Chapter Five – Part One: The Way It Used To Be

Author's Note: Aaand we're back. I just want to thank you for your amazing reviews. You are all way too nice to me. (Not so nice to Bridget, but that's expected and hilarious. She's such a bad person.) Anyway, a few people have asked me about people's ages and why it's so confusing. I don't understand Degrassi's concept of time AT ALL, so in this story, everything that's happened with Eli, Clare and Adam on the show happened when they were all in grade nine. I'm just shoving all of that in there. So they're all the same age, and now they're in grade ten. I also realised that all four chapters have taken place on the same day, so we're going to let them go home and think about everything and come back to them on the second day of school. Also, this chapter is a two-parter, and is told through the eyes of all five main characters. This author's note is long. Sorry. I'll let you read now! Enjoy!

It's amazing how one day can change everything. 24 hours ago, Adam was on his way through the doors of Degrassi. He was happy, he was self-assured, confident that nothing could hurt him at school any more. After what he went through with Bianca and Fitz last year, he thought nothing could compare. The kids at school had had time to get used to the idea of who he is, and had (for the most part) stopped bothering him about it. He'd been through the worst bullying of his life. He didn't think he could possibly feel that bad again.

But now, as Adam stood outside the school, staring up at the doors, he couldn't bring himself to walk through them. His past was in there. His past was forcing itself into his present and he was not comfortable with that at all. For a whole year he'd been dealing with having Dahlia in his life only as a memory. He'd gotten used to it. Every memory with her had been good. Whenever he'd needed to think of something good, he thought of her. Now, in only a few hours, she'd ceased to be a memory, and had shown up in his world, becoming a very real part of it again. Only this time was different. This time, Dahlia hated him.

He couldn't go in. Not today.

He hadn't skipped school in ages, but today he was making an exception. He didn't know what would happen if he saw Dahlia in the hall. Or if he saw Bridget in the hall. Or... Dahlia and Bridget together. That last one would probably kill him.

He headed away from the school, not knowing or caring where he was going, as long as Dahlia was not there.

About 15 minutes into class, Eli started to get worried. It was only the second day of school, and Adam was already skipping. This sounded more like something Eli would do himself. Adam only skipped school when he was avoiding something big, and it was pretty obvious what he was avoiding now. Adam had told Eli all about how Dahlia and Gracie had been best friends, and how it had turned into more than that once they kissed. Then Gracie discovered she was Adam, and - Eli guessed - Dahlia discovered she was a lesbian. Amazing how one kiss can change two lives forever.

"Miss Oh?" Eli asked "I'm gonna need a hall pass..."

"Oh, really?" Miss Oh said, not looking up from her computer screen. "May I ask why?"

Eli lurched forward and covered his mouth with his hand. Miss Oh shot up out of her seat and scrambled to hand him a hall pass. "Go, go, go!" she said "Not on the new computers!"

Eli ran with his hand over his mouth until he was past the Media Immersion room windows.

"Works every time." He said to himself, chucking the hall pass onto the floor and walking outside.

Clare sat in class staring at the clock. She was convinced that the hands of it hadn't moved in hours and that time had completely stopped and she was stuck in a vortex of this horrible new history teacher blabbing on and on about World War Two forever and ever and ever. Which was weird for her, since she usually loved school. But today... something felt wrong. She needed to get out of there.

"Mr. Smith?" Clare asked "May I please have a hall pass?"

"No, Miss Edwards, I was just about to begin discussing Juno Beach - "

Clare lurched forward and covered her mouth with her hand.

Mr. Smith's wrinkly eyes popped open wide and he wordlessly handed her a hall pass and shooed her out the door.

Clare stood outside the door for a moment, shocked at what she'd just done.

"Who has Eli turned me into?" she asked herself.

Then, she shrugged and headed outside.

Bridget was pissed. Where the hell was Dahlia? They were supposed to be skipping class to practise for their audition tonight, not skipping to wander off to God-only-knows-where without even telling anyone. Why did she think she could suddenly do things on her own? The whole reason Bridget had wanted to move to Toronto in the first place was to get Dahlia away from that wretched LGBT club she attended. That place was starting to give her ideas. Ideas about her identity, who she really is, all that crap. Dahlia was nothing without Bridget, and Bridget wanted to keep things that way.

When Bridget had met Dahlia, she was a mess. She couldn't even speak. She was sitting on a park bench, staring at a picture of a girl. That was what clued Bridget in to the fact that Dahlia was a lesbian. She was nice to her at first; drawing her in, getting her close, making her feel safe. None of it was real, of course. Bridget didn't actually give a shit about Dahlia's problems. She'd just been dumped by the high school quarterback Donny Johnson, and needed a way to make him jealous. Dating a gorgeous blonde girl and telling the whole school that Donny had turned Bridget gay? Check. Jealous and turned on. Two birds, one stone.

After Donny's jealousy wore off, he moved onto some stupid cheerleader. Not that Bridget cared. She had Dahlia now. A pretty little servant girl to do everything she said. Until now, apparently. Bridget threw her purse over her shoulder and stormed outside. Once she found Dahlia, the girl was going to pay.

Dahlia took off her white sandals and stepped onto the sand. It was early September, still technically summer, and the sun was high and warm in the morning sky. She felt the sand, hot and smooth under her feet. She closed her eyes and felt the wind play with her blonde curls. As long as she had her eyes closed, she felt fourteen again. Like a kid. Like at any moment, Gracie would come over, knock on the door four times, just like she always did. They'd go for a walk, or watch movies, or bake cookies... it didn't matter what they did, as long as they were together. With her eyes closed she could almost feel the shock she used to get when Gracie's hand would accidentally brush against hers. And the bigger shock she got when it no longer happened by accident.

She opened her eyes and took in the boardwalk and the beach. Who knew you could find a place so serene, so calming, just steps from the city? She held her sandals in her hand and walked into the water, surprised at its iciness, but walking in anyway.

For the millionth time that year, Dahlia wondered what she had done wrong. Hadn't she been supportive enough? Trustworthy enough? Hadn't she loved Gracie enough? She knew the answers, but wished with everything in her heart that there were another answer. She knew that if she had just been enough for Gracie, she wouldn't have left.

Gracie... her heart broke just thinking of that name. Gracie was gone. Dahlia had lost her a year ago when she'd moved. But now, again, without warning, she'd lost her a second time. Gracie was gone, and a boy named Adam had taken her place. Dahlia had been to many LGBT club meetings that year. She had met a few transgender people, but she never thought... it never occurred to her... she couldn't even bring herself to think it.

This was her best friend. Her girlfriend. Her first love. How could someone be so close to a person and have no idea about the secrets they kept? How could someone keep a secret like this one? How could they ever find the courage to tell? Adam's situation was so much more complicated than Dahlia could ever comprehend. She knew that. But it still hurt to be left out. And to be left alone.

She sat in the sand with her feet in the water, lifting the bottom of her white sundress out of the waves' way. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend that everything was back to the way it used to be, when she felt safe.