So... it's chapter eleven! It's only 5,248 words this week, I am sorry T.T Usually I write these chapters at work in tandem with my translations, but we had a bit of a crisis at work this week because a brochure hadn't been updated so I had to rush around all this week finding the new images and stuff to update it... So I sadly wrote this in haste this evening. I apologise if there are mistakes.
Just a little warning, as you all know, next Thursday is Heilige Abend (Christmas Eve). It just so happens that I am flying to the UK on Wednesday to spend two weeks with my family, and while I WILL have internet and laptop access, I don't know if I will have an update ready for you next Thursday. It will either be on a different day of the week or, more likely, not at all. I'm sure this won't bother you too much, I mean, you're all probably going to be busy with Christmas plans and stuff, but I just wanted to warn you. Things will resume as normal the week after, and if there is no update next week, I will write an EXTRA LONG chapter for you the week after :)
Right, now that we've cleared that up... this week's song is Shattered by Trading Yesterday. It's one of my favourite songs at the moment, please check it out. Despite the slightly depressing lyrics, I always feel happy after listening to this song.

Disclaimer: I disclaim.

Kiss and I Will Surrender

Eleven

Shattered

Sora awoke on Monday morning to the shrill scream of his alarm clock and an aching pain in his chest. With a groan, he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and reached blindly for the offending object which had woken him up, smacking his hand on the top of it and effectively silencing it. He sat there for a few minutes in his tracksuit pants, his hair in complete disarray and his eyes muggy with sleep. His sinuses felt blocked from the crying last night and his head was pounding as he clutched his chest, trying to ease the ache in his heart.

In the past, Sora had always listened to his emotions before his logic. This was mainly because logic was what his business-driven father relied on, and Sora was determined to be as different from the man as possible. As a plus, his heart always seemed to know the route which would lead him to light and happiness, and so he had grown to trust it over the sensible voice which nagged occasionally in the back of his brain. It was what had led him to art eventually, and encouraged him to procure his friendship with Roxas.

At the thought of Roxas though, his heart gave an erratic, rough thump in his chest, slamming roughly against his ribcage as if demanding he pay due care and attention to the subject of the blonde. He wondered for the first time in his life if his heart had led him down a bad path or not. What Roxas had told him last night was more than just a lot of information, it was bombshell. And while Sora liked to think he was open-minded and kind-hearted enough to care for anyone, no matter what their past, now that he was faced with the dilemma he was starting to doubt himself.

As he started to get ready for his day at university, Sora pondered on the subject of Roxas. He wasn't going to make a decision yet. He had promised himself that he would wait until after their birthday gig and the after party to decide what he wanted to do in terms of his friendship with the blonde. But he couldn't help but mull things over as he stepped into the small, cramped bathroom that he and Tidus shared and turned the water on, waiting for it to heat up. As he disrobed, wincing as he caught his clothes on cuts by accident, Sora listened for one of the first times to his logic.

Roxas was an ex-yakuza member who used to sleep with women for money and do hard drugs. When he had first met the blonde, he had immediately sensed that a bad past came with the package of being Roxas's friend, hidden behind that melancholy yet beautiful exterior, but he hadn't thought it would be quite so extreme. And right now, his logic was screaming and rattling the bars of the cage he had kept it locked up in for so many years, telling him to run away from the situation while he could and never look back. If he remained involved with Roxas, he was immediately putting himself in danger, and any old enemy of Roxas could choose to target Sora in order to get to the blonde.

But even as he thought this, the pain in his chest grew until he was nearly unable to breathe. His emotions strongly objected to his logic – his heart and mind were at war within his slim body. The very idea of cutting ties with Roxas was enough to make him feel nauseous and panicky, in much the same way one feels when their lover unexpectedly breaks up with them.

He flicked his hand under the water and deemed it to be hot enough, stripping off his underwear and dashing into the shower as the cold threatened to consume him. He yelped – the water was hotter than he thought, and Tidus shouted some sort of jeer from the lounge having heard it. Not having the time to faff about with such things like temperature, he gritted his teeth and stuck his head under the boiling stream, letting out a curse as he did so and earning another distant laugh from Tidus. He quickly began to wash his unruly spikes, hissing as the citrus shampoo stung his cuts, feeling the water quickly wash away any residue of the tears that had been streaming down his face the night before.

