A/N Thanks again for all the lovely reviews!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

EPOV

Apparently, despite the fact it was Saturday, Sookie felt the need to get up at the crack of dawn before 'the kids start moaning'. So I had a choice of a sleep-in or a shower with her. I was actually going to go with the sleep-in, until I was lying there listening to the shower and I recalled how fucking great she'd looked wet and naked the previous two mornings and that propelled me out of bed. At least this time she didn't scream when I got in there with her. And she kept the lecturing to a minimum.

I came out of the bathroom to find Sookie chasing something around the hallway. "Watch out!" she yelled, as whatever the fuck it was raced past my foot.

"Shit! Is it a rat?" I asked.

"No, it's a skink. And they're bloody fast." She lunged and made a grab. "Got it."

"Skink?" I asked.

"Yeah, lizard. Here, look." She opened her hand and there was a tiny lizard with a big gash on its back.

"Where's its tail?" I asked.

"Oh, I think Bob's still playing with it over in the corner. I'll have to get that off him." With that she left, I guess to return the poor fucking skink to the wild. I looked over at Bob who, sure enough, was occupied patting something small and green across the floor. That cat was a fucking menace. I left him to it and went to make coffee.

When Sookie joined me in the kitchen she was still talking about the skink. "Bob hasn't had one for ages; I think he killed off most of the population when I first got him."

"Uh-huh"

"I guess he's trying really hard to come up with something good to show me I should get rid of you."

I looked at her. "So what?" I asked. "A skink beats coffee?" I handed her a cup.

"Dunno. Maybe if you're a cat." She grinned. "But Bob's pretty safe, so he shouldn't worry."

"What about me? Am I safe?"

"Yeah, you're very safe." She kissed me. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"Well, I should probably get a car seeing as the rental has to go back on Monday. So I might do that."

"Are you OK on your own? Because I'm not sure I'll be able to keep the kids amused in a car yard?"

"Yeah, it's a car. I'll be fine."

So I set out in the rental car to Greenlane Road, where Sookie said there were a few used car lots to look through. I parked on the road and started to look around the first one. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, I thought about the car I had in the States. Probably nothing like that.

But I couldn't help myself from looking at some of the sportier models. No harm in just looking, right? I was peering in the window of some tiny sports car when one of the sales guys approached, fixed grin in place.

"She's a beauty, isn't she, mate?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah. OK. But not really what I want." I said straightening up.

"Oh, well, what are you looking for?"

"Um. Something bigger." I thought about Sookie's car and the amount of stuff that was crammed in there. "Something I can fit, um, car seats in."

"Right, so how many kids have you got?"

Without really thinking I said "Two", but as soon as the word was out of my mouth I thought no I don't. Sookie has two kids and I'm just Sookie's…what? Homestay? I didn't fucking know. All of a sudden it all felt fucking unstable.

"Yeah, I need to get going" I said to the guy and I took off back to the rental car. Fuck, I thought, I really don't know what I'm doing here. I'm buying a car so I can drive Sookie's kids around and play dad. All of sudden it hit me how fast this was all going and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I drove without really having a plan of where I was going. I ended up somewhere called Ellerslie according to the GPS. And then I saw it, one of those stupid bars they deck out like an English pub. Yeah, that would do. I'd have a drink and it would help.

I parked and went in. They were just opening up as it was only 11 in the morning. I went up to the bar and ordered bourbon. While they were pouring it I looked around. I was completely out of place; everyone else here was part of a family who looked like they'd come for brunch. My drink was placed in front of me and I paid for it, but I couldn't bring myself to have any. It was suddenly so obvious, I was a complete fuck-up. No one else was here to drink themselves stupid before lunch. Just me, because I'd had a fucking panic-attack over buying a car with an actual backseat.

I realised that Sookie was right. I was fucked. I stood there for a few minutes waging an internal war between the part of me that wanted to drink because I was so fucked anyway it didn't matter, and the part of me that didn't want it to be true, and knew drinking would only prove it.

