Author's notes: Yep, it took me a lot longer than I planned to get around to posting more Haruhi fic. To make things worse, I've only just started on part three of this four-parter, so while I'm hopeful that I'll be getting this out on a monthly basis, there's no guarantee of that. Please bear with me.

This was actually the initial story idea I had for this parallel world. Before I came up any real ideas for fleshing it out, though, I came up with an idea for a setup/introduction that ended up growing until it was undeniably its own story - specifically, story 1 in this collection. A few more ideas for this particular story floated in as the months went by, and now I'm finally sitting down to flesh it out. Hope you all enjoy.

An Explosive Clashing of Rivals

- Part 1: Warm-up -

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Haruhi bellowed into her phone.

I winced. Apparently the negotiations had taken a sudden turn for the worse, and whether it was Haruhi's own fault or the casting director's, I had little doubt that Haruhi would make sure they ended badly.

"Oh, yeah?" she demanded. "Well, listen to this: Mikuru Asahina is the most beautiful, talented, and adorably shy up-and-coming young idol on the market today, so if you pass on her, you'll be missing out on a huge publicity coup, rave reviews, and millions of additional DVD and BluRay sales – not to mention the prestige of going down in history as the first television show to feature Mikuru Asahina in a major role! Are you going to make a huge mistake like that just because of some vague feelings about a lack of conviction?"

There was a pause. That was a pretty rare thing during a conversation with Haruhi Suzumiya, even taking into account that the person on the other end of the line was probably talking. I didn't get the sense that Haruhi was making a rare display of listening skills, though. It looked more like she was priming herself for a good explosion.

Haruhi held the phone out in front of her. I covered my ears. It wasn't enough to completely block out Haruhi's voice, but it probably stopped it from piercing my eardrums. "Then you don't know anything about what it takes to make a great show that will make people sit up and pay attention! You're obviously a gibbering idiot who has no business making casting decisions, so I can promise you that SO3 Studio will never, EVER refer one of our clients to you EVER AGAIN!"

With that, she held her phone just above her desk, picked up the old corded phone she had sitting there, and slammed it back in its cradle. That done, she hung up her regular phone and sat in her chair with a huff.

"Why did you do that, exactly?" I sighed.

"We don't have a land line, and it's not satisfying to hang up on someone with a mobile phone," she answered.

"I didn't mean that." Not that that part doesn't require plenty of explanation, too. "If you had negotiated with the casting director, you might have landed Miss Asahina a different part. You could have at least got her cast as an extra."

Her eyes focused her burning anger on me. "Are you questioning my skills at negotiation?"

What skills at negotiation? "Why didn't you let me or Koizumi handle the follow-up, like you always do? I thought that as president of this agency, you're too good to do any of the actual work?"

"Please, don't fight," Miss Asahina protested. "It's my own fault I didn't get the role, because I did so badly at the audition." She set a cup of tea down on Haruhi's desk as an apparent gesture of atonement.

"You're darn right it's your fault!" Haruhi snapped, making Miss Asahina nearly knock over the tea in shock. "I've told you over and over again, Mikuru, you've got to have confidence, and you just collapsed into a blushing, half-sobbing pile of jumpy nerves during that audition! How simply do I have to spell it out for you: Poise, poise, poise!" She gave the last word extra punctuation by picking up a ruler and slapping Miss Asahina across the arm with it, making her yelp.

If the yelp hadn't been more of surprise than pain, I would have been seeing red. As it was, I managed to keep my calm enough to just sprint over to Haruhi's desk and seize her arm before she could strike Miss Asahina again. "Leave her alone." The heavy reprimand in my voice gave even Haruhi pause. "What the hell is wrong with you lately, blaming everything that doesn't work out on Miss Asahina? You know she's got plenty of talent, and she's been trying her best. If you hadn't been riding her so hard these past few days, she probably would have had the confidence she needed to pass the audition. If you want to know why Miss Asahina doesn't believe in herself, try looking in a mirror."

For a moment Haruhi just gaped at me.

I knew what was coming. Whoever you are, if you talk back to your boss, you're going to get an earful at the absolute least. Talk back to Haruhi, and that goes triple. Sometimes you might wonder whether her goal was to harangue you, or to deafen you.