He hadn't been able to cry in front of Roxas. He just couldn't. The blonde hadn't cried himself, but he had looked so broken as he told his story that Sora didn't want to make things worse by showing he was upset. Roxas appeared to have enough on his plate without Sora burdening him with his own sadness.

That was when Sora realised that he had already forgiven Roxas, if anything needed to be forgiven at all. At most, he forgave him for hiding the truth, and for being so weak as to succumb to such lows as prostitution and drugs. But it was in the past. And Sora knew that his heart accepted that without a shadow of a doubt. Roxas was making a living for himself, an honest living, and was working his butt off to realise the dream that had made him run away from home all those years ago, the dream to be a top musician. He was just unfortunate that he couldn't shut the door on his past completely; some long black feelers had gotten themselves trapped and were preventing him from putting the subject under lock and key. And now, they were fighting back, pushing the door back open and biting him on the ass, it seemed.

Having become more accustomed to the heat of the water, Sora stepped fully under the shower head, washing away dirt and despair and dried blood. He was glad he had some soap for sensitive skin; else washing his body would have been a real nightmare with all the open wounds.

His mind drifted back to his dilemma. Now that he had forgiven Roxas, he had to decide whether he was going to listen to his heart or his mind. He didn't want to make a decision yet, but he could at least weigh up the pros and cons and make a preliminary choice. It was true that staying with Roxas was going to be a dangerous thing. Seifer's gang would target both of them, and even though they had Cloud, Zack and the rest of the ShinRa bodyguards on their side, it was going to be hell to solve the problem. But at the same time, Sora knew that what Roxas needed more than anything right now was support and friendship, something that Sora could easily give him.

And then of course, Sora had to take his feelings into account. He was beyond caring now that Roxas was a guy. If his red string of fate was destined to be wrapped around the pinky finger of another male, then who was he to argue? He wasn't homophobic; he had just been perturbed by the emergence of his feelings for Roxas when he had liked girls all his life. But now he was starting to come to terms with it a little. Perhaps fate and soul mates were a little extreme to be thinking about now, considering he had only met Roxas two days ago, but right now they were all he had to explain the pull he felt towards the boy.

And the kisses felt so good too, he mused as he turned the water off and climbed out of the shower, towelling himself off gently and pulling on a pair of blue boxers and some faded baggy jeans. Leaving himself topless for now, he proceeded to brush his teeth and make sure his hair dried properly. His chest still felt a little tight, but it was lot better than it had been when he had woken up. He presumed that his heart was somewhat at ease, because for now, Sora decided he was going to stick with Roxas. It wasn't for certain, but at least he had somewhat figured out his predicament.

He pulled on the red t-shirt and stepped out of the bathroom, only to be immediately (and painfully) tackled to the floor by a flying mass of blonde.

"Happy Birthday Sora!!" Tidus cried gleefully, grabbing the shoulders of the brunette and shaking him like a marionette.

"T-Tidus," Sora choked as his head lolled back and forth. "You're sitting on my chest."

"Oh, sorry man!" Tidus lifted his hips up and took his weight off the bruised chest of his flatmate, who let out a long, relieved wheeze. "Anyway, I made you breakfast, so let's eat and then walk to uni together!"

'Breakfast' turned out to be an attempt at frying bacon but burning it, on Tidus's part, and then slapping it between two slices of bread with some ketchup and mayonnaise and calling it a sandwich. It tasted a little like eating coal, but it was the thought that counted (and what was left of the bacon did taste good), so Sora happily munched on it as he opened his cards at their small dining table. Kairi and Riku had unexpectedly given him fifty dollars. He had expected a present from Kairi but not from Riku, as he had only met the guy a few times, so he was touched to find so much money enclosed (he knew from Kairi's shopping addiction that Riku had mostly contributed to it). There was also a card from Roxas, Cloud and Zack, another surprise he hadn't expected after the events of last night and the fact that he knew Cloud and Zack even less than Riku. Roxas had left a little note at the bottom, reading 'You'll get your present after the gig' in swirly handwriting.

