Chapter 9

A month later, I found myself nervously waiting for Pete's approval to let me return to work full time. Once I had demonstrated my full range of motion, I waited anxiously for his response. While I had been back at work for months, I was on modified assignment until Pete sighned off on me returning back to the field.

"Well, Jenny" Pete's face was impassive until he smiled teasingly, "Everything looks like it's fully healed. I think this is our last session."

"Really?" I could feel my eyes grow wide with excitement. I tried to hide it, but I'm sure Pete could easily detect my glee.

"Really. You've got full use of your leg again, and everything is back on track. I'm fully confident you would easily pass a Bureau Physical" Pete sat back in his chair proudly as if to say I told you so.

"So you'll sign off on me going back into the field?" I didn't even bother attempting to hide my anticipation this time. The chance to get my gun back and get back into the field was far too exciting.

Pete pretended to consider her question thoughtfully, "I don't know, I mean dead bodies?" He winced, "You deal with some pretty bad stuff, we could keep you out of the field permanently..." He mused, the twinkle in his eye letting me know he was simply trying to get a rise out of me. Unfortunately, I had spent far too many hours stuck behind paperwork to find his needling humorous.

"Don't you dare." I rolled my eyes playfully, despite the momentary shudder that ran through my body at the thought of more paperwork and time out of the field. "I swear, if I have to stay back at one more police department with a member of my team-"

"Easy Jenny." Pete winked, "Alright you've convinced me. The paperwork will be on your supervisor's desk in the morning."

A grin split across my face, I was finally getting my life back. Standing, I quickly thanked my physical therapist that had not only become a thorn in my side, but a close friend. "Oh, and Pete?" I asked, smiling innocently.

"Yeah Jenny?" He looked up from the paperwork he was signing.

"Don't call me Jenny."

I sighed as I snuggled closer into Aaron's chest as we lay watching a movie on the bed we had shared for almost two weeks now. The kids had long ago fallen asleep, and the quiet evening at home had reminded me just how happy I was. While I had yet to "officially" move in, I hadn't spent the night at my own apartment in a while. But something had been bothering me, and I just couldn't get it off my mind. This felt so right, just like it should-and yet...

"What's wrong?" He asked, easily picking up on my sudden discomfort, pausing the film.

"Do you think that you and I were destined to be together?" I asked, not sure why I felt the need to discuss our fragile relationship. Once I voiced the question, I realized how desperately I needed the answer. While things had been moving fast, we had yet to discuss where things were going, and what they meant. Now, I realized I had avoided this talk before because I was afraid.

"Do you want me to answer that honestly?" Aaron smiled as he curled his fingers around my own.

"What do you think?" I scoffed, slapping him lightly on the shoulder while I took a handful of popcorn with my free hand.

"Honestly?" He asked again.

"Yeah. Do you think that we were meant to be together?" I insisted. I'm not sure why I needed this answer right now, but it was suddenly something that couldn't wait. If I had been afraid before, now I just needed confirmation.

"When Haley and I dated, I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved her. It was easy, it was expected, and things just fit." He hedged after a moment.

I quirked my eyebrow in surprise. If I honestly thought this conversation would turn to Haley, I wouldn't have brought it up at all. However, Aaron wasn't one to completely avoid a difficult question, so I decided to let him continue. "And?" I prompted.

"And I never pictured my life with anyone else." He admitted softly. "When Hailey and I got married, it was if the stars had aligned and my future was ahead of me, laid out in a perfect line."

"Oh." I replied in confusion. If I had any idea where he was going with this, maybe the nagging feeling in my stomach would go away. All he had to say was 'Yes JJ, it's destiny' or something just as romantic. Leave it to Hotch to make everything more complicated. "So you thought you and Haley were soul mates?" I asked in confusion.

He nodded, taking a drink of beer before placing the bottle back on the coaster. "I knew Hailey and I were soul mates." He amended. "But I was wrong."

I beamed inwardly, leave it to Aaron to be the closet romantic. "You were?"

"Yeah. When Haley left me, I realized something. There are no soul mates. Destiny, fate-it's all a myth-love is about hard work." He explained.

"How can you say that?" I asked feeling the frustration in my own voice. I ripped my hand out of his quickly and recoiled as if I had been burned. "That we're just-just nothing?" I sputtered.

"JJ, that's not what I meant. Let me finish-" He admonished.

