Title: bed-hopping
Characters: SasuSaku, Namikaze Minato
Summary: Getting caught in bed with your girlfriend is embarrassing. Getting caught in your best friend's bed, with your girlfriend, by his parents, is priceless.

A/N:…This makes even less sense than the last one. Horrible, horrible crack.

Namikaze Minato closed the door to his son's room very gently, turned around, and leaned against it.

As the Yondaime, he was known for being calm and unshakeable.

Most of the time.

He had lapses occasionally.

Usually around Kushina. Or Naruto. Sometimes Naruto-and-his-impact-on-maintaining-intervillage-relations. The oiroke no jutsu, always.

But to the majority of the Konoha population, he was merely the benevolent, all-powerful, if slightly henpecked Hokage.

And at that very moment, he just blew his entire image in front of his son's teammates.

Not that it was really his fault.

Seeing as they had been having sex in his son's room.

Seriously, since when was that ever considered a good idea? Naruto was scarcely the cleanest ninja around; for all that he boasted he was the greatest.

But back to the matter at hand.

"I want both of you to get dressed right now," said Minato in his best Hokage voice. "Don't even think about running away. Just get dressed, and then I'm coming in. Got it?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama," said Sakura's voice, filtering through the wood of the door. She sounded horribly embarrassed.

"Hn," was Sasuke's only response. Typical.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed, accompanied by a muffled thump and Sasuke's muttered 'ow'.

A part of Minato really wanted to just walk away and pretend he saw nothing. But another part, the more important part of his brain that had made him such an excellent leader refused to permit him such an easy way out of the situation. He had a responsibility, and he had to see it through, no matter how mortifying.

But he really didn't want to do this.

A timid knock on the wood indicated that the two had finished dressing. With a deep mental sigh Minato turned the knob and reentered the room.

Both of the teenagers were sitting on the bed: Sasuke with his feet on the ground; hands clasped and braced against his knees; Sakura cross-legged and curled in on herself. Sakura was blushing furiously, while Sasuke mostly looked annoyed.

And cold.

Because, for some reason, the Uchiha prodigy wasn't wearing his shirt.

Minato heaved another sigh. "Sasuke, that is not fully dressed. Grab your shirt and put it on."

Wordlessly, Sasuke pointed to a suspicious-looking pile by the foot of Naruto's bed. The raised eyebrow and disdainful expression indicated that he would rather walk around half-naked than try to retrieve his shirt from that garbage heap.

Well, Minato couldn't really blame him.

Minato dragged over Naruto's desk chair in front of the bed and sat down on it, regarding the two kids in front of him with great confusion.

Well, technically they weren't really kids per se, what with Sakura having recently turned eighteen and Sasuke already on the ANBU, but still, he had seen them grow up. Which made what was coming so much more uncomfortable.

Well, he was the Hokage. Some corners just had to be cut.

"I'm going to skip as much of this stuff as possible. You both I assume know about safe sex, what with Sakura-chan working at the hospital and Sasuke's parents, because I can't believe that they would actually let you enter puberty without such information. Or that Itachi would, for that matter."

Sasuke just 'hnned' and turned red; Sakura let out a shy giggle. But both of them seemed to lose some of their tension, and therefore Minato allowed himself to relax a little.

"And I'm not going to tell your parents, if either of you are worried about that. You're both practically adults, and your personal lives are your own. When a couple is young and amorous, it is understandable that they'll want privacy so they can, er, do things—"

Sasuke snorted. "Didn't you give this speech to Naruto already?"

Minato rubbed his temple and glared at Sasuke. "Well—yes. But Sakura—didn't you move to a new apartment?" Sakura nodded an affirmative, still not entirely making eye contact. "Then why the hell are you two here?" He gestured (almost flailed; but not quite) around Naruto's room.

"It's being fumigated," said Sasuke. "She's staying with Ino. And Tsunade already kicked us out of the hospital twice."

"And also because I work there, and it's not professional, Sasuke-kun," hissed Sakura, flushing red.

"Hn." Sasuke just smirked at her, and she flushed even redder before slapping him lightly on the arm.

Minato took a deep breath, wondering if the pounding was coming from a construction project outside, or his own head.

"Still, of all the places in Konoha to have sex, which include the training grounds, restaurants, broom closets, public buildings and even the cemeteries if you are so inclined—not that I'm saying you should have sex at any of those places," he added hastily, at the twin looks of speculation the teens wore. "We do have public indecency laws, and I'd rather not have to explain any of this to your father, Sasuke. But my house? Why?"

Sasuke shrugged. "It's convenient. None of you are ever really home during the day, and no one notices that we're visiting."

Well. That would have to change.

Minato rubbed his eyes, deciding that addressing the implication that the couple had snuck into his house more than once to be far too much to handle. "Well, then. The only reason I'm not going to tell anyone about this is that I would happily forget every detail myself. Let it never happen again."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," said Sakura, her blush receding somewhat. Sasuke simply inclined his head at Minato…which was more respect than the Uchiha generally gave anyone on a good day.

"Good. Now get out of here before Naruto—"

"Before Naruto what?"

Very, very slowly, eyes wide with horror, Minato's head swiveled around to where his son was standing in the doorway, black and blue from training. Bright blue eyes gazed upon the scene, puzzled.

"Dad, why are you in my room? And teme, seriously," he scowled. "Where's your shirt? No one wants to see your nasty pale chest!"

Sasuke smirked. Sakura gave a secretive sort of giggle, the blush coming back full force.

Minato just facepalmed.

Sorry to cut off there. Personally, I think Naruto will never be the wiser for the SasuSaku escapades. And Minato installs a new security alarm.

I really wasn't sure how to write Minato, even given his appearance in the manga, so sorry if he seems kind of weird.

Comments? Concerns? Tell all!