Disclaimer: I don't, as ever, own a single thing =(

A/N: I'm going for irony here... Morgan's the hot, I'll get anyone, type of guy, girls drawl at his feet... BUT what if when he finds THE ONE he doesn't actually know what to do?

It's all Romance... H to the E to the A! =)

Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourites! Have some more ...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Needing Cupid's Help -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Derek walked into work as though nothing had happened.

Penelope walked into walk as though nothing had happened.

They were both avoiding one another, that much was clear.

Penelope walked into the bullpen and frowned, Derek didn't even notice her as he sat staring at the paperwork, tapping his pen bored. Usually he looked up at her.

She dropped off a file, still no reaction. Fine! She thought and went to JJ's office; she knocked, but didn't give her a chance to respond. "I've got a dilemma, Girlie!" Penelope said, as she shut the door, a little too harshly and then fell into the nearest chair.

"Right..." JJ said as she put her elbows to her desk. She was drawing blanks on what could be Penelope's problem. "Care to share?"

"Derek Morgan." Was all Penelope responded with.

"Oh, sounds juicy." JJ said as a smile slicked onto her lips and she sat back and relaxed.

"JJ, Honey, Sweetie, it's anything but juicy. It's boring, and... GAH!" She said frustrated and threw her arms up in the air. "The 411, the dealio, the need to know is that Derek Morgan is obviously not my type."

Penelope paused then and looked off thoughtfully.

"I always thought it'd be me that wasn't his type. I never thought I'd declare it being the other way around, Jayje." Penelope groaned desperately.

JJ got up and walked around her desk. She perched on the edge of it and leant in. "What are you talking about?"

"I had, what I thought was, a date with Derek last night." JJ's mouth started to turn up into a smile. "Don't smile, this is critically dire!" Penelope said a little dramatic. "My heart sang when he asked me out, JJ, literally sang beautifully. I got that butterfly feeling in my stomach from nerves and excitement, I gave myself a headache trying to work out what would knock his socks off and I spent most of my pampering time fretting! Then he turned up, I'm dressed in a red low cut dress, make up, hair, nails, you name it, Garcie had it done and he stood there in his ever so, let's show off my package, tight jeans and his, let's show off my guns and 8 pack, tight top and his military boots looking ready to go into work!"

JJ could see the embarrassment still radiating off Penelope. She could even read the desperation at the situation.

"He took me to a greasy spoon restaurant, looked good on the outside, crap on the inside, and then didn't speak. AT ALL!" Penelope ended that with her head in her hands. "I've never felt so humiliated in my whole friggin' life, JayJe!"

"Well there was the time you and Em got..."

"Now's not the time to bring up drunken antics. I was .sober for this last night JJ. Sober! Derek Morgan is a diehard player and a sucky romantic! All my dreams and expectations blown out of the window completely. How can I still be in love with a man that doesn't know how to romance a girl?"

"It's called an 8 year crush." JJ told her bluntly and Penelope just stared at her with her mouth agape. "Go talk to him, see what he says." She opened her office door to usher her out but Penelope just continued to stare at her. "Look, take it this way. You lose your best friend or you keep your best friend. There are other men besides him." Penelope got up and stood next to her, JJ looked as she watched Derek. "He isn't the only man..."

"For me he is. Or so I thought."

JJ knew was playing with fire, but she had to get Penelope to believe that Derek wasn't right for her to realise he was. "Obviously not. Now go." Penelope left the office and went down the stairs, she puckered her lips, pushed back some of her curls and sauntered over to her.

"That's it Garcia." JJ supported from her office as she watched.

"Hey Handsome." Penelope said as she finally made it. That had felt like the longest walk of her life.

Derek looked up and gave a smile, not his usual, I'm going to wow you smile, but just a show of teeth. "How was your weekend?"

"Boring."

Like other things. Penelope's mind berated sarcastically.

"Ah, so you didn't go and get some posh totty to take home?" Derek shook his head and looked down momentarily. "Wow, man of few words much?"

Derek's head shot up then.

"We hardly spoke at our... meal. No communication over the weekend and not even a hello on a Monday morning." She ran off the list and he could see she was hurt. "Maybe for Christmas we could buy your voice box back." Penelope then stormed off to her office.

