The last visible pirate submarine slipped below the surface of the water, and 2D sunk to his knees. He opened his mouth to scream, but all that came out was a shuddering sob.

His knuckles were white from grabbing the last plank at the end of the pier, as if it was the only thing holding him to the Earth while his own world crashed around him.

2D heard someone screaming, and it wasn't until he looked into the water's reflection he realized it was himself wailing mournfully.

Suddenly, 2D's reflection rippled, and he was splashed in the face with the dirty water. "Who's tha'?" 2D blubbered, wiping the salty mixture of tears and sea water from his eyes.

"WATER you doin outside yer room at 4 in th' mornin?" came a ridiculous, high pitched Scottish accent from below the pier.

2D looked down to discover that his reflection had been replaced with the massive talking head of a sperm whale.

"Ur you slow r' somethin'? Aincha gonna laugh at my joke?" the whale whined.

2D groaned half in exasperation at the bad pun (which he still didn't fully understand) and half at the whale's presence. He was too emotionally drained to have a panicked reaction to the whale or its apparent speaking abilities, but its presence still made him nervous.

"… Why're you talking like such a muppet? And why-how're you talking in the first place?" 2D muttered down to him, not looking him in the eye.

"Away wi' ye!" spat the whale. "We Sperm Whales are certainly not stupid, as we have the largest brain of all th' mammals. Certainly larger than yers," he added.

2D sighed. "Have you seen a bunch of submarines down there by any chance?" he asked the whale.

"Even though we be a proud race, we whales value hyooooomor among all things. Besides cutlets of giant squid, o' course. Murdoc'll give me a double batch t' feed on when I bring ye back," the whale rambled, ignoring 2D's question.

Suddenly the chains and gears began working in 2D's cobwebbed head. "Say…wotcher name, whale?"

"M'names Arthur, but my mates call me Artie. But ye most certainly ur not my friend. Yer my prisoner. So ye can call me Arthur," chuckled the whale.

If 2D had pupils, he would roll his eyes. "Say, Arthur…" 2D continued, "Can you dive at all?"

Arthur nodded his giant head proudly. "Up to thrrreee kilometers deep," it trilled, "Deeper than any ither mammal, I might add."

2D gulped. He knew he was going to regret this.

"Lemme make a deal with you Arthur," 2D began, "You let me ride on your back while you dive down to wherever those submarine fings are going, yeah? And in return I will give you not double, but triple helpings of giant squid!"

"Triple helpings o' squid," said Arthur immediately, "Is right in my barra."

2D scratched his head. "…Does that mean you'll do it?"

Arthur shot a stream of water out of his blowhole, emitting a noise that sounded suspiciously like bagpipes. "Ablow the ocean we go!" exclaimed the whale happily, offering 2D his back.

"I can't thank you enough, Arthur," said 2D as he climbed onto the animal's slippery back. His anti-whale instincts screamed at him, but the Japanese guitarist he had in mind was far more precious to him than his safety. "Call me Artie," said the whale, dipping below the water's surface. 2D smiled despite himself.

Meanwhile in an underwater bunker...

Noodle inhaled sharply as she felt the duct tape covering her mouth and eyes being ripped off, waking her from her chemically induced slumber. Her hands, feet and neck were bound by thick rope to a wooden chair.

Unable to move her head without the rope digging into her neck, Noodle frantically eyed the room around her. Briny water dripped from the dome-shaped ceiling, forming small puddles on the cold metal floor. Shadowy figures lurked about the dark room.

To her right, one of the pirate jet pilots sneered at her as she struggled to break the ropes that bound her. "Oh, you're not going anywhere, love," he said with a disgusting smile, "Once the boss gets here, it'll be all over for you. At least we have some time together before that happens, yeah?"

"Stay back," Noodle's voice shook, "I'll kill you if you touch me."

The rugged pirate put his face so close to Noodle's, she could smell his foul breath. "I wouldn't doubt you would kill me," he whispered, "You've finished some of my mates in my crew. And yer, I took it personally."

He suddenly lifted his leg and kicked Noodle on the damaged side of her face, making her shriek in pain. "I'LL KILL YOU!" Noodle wailed, convulsing in her seat from attempting to break free. The pirate laughed and struck her across the face with his hand until her shoulders crumpled and her body began to sob uncontrollably.

Seconds later, the metallic smell of blood in Noodle's nose was joined by the unmistakable smell of rotting flesh. "Music to my ears," came the creaking voice from above as smoke crept through the rectangular creases in the ceiling. The incarnate Death was near, and Noodle prayed that help was nearer.