was. But it always had been, no matter how much pain he was in, somehow it always stayed so level. He pulled his shoes on silently. She just sat there, eyes fixed on the worn brown carpet below her feet. She couldn't find a single word to utter.
Her silence wounded part of him was deeper then he would ever admit to. Even despite his planning, his knowledge of what he was doing, a tiny part of him had hoped against hope that she would except him. A silly dream he realized now but that knowledge didn't lessen the pain he felt.
He pulled the door open, back still turned towards her. His crimson hair swayed slightly as a cool night breeze wafted in, playing with his bangs. He paused on the threshold. She raised a hand, mind shouting for her to stop him. She had to speak, to say something to keep him from going.
"Goodbye, Miss Kaoru," it had been his voice that had spoken. His that had broken the silence of the small room. Before she could react or even comprehend his words, he was gone without so much as a backward glance. She was completely alone in the still room, her hand still hanging silently in the empty air before her.
--------------------------
(grins) I'm so evil and things are just going to get better! In celebrating 30 reviews and the largest amount of hits of anything I've written I posted those two wonderful chapters for you guys.
Big thank yous to my reviews, Summer Star, Stella-neko, Crewel, MikaylaMae and Wandering Lunatick. I'm planning a lot more fun with Kenshin in future chapters weeee! (super evil grin) his "though time" as MikaylaMae wonderfully put it, hasn't even stared yet MWAHAAAAAA! (I really get too much glee out of this) Good guess on Kaoru straightening him out Stella-neko but unfortunately for Jou-chan Kenshin is very good strategist. And on my final bit for this part, I'm really glad you like that line Kenshin says, Summer Star, I was worried some what that the line might come off being cheesy.
As my final note for this chapter, ugh posting two chapters at once, soo much work. Especially with all my teachers drowning me with homework. XP just to warn you there might be a longer wait for the next chapter since I'm currently working on 5 million different projects for wonderful old school (insert lack of enthusiasm here)
But on a better note HAPPY EASTER! And see you next chapter!