But I wasn't going to back down. It wouldn't even be a big deal if she fired me, since at this point, I wasn't being paid anything apart from the occasional bonus check when we got a windfall. If this kept up for much longer, my parents would find out that I was essentially working for free and force me to quit and find another job, anyway. So I was in even less of a mood to cower before bullying than usual.

Bring it on, Suzumiya.

She shook, as though readying the most explosive opening salvo she could muster.

Then she spun around, turning her back to me, and strode away, out of the office, in silence. She didn't even slam the door.

"Oh..." Miss Asahina murmured. It was a strange little vocalization. I couldn't tell if it was a sigh of relief or a groan of dismay, or... maybe even sympathy. Miss Asahina did have an unfathomable supply of sympathy for her tormentor.

I turned to her. "Are you alright?"

She nodded. "Yes. Um, thank you... for..." She trailed off, knowing that I already knew what she meant.

"My pleasure." I scratched the back of my head. "Honestly, though... what in the world is wrong with her...?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Having your boss storm out during the middle of the work day tended to do that. In the midst of that silence, though, I noticed Koizumi looking at me. It was the sort of inscrutable look that he seemed to enjoy and which made me feel like a rat in a maze who is starting to suspect that there's no cheese at the end of the labyrinth.

"Alright, what is it?" I snapped at him.

He shrugged. "I am curious about something. Why haven't you asked Miss Suzumiya out on a second date?"

"You're asking that now? Were you not paying any attention to what went on here for the past five minutes? Who the hell would want to go out with someone who acts like that?"

He met my scornful glare with a very calm, very serious look. "Miss Suzumiya's present pattern of behavior did not emerge until three weeks after your first date with her."

Why the hell is he pushing this question like this? "Alright, fine. You tried to set me up with Haruhi, and you want to know why your little scheme failed."

"I made no effort to set you up with Miss Suzumiya. On the contrary, I was quite astonished when she mentioned your date to me."

"Whatever. The point is, just because I had a momentary lapse of judgment and thought maybe Haruhi was a better person than I gave her credit for, doesn't mean I'm interested in carrying on a long-term relationship with her."

"You did not enjoy your first date with her, then?"

Ugh. The obvious thing to do here was lie, but I just couldn't bring myself to spit out that big a whopper. "Whether or not I had a good time isn't the point."

"I take it you have a very different philosophy of dating than the rest of the world. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

I recommend ignoring Koizumi when he gets snide. I always do. "It was a one-off outing, and it was always meant to be. There's no potential for anything romantic between us."

"Miss Suzumiya doesn't think so. If you recall, she was in quite the good mood the day after your first date -"

"You mean the day after we all agreed to work for free. Don't ignore the obvious explanation just because it's inconvenient for you."

"- and I am willing to make a bet that her good mood will return if you take her on a second date."

"What makes you think she'd be willing to go on a second date, after that fight we just had?"

"Hmm." He smiled. "You have stood up to Miss Suzumiya before and lived to tell the tale. You speak of her unfairly if you think she holds that against you. On the contrary, I suspect she respects you the more for that. Her frustration with you stems only from your failure to ask her out a second time."

"If that's what she wanted, she would have just asked me out herself. Haruhi doesn't wait around for the things she wants to just come to her."

"Umm," Miss Asahina piped up, tentatively raising a hand as though she was hoping for me or Koizumi to call on her. "I don't think that's really true. I mean, as far as asking you out. I like... um, that is, women like it better when the guy asks them out. It shows that he's really interested. If you have to ask a guy out... it makes you look like you're really desperate, like you're begging for his attention. And Miss Suzumiya... I think Miss Suzumiya would hate that more than anyone else in the world. She thinks very highly of herself, and she thinks you should recognize that, and want to be with her badly enough to ask her out yourself, no matter what. So… for you to not ask her out… must make her feel like you don't even see her."

I was struck silent for a moment. Koizumi just nodded.

Miss Asahina fidgeted. "That's, um... That's probably why she's so upset right now."

"At any rate, it can do you no harm to ask her," Koizumi said. "Care to take me up on that bet?"

I sighed. "Reality check. I've been on no pay for over a month now, and I wasn't exactly flush with cash even before that. I can't afford to take Haruhi out on another date, much less put up money on a bet over it."

