AN/ Just a short chapter to move things along. I wanted to do more today but I spent my day plowing through my other story. I will work more on this one later. Its just a bit harder...lmao. I am trying to keep them in charcter yet have them evolve too. Does that make sense. This has turned into a tricky ass story and I want to see it through and do it justice. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. It is touching to see how you get involved with the storyline.

Disclaimer: not mine.

"Before I forget Sookie," Pam was back vamp speed fast. "Don't be an ass and try to go after him. You will only complicate matters more. Go home, do what ever it is you humans do and let Eric clean that mess up."

"What if he needs me Pam?" Sookie had been thinking of going. She knew it wasn't a good idea but what if he got into a situation that she could help with. She had gone after Bill when he needed her. How could she do any less for Eric?

"Do not be a fool Sookie." Pam pinned her with a glare. "There is nothing you can do for Eric. You can't read vampires and you would be useless in a fight. I won't let you interfere in this."

"Did he leave a message for me Pam?" Sookie wanted to know if he had left a goodbye for her. A note, anything. The thought that he left without a word hurt. Things were so torn between them, she hated to think that Eric left without knowing how much she loved him. What if she never got the chance to tell him?

"He did." Pam walked over to Eric's desk. She pulled open a drawer and handed Sookie a white envelope with her name written across it. "Sookie please go home. There is nothing for you here and I have work to do."

Sookie took the letter and held it close to her heart. She would wait until she got home to read it. It would kill her to do so but what if he left her a dear John letter and she was too upset to drive home? She did not want to fall apart in front of Pam. She needed to be stronger then that.

She took one last look around Eric's office and wondered how long it would be until she saw him again. She shut the door and closed her mind down at the memories that began to wash over her. She would get no where fast using that route.

The trip back to her car was none eventful. No one tried to grab her or shoot her. There was no pep in her step. She just felt done. She climbed into her car and turned the key in the ignition. Sookie adjusted her rear view mirror, settling it so she could back out and put Fangtasia behind her.

The ride home was quiet. She refused to turn on the radio. She let the quietness in. Let it soothe her. Thats what had drawn her into this life to begin with. The utter quietness she got from being around vampires. Bill was like a breath of fresh air to her over stimulated mind. The quiet he offered was enough that she had been able to see past his flaws to begin with. What a fool she had been. He had used her from the start, causing her to fall for him in the process. He had taken her innocence and broken her heart.

And then there was Eric. By the time she fell in love with him, she was already so deep in their world that she had no way out. Sure she had thought about it. She had contemplating jumping in her car and disappearing from them all. But she knew no matter what, they would find her. She would be hunted down until she begged for them to either kill her or turn her.

Which she still did not want. What if when he turned her, he didn't want her. Better yet what if her gift was amplified and she heard vampire thoughts. Or lost it all together. Not that she would really mind losing her telepathy. It had never brought her anything but pain.

She was alone with her thoughts and she could not turn them off. Her mind ran through all sorts of scenarios. What if, what if, what it? She couldn't live her life like that. There was no future in it. She could not live in regret. She had made her decisions. No one had forced her into this world. She had blindly gone plowing in, regardless of the warnings she had received from others. She was the one that made the final decision that cost her so much.

Sookie pulled into her driveway, glad to see that Amelia's car was gone. Hopefully she had packed her sorry ass up, leaving for New Orleans instead of Jason's. If she saw her, she refused to be held accountable for what she would do to her. She didn't care to see Amelia's face ever again.

She made her way into her dark house, dropping her keys and purse on the counter. She pulled Eric's letter from her bag and tucked it into her back pocket. She reached into the refrigerator pulling out a bottle of wine. Screw the glass tonight, she thought as she unscrewed the top and drank from the bottle. She kicked off her shoes, making her way up the stairs to her room. She walked straight into her bathroom, turned on the water as hot as she could stand it and put the plug in the bottom. She the bottle of wine down on the edge of the tub, so she could disrobe.

Eric's letter tumbled out of her pocket as she lowered her pants. Sookie dropped her top on the floor then retrieved the letter. Making sure not to wet it, she sank into the water and raised the letter up to her chest. She traced her fingers over the letters in her name. There was no doubt it was him. She would recognize his writing anywhere.

Her fingers trembled as she popped the seal of the letter. She was scared to see what the letter said. She wanted so much to talk to Eric. Instead she pulled the paper out. She took a sip of wine before her eyes began to read.

My Dearest Sookie,

To say I am sorry for all that has transpired between us, is too trivial of a thing. Words do not matter in this course. They are but that, words. I have lived a long time, never understanding how a person could use a small word like I am sorry, expecting it to make everything alright. It fixes nothing. It heals not a broken heart.

I have hurt you my love. This is something I never wanted to do. I was foolish to think that I could hold on to one such as you and not cause your destruction. For this, I want to make amends. Yet how do I break the barrier that I have no doubt set in place around your heart. You love me not, I have made my peace with that.

Know that I go to make things right for you. I will forever hold you in the deepest regard and keep all from you that would cause you harm.

~E~

Sookie let the letter fail from her fingertips. It floated on top of the water. She watched as the ink began to bleed. Little black swirls began to dance across the page until his words were washed away. She sank underneath the water, sending water splashing and her bottle teetering over the edge. She was lost in an abyss of emotions. She had it all...and now it was only her. A shell of her former self so angry and bitter at the world that she had no one to even share her grief with. And no one to blame but herself.