"It's too bad you guys aren't in the slash club," Kenny said.
Kyle and Stan both stared at him strangely.
"...Ew" Kyle replied with a shudder.
"You're sick dude." Stan added.
Kenny giggled. "I guess that means you figured out what the club is."
"How could we not?" Kyle said in a somewhat annoyed tone. "A bunch of dumb girls keep following us around and going 'Aww!' whenever me and Stan do stuff together."
Kenny laughed again. "Awww!"
"Fuck you! Why the hell did they pick US anyway!" Stan growled.
Kenny shrugged. "I don't fuckin' know. Cuz you guys are hot?"
Stan and Kyle glared in unison.
"Dude, don't say that." Kyle demanded.
"I have to." the blonde defended.
"Why?" they asked, once again in perfect sync with each other.
"It's a great way to get chicks."
"Well you'd better tell that to Butters." Stan replied with a grin and a point of his finger. "I think you have a new admirer."
Ken scoffed at Stanley's suggestion, until he turned around to see what Stan was pointing at. Butters was seated a few tables away from the boys, having lunch by himself as usual. His gaze wasn't directed at his food though. Instead, he was staring dreamily across the room. His eyes were totally focused on Kenny until the very second he noticed Kenny noticing him back. His focus quickly shifted to some mashed potatoes, and Kenny turned back around to face his friends.
"I think it's kinda sweet." Stan said.
Kenny smiled. "You would, pussy. How's your gay club going anyway?"
"My non-gay chess club is going great actually. Kyle kicked my ass though."
"AWW!"
Stan and Kyle jumped in their seats. Their heads reluctantly turned. Much to their dismay, they found that same large group of girls that Kyle referred to earlier suddenly gathered right behind them.
"God dammit, what!" Kyle demanded of the slash club members. "There's nothing sexy or romantic about playing chess!"
"But he did something to your ass!" Red cried.
"I just said he -kicked- my ass!" Stan repeated.
"And not even literally." Kyle said.
Bebe replied on behalf of the group next.
"Well, you were still sitting across from each other at the chess table. Staring into each other's eyes. Your hands getting close to holding while you moved the pieces..."
The girls let out a collective squeal of joy. Stan and Kyle looked at each other in concern for their safety. The girls went "AWWWW" again upon seeing the boys glance at one another. Kenny didn't join in the discussion at all. He was too busy snickering at the misfortune of his pals.
"Jesus christ! Come on, let's get the hell away from these bitches!" Kyle exclaimed. He gripped Stan by the shirt collar and dragged him off, much to the further delight of the girls.
"Did you hear that! They want to get away from us!" one girl repeated in excitement.
"Yeah! That means they wanna be alone with each other!" another girl giggled.
Stan and Kyle groaned in annoyance and began walking away from the table even faster.
Kenny remained at the table and smirked. He may not have gotten to tell the guys his story about Cartman, but now he was surrounded by a gaggle of hot girls. He decided to take advantage of the situation.
"Good thing I'm not in denial like them, huh? You girls wanna join me for lunch?"
The ladies looked at one another, shrugging.
"Can we talk about how much you love boys?" Rebecca asked.
Ken blinked. "Um, yeah sure. Boys."
Butters jumped at the chance to join his fellow club members at the table. He also knew how to take advantage of a situation. He made sure to take a seat next to Kenny.
"H'yeah! Let's talk about all kindsa boys!" Butters said with a smile.
Kenny just sighed, allowing Butters to sit with him and potentially ruin some of his action with the ladies.
"God dammit!" Eric Cartman shouted. "How do girls and fags do this!" he asked the mirror in the boys bathroom of the school.
After a bit more struggling, Cartman finally managed to pull the pink half-shirt over his head. It was tight as hell, but he had to look the part if his revenge plot was going to succeed. Some glitter across the chest of the shirt informed the world that Cartman believed he was a 'hottie.' He gave his hair, which had been feathered slightly, a quick combing as he checked himself out in the mirror.
"You're so hot." Cartman commented to his reflection. He was apparently oblivious to the belly sticking out over the front of his short-shorts.
The bell rang. School was now out, but the after-school clubs were just getting started. The slash club would be meeting soon.
This was going to be the greatest revenge ever.