Author's Notes: Well, here's the fifth chapter. Sorry it took so long to get here, high school keeps you kind of busy and I just couldn't find the right words to write this chap. But all is well now and I think I migh have the sixth soon after this one, though I cannot promise anything. Read, review and most of all ENJOY!
Kiki
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Chapter 5
Feelings, memories, music
"Come on Mikan, get up."
"Mm…"
"Now," Hotaru growled and pulled the sheets, which I just happened to be tangled in, off of me, causing me to fall to the floor with a dull thump.
"Owww," I groaned, rubbing at my soon to be bruised cheek gently ", what Hotaru? I thought today was Sunday!"
"It is."
I sighed.
"Then why are you waking me up so early?" I asked and glanced out the window for conformation. Yup, it couldn't be any later than ten.
"We're going to Central Town," was her short reply and then she turned and walked out of my room but not before calling over her shoulder ", and hurry up, before I decide to bring my Baka Gun along."
Sighing, I stood and ,almost robotically, fixed my bed, dressed into a pair of khaki pants and white tank top, then trudged downstairs. As soon as I stepped down the last step of the stairs Hotaru grabbed me, ignoring my shouts about needing breakfast to function properly, and pulled me out the door.
It was a relatively nice day, a clear sky with only a few white clouds floating by and a gentle breeze. I would have stopped for a moment just to enjoy the feel of it but Hotaru was still gripping my arm, causing me to stumble after her as she continued walking towards the bus stop to Central Town. To my great surprise we met up with Ruka, Natsume, and Koko and it was only then that I finally realized that this had been planned all along.
I scowled at Hotaru for a while as the bus drove us to Central Town but it didn't last much longer than that, I just couldn't stay angry on such a nice day. Somewhere in my mind I wondered what Hotaru had planned that she'd invited the guys too but didn't let myself worry about. Little did I know that Natsume was wondering the same thing.
We get off the bus quickly and I waited patiently for Hotaru, who was the last one to step out, to say what we'd be doing. I almost fell over in surprise when Natsume simply walked away on his own and Hotaru, Ruka and Koko turned to go the other way.
"Hotaru?" I called, walking towards them. I frowned when I realized they were talking in hushed tones and kept glancing at me and then at the direction Natsume had gone. I scratched my head, silently wondering why everyone was being so weird. "Hey, Hotaru! Wait up!"
"Well hurry up Mikan," she called, slowing down just the slightest bit as she broke away from her quiet discussion with the two boys.
"Why are we here Hotaru?" I asked, walking faster to catch up to them. "Why'd you bring us all here today?" My raven haired friend didn't answer me but I thought I saw a secretive smile slide over her lips, her violet eyes soft. I shook my head and looked at Hotaru again but the expression I thought I'd seen was gone.
Silently, I followed the group as they wandered through the streets of the town, going into stores if they saw something they liked on display. For some reason, as I stood back and watched them, I felt like it was fake; a trick to hide a much bigger reason for coming here. Again, I shook this off too, just like Hotaru's strange expression, and chalked it up to simply thinking too much.
As the trio went in and out of stores I found myself looking around, a strange feeling in my chest. Kids ran through the streets and girls walked in groups, happy expressions on their faces as they chatted with their friends. Everything seemed so right, so familiar. But I did not know it. I did not remember it.
I felt a pang in my chest, a pull on my heart, and the content smile I had donned slipped away. Ever since I had woken up in the hospital, surrounded by people I did not recognize but seemed familiar all the same, I had tried not to think about it. About my memories. Still, I couldn't help but wonder how it had been before, how my relationships with these people had changed when they realized I did not remember them. Any of them.
I longed to remember it all, I really did. And at times that I become bored, and a normal girl would have just spent the time thinking over her life, I felt empty. There were no memories to look back on, nothing to compare since I did not know how it had been before. Nothing but a vast hollow emptiness that seemed to surround my inner self, and so I treasured the memories I had made and held them close. For that was all I had to prove who I was, that I had had a life.
