That night, just as Wendy anticipated, Kyle was over the Marsh residence for dinner. Through two pairs of binoculars Wendy and Butters were able to keep a vigilant watch on the slash club's favorite pairing from behind some bushes at the front of the house. Thanks to a pair of hidden microphones Wendy managed to sneak inside the pockets of Stan and Kyle's discarded pants during their gym class, she and Butters could also hear what was going on inside. Clearly, Wendy had been too influenced by Eric Cartman.
Inside the house, Kyle was seated next to Stan at the dining room table. The Marshes ate some kind of potato dish and talked. Randy Marsh gave a hearty laugh.
"Boy, I just love that ethnic comedy," he said. "Hey Stan, why's your Jewish friend here again? Oh wait, let me guess. He came for the free food right?"
Kyle growled under his breath in response.
"His cousin's in town so he's staying away from home as much as possible," Stan explained.
As he spoke again, Randy's tone suddenly turned quite serious and remorseful.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Did he...touch you as a child?"
A shocked Kyle dropped a fork full of potato. "No dude! He's just annoying! What the hell!"
"AWWW!"
Upon hearing the much hated sound, Stan and Kyle reluctantly looked over toward the back window of the house. Sure enough, a few members of the slash club were gathered outside.
"What the hell are they doing here?" Wendy asked.
"The same thing we're doin' here: Lookin' at boys," Butters answered.
While Butters and Wendy tried to remain hidden at the front side of the house, the other slashers made no such attempt. That is, unless their way of remaining unseen was to fog up the back window with their breath. A brief, awkward silence fell over the Marsh family table. It wasn't every day a group of girls hung outside the house freely observing the every move of two boys.
"Who are all those girls?" Sharon Marsh asked.
"The slash club," Kyle said, leaving it at that.
"God dammit, leave us alone!" Stan hollered at the club members.
"They're having dinner together!" one slasher shouted. "Oh my God that's sooo cute!"
Kyle sighed. "Don't you guys have anything better to do? Get a hobby!"
"We have one! For your information, ass bandit, some of us are artists," Pink Parka Girl said.
"Yeah!" Bebe agreed.
Kyle blinked. "Artists?"
Bebe nodded. "Here, look at this picture I drew."
The blonde held a hand-drawn sketch up against the window. It was a full-color, rather sexually graphic drawing of an unclothed Stan and Kyle kissing each other. The fan girls all squealed with delight. The boys in question both shouted "EWW!" in unified disgust at what they saw themselves doing.
"Oh my God! They know exactly what the other is gonna say and do!" Lola cried out, referring to the boys' perfect timing.
"That's not true!"
Strangely, even though it was Stan who responded to the comment, it was Kyle's voice that came out of his mouth when he spoke. A shocked Stanley clamped a hand over his mouth.
"AWWWW!"
"All right, you girls get home," Sharon finally insisted. She shut the blinds to the window, trying to restore some order. A decreasing number of giggles let everyone inside know that the gaggle of slashers were departing.
Stan sighed. "Thanks mom."
Kyle growled again; this time louder and angrier.
The dinner resumed as normal. Suddenly, Randy broke the silence by posing an interesting question.
"Why do slashers always make the people in their drawings look Japanese?"
"I like it," Shelly replied. "Anime style is cute if people do it right."
"It hardly even looked like us!" Stan protested, then blinked. "Wait, what?"
Kyle blinked too, taking in the conversation.
"Why are we talking about this? Mister Marsh, you talked about the pictures. You...You -know- about the slash club?"
"Sure! I remember when they wanted me to join one when I was in school."
Sharon sighed happily. "Oh yes, those were the days."
Stan cocked his head to the side. "Wait. They had a slash club back then?"
Randy nodded. "In my day, Stuart and Gerald were the pair they were obsessed with."
"You didn't join did you?" Kyle worried.
Randy frowned. "No. As it turned out none of them thought I was hot with another guy. They only wanted me in the club to get the ball rolling for Gerald and Stuart. Children can be...very cruel."
"...Ew," Stan finally remarked. "Do you think that's why Kenny's in our slash club?"
Randy shook his head. "Kenny's probably there to meet some girls. Now that Butters kid on the other hand, he's a total flamer."
Butters gasped, then frowned with growing concern. "That stuff ain't true is it?"
Wendy looked at him. "Well honestly, you are kind of a queen..."
"No no, the stuff about Kenny! He isn't there to meet girls is he?"
"Not now Butters!" the female suddenly insisted. Wendy adjusted her ear piece to hear better inside. Apparently there was an important development happening.
Kyle put his hand to his head, feeling a headache coming on. "I don't believe this. How long has this 'slash' crap been going on for!"
"Boys, slash actually has a very rich history," Sharon said. "The first slash story ever written was for the original Star Trek."
"That's right. In fact, that story was also the first fan fiction," Randy added.
"...What's fan fiction?" Stan asked, quite fearful of what else that group of women could be doing with his name and likeness.
Randy laughed. "That's another story for another day. You two need sleep. It's a school night."
"All right," they agreed.
The boys stood up from the dinner table. They stretched as Shelly and Sharon cleared the plates off and went into the kitchen to wash the used dishes. Kyle headed for Stan's room, but Stan remained still for a moment. He had one more important question to ask about the slash club.
"Hey dad? How do we get them to stop?"
Sharon squealed from inside the kitchen. "Did you see the way your brother looked at him out there? They're SOOOO CEEEYUTE!"
Randy sighed. "I'm afraid they never will son."
"...Oh." Stan frowned.
"God dammit" Kyle muttered as they headed upstairs together.
"What should we do?"
"Slap 'em around until they go away?"