"Ahhh. So is that the real reason why you haven't asked her out again? But you know, you don't need to take Miss Suzumiya to theme parks or dinner at expensive restaurants. She would be satisfied with the two of you simply going for a walk."

Yeah, I'm sure she'd be thrilled by that. Why not really blow her mind and take her to a library.

"I think she'd be happy whatever you do, so long as she's with you," Miss Asahina chimed in. "I know I would be."

I did a double take.

"Oh! I meant, I would be happy with a guy I liked, not with you specifically." Before I could even react to that one, she gasped, "Ah! I don't mean that I don't like you, it's just, I don't -"

"If you really prefer to spend some money on your date," Koizumi cut in, "...I would be happy to loan you some. After all, I benefit as well from Miss Suzumiya being in a good mood."

"I'm not taking money from you," I said. "Especially when I have almost no chance of being able to pay you back any time soon."

"I can practically guarantee you'll be able to pay me back. If you win our bet, you'll get more than enough to cover the loan. If you lose, and Miss Suzumiya's good mood is restored, then SO3 Studio will regain its momentum, and you'll soon be earning enough to repay me."

Only one problem with that: SO3 Studio's momentum has never been greater than that of a chopstick thrown by a sloth since Yuki Nagato left us. So I still wouldn't be earning any money.

"What's the matter?" Koizumi peered at me. "Don't you have faith in Miss Suzumiya's ability to make this agency profitable, as she has once before?"

Okay. I don't like to admit it out loud, but Haruhi does have one strong point as a president. She's arrogant, lazy, and terrible at long-range planning, but she does know talent when she sees it, and once she's found it, she doesn't quit until she's turned that talent into stardom.

...Okay, yes, I guess that is two strong points as president. This is all besides the point anyway.

"Alright, I'll ask her out again," I said. "But only under two conditions. One, I'm paying for it. I'm not taking Haruhi out with your money. Two, I'm not asking her out the way she is now. I'm not interested in dating someone who acts like that. I won't ask her out again until she does one nice thing."

Koizumi cocked an eyebrow. "'One nice thing'?"

"Right. Just one decent, pleasant thing. One thing that someone other than her could conceivably be thankful for. That shouldn't be too hard, should it?"

He paused. Then he came up with: "Your dating qualifications are rather more akin to penance requirements."

Sometimes Koizumi tries too hard to be clever. He forgot that a witty barb doesn't count for anything unless it hits home. And believe me, this one didn't. "I'm sure I could have a lot to say about your dating qualifications, too. Except that you haven't dated anyone in almost a year now."

He winced at that, but Miss Asahina also let out a little moan and looked down at the floor, murmuring, "Neither have I..."

Whoops. I forgot about Haruhi's strict control over Miss Asahina's dating. According to Haruhi, dating can increase an idol's profile through gossip press, but a steady boyfriend stifles fan interest, and marriage and pregnancy are both the kiss of death for an idol. The sad thing is, she's not wrong. It doesn't give her the license to make those decisions for Miss Asahina, though. I've tried getting that into Haruhi's head a dozen times, and it just bounced off her thick skull every time. And Miss Asahina was the one to suffer for it all.

"I've got phone calls to make," I said, awkwardly excusing myself back to my desk.

Haruhi was late to work the next day, so we all took it easy for a few hours. I knew that I should be spending every minute trying to find a breakthrough gig for Miss Asahina – after all, I was really getting down to the wire on my bank account, and if I had to ask my parents for more money they'd pretty quickly find out that the "job" I was working didn't include a steady paycheck – but I ended up doing what I always do when Haruhi isn't around: write video game reviews and chat with my friends online. It was unproductive, sure, but a refreshing change from the noise and chaos that Haruhi always brought with her.

Miss Asahina was watering the office plants, humming a happy little tune. Somehow, she always managed to remain cheerful no matter what the state of our business. She didn't have much confidence in herself, but despite that she managed to keep a good dose of confidence in our business.

At first it looked like Koizumi was diligently working as usual, but when I passed his desk on the way to the bathroom I noticed that he was writing an e-mail to one of his cousins. Whoever said "The rich get richer, and the poor get children" obviously never met Koizumi's family. They were rich and prolific enough to form their own island nation.

