Cartman stood outside the classroom, watching as the girls entered one by one. He made sure to flip off Wendy as she walked inside. She growled in response. Though he would never admit it to a soul, Cartman actually had quite a bit of respect for Wendy. Even though she knocked him to the floor the other day, she also took control of a defiant classroom. When the other girls questioned the pairing of Stan and Kyle, Wendy put them in their places. Based on what Eric saw in the hallways earlier that day, it appeared that the girls were now following Kyle and Stan around going "Aww!" all the time. They were doing what they were told. It was proof that Wendy ruled that slash club with an iron fist, just like how Cartman ran his Kyle club. Wendy even hit those who mouthed off to her, which Eric also liked and respected.
Come to think of it, Wendy had hit only Cartman so far. Eric smiled as he thought about that. He kind of liked to believe that somehow made him special in Wendy's book. He didn't have much time to dwell on the hippie though. Kenny was approaching the door.
"Sup Eric? What the fuck are you wearing that for?" Kenny asked.
"Don't call me Eric. Ever. Again." Cartman growled.
"Heh. Oh come on dude. It was just a joke."
"You think you're funny! You humiliated me you poor asshole! No! Worse than that. You gave me false hope that lots more people at this school hated Kyle."
Kenny shrugged. "And you were stupid enough to believe it."
Cartman glared. "If you think I'm gonna let you get away with that, you're wrong."
Kenny sighed on the way into the room. "Whatever Cartman. Get over it."
Cartman walked in right behind Kenny and took a strategic seat next to him. Butters took his own carefully planned seat on the other side of his fellow blonde.
As she went to the front of the room to start the meeting, Wendy stared at Cartman with confusion on her face. She assumed bugging her was his only reason for hanging around outside the room before.
"You came back?" she questioned.
Cartman gasped, as though he were surprised at the question. "Oh my god of course I did! I couldn't be without my little Ken doll here."
Kenny blinked. "What?"
Cartman slipped one of his large arms around Kenny's waist, making sure to slightly push on his ribs. Kenny cringed from the touch. Now gaining the full attention of Wendy and the rest of the club, Cartman elaborated.
"That's right, me and Kenny are together. The other day when he said my ass was more of me to love? We put it to the test. And if ANY of you bitches so much as TALK to my man, I'll make you eat your parents!"
Cartman snapped his fingers for emphasis at the end of his threat. Again, it was what those people did.
Wendy stared at them momentarily before replying. "Well, um, congratulations on finding a partner. Personally I thought Kenny would've had better taste."
"AY!"
"Now let's begin the meeting."
Wendy began blathering on about something or other, but Kenny and Cartman were currently more concerned with whispering to each other.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kenny wondered.
"Getting my revenge of course."
"You're not getting a fucking revenge by acting gay."
Cartman smirked in what he assumed would soon be triumph. "You joined this club to meet girls. By the time I'm done being your dangerously possessive boyfriend, these skanks won't even look at you."
Kenny growled angrily. Two could play at this little game. Kenny was poor, and one thing poor people knew how to do was hustle. Why just the other day he had successfully conned Cartman, who was considered by many to be the ultimate con man. Surely Kenny could bullshit his way out of Cartman's little boyfriend trap. But how to do it without blowing his cover and revealing himself a heterosexual?
Thinking quickly, Kenny hooked his arm around a surprised Butters and raised his voice so he'd be heard by the whole room.
"For the last time, no I will not make out with you Cartman! My BOYFRIEND is sitting right next to me for God's sake!"
The girls stared at the three interlocked boys. Some smiled in awe, while some were just confused. Porsche especially, but that was nothing new.
Butters raised an eyebrow. "Really Kenny? I-I'm your boyfriend now?"
"Yeah sure," Kenny replied. He hugged Butters to his body, making the boy giggle.
"Cartman is trying to cut in on our action! That's not right! I propose a tar and feathering!"
Cartman glared at Kenny's suggestion, but continued playing along with Kenny's bullshit. No way was Cartman going to allow himself to be outsmarted twice. He paused for dramatic effect, and then 'hurtfully' replied.
"...Your...Your boyfriend? Since when! Kenny, I'm hurt. How could you do this to me? To US!"
Eric stood up and skipped around to the other side of the desk, glaring down accusingly at Butters.
"HOME WRECKER!" he cried as tears began welling up in his eyes. "You stole my man! Or maybe my man's just a dirty cheating dog like ALL men! Am I right sisters!"
Some of the girls nodded while a few other ones just stayed silent.
"You just WISH I was EVER into you as much as Butters!" Kenny said.