Fuck, I thought, this morning is just going so fucking badly. And it's not even lunchtime yet.

I tried to think of what would break me out of this. All I could think of was Sookie. Sookie would make it better.

So I ran back to the car and headed back to her house.

SPOV

I was sitting on the deck, watching Amelia and Riley chase each other round, when Eric suddenly appeared behind me. "Oh" I said "How did the car hunt go?"

He didn't say anything but sat down next to me and pulled me to him. And then he buried his face in my neck and started nuzzling me, while one hand started stroking my breast. I tried to wriggle away from him a bit but he just held me tighter. "Oh fuck, Sookie" he murmured "Can we go to bed?"

I managed to pull back a bit. "No!" I said "I've got to be around to watch the kids. Halleigh called in her favour from Monday so I've got Riley as well. What happened anyway?"

Eric didn't say anything, but just stood up and walked inside. I was getting a bit worried now, as he was just acting weird. Well, sort of weird. He'd been like this before I guess, on the night he sat on the deck drinking. Shit, I wondered, had he been drinking?

I grabbed Felicia and went after Eric; he was in the living room pacing back and forth. "Eric, please tell me what's going on, because you're scaring me at the moment" I said, placing Felicia on the floor.

He stopped pacing and ran a hand over his face. "I just…freaked out a bit."

"You freaked out over buying a car?" I was trying to be calm. Someone had to be.

He sank down onto the couch. "I freaked out over buying a car that I could fit car seats in. I realised that this is going really fucking fast and all of a sudden we're in a relationship, and you have kids, and yeah…"

I sat down too. "So, what? You don't want to be in a relationship with me? Because of the kids?" My eyes suddenly felt very hot but I wasn't going to let the tears fall. Not yet.

Eric turned to me. "I do. I'm just…scared. I'm so fucking scared that I could ruin it all. I don't know if I'm cut out to be around kids. And I did nearly ruin it today. I went to get a drink, which I didn't have, but I really fucking wanted it. Which is…wrong, don't you think?"

I wanted to be polite, but I guess this wasn't the time. "Yeah, well it's not right at any rate."

"Yeah. I knew it. I'm a complete fuck-up".

I moved so I was sitting next to him, and I stroked his arm, but he wouldn't look at me. "Eric, it's OK." He just sat there. "Eric, look at me." He did, but he didn't really want to make eye contact.

"Eric, I think the fact that you know it was wrong is something. No one's perfect. I don't think anyone expects you to be perfect. It'll be OK. But if you want out…then just say so now, because I won't blame you if you want to walk away." Now I didn't want to make eye contact, I was terrified that he might take the out I'd just given him.

"Oh Sookie" Eric pulled me onto his lap "I don't want out, I was just so fucking scared that I didn't know what I wanted." He kissed me and I momentarily forgot to be worried.

"Yeah, I'm scared too" I said "it is scary." Eric looked at me. "What? I'm allowed to be scared."

He looked thoughtful, "Yeah, I guess I just figured that you'd done this before so it would all be, I don't know, normal for you."

"I've never done this with you though. With you and two kids and everything, it's incredibly scary. Why did you think I was crying the other afternoon?" I looked at him and he shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess I just didn't quite get…scared, from you worrying that I didn't think you're hot."

"Well, see. That's one of the things that scares me."

"Huh. I have no fucking clue why. I gave up my sleep-in and everything this morning just to see you in the shower."

I slapped his shoulder. "You are dreadful. Right, I'd better go and make sure Amelia hasn't bossed Riley to death." I stood up. "Can you get the Sky remote back off Felicia, I don't know if that's drool-proof."

I walked out of the room to the sound of Eric saying "Shit Felicia, do you have to chew everything?"

