A/N - Sorry, this chapter is a little short again, Im still trying to sort out my writing style.

Thank you all who have reviewed!

Isolda - Thanks, Angst is my middle name! lol

Save the sharks - Spock will come into play later ;) nice name btw!

Bandearg Rois - Aww, dont cry. Itll all work out eventually... maybe!

Blue - Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!

Jenetri - Thank you for reviewing again! Hope this is just as good1

Sexy-Jess - I really did consider adding a vulcan pinch after reading your review, but i've saved it for later! mwahahaha! I also agreed with the timeline issue and decided to change my plot slightly. Still just as much angst though!

The years hadn't treated Jim Kirk well. At 21, he was attractive enough with his blonde hair, startlingly blue eyes and smooth jaw. He was taller and more muscular, but he was also still immature and prone to violence. Hence why he was currently lying on the road outside of a grungy bar at 3am with someone else's blood on his shirt, his was there too but that didn't really seem to matter so much.

But Jim wasn't thinking of the bar, the time or the blood. He was staring at the stars as usual – musing on how his life had always revolved around them. As a child he had been told his father was there watching over him, keeping him safe as he watched them twinkle in the cornfield with his older brother Sam. When Sam had left, he thought that the stars were a way for them to stay connected – they would both look at them and remember the good times instead of the bad. As he had grown a bit older, he had believed his mother could see him from space when she left for months at a time, that she would stop Frank from drinking, that she had actually cared. By the time he was 16, he knew she didn't, she had never even bothered to come home after he returned from Tarsus IV, she couldn't even look at him.

## Tarsus IV had been the defining moment of his life. It had been the single greatest and worst experience of his short existence. He had known a family – his Aunt and Uncle, though sterile, treated him as their own. They had tucked him in at night, held him when he cried, told him they were proud of him. They had showed him that family didn't mean blood relations who left without looking back and he had loved it. Loved them.

Then everything changed, the crops failed and people began to go missing. At first it was just rumours that no one wanted to believe, some people were being taken to another settlement to better disperse rations that was all. If they weren't heard from it was because they were too busy, or the messages had got lost. No one had been able to believe them to be rumours after the slaughter started. Everyone left in the small town had been called together for a town meeting in the square; they had been escorted there by armed guards. That should have at least made them suspicious, but Jim's family were too nice, too innocent to believe what could happen. Then Kodos, that vile inhuman son of a bitch had stepped up onto the small stage in the centre of the square. There had been silence once he was done, the last phrase echoing through the crowd, "Your execution is so ordered...". And then the blood began to pour as screams pierced the air.

His Aunt had told him to run, to hide and not look back for anything and he had ran - ran down streets slippery with blood, jumping over bodies, some still writhing in their final throes. He stopped in a dark alley to catch his breath as more soldiers ran past, he had been about to continue running when he had heard a soft whimper behind him. 'Don't look back for anything' his Aunt had told him, but Jim had never been good at following orders.

It was a kid, a little boy with brown hair, his dark eyes glistening with tears. Jim turned to leave, took one step and stopped as his shirt caught on something, he turned to see the kid holding onto him. His heart broke, he couldn't leave the kid, he just couldn't. He had run to the old water tank, his old den, the kid in his arms, and hid there for 2 days. Then he and the kid, Kevin, had run into the wilderness, into the caves he used to play in with other children to find somewhere safer to hide. He had meant it to be just the two of them but had found more survivors as time went by. First a set of brothers that had been hidden in a cellar by their parents had come wandering through the desert tired and hungry. Jim had brought them back to the cave and gone back out almost immediately – it would be harder to feed 4. Next had been a young girl, no more than 8, who had ran into the desert and passed out in the shade of a rock face, Jim took her back too and got the others to take care of her as he went out to forage. Eventually he had dared (become desperate enough) to go to an abandoned town for food, jumping at every shadow - until he found another group of children hiding in an abandoned school. There were four of them, two young girls, one preteen boy and one just older than Jim, a Vulcan named Striyon. ##

Jim's eyes closed as he thought of Striyon, his first and only love. Together they had carried on for the others sake, always an unstoppable team. Jim had started to sleep next to the Vulcan because he had been like a hot water bottle in the cold nights - he had been held like he meant something, like he was valued. Then, 6 months after they met, Striyon started to act strangely. He began to show emotions, argue with the others and had growled at Kevin, who was only trying to cheer him up. Jim had found out then about Pon Farr, about the madness that awaited his friend and had been willing to do anything to stop it.