Cartman continued to sob. Kenny rolled his eyes at the fat boy's theatrics. How Eric was forcing those tears out he'd never know. Ken turned things up a notch by holding Butters' hand, making Butters blush from all the sudden attention.
"Well it looks like we have a problem here." Wendy admitted.
"You're god damn right we do! Cartman's jealous of Butters, so he's starting shit!" Kenny accused.
"Yeah!" Bebe agreed. "Stop trying to ruin their love, Cartman!"
"Ruin it? Kenny's inability to keep it in his pants is what ruined OUR love! He cheated on me! Cheated with this little manwhore!"
"Well, that's not good to do either if it's true." Sally Turner admitted.
Wendy nodded. "Like I said, we have a problem here. We don't need our own little soap opera screwing up this club."
Kenny's eyes went wide, realizing that the room was slowly becoming divided. His side of the room was filled with insanely hot, huge busted chicks. The other side of the room, the side seemingly believing Cartman's version of the fictional story, was filled with insanely cute, completely underage chicks. Ken couldn't decide whose support he wanted more.
"I say we have a trial." Wendy decided. "The one found guilty of starting trouble is going to have to leave the club."
"What!" Kenny exclaimed, glaring at Cartman. "Yeah, because we all know Cartman really wants to be in this fucking club."
Cartman sniffled. "Not if I have to stare at YOUR cheating face every day!"
"You're so full of shit!"
"SILENCE!" Wendy demanded.
Cartman smiled a bit. There she went again taking charge. God, what a woman.
"You'll both get your turns to present your cases." Wendy promised them. "Oh, and I liked that tar and feathering idea. The loser gets that too."
"Girls, I-I'm sorry." Cartman choked out. "I can't...I can't look at him right now. I can't be in this meeting. It's too much for me." he feigned. Of course that was a lie, but it was a chance to get away from all these stupid girls and their love of fags.
"All right Cartman, you're excused from the meeting." Wendy said. Whether his words were true or not, it was a chance to be rid of him.
A happy and oblivious Butters put his hand on Kenny's knee, wanting to return the random PDA he had been shown by his new boyfriend.
"Later queers" Cartman quietly hissed at Kenny and Butters before exiting the room.
With Cartman gone, Kenny's mind was now able to focus on the situation at hand. If things went wrong he could lose his spot in the club. He could lose everything. He gave a small sigh before his brain finally focused in on Butters and the placement of his hand.
"...Um, that's my knee dude."
Butters smiled. "Y-yeah I know. Why, that's where boyfriends' hands are s'pposed to go silly."
Kenny groaned, now realizing that he still had the problem of a 'boyfriend' to deal with before he could hit on the girls again.
"Oh...Uh, yeah I guess so." he replied. "But stop it okay? The meeting's going on."
"No way!" Bebe protested with a smile. "I like where this is going."
"Yeah!" a few of the other girls chimed in.
Butters blushed. "You hear that boyfriend? The club says we oughta keep goin' with it."
Kenny nervously gulped. "Um..."
Butters quickly made his way into Kenny's lap. He began running his fingers through the boy's hair. Kenny looked around the room. All eyes were focused on him. Some of the girls had even moved their desks closer. All of them wanted to get a good view of the impromptu performance. Hazed, dreamlike expressions formed on the girls faces as Butters' lips suddenly pressed against Kenny's mouth, drawing Ken's attention back to the boy immediately.
"MMM!" Kenny protested. "Mm-mmm!" he complained in a muffled, frantic tone. Luckily it all looked and sounded like pleasure to the girls. Kenny groaned, strongly fighting the urge to smack Butters for his actions. He couldn't do that. He had to keep up appearances for the club, no matter how disgusting the acts might be. Besides, Butters was a good kid. Kenny shut his eyes and hesitantly returned the kiss, trying to picture himself making out with anyone besides Butters.
"Excuse me!" Wendy exclaimed, scowling at the two boys in front of her. "Need I remind you that this is a school classroom I've been entrusted with, not some cheap motel!"
"That's what makes it sexy!" Red cried out happily.
Kenny saw this as a perfect chance to pull away from the kiss, which he gladly did.
"NO! I-I mean, Wendy's right! We're in the middle of class here."
"Aww!" the girls said again, this time in disappointment. Everyone returned to their usual seats, and the meeting got back underway as planned.
"Psst!"
The blonde boys turned their heads around to see who was whispering to them. It was Heidi Turner. She opened up the top of her desk and grinned.
"If you guys need it for later, I have some condoms and lube in here."
Kenny glared at her, while Butters just smiled at the thought. For once, Kenny hated that one of the girls in school was such a huge slut.