The rest of the afternoon went OK, but Eric was a bit quiet. I wasn't sure if he was processing, or still freaked out. I wanted to help him, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to pressure him. I got him to mow the lawns (once I got the mower started for him) just to give him some space, but even after that we were still circling around each other, both waiting for the other one to do something to break the tension. I realised I was going to have to talk to the only guy I knew who had a string of solo mothers as girlfriends, my brother, Jason.

So after dinner I left the other three watching Finding Nemo on the bed and rang Jason, hoping that the prospect of getting up for milking in the morning had put a stop to him going into town for the night. Lucky for me he answered.

"Jason, it's me. Sookie."

"Shit. Sookie! How are you?"

"Good, how are you?"

"Busy. Shit I've been meaning to call you, but I've been flat out."

"Yeah, how's the, um, herd?" I asked, which sent Jason into a long spiel about the calving season they'd just had. I knew nothing about cows. They freaked me out. This was actually partly Jason's fault.

When I was 16 I went to a Guy Fawkes's party that a mate of a mate of his was having on a lifestyle block out by Kingseat. Jason's friend Hoyt drove us in his Toyota Corolla (or the 'faggoty-homo FXGT' as Jason liked to call it). So Hoyt parked in a field and we sat around a bonfire with a whole bunch of other kids from South Auckland. I got stuck talking to some girl called Lisa who's main complaint seemed to be that her boyfriend wouldn't let her into his Honda CRX if she was wearing trackpants because that wasn't classy enough. Because a guy with a mullet knows all about class.

After a while though we realised that where Hoyt's car was parked was in a field which also housed some cows. And they were loving that silver hatchback like there was no tomorrow. Jason and Hoyt tried to shoo them off, but pretty much gave up after a while and went back to drinking and dancing around the bonfire while singing along to Bliss. It wasn't long before Hoyt collapsed, so it was obvious he wasn't driving us home. Jason wasn't in a fit state either, so it was me. This meant I would have to go and get Hoyt's car and drive it over so we could load him into it. And Jason refused to help me shoo the cows away.

They were freaky; all standing around licking the car windows like it was a giant popsicle. I waved my arms about and they ignored me. I tried again and they looked at me, which was worse as I wasn't sure that they weren't going to lick me or something.

After a while I gave up and went back and yelled at Jason until he came to deal with them. He'd just been standing there watching me and giggling. I wasn't impressed with him or Hoyt. I was almost happy the cows had snapped the wing mirror off the car and covered the windows with drool, until I remembered that I would have to drive it back to Papatoetoe in that state.

I'd like to say it was the last time I ever went out with Jason, but I distinctly remember spending the next New Year's Eve cleaning Hoyt's mother's kitchen after Jason forgot to put the lid on the blender while making his third batch of homemade Bailey's Irish Crème for the night. When I looked back at the guys I knew, it was no wonder Bill seemed such a good catch when I first met him.

Jason seemed to be winding up his calving anecdotes, thank goodness, so I switched back into the conversation. "So, Jason, are you still seeing…um…Crystal?" Jason had a string of girlfriends, so it was hard to keep up some times.

"Yep, we're still together. It's been, over a year now, eh? But her dad, Old Billy Heremia, he still doesn't fuckin' like me. I think it's 'cos I'm Pakeha, eh?"

"Really? It's not just because, you're…you?" I know I shouldn't be mean, but old habits die hard. There was silence for a bit, and then Jason burst out laughing. "Yeah, good one Sook." Luckily, it was water off a duck's back with Jason.

"So, does Crystal have kids?" I was pretty sure she did, but I thought I would ask.

"Yep, three kids. Tama, Aroha and Wayne".

OK, I had to ask. "Wayne?"

"Yeah, his dad is an Aussie. And I think Old Bill even likes him more than me."

"Oh, wow." Normally everyone loved Jason; rating below an Australian deadbeat dad was really bad.

"Yeah, I think it's 'cos he left his flat-screen behind when he went back to Aussie, eh?" Jason laughed.

Right, well I guessed I should press on with what I wanted to know. "So, is it weird, you know, that she has kids?"