Jim scoffed, he had been so young then, not realising what Pon Farr would mean for them, how deeply they would be linked. He had given Striyon his heart and his virginity, only for them to be ripped apart by Starfleet. He had not seen his lover since, but could still feel... something. As he became ready to fall asleep, he could almost fool himself into thinking that Striyon was holding him as he curled up into the warmth at his side. Jim fell asleep with a smile as he thought he heard purring, not caring that he was lying on the cold ground, covered in someone else's blood. Again.

Jim woke up still on the hard road as the sun began to rise over the dank alley. He groaned as he sat up, face aching and joints stiff. He raised a sore arm to his head as he grumbled "Argh... I swear I'll never drink again." Jim thought about what he had said, "At least not again today anyway."

Jim psyched himself up to move, to stand up without falling over was more difficult than he thought it should be. He could definitely feel that bar fight now. He groaned as he limped down the street to a payphone, if he tried to walk back to the farm it would take hours, if he even managed it - walking was a loose term for the strange shuffle of a very drunk Jim Kirk.

Eventually he made it back to the old farmhouse still limping and swearing like a trooper as he stubbed his toe on every damned rock on the path to the door. The weather had changed again, leaving a windy, soggy morning behind to torment Jim further. Leaning on the doorframe, Jim shouted "Honey, I'm home" before he scoffed. He hadn't been expecting a reply, he was the only one left in the house thank god. Frank had left 2 years before when he was imprisoned for killing a girl while driving drunk – he wasn't supposed to be out for at least 10 years. Sam had run away and his mother... well she hadn't been home in years. If she even still called it home.

Jim entered the house, leaving his keys on the rickety side table and decided not to bother with food. He navigated the stairs tenderly, only falling over twice before muttering a quick hallelujah as he reached the landing. Jim shuffled to his bedroom, still decorated with his old spaceship wallpaper from childhood, his quiet haven where nothing could hurt him, even the now howling winds outside in the dark night. As Jim dozed off again he shuddered as he felt a twinge go through his body.

"What the hell was that?" whispered Jim to himself, he waited for a few minutes fighting the warm embrace of sleep before giving in. "How weird..." he mumbled as his eyes closed and he curled into his duvet, not knowing what the next day would bring.

His dreams of warmth were broken as his name was called from the doorway. He closed his eyes to hide his disappointment and misery – he had hoped his dreamworld was real. He opened his eyes to the glow of his sidelight as he stared at the ceiling, noticing how the muffled light played over the nooks and crevices. The woman at the doorway shuffled uncomfortably in a way that would have gone unnoticed by most before giving in and speaking first to break the awkward silence.

"It is time to leave your bed. Clothe yourself and join us for breakfast."

A whispered "No" was the only reply before silence reigned again as he refused to listen to her - she had betrayed him and so she was no longer accepted in his life. He did not acknowledge her pained sigh as she began to leave the room.

She turned and spoke quietly, almost as if to relieve herself, "You must remain hopeful. The probability of succeeding increases with every venture. He will be found." With that final remark, his mother vacated the room, door closing softly behind her.

Striyon closed his eyes again, praying to return to the dreams of his beautiful ashayam with his sun-kissed hair and warm smile. He hoped, despite the Vulcan code, that he would find his Jim before Pon Farr struck again, if only to hold his lover in his arms once more.

Constructive critiscism is always appreciated! :)

Translations:

Ashayam - Beloved