Predictably, his mother had called, and he spent the remaining time in the flat before he went university trying to tell her to stop crying, because she wasn't old just because she had a twenty-year old son. His father had come to the phone for about a nanosecond to wish him happy returns and then muttered something about work and promptly given the phone back to his mother. Tidus cleared up the breakfast plates and got dressed as Sora chatted, whilst the brunette positioned the phone between his ear and his shoulder and proceeded to pack his shoulder bag for the classes he had that day. He realised with a groan that he would have to lug his huge A3 portfolio folder around with him all day, and grabbed it from its position next to his pile of finished canvas paintings to put it next to his desk, so he wouldn't forget it.

"Mom, I have to go to class now," he muttered when he couldn't take any more of her crying and sobbing, and noticed that he had to leave the apartment now if he wanted to catch the right bus.

"Okay sweetie," she hiccupped down the phone, "I'll see you and your friend for your birthday meal tomorrow! Don't forget now!"

"Yeah, BYE Mom," he said loudly, and shut the phone before she could say another word. He emerged into the living room where Tidus was tying the laces of his walking boots, rolling his eyes when Tidus eyed the phone as if to say something exasperated about Mrs Leonhart.

"She's a little... emotional today," Sora muttered, pulling on his coat and slinging his bag strap over his head to rest diagonally across his chest, picking up the slim portfolio folder in one hand.

"I guessed. I could hear her sobbing from the kitchen," Tidus replied, standing up and making sure he had his keys. "Ready, birthday boy?"

They trudged out of the apartment, locking it behind them and making their way out into the fresh early morning air. It was slightly warmer today than it had been on the weekend, and some of the snow had melted much to their relief. That meant that the busses were probably running. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the easterly sunshine shone brightly down on them as they began to make their way up the street towards the bus stop. Other students were emerging from apartments along the road, and some greeted them and wished Sora a happy birthday.

They waited at the bus stop with Yuna, a girl who lived two doors down from them and was studying performing arts at their university. She also happened to be Tidus's most recent infatuation, so the wait for the bus was spent with the blonde tripping over his words and Yuna flirting shyly. Sora leaned against the wall of the shelter, watching the pair with amusement, basking in the normality of the situation, something he hadn't felt since he went to that fateful underground gig on Friday night.

"Hi Sora! Happy birthday!" He turned his head to see Naminé dashing up to them, wearing a cream coat and white jeans. With her long blonde hair and her wide blue eyes, she looked like a perfect angel in the snow covered surroundings. Her face was a little pink and she was smiling brightly.

"Yo Naminé, thanks," Sora beamed, giving her a warm hug. Naminé had been one of his best friends for as long as he had known her, and that had been almost as long as he had known Kairi. He had met Naminé through the loveable redhead, because they were cousins, and they got on extremely well. Naminé always had a word of advice and had an uncanny ability to know what you were thinking. If she could read what was troubling Sora now, however, she kept quiet about it as they chatted and waited for the bus.

"Olette had to go over to Kairi's again this morning," Naminé laughed, drawing patterns in the thin layer of ice on the window of the bus shelter. Olette and Naminé shared an apartment, but while Naminé was in university, studying arts with Sora, Olette worked with Kairi, which was how she had come into the friendship group. The green eyed beauty was a very calming person, who had taken a nursing degree but decided she didn't like it. She now worked in the publishing office with Kairi, but she was a little higher up the food chain than the redhead. While Kairi just made copies and got everyone coffee, Olette was one of the marketing assistants. One of the downsides of working with Kairi, however, is that one had to make sure she turned up every day. Thus, Olette spent most mornings driving halfway across Midgar to get the lazy girl out of bed.

"As harsh as it sounds, I think we should just let her stay in bed and learn her lesson when she get's fired," Sora replied, rolling his eyes. They all turned to watch as the bus rounded the corner, empty for now but soon to be full as more than twenty students were now waiting, throwing snowballs at each other or making snow angels.