Derek watched until she had disappeared, and then he looked at the desktop, and he could feel his eyebrows knit with ever growing frustration. He had no idea what was wrong with him. It was never difficult to speak to Penelope, ever. Now it was like his mouth dried up and all coherent thought did a runner. He was angry with himself above anyone for allowing himself to get like this. He spoke daily with Penelope for the last 6 years and the moment he plucks up the courage to ask her on a date, he fails epically.

It was a time like this that he realised he wished he'd never fallen for her. Never dreamt of her, remembered her, wished he'd never woken up in the middle of the night, in cold sweat and all and realised that what he'd been hiding all along was dangerous.

He wished he'd never realised he was in love with her. At least then, living in denial as they were, he'd be able to string a sentence together and make her smile and he'd be able to flirt raunchily without second guessing himself.

When the team went for lunch, he gave it a miss. When he was alone, he pulled the pink card out and read it over and over again before grabbing his cell.

"Welcome to 'Make Me A Good Date', how can I help you?"

Cheesy as hell! Derek's head screamed and he put the phone down abruptly. He was now embarrassed that he, Derek Morgan, was needing to take lessons in love. Then he thought of Penelope. If he wanted her, he'd have to lose a bit of dignity to gain a lot of love.

For that he'd sacrifice his dignity.

Picking up his phone, he rang the number again and set up an appointment. Putting the phone down he sat back and exhaled loudly. Come 6pm tonight, albeit no cases, Derek was going to be getting an introduction into love's lesson.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Needing Cupid's Help -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Penelope packed up to leave; she was going to give Derek one more try for the day. She was going to ask him for a drink, nothing fancy, nothing date like and try and smooth some things out.

She went, with bags in tow, towards the bullpen and she smiled largely and automatically as Derek stepped out with his bag thrown over his shoulder.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes eh, my love?" She said as he didn't stop his stride to the elevator.

"Well... Baby Girl...," Penelope looked at him, it was the first time he'd used it today, "I could say the same about you."

Penelope's smile broadened. This was promising. "I was wondering if you wanna grab a drink? Casual, of course." She quickly added and he looked at her and her smile dropped. "I take that as a no?"

"Sorry Baby, I've got plans already. Rain check?"

"I guess so." Penelope said, and just stared ahead when they made it into the elevator. "So, what plans have you got that are of higher importance than your Baby Girl?" She teased him.

"Gym." He replied and screwed his face up. That came out too fast, too unbelievable.

"Pumping more iron for those guns are we?" She said and squeezed his arms. Dear God, he wished she didn't do that. "I think the gym can wait, Hot Stuff. You're muscles are here to stay."

"I really fancy a good cardio work out. It'll do me good, haven't done it in a while." The elevator doors opened and he left hastily. "I'll speak to you tomorrow Garcia."

"Bye Morgan." Penelope muttered under her breath and went towards Esther. Glass of wine and some sappy love story was what she was going to do tonight now.

No long chat with Derek, no sorting of things.

Just her, herself and oh yeah, her.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Needing Cupid's Help -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Derek drove in absolute autopilot. He made it to the address he had and he parked up easily. For a late time, he got a good parking spot. He breathed in, and then exhaled and went towards the building. This had to work. He had to find the right way, the perfect way to get Penelope to love him whole heartedly.

It didn't take long for his 'teacher' to take him to her office. She ran through his details, making sure they had it all right, he affirmed it all.

"Right we work like this Mr Morgan. 3 lessons a week for 6 weeks. One lesson per week. We make it intense to make the best of it all. We will have you half a romantic by the end of the first 3 weeks and by the end of the complete 6 weeks I want you to be able to do the 5 steps to go dating without a second thought."

Derek felt nervous and he knew it was readable.

"What's got you so worried?" She asked as she clasped her hands together in front of her.

"Nothing."

She let it slide, "Is it one woman in particular or is it dating in general?"

"One woman in particular." He told her confidently and the smile he received dropped his stress levels and the nerves began to disperse. "Right so when do I get my first lesson?"

"Wednesday at 6 if you're free?"

"Wednesday at 6 it is then." Derek accepted and smiled his first genuine smile he could.

As he walked out his head was a mess. He had no idea what his first lesson would be or how good a learner he would be at it.

But time would tell he guessed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Needing Cupid's Help -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A/N: Want more now? =P