It was a blissful, relaxing time, but it was not to last. Haruhi burst through the door at around 10:45, making us all jump. Her face was grim, like she was resigned to some grisly, unpleasant task.

I steeled myself for a delayed punishment for yesterday's rebellion. I steeled myself for her trying to pick up where she left off on berating Miss Asahina. And because this was Haruhi, I steeled myself for a totally nonsensical rant about the state of the music industry or some deranged mission to hunt for magical knickknacks.

Instead, she strutted over to her desk, barely glancing at the rest of us, and began lazily clicking at her computer. She was glaring at the screen like her aging PC was being slow as a deliberate act of aggression.

I breathed a sigh of relief. The dread storm had passed by us.

But I caught Koizumi looking at me. I had known him long enough by now that I could read what that look said: The storm hadn't passed us by. The clouds were right overhead, and just weren't pouring anything down.

Or, if I can dispense with my vague metaphors that likely no one else gets: even if she wasn't taking her frustrations out on anyone else, Haruhi being in a bad mood was not a good thing. And as the focal point of that bad mood, I was the one expected to fix it.

I sighed, got up, and walked over to Haruhi's desk.

Her attention was totally fixed on her computer screen. She didn't even glance at me. "Aren't you going to order me to bring you coffee, or something?" I said.

Actually, Haruhi rarely drank coffee. Miss Asahina insisted on brewing us all tea so that she would have something she could do around the office while the rest of us (make that me and Koizumi) were hard at work, and maybe as a sort of penance for her unpopularity as an idol, and Haruhi was quite happy to drink whatever she served her. I suspected that if Miss Asahina were to bring her a cup filled with swamp water, Haruhi would down it in two gulps and never notice the difference. But I was the one who always had to handle whatever demeaning menial tasks Haruhi wanted done, and bringing coffee seemed to fit that bill.

She turned her head and stared at me. Strangely. For a moment, she almost resembled a little girl gawking at some new object she'd been presented with.

Then she smiled. "Coffee! Yes, bring me some coffee. With two sugar cubes, three splashes of cream, and some mini marshmallows."

I wondered for a moment if she had coffee confused with hot chocolate. "We don't have any marshmallows."

"Well then, make it four splashes of cream. And add mini marshmallows to the list of things to buy when we have lots of money coming in!"

I didn't think it was altogether wise that this list had things like a frog costume and mini marshmallows instead of up-to-date computers and a recording studio, but Haruhi's bad mood had apparently been dissolved by my asking one simple question, and I couldn't be less than happy about that. I went and got the coffee pot and a fresh mug.

Koizumi slipped behind me as I was dumping cream in. "You really must share the secret of your power over women."

If you knew anything about my history with women, I'd assume you were referring to the power to make any woman realize within three weeks of our first date that I'm a loser with no prospects who survives by mooching off his parents. As it is, my suspicion is you have no clue what you're talking about.

"All you did was offer Miss Suzumiya some coffee, and she's acting like she has drank four cups."

She definitely was clicking away at a pretty breakneck speed now, like she was hot on the trail of some online tip.

"Yet you allege that she would be displeased with an offer from you to simply go for a walk? Would you care to lay on a second wager?"

"I never agreed to the first one."

"There are no prerequisites. You may lay your money on the second wager but not the first, or on the first wager but not the second, or on both."

"How about neither. I still haven't seen her do anything nice."

"Hmm."

"Board meeting!" Haruhi barked.

Great. From the sound of that, the first wager was now invalid anyway; Haruhi's mood was already improved to the point where she was being proactive about the business again. I'm sure that was music to Koizumi's ears, but things tended to get scary when Haruhi got proactive.

I brought the coffee mug over to Haruhi's desk. "Hey, thanks!" She slurped up nearly half the mug. "Hmm, it's pretty cold."

Lukewarm, you mean, and that's what you get when you come to work late. Not to mention the four splashes of cream you demanded.

"You couldn't have brewed me a fresh cup?" She frowned. "Oh well, I guess it'll do. I wanted it right away, anyway, so it's good that I didn't have to wait for it to brew." She slurped some more.

I'm so glad you approve. I went to my desk to await her explanation of what the board meeting was all about.

I didn't have to wait long at all. "I've decided that Mikuru will be participating in this year's Ultra Stars of the Future idol competition!"