"Nah. Why?"

"I just wondered if it was, you know, odd."

"Yeah, nah. Never really think about it. Are you trying to hook up with someone?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I just wanted to know how you…felt about the fact that Crystal comes with a whole ready-made family."

"I'm kinda used to it. The kids are pretty great. Apart from Wayne, he's a bit psycho, eh?"

I know I shouldn't have expected too much, but I wasn't getting a lot from Jason. I guess the fact he floated through life didn't exactly lead him to having deep philosophical ideas about anything.

"So did you ever discuss it with Crystal, like did she ask you how you felt about the kids and stuff?"

"Nah. But she's pretty choice, eh? And I knew she had kids, so if I want to be with her, then I guess I must be alright with the kids. Otherwise I would have kicked her arse out by now. Especially after Wayne set that fire out by the milking shed…"

Jason went on to relay all the odd shit Wayne had done. He must really like Crystal if he was willing to put up with that.

So I asked him if he was coming for Christmas, and he said no, he was going to hang out with Crystal's whanau in the hope they'd come around. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt relieved. Jason was a bit in your face. And he mostly smelt of cows these days.

So we ended the call, promising to catch up again at Christmas. I felt a bit let down, I had been hoping, rather vainly I guess in hindsight, that Jason would have some words of wisdom I could pass on to Eric, something that might make him suddenly feel OK about me having kids. But he didn't.

I walked back in the bedroom and looked at where Eric was sitting with Felicia on his lap and Amelia sitting next to him. It suddenly hit me that maybe what Jason had managed to do was give me some advice. He'd said that Crystal knew that if he wanted her he wanted the kids too. So maybe I had to do that, just let Eric choose, and hope he did pick all of us in the end. He may have doubted himself, but he was doing really well with them, and I just hoped he'd realise that.

So I took Felicia off to bed, and, when the movie was finished, did the same with Amelia. Then I sat on the bed next to Eric and waited to see what happened next. He was still quite withdrawn. He leaned over and put his head on my chest and we sat like for a while, with me stroking his back. I tried not to see it as a bad sign that, for once, he wasn't trying to get me naked as soon as we were alone.

After a while, he sighed and said "I think you're right."

"About what?"

"About…me. I need to do something. If I'm not going to fuck-up. So I don't have to find a fucking bar every time I feel shitty. I guess it never fucking mattered before, and now it does."

"OK" I said "Yeah, we can do that." I guess that was Eric's way of saying I mattered, that we mattered. I wasn't going to press for more.

We sat like that for a bit longer, and then Eric started kissing my cleavage and it wasn't long after that before we were both naked.

Right, so few new terms and words in there!

Lifestyle block - basically it's not an actual farm, just some land that people own on which they might have a few animals or maybe lease out a field.

Bliss - it's the classic Kiwi drinking song, by a band called Th'Dudes. Most of the lyrics go "Drink yourself more Bliss. Forget about the last one. Have yourself another." And so on.

Papatoetoe - the common pronunciation is Pap-a-toe-ee-toe-ee, but more correctly it's Pap-a-toy-toy.

Heremia - pronounced Here-a-my-a

Tama - pretty phonetic, its Tar-mar.

Aroha - A-row-har. Means love, or heart.

Pakeha - pronounced par-key-har. It's the Maori word for a European New Zealander, and is now used fairly widely, even by non-Maori speakers.

Whanau - pronounced far-now. The Maori word for family. Again it's in common usage these days in New Zealand.

And you'll notice that Jason says 'eh' a lot. It's a bit different to the Canadian eh, we say it like the letter a. And the question marks are because New Zealanders often have a strong rising inflection, so our voices go up at the end of a sentence and it sounds like a question. Also we do say 'yeah, nah' which other nationalities complain about because they don't know if we're actually agreeing or not.

And I don't speak Maori, so my pronunciation guides are not necessarily strictly correct, but they reflect how the words are more commonly said.

Thanks for reading!