About an hour after putting on his award-winning performance for the slashers, Cartman's 'I hate Kyle' club was ready to meet for the first time. Cartman had changed back into his regular clothes and was ready to assert his "authoritah" over the other members of the group.
All two of them. Including Cartman himself.
"I don't even go to this school yet. Why am I here again?"
The question came from the adopted brother of Kyle, Ike Broflovski.
"Because Kyle used to kick you as a child," Cartman reminded him.
"So?" Ike replied. He didn't seem to care about past events in his childhood. Possibly because all those kick the baby games resulted in brain damage and the inability to remember much of anything long-term.
Cartman sighed. He would obviously have to do a little bargaining in order to keep his second member. He should've expected as much from a Jew.
"And because I'll give you candy," he offered.
"CANDY! CANDY!" Ike literally jumped for joy out of his chair.
Cartman lightly slapped the younger boy in order to calm him down and keep him in line.
"Quit it dude! You get candy AFTER the meeting."
"Aww!" Ike said with a pout.
"Now, the first order of business is increasing membership."
Believing he could be of assistance in that area, Ike raised his hand.
"I've got like ten e-mails that say they can do that."
"No god dammit! I don't give a crap about your penis! I'm talking about members in the club!"
"Oh. Well where the hell are you gonna find them at? Kyle's pretty liked you know."
"If all goes as planned I should have some sympathy signups from the slash club."
"Pff, yeah right."
"Huh?"
"Unless you have something super gay happening here, they won't give a shit."
Cartman didn't like having his wonderful duel-scheme dismissed as though it were nothing. He scowled and thought up an insulting response to hurl Ike's way, because arguing with a middle schooler was the only mature thing to do in this situation.
"What, you mean something super gay BESIDES you?"
"Hey! Fuck you asshole! From what the school is saying you're a much bigger queer than I am!"
"At least when I do it it's just pretend!"
Ike raised an eyebrow, confused. "Huh?"
"That's why the slashers are going to love me," Cartman explained. "Soon I'll convince them that I was romantically involved with Kenny, and that he broke my heart. After that his love life will be ruined, and I'll get the signups for the Kyle club as a bonus."
"No you won't," Ike said.
Cartman growled at the mouthy little brat. Did this kid not realize that Cartman could easily destroy him? He was much larger, stronger, and arguably smarter. Ike should respect his authority!
"God dammit shut the hell up!" the fat boy commanded.
Before Ike could respond again, Kyle Swartz entered the room.
"Excuse me?"
Cartman turned his head toward the door. A look of disgust instantly came over his face.
"Kyle's cousin?"
"Yeah! I'm baaack!"
Cartman and Ike both groaned at this news.
"What do you want?" Cartman asked.
"Well I saw the sign on your door. I was just wondering if the 'I hate Kyle' club applies to everyone named Kyle or just my cousin. Ya know because I don't wanna be hated and I'm a Kyle also so I-"
"Get the fuck out, Jew!" Cartman barked.
Kyle took the hint and turned around, looking sad.
Upon hearing that a 'Jew' was supposed to leave the area, Ike stood up as well and headed for the door.
"Fine!"
Upon realizing his mistake of not specifying which Jew, Cartman gave a slight retraction.
"God dammit Ike, stay here!"
"No," Ike replied.
"What?"
"No. This club is lame anyway. Come on Kyle."
"Bye" Kyle said.
"Wait! God dammit..."
Cartman took a deep breath. Hanging out with these losers went against everything he stood for, but his club had to start gaining power. To do that, Cartman needed a lot of support from a lot of people. That had to start somewhere too.
"All right fine!" Cartman spat angrily. "You can both be in the club!"
"Hurray!" Kyle exclaimed. It was one thing to not be hated by the club, but to actually be accepted as a member just like that? He had to take advantage.
Ike shrugged. "If I still get candy..."
The boys reentered the room and joined Cartman at the table. Eric took a look at his newest members. The meeting hadn't even been going on five minutes and membership had already doubled.
"Yes. Now this club is really taking off," he boasted.
As the creator and leader of the slash club, Wendy had power. She had power and she liked it very much. She wasn't about to let it slip out of her grasp.
This was getting out of hand. First she gets questioned by club members. Then Cartman and Kenny have their little lover's quarrel in the middle of her club meeting. Then, Butters and Kenny make a public spectacle of themselves in the classroom that she was entrusted with by school faculty. On top of it all, Stan and Kyle were still not together romantically. Or even physically. No one was listening to Wendy, and she didn't like it. They should be listening to her! She was the creator of the damn slash club!
Wendy had been on the phone all day, but it was going to be worth it when her master plan came together. Phase one was already completed. She had successfully convinced Kyle's cousin to come back to South Park for a few days. Of course the other Broflovskis would let him stay at their house while he was in town, and of course redheaded Kyle would want to get the hell away from his annoying cousin. where would he go to do that?
Stan's house, of course.
Now it was time for phase two. Wendy stopped off at a camera shop on her way to the Stotch residence. She and Butters would go over to the Marsh house tonight and keep watch. She hadn't informed Butters of his involvement in this plan yet, but he was coming along whether he wanted to or not. Wendy would see to that. She felt that Butters owed her after his little public display of affection.
Once they were alone together overnight, things were bound to happen between Kyle and Stan. When they did, Wendy would capture it on film. She would be the first person with real-life, photographic evidence of Stan and Kyle together. Such a thing would surely silence all the critics and prove that Wendy was right about those two. And that she gets what she wants. In a matter of hours, Wendy would win back any lost respect from her fellow club members.
Wendy was bringing Butters along on the mission for two reasons. One, to confirm with a second pair of eyes and ears that the boys had gotten together. And two, to keep herself protected. Not that Wendy Testaburger needed help from a man, but she would be a woman out at night alone otherwise. She wasn't about to take that chance.
Tonight would go great, provided nothing screwed it up.
So, of course, something had to.