The Un-Series

Title: Un-Known or Five Things Claude Never Tasted Before Meeting Dias
Fandom: Star Ocean 2
Pairing: DiasxClaude. ;P
Rating: PG
Warnings: Uuh, none. Not really.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Notes: This was originally not part of the Un-Series, but I was too lazy to post it in another way. So it has been renamed a bit. XD

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Un-Known
or
Five Things Claude Never Tasted Before Meeting Dias

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1.
There were not many things around on a barren mountaintop. There were even less things around to eat on a barren mountaintop. Their dinner did certainly not look like dinner, and more like a giant snake. A giant snake from which the poisonous fangs had to be removed with extreme care. But seeing Dias prepare it with quick efficiency, a slice of the knife gutting the creature and stuffing the cut with a handful of dried herbs, made him wonder just how often the other man had had to go without even a barely-passable tavern meal, and how much of his current choice of food was due to necessity rather than taste.

Dias pushed away the hot ash with the flat of his knife and poked at the roasting snake. Considering it done, he lifted part of the body from the graying pile of embers, cleanly cut off a considerable piece and stuck a stick in it, handing it to Claude.

The blond swallowed his slight queasiness as a glance upwards revealed Dias watching him with an expectant, almost daring expression. Now was not a time to be picky. He peeled back the gray-dusted snakeskin, revealing whitened flesh beneath, and bit into it. Hmm.

"Tastes just like chicken," Claude announced in mild surprise, chewing and directing a beatific grin at the cook.

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2.
"If you won't take some healing herbs, then at least let me clean your hand," Claude huffed, aggravation radiating from his entire posture.

"That isn't necessary," the other man announced, flexing his hand to show that he could move it and preparing to wrap a piece of cloth around it.

Claude unceremoniously slapped the offending item away and grabbed Dias' wrist, leaning closer to inspect the wound. It looked wet and raw and pink, surrounded by dry, dirty skin. "Idiot. Don't do that. You'll just drive them in deeper." He began wiping the skin with the hem of his sleeve, cleaning away the dust around the wound as best as he could. "Now, where's a pair of tweezers when you need them?"

Dias, who had worn a long-suffering expression during the entire time he spent under Claude's exaggerated care, rolled his eyes and reached for the makeshift bandage again. Seeing the motion, Claude decided to be bold in order to hasten the process.

He bent down and clamped his lips over the wound, sucking softly and ignoring the hiss of surprise from his companion, as well as his own burning cheeks. Feeling a rocky splinter come loose, he lifted his head and spat it away from them. Then, he bent down again to repeat the process.

Later that night, he volunteered to take first watch. Dias looked at him oddly, but then chose to take him up on the offer. There was no way he was going to sleep, not with the taste of earth and Dias' blood on his tongue.

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3.
It shouldn't have come as a surprise, that Expel had ice-cream shops. After all, the Chinese had invented ice cream a few thousand years before there had been fridges on Earth, so why not Expellians with their rather adventurous cuisine? It was different from what he was used to, though, softer and wilder and dripping on the way from the bowl to his mouth.

Claude dipped his spoon into the already melting ice-cream, this one purple and sprinkled with little poppy-like seeds, brought it to his mouth, and moaned blissfully as it dissolved in his mouth. The sharp curdled taste of goat's milk blended together with the sweetness of sugar and berries, creating a harmony more natural and perfect than any artificial flavoring could produce.

He opened his eyes, spoon still in his mouth, to find Dias giving him a mildly disturbed look.

Claude grinned and motioned to his bowl. "That," he said confidently, "is the edible equivalent of an orgasm."

"Excuse me?!" Dias said, more incredulity than shock in his voice.

"Oh yes," Claude replied, oblivious to the stares he was getting from people as he dipped his spoon again and gave another pleased, unrestrained hum. "If you could make an orgasm into a food, that would be it."

"Blueberry ice cream," Dias said, face and voice entirely deadpan.

"Blueberry ice cream," Claude confirmed cheerfully. "Plain, non-additive, non-flavored, freshly made blueberry ice cream."

Dias didn't even pretend to understand the nonsensical babble, but Claude was once more happily lost in the apparently orgasmic bliss of completely ordinary ice cream. Dias sighed, tuned out the suggestive noises, and dipped his spoon.

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4.
"I must admit, I feel sorry that we don't have a camera."

Claude glared at the swordsman, futilely trying to wipe away the greenish goo that persistently clung to his clothes, his hair, and worst of all, his face. Who in the world expected a monster to throw up on them while fighting, anyway?!

"It was just a slime," Dias said placatingly, mistaking his scowl for a look of concern. "It's not poisonous, and not acidic."

"I know," Claude snapped, picking at the green strings of alien once-alive jelly mass that began dripping off his cheeks. Dias sighed and unbuckled his sash from his waist in an attempt to help, making Claude feel guilty for losing his temper.

"Some scholars even say it's edible," Dias offered, still attempting to be his own version of comforting. "Though they say it tastes like bile."

Scowling once again, Claude stuck out his green jelly-covered tongue at him.

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5.
Claude was shy and Dias was acting like he was a little bit new at this, but still, remarkably, they managed to not squash their noses together. A second later, Claude barely held back a yelp when he leaned forward a little too far and Dias responded a little too quickly, painfully banging their front teeth together.

The blond drew back, rubbing at his jaw and wincing. When he looked up, Dias was just about to get up.

"Oh no. No. Nonononono!" he protested, yanking the other man back to eye-level and smiling when he realized that Dias was just as uncomfortably nervous as he was. "For every launch failure, there's a relaunch. Let's try again?"

It went a lot better the second time, because Claude held still and let Dias do it, and after that it was warm and soft and just the right mixture of demanding and clumsy. It made Claude think of high school, and picturing Dias in a school uniform was so weird he couldn't help himself, and burst into laughter.

Dias was looking seriously put out by the time he finally got a hold of himself. "I'm not laughing at you," Claude gasped, but his eyes were sincere.

"Good. Now shut up."

Claude really did not expect the hand yanking him forward by the front of his tunic, or the painful bump of Dias' nose against his cheek, but least of all he expected Dias' tongue pushing past his unresisting lips, hot and wet and tangy-sweet, quite possibly his new favorite flavor.

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A/N: Whee, that almost wrote itself! Now, what might seem 'eww' to some of you is actually pretty normal:
- Snakes can be and are eaten in parts of the world. A friend of mine had grilled snake on a trip to Africa, and she said it really tastes quite similar to some sort of poultry. Suppose you'll have to take her word for it. She was also the one who came up with the "edible equivalent of an orgasm" description... she didn't mean the snakes, though. XD
- Saliva does have certain healing qualities, and everything is better than letting someone walk around with dirt in an open wound.
- Slimes are weak monsters in the SO-series. They do have this attack where they look like they're vomiting at you, so I thought this would happen. Yes, I'm unduly amused by the situation. Claude will forgive me for it, I'm sure.