"Olette's too kind for that," Naminé sighed, and they hopped on the bus quickly in hopes of grabbing seats together. They secured a four-seater with Yuna and Tidus, who were still chatting awkwardly and giving each other shy smiles.

The ride to the university was non-eventful as usual, but enjoyable. Sora loved university life; the drunken parties, the days spent on campus studying under the trees or playing Frisbee, and the friends he had made were all part of what made the experience so enjoyable for him. He even loved the classes and turned up to nearly all of them.

His first class was a life painting session, his least favourite of the classes despite enjoying the course in general. He always felt acutely uncomfortable, having to stare at a naked person and draw them. Luckily, Naminé was in this class with him, so he felt slightly more comfortable in having a person to talk to who was equally as mortified by staring at a fat naked person as he was.

The class lasted most of the morning, and when they emerged feeling sufficiently mind-raped, they were ambushed by the ball of energy that is Tidus once again, who announced that they were going to T.G.I. Fridays to celebrate Sora's birthday. He had managed to gather up quite crowd of people wanting to wish Sora a happy birthday, and Kairi, Riku and Olette were among them, all claiming to be on their lunch breaks. The end of Riku's hair was singed, and when asked about it, all he would say was that one of Professor Ansem's experiments had backfired rather badly and Riku had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kairi thought it gave him a 'daring warrior' look, something that caused Tidus to accidentally snort his orange juice up his nose and start choking on it.

Amazingly, Tidus had planned ahead and booked a table for the group of about fifteen people. When they arrived at the restaurant, they were relieved to see that there were no little children running about, most of the customers being business men on their lunch breaks. They were ushered to the largest table (and Sora was presented with balloons when he demanded them), and they all settled down to check out the menu. Yuna was sharing one with Tidus and leaning across his quite provocatively for someone who was usually very shy. Sora sat at the head of the table, with Olette and Naminé on one side and Kairi and Riku on the other, chatting excitedly while they waited for everyone to choose what they were having.

"Thanks so much for the money guys!" Sora cried, bouncing up and down in his seat like an over-excited four year old.

"Has he drunk any Red Bull today?" Riku asked Naminé in a stage whisper, causing the brunette boy to pout.

"Hey! I'm allowed to be excited! It's my birthday, and I haven't been to this restaurant in like, forever!" He took a long sip of his coke, and everyone rolled their eyes as he continued to bounce excitedly. "Do they still have that amazing orange sorbet I had last time?? I hope so, I love sorbet!"

"You mean 'anything with sugar', don't you Sora?" Naminé asked dryly, laughing as he produced yet another puppy dog pout. The waitress came then to take their order, and when she was told it was Sora's birthday, she produced a paper hat from her apron and plonked it haphazardly on his spikes. It sat at an angle and was bright pink, but he liked it and left it there, demanding that Tidus take a photo to remember the occasion.

"So um... have you spoken to Roxas today?" Sora asked Riku nonchalantly through a mouthful of potato wedge when their food arrived. Riku glanced up at him sharply, sensing that there was more to Sora's question than making conversation.

"No. Why?" he asked, his eyes narrowed. Sora bit his lip. Apparently Riku didn't know what had happened to his lead singer last night.

"No reason. I'm going to the bathroom," he announced, standing up abruptly enough to make his glass topple. Olette caught it in the nick of time as he rushed off, glancing at Riku over his shoulder and gesticulating with his head for the silver-haired drummer to follow.

"I'm going too," Riku sighed, and Kairi looked at him curiously as he rose from his seat with grace and flipped his hair from his eyes. He gave her a 'I'll tell you later' look and sauntered off after Sora casually, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Sora was sat on the edge of the sink when Riku walked into the otherwise empty restrooms. The brunette was swinging his feet nervously, looking like a pampered, ridiculous prince with his pink hat sitting jauntily on his head.

"What's up then?" Riku asked casually, walking up to the full length mirror and proceeding to fiddle with his hair. He watched Sora in the reflection, his turquoise eyes still narrowed.