I sighed, something I seemed to be doing a lot every time I took the time to think of this, and tried to push down the strange ache that kept rising inside me. I snapped out of my turbulent thoughts at the sound of Hotaru calling my name and unconsciously grinned when I realized that what ever she had said had had the word 'Fluff Puffs' in it. I walked back towards her and the guys, my mind clear of all thoughts but one.
"Fluff Puffs!"
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I bit into another Fluff Puff, my eyes scanning the streets of Central Town for my friends, and, unconsciously, my lips formed into a pout. I had only turned my back on them for one second to boy a box and next thing I knew they were gone, leaving me to wander around looking for them.
I scanned the street once more and grinned when I spotted Natsume laying under a tree, a manga over his face. I walked over quietly, intending on jumping out from behind the tree to scare him but my plan backfired when he suddenly spoke.
"What are you doing little girl?"
I yelped and tripped over an overgrown tree root in surprise. His hands grabbed me before I hit myself and he pulled me back up. I looked up at him, my eyes meeting neutral ruby ones, and I blushed and plopped down next to him.
"Thanks," I mumbled and suddenly stuck out my box of Fluff Puffs ", want one?"
I thought he was going to laugh, he looked like he wanted to, but not even a smile twitched at his lips as he shook his head, though I thought I saw his eyes soften slightly.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, and I shrugged, nibbling on another of the sweet treats in my arms.
"Hotaru ditched me," I provided, and this time a hint of a smile caught the boy's lips. Silently, he turned back towards his manga and plugged in earphones that I hadn't noticed before. I looked down at his ipod curiously and quickly snatched one of the earphones from his ear so I could hear the song too.
"What are you doing?"
"Listening," I answered simply and he scowled.
"You probably won't like these songs," he muttered ", they're not exactly what most girls like to listen to."
"Yeah well most girls don't have amnesia," I muttered and he blinked in surprise at my unexpected I answer, I smiled lightly, trying to mask the bubbling sadness that welled up in me once more. "And you never know, maybe I will like it."
He stared at me for a minute and I looked away, afraid he'd see the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me, and after a moment he restarted the song and let it blare through the speakers.
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
I could feel Natsume's eyes on me, but I simply continued to stare forward, my fingers slightly taping to the hard beat of the song as I leaned back against the tree behind me.
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you
"This kind of reminds me of you…" I mumbled, my thoughts unclear as I let the words of the song wrap around my mind. Realizing what I had just said, and how it must have sounded I gasped and quickly covered my mouth. I glanced at Natsume out of the corner of my eye, guilt churning in my stomach, but his face didn't change from its stoic expression.
And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold
"How does this remind you of me?" he asked, voice neutral, but when I looked at him he was frowning. "You don't remember anything."
"I…I don't know," I mumbled, trying not to wince when he reminded me that I , indeed, had no idea if this was true without my memories, and wrapped my arms around my raised knees ", I don't remember lots of things but…sometimes I just get these feelings, like I know how something was without really knowing it. Like…I think before I lost my memories you were also like this, cold and withdrawn, but still caring."
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
Then I did something that surprised even me and made my face blush a light red hue. Slowly, gently, I placed my hand over his as words spilled from my lips and, even though I didn't know why I said them or if it was the right thing to say, it felt right to say them.
"You're not alone, you know. You have your friends…you have me."
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
After a moment of silence I looked away, moving to draw my hand back from his but his strong fingers held on. I didn't look back at him but didn't try to draw my hand back again. Closing my eyes I relaxed under the shade that the tree provided as we continued to listen to the songs on his ipod and a comfortable silence enveloped us.
"Thanks."
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Welllllll, that's it. Yup, that's it and there isn't anymore. Well, at least until I updated again. lol. PLEASE leave me a review, I want to know what you guys thought of Mikan's feelings and all that. ; )
Kiki