"Everyone, I'm proud to announce that we have two new members." Wendy declared. "And, both of them are male."
"YAY!" the girls squealed in delight.
"What're we gonna do first?" Cartman asked, sounding quite excited. "If we're gonna exterminate the Jews, I suggest bringing some nazis into town. I've been converting townspeople to the party for months now but-"
"Cartman, please." Wendy interrupted. "I'm the founder of this club. That means I speak."
"You sit and roll over too, bitch. What's your point?"
Needless to say she slapped Cartman hard across his face for the remark. So hard it caused him to fall to the floor. Smiling sweetly, Wendy continued what she was saying as though nothing had just happened.
"Now then, even though our main focus is on Stan and Kyle, I think we should expand our horizons. What other boys could we help put together?"
Bebe raised her hand. To no one's surprise, Wendy called on her friend first.
"I was actually thinking about that. Why does Kyle have to be with Stan?"
"Because they're perfect for each other and they don't realize it yet." Wendy explained.
"H'yeah!" Butters agreed. "I-I once saw them reach for the same spoon at lunch. If that doesn't scream lovers, I-I don't know what the heck does."
"...Right." Heidi Turner replied. She was clearly humoring Butters in a very snobbish tone of voice. "Who let you in here again?" she asked, already tired of his presence.
Bebe bravely pushed the issue. "I just think Kyle would be hot with other guys too. Like the Mole."
The other girls in the room nodded in agreement.
Wendy blinked. "The who?" She never did get to meet the Frenchman on his one adventure with the boys.
Bebe sighed happily. "ONLY the dreamiest of suave French men on this entire planet."
Wendy growled slightly at the defiance of her authority. "Well, I hate French guys, but okay. What does he do?"
"Oh, well um..." Bebe thought a moment.
"He swears a lot." Porsche finished for her.
Wendy scoffed. "And that makes him good with Kyle because...?"
"Well, this one time, Kyle held him when he was dying." Heidi explained.
"Well did he show concern for this 'Mole' person's character at all?"
"Wendy, he's French." Bebe argued. "That makes him totally gay AND totally sexy."
"He can say lovey things to Kyle in French!" another girl cried out.
"Oh my god! sooo cute!" another added.
"Actually I find the notion of Kyle and Mole completely ridiculous. Considering the Mole's hatred for a homosexual deity and-"
"Shut up, Rebecca!" Bebe growled.
"Yeah bitch, stop ruining it for the rest of us!" Sally Turner said.
Wendy banged her gavel down on a desk, drawing everyone's attention back to her where it should be.
"Well that's too bad, because the first pairing we're putting together is Stan and Kyle."
"Why?" Red asked.
"Because I'm the creator of this club, and I say so! Besides, if we can't even get those two together, we have no hope for future pairings."
"What the fuck are you guys talking about? When are we gonna start killing Kyle?" Cartman demanded to know as he finally got back to his feet.
Butters tilted his head. "Kill Kyle?"
Cartman nodded. "That's what Kenny said we do here. Hate on Kyle."
Everyone in the room stared at Cartman strangely. A few club members burst into laughter.
"Hate on Kyle?" Bebe asked. "We don't do that here."
Cartman slowly approached her desk. "...You don't?"
"No. In fact, we love Kyle here."
Cartman glared over at Kenny, then focused back on Bebe. "You love Kyle?"
"Yeah!" all the girls agreed in unison, along with Butters.
"Why!" Cartman questioned. "He's a dirty, day-walking Jew rat!"
"Because he's totally made for someone ELSE we love!" Porsche cheered.
"Yeah!" Bebe agreed. "In fact, you'd probably be really good with him too Cartman."
"...HUH!" The fat boy's jaw dropped open immediately.
"Yeah, Eric on Kyle is hot!" Kenny falsely exclaimed, giggling under his breath.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman pointed an accusing finger at Kenny. "What the FUCK kinda gay cult have you gotten me into!"
"It's not a cult!" Wendy hissed at him. "It's a club for slash lovers."
"It's the same thing!" he countered.
"It is not!" she argued.
"Well I'm not being a member of any club that supports Kyle Broflovski. Screw you guys, I'm going home."
"But it supports you too, Eric," Kenny replied, trying not to laugh.
"Aww!" Red exclaimed. "He called him Eric! That totally means he wants Cartman to be his boyfriend."
Cartman cringed on his way back toward the door.
"Yeah, sure." Ken smirked. "That fat ass of his? It's just more of him to love."
"Gah!" Cartman hunched over, feeling weaker. He struggled to reach the doorknob.
Amused by Cartman's reactions, Wendy decided to join in on the fun.
"You look pretty sick, Cartman. Maybe some lesbian femslash would help?"
He couldn't take it anymore. Cartman violently puked into a nearby trashcan before falling to the floor. The slash had overpowered him.
BUtters reached a hand out curiously and poked Cartman's unconscious body.
"Aww he's all doughy."
"This meeting's adjourned." Wendy announced, banging her gavel one more time. Following the secret handshake of the club members, everyone exited over Cartman's seemingly lifeless body.
"See you tomorrow." Kenny waved down to his friend.
"...Hate you Kenny..." he whispered weakly in response.
Once he got back up, his revenge on Kenny would be a lot stronger.
TO BE CONTINUED