"I don't know if it's my place to tell you this, but knowing Roxas, he'll keep it to himself and you'll never find out if I don't tell you..." Sora sighed, running his hand through his hair and knocking the hat off. He caught it before it fell in the sink but didn't put it back on his head, proceeding to fiddle with it in his hands.

"Roxas was... attacked last night," he murmured. He was surprised that he wasn't crying again. But it seemed that he had used up all his tears, and the lively atmosphere of the restaurant was keeping his mood fairly buoyant as he spoke, despite the grave matter at hand.

"Attacked? You mean by Seifer again?" Riku asked coolly. He had always been the member of the band who thought rationally in times of panic, which was why it was his band. Until they got a real manager, he controlled everything about the band. Not even Roxas had power over him; Riku was top man when it came to making decisions about the group. So now, he was keeping a level head, having just found out that his lead singer was probably in trouble again.

"Yeah..." Sora trailed off, looking a little sadder. "But not in the way you think... it was... well, it was more of a sexual attack than anything."

Riku was about to pose the question of rape, but Sora saw it coming and interrupted him before he could ask it. "It wasn't rape! But it was just as bad, in my opinion. He's got..." he swallowed and brought his hand up to grasp his chin in the way he thought it may have happened to Roxas, "He's got marks... here. Bruises."

Riku understood, and nodded. "Figures that Seifer would use sex as a form of attack against Roxas," he said calmly, turning to lean against the mirror, regarding Sora through his bangs.

"So you... know about his past?" Sora asked carefully, worrying his lower lips with his small, straight teeth.

Riku inclined his head. "I'm his manager, I make it my business to know these things. I trust he told you everything and that's why you've been slightly awkward today?"

Sora jumped. He hadn't realised that anyone had noticed his off-behaviour. He had tried to cover it up with over-excitement and energy, but evidently Riku was a very perceptive person to have seen through it. "Yeah," he said sadly, looking down into his lap where the paper hat now lay in shreds. He had ripped it to pieces without even noticing.

"I know what you're thinking," Riku said calmly, his gaze fixed firmly on the brunette. "Can I trust him? Has he really changed?"

Okay, so Riku was an extremely perceptive person, Sora decided as his mouth fell open in shock. Riku chuckled and continued, the expression on Sora's face being all the answer he needed.

"Roxas may have a dark past, Sora, but believe me; nobody regrets it more than he does. He works so hard for this band because he wants to prove that he is more than a common whore or a druggie. It's his dedication that is going to take us places." He pushed himself off the wall and walked up to the brunette, who was still sat on the sink and swinging his legs. "But don't tell him I told you that. We don't want his ego inflating before we've even got a record deal," he chuckled quietly in Sora's ear, before giving the brunette a smirk and leaving the bathroom.

"Huh," Sora murmured, staring at the tiles on the floor and tracing square patterns between them with his eyes. He was glad he had talked to Riku. The guy knew what he was talking about, and evidently could read people very well. Sora found himself hoping that he could eventually become friends with Riku. He seemed to be a reliable person who knew exactly the right thing to say whilst always being honest. Kairi had found a good person, and he was happy for her.

A grin now stuck to his face and refusing to leave it, he hopped off the sink and threw the tattered remains of his paper hat in the trash can, before moving back into the restaurant to find that the main course had been served. He immediately immersed himself in eating; ignoring the look that Kairi gave him that quite blatantly asked why he and Riku had been in the bathroom for so long. Riku rubbed her arm lightly and kissed her cheek, which seemed to appease her.

Much to Sora's delight, the orange sorbet was indeed still on the dessert menu, and he ordered a serving for everyone in lieu of birthday cake. The waitress even stuck a sparkler in his and made the restaurant sing happy birthday. Tidus picked up a straw and conducted them dramatically, until Yuna grabbed him by the seat of his pants and forced him to sit down before he knocked somebody out.

As they tucked into the sweet dessert, Sora felt the last of the unease in his chest slip away. Talking to Riku had been really worthwhile, and he was almost certain now of what his choice was going to be. Roxas worked really, really hard for the band, and if Sora left him now, those efforts would go to waste as Seifer would sink his claws into the golden-haired boy. And Sora was not going to let Roxas give up on his dream. Roxas had run away from home for the sake of music at the tender age of fifteen. If that wasn't dedication to a dream, Sora didn't know if anything was.

