A/N: Ok, I've got to give some kind of warning here but I'm trying to think how to do it without giving the whole chapter away. If you are EXTREMELY sensitive to some kind of subject (one that is actually written fairly often in FF, nothing super-abnormal) scroll down to my end author's note and I'll warn you what it is there, in the very first sentence. It is not graphic at all and I really don't think it will bother most people but I want to provide some warning.
That being said, this chapter is pretty depressing, I'm sorry! But this is pivotal.
NPOV:
I can't believe it's been six months here. This hellhole gets worse and worse every day, something I thought wasn't possible. More and more people disappear, having either died or "converted" which Rachel swears only means that they've been taken to a separate area, not let go. I don't know how she knows this or whether it's true, but I have to believe it is, otherwise the temptation to give in would be too great. There are only six people left in the shack which once had twenty; me, Rach, Alex, Sarah, a guy named Joseph, and a woman named Leah. Neither Joseph nor Leah talks much. They both keep to themselves; they don't even talk to each other. I guess misery doesn't always love company.
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The day that was exactly six months from our arrival, should have been the beginning of a new round of "interviewing." When we got up in the morning Rachel was slightly apprehensive, as always. I was too; I knew that in a matter of hours, I would be carrying her back here, in intense pain. However, when we got to the church service, I saw her sitting in her regular seat, she looked back at me, obviously seeing my puzzled glance, and she shrugged. The service was much shorter than usual which was really odd. They never cut it short. As we walked out of the building I caught up to Rachel.
"What's going on?" I asked her.
"I have no clue. They didn't mention anything at all today, just carried on like normal." Rachel, who always had an answer to everything, didn't know what was going on? Uh-oh.
"Well I guess we'll find out soon enough." I said gesturing to the door of the shack, where the cold-eyed woman stood with six guards behind her.
We entered the shack quickly, obeying the woman's terse direction to go and sit on our respective beds. The guards walked in quietly, coming to stand, two by our bed, two by Alex and Sarah's and two over by Joseph and Leah. This could not be good!
The woman nodded at the guards who each grabbed one of us, proceeding to strip the meager clothing off of our bodies. I struggled against the man holding me for a second, but he was too strong and I was too weak. After they finished, the woman spoke up.
"Our conversion techniques have been steadily successful over the past six months. We feel that we have accomplished all that we can with those techniques so we are going to try a new way to get more people following our way of life. It is perhaps a slower method, but more effective in the long run. Go ahead." She nodded at the guards before turning and walking out. I had a really bad feeling about this, all of it.
The man holding Rachel shoved her down backwards onto the bed. He then held his gun to her temple, her eyes widening in fear. The man who was holding me pushed me towards her and I felt the cold muzzle of his gun against my own head. Oh shit! I knew exactly where this was going and I didn't like it.
The man holding me pushed me roughly.
"Get on with it." He muttered gruffly. I played dumb for a second as I my mind raced through ways to avoid this. Nothing came to mind. I could maybe get away but then Rachel would die and I couldn't let that happen. Suddenly, I heard a yell followed by two quick shots and a scream. I knew without looking that Joseph had refused and he and Leah had paid the price.
What could I do? I didn't want to betray him again, and that's what this would be. I would die rather than put Finn through that again! But I couldn't let Rach die for my sins, and if I didn't do this, she would die, certainly.
"Well?"The man holding me poked his gun into my head a little harder.
I looked at Rachel, she nodded almost imperceptibly, and I could see her mouth please.
"Forgive me Finn, I'm trying to save her life for you dude." I muttered, moving in the indicated direction.
"Rach?" I whispered quietly. I had to know. Before we. "Did you…and Finn?"
"Yes." She breathed back. "Do it Noah."
The sound of my name, the name only she called me almost stopped me for good. Come on, I told myself, you're Puckzilla, this should be second nature. And in a way it was. But it still felt wrong. Not Rachel, it shouldn't be Rachel. But to save her life I would do a lot worse than this.
RPOV:
After it was over, the guards simply locked the bars on the bed. I couldn't move, I couldn't believe what had just happened. Noah was gently rubbing my shoulder.
"You okay Rach?" I just shook my head, unable to reply. Suddenly, his mask broke. "Gosh Rach, I'm soooooooo sorry! I shouldn't have, I can't believe I, Finn, I, I'm sorry!" He started sobbing and I hugged him tight.
"It's not your fault Noah! You had to do it, I don't blame you and no one else will either." He continued to cry, I knew exactly how he felt. This was just awful, unbelievable, and I knew that there'd be some tough consequences to face. He looked up at me, a haunted look in his eyes.
"Finn's going to kill me." He whispered. I sighed, I couldn't deny that.
"I'm done with you; I'm done with all of you!"
I felt like I could hear Finn's tortured voice echoing over time and space. My poor poor boyfriend.
"Noah, he'll understand! He will, I know he will!"
"Maybe." He sounded depressed and doubtful. "You miss him a lot don't you?"
"Yes." I confessed softly. "More than anything. More than being clean, more than real clothes, more than three meals a day, more than actually doing something that's at least partially worthwhile, more than learning things that might actually be useful someday, more than not expecting pain so much that it barely hurts, more than not being afraid every minute, more than performing, more than the rest of my friends combined, more than my dads. I would give ANYTHING to see him for an hour, a minute."
"Wow. I don't miss anything that much." Noah said softly. "I'd live without all of that forever if it meant saving your life though." I sighed.
"I know." He hugged me close then resumed his slow circular rubbing of my bare shoulder.
"It'll all be okay Rach. You'll see him again, someday soon."
"I wish I could believe that Noah."
"Don't Stop Believing Rachel." He said solemnly. A few seconds later we both burst into a fit of hysterical giggles. "Wow that was bad!"
"Yep!"
"All right Rach, get some sleep. It's all okay, I'm here."
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Why oh why when so many things were so wrong did this feel so right? Lying here in my best friend's arms, falling asleep as he murmured in my ear, well that part was okay. But the fact that I had just, I had just had sex with Noah Puckerman for goodness sakes! It was so not right! He was my boyfriend's best friend, he was the biggest man-whore at WMHS, yet he was my best friend and it had definitely been done for the right reasons. I don't know. It hurt me to think of what I'd just done to Finn. My darling sweet innocent boyfriend, I didn't ever want to cause him the pain Quinn had, but I hoped he'd understand, it wasn't like I had a choice! But what did it matter, I'd never see him again anyway, I knew it!
A/N: For those of you reading here for the WARNING: it's what I guess is best called "non-consensual sex", not quite rape but close to it. I was not graphic in any means but if that makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip this chapter, just know that Noah and Rach were forced to have sex and they both are extremely guilty about it(for Finn).
REGULAR A/N: so yeah, bit depressing. I'm sorry.
Several people reviewed, asking me to include Finn/glee club's coping. At this point, it is planned for chapter 11/12 though so it is coming relatively soon. And I added a bit of Finn-talk to this chapter, hope that satisfies you.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I'm fascinated by all the great ideas and different perspectives I get thru the reviews…I love every single one and I answer them all (started some great conversations that way) so PLEASE let me know what you think even if it "I hate you, this story is awful, why did that just happen!"
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