"No. I know what it's like to be in love. To have fate place someone in your life and to just be happy." I spat. This wasn't about soul mates, this was about Hotch not believing that we belonged together. Obviously I thought we meant more to each other than we did.

"I'm not sure what I did wrong, but-" He looked at me in confusion.

"Hotch, I had a soul mate, someone I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life. He died." I said weakly, my own heart shattering.

"He did?" Hotch's lips pursed tightly, the implications hitting him. He might not believe in soul mates, but I did.

"And fate just took him away. So-"

"So that's it? Soul mates or nothing? You and Will were soul mates and so we can't be anything? Is that what you're really telling me?" Hotch interrupted, trying in vain to mask his own hurt.

"It's the way it has to be." I answered. I would settle for nothing less than destiny, and if Hotch didn't believe in us, then there was the answer I was searching for. "If Desting didn't-"

"Who cares about destiny?" Hotch exploded angrily. "JJ, this is ridiculous! If I heard right now that you weren't my soul mate, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't be angry. In fact, I'd probably admit that they were right." He held up his hand to stop me from interrupting, though in reality it was like trying to raise a hand to stop the Mississippi River.

"How is that supposed to make me feel better?" I asked angrily, "Hotch, maybe we rushed into this too soon, maybe-"

"It wouldn't matter because I love you more than I could love any soul mate. I would rather be with you than anyone else, even someone who was perfect for me. JJ, I don't want a soul mate, I want you."

My eyes widened in shock and I sat there gaping widely as the anger washed out from under me.

"If fate came up to me today and pointed me towards my 'soul mate' and told me that I was supposed to be with them for the rest of my life, I would turn right back around and choose you every time."

"You would?" I asked meekly.

"Absolutely." He smiled assuringly. "I love you JJ, and I'd rather spend the rest of my life working as hard as I can to make our relationship work than to try and see what 'destiny' has in store for me."

"Would you?" He countered and I could feel the question burning against my heart. This was it, this was when I could either accept the growing relationship between me and Hotch, or I could push it aside before it had a chance to blossom into something beautiful.

"I don't know." I admitted weakly.

"Then I'll be waiting here until you do." He smiled, though I could see him deflate slightly.

"Aaron, wait-" I tried to amend, hoping to explain.

"JJ, it's fine." He stood quickly, waving off my concern. "But maybe I'll go sleep on the couch tonight." He turned as he reached the bedroom door, "I love you JJ, and I'll wait for you to decide what you want. But I can't wait forever."

With that, he turned and shut the door. I gaped after him, hoping that I hadn't just let the best thing in my life walk out the door for the last time.

I was sipping coffee in the break room, deep in thought, when Derek came up to the coffee maker. "Out of my way." He commanded gruffly, obviously having missed his own morning brew.

"Long night?" I scoffed, easily detecting the patented "Derek Morgan Morning After Smirk".

"You think I'm going to share the juicy details before I've got a full cup of coffee?" He scoffed, "think again."

The two of us stood in silence, each contemplating the night before. "How was your night?" He asked after a minute.

I sighed and bit my lip, unsure of whether I should confide mine and Aaron's argument from the night before.

"Come on Jayje, ask Mr. Morgan-the love Doctor-and he'll make it better." Derek teased.

I laughed. "Derek, do you believe in soul mates?"

"Nope."

"Really, that's it? Just 'nope'?" I scoffed.

"Well Jayje, let me ask you. Would you rather choose to be in love with someone, or have it decided for you without a choice?"

"When you put it that way-" I laughed.

"No, I'm serious." Derek leaned against the counter thoughtfully, "I've dated plenty of girls, but I haven't ever felt like I wanted to fall in love with them. Love is a choice, and it's something people have to work at."

His words struck me, and I rubbed my chin thoughtfully.

"Can I ask you something?" Derek asked.

"Of course."

"You and Will were happy right?"

I nodded, unable to articulate any words that could really explain the way that mine and Will's relationship had felt.

"But you didn't want to marry him?"

"Are you trying to throw that back in my face?" I retorted sharply, slamming my mug down on the counter. I was about to storm out of the break room when I felt his strong arm pulling me back.

"Just wait Jayje, I'm serious." He looked at me kindly, "Why didn't you want to marry him?"

"I don't know!" I spat.

"Well maybe you need to figure it out." Derek suggested as he patted my arm. "Until then, you just might never know."