His grinned, and Riku caught the look, returning it with a rare smile. Things were looking up, even if the future was dark and void of hope. Sora was vaguely reminded of a line from a play he had studied at school; "Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return." It seemed apt, despite the slightly morbid connotations.

They emerged from the restaurant, sated and happy, and the group separated to go back to work or university. Sora had a workshop that afternoon, which was why he had brought his portfolio folder with him. It was a class he really looked forward to, because the teacher was extremely helpful and encouraging and he was able to work on his personal projects rather than school assignments. He had been planning to focus on a watercolor painting he had been working on for the past few weeks, but when he sat down at the work bench that afternoon, he found himself taking a clean sheet of A4 paper from his folder and drawing a manga panel.

One sheet progressed over the course of the afternoon into six. Sora didn't know where his sudden inspiration had come from, but the manga he had drawn was very good even by his standards, and before the class ended he scanned the images into the school computer so that he could digitally shade and ink them when he got home. But that would have to come at a later date, because the Reizones gig was that evening, and he had to get ready for it.

When he emerged from the class, he pulled his phone out to check his messages for the first time that day. He smiled. 34 unread messages. Guaranteed that more than half of them were from his 'darling' mother. He scanned through them all, texting short replies to the birthday wishes and ignoring the ones from his Mom, until he came to one which simply read, 'Want to get ready for the gig at mine?'

He smiled when he read who had sent it. Roxas wasn't angry with him! He had been so worried that his more-than-harsh words last night would have angered the blonde, but it evidently wasn't the case.

It was then that he decided he didn't even need the gig to help him decide what he was going to do. He was going to stay with Roxas, and together, they were going to get through this bitch. Seifer was going to get his assed kicked and Roxas was going to become a famous musician, no matter what it took!

He stared at the message for a little while as he realized this, and then as he came to his senses, he pressed the green call button, bringing the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice, thrice…

"Hello?" The voice was hoarse and rough. Roxas had been crying a lot more than Sora had, it seemed. Sora winced at the grating sound of Roxas's dry throat.

"Roxas?" he said, as if he needed confirmation of who he was talking to.

"Sora?" The voice picked up an octave. Roxas sounded like he was pleased but trying to hide it.

"About your text…" Sora began, examining his fingers as he walked through the campus towards the bus stop. Roxas interrupted him.

"If you don't want to come over its fine, I totally understand!" he blurted out. Sora paused halfway through forming a word, his mouth open.

"Actually," he said with a smile, dodging a snow ball thrown his way by Tidus, who was waving to him at the bus stop, "I would love to come over."

There was a pregnant pause. He could hear breathing on the end, but he still laughed and said, "Still with me, Roxy?"

He heard a nervous chuckle at the use of the pet name, and could have sworn he could hear Roxas smiling. "R-really?" Roxas mumbled happily. His voice sounded a little wobbly, overflowing with emotion. There was a sniff. He was trying to hold back tears.

"You aren't gonna cry on me, are you Roxy?" Sora teased, ducking another snowball and kicking a drift of snow up so that some of it hit Tidus in the face. Tidus gave a dramatic silent cry and clutched his throat, falling to the ground and writhing in mock death. Sora clamped his hand over his mouth to stop himself from bursting out laughing while talking to the emotional blonde on the other end of the line.

"Shut up!" Roxas shouted, and Sora thought he detected a pout in the voice. "I'm not crying! Be here at six, doofus!"

"Hey! If I'm a doofus, you're a dumbass!" Sora retorted, but he yelled when Naminé snuck up behind him and dumped snow down the back of his shirt. "ARGH! Naminé! You little…! Look, I gotta go Roxy; I'll see you at six!" He hung up and proceeded to chase after Naminé, his heart not only completely free from aches, but fluttering like a hummingbird in his chest.

Well, there it is. Possibly the last chapter before Christmas. Hope it wasn't too awful ^^ It took me four hours to write...
Please feed the review monster :)