Stan blinked. "No, not the girls. I mean what should we do right now?"
"Oh."
Stan thought a moment. "And hitting girls isn't cool dude."
Kyle sighed. "I know." It was hard to remember that with girls as annoying as the ones in the slash club.
Stan turned the doorknob to his room, entering in with Kyle following behind him. Kyle finally answered Stan's question.
"Right now, I think we need to figure out what to do about the chicks."
"Well, if dad's right it means they think we're hot and stuff. We should exploit that somehow."
Kyle nodded. "Okay. So how do we do that?"
Stan thought again, but he didn't come up with much.
"Become ugly with makeup?"
Kyle rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me? For Christ's sake, CARTMAN is still appealing to some of these bitches."
For some reason, Wendy's eyebrows furrowed at that remark. Butters just nervously fiddled with his fingers, worried about the state of his relationship with Kenny.
"Shit, you're right," Stan admitted with a warm smile in response to Kyle's point. "That's why you're the smart one."
Kyle grinned a little himself. "Thanks. Besides, I doubt they'd find you ugly no matter what you did to yourself."
"Really?"
"Yeah dude. I mean, look at you."
Stan blushed ever so slightly. "Well thanks, but look who's talking."
Kyle laughed. "Me? Whatever. I'm not that great."
"Sure you are," Stan said. "These skanks wouldn't hound us so much if it was just me they liked with guys."
Kyle finally sat on Stan's bed. "Well thanks."
Stan sat down as well. "Yeah. No problem."
Kyle broke the awkward silence.
"Dude, that whole exchange was really gay."
Stan shook his head clear. "God, it was wasn't it? Jesus Christ Kyle! What're these girls DOING to us!"
The Jew rolled his eyes. "They aren't doing anything to us Stan. At least, not that I'm aware of."
"They're pissing us off," Stan argued.
"Yeah I know. But it doesn't matter. They won't stop us from being..."
Kyle paused. He turned away from Stan, and concluded his sentence with a more dramatic tone of voice.
"...Us."
Stan quirked an eyebrow. He could tell his best friend was now a bit off.
"Kyle, what is it?" Stan asked.
"It..." He paused again. "It's nothing."
Stan placed his hands on Kyle's shoulders. "Come on Kyle, what's wrong? Look at me."
Kyle sighed, turning to face Stan once again. "It's just that...What ARE we Stan?"
"We're friends of course."
"Well, obviously. But we've been friends for years now."
"Well yeah," Stan replied. "That's what friends do. They stick together."
"Right. It's just that, we don't have girlfriends or anything."
Stan shrugged. "So? It's not like any of the girls out there are very appealing."
"But don't you think they should be?" Kyle asked. "Most guys our ages DO have girlfriends."
"I guess." Stan blinked. "What, are you looking for a girlfriend now or something?"
Kyle rolled his eyes. "I never look for a girlfriend. Especially since most of them are crazy like these bitches who keep stalking us. That's my point though. We aren't looking at girls. We don't...seem to care."
"Yeah" Stan replied, his hip now pressing against Kyle's. "I guess you're right."
Kyle laid down on the bed, turning over on his left side. "I just think that if we already feel happier together than we could with any girls, we oughta...do something about that."
Stan gulped, looking down at Kyle. "Like...Like what?"
Kyle shrugged his shoulders.
"Like...Like this?" Stan nervously asked. He slowly reclined on the bed himself, cautiously putting an arm around his friend.
Kyle smirked. "Well, yeah. If you want. I mean, we're guys. We're gonna have needs. You know?"
Stan grinned, tightening his grip around Kyle when he felt no resistance. "So should we...?"
Just then, someone banged on the bedroom window, forcing Stan to instinctively release his grip.
"Dammit!" Wendy swore from outside. "What's with all these interruptions! Just let them be!"
Kyle groaned from back inside. "Hold on" he said to Stan. He took it upon himself to open up the window. A distraught looking Kenny invited himself inside.
"Guys? Can...Can I talk to you? It's important."
Stan looked away. "Kenny, um, we're kinda busy right now dude."
"Cartman's trying to ruin my life!" Kenny continued, not actually giving a shit if he had permission to stay. "First he's trying to get me kicked out of the slash club, and now...Well it's a long story but...I might've turned gay."
"Well, what happened?" Stan asked, finding himself genuinely intrigued.
Kyle rolled his eyes. "Kenny, you don't just turn gay."
The blonde's eyebrows furrowed. "Oh no? Well what do you think of this? Butters, he fucking...He...made out with me right? And...And now thinking about it doesn't make me sick."
Butters smiled with glee. "Ooh boy! Didja hear that?"
For Butters, that kind of talk was a huge compliment.
"I did," Wendy replied with arched eyebrows. "Why would it ever make him sick?" she wondered out loud.
"Maybe I had bad breath or something," BUtters figured. Wendy didn't buy that, but there wasn't any time to think about it now.
"Well that's what you get for joining the slash club dude," Kyle replied with a roll of his eyes.
"Well excuse me for being open-minded! Now Butters thinks I'm his boyfriend. And I'll tell you something. That kid makes out better than any girl I've ever tongue-kissed."
An embarrassed blush fell over Butters' face as he overheard the remarks.
"God, it was amazing," Ken continued. "I didn't wanna do it at first but I had no choice! And then I wound up loving it!" Kenny sighed.
Both Stan and Kyle scrunched up their noses at him, staring strangely.
"Look, can I just use your shower, Stan?" Kenny asked. "I feel...really dirty. Even for me."
"Y-yeah, dude. Go now before you weird me out," Stan said.
Kenny walked out of the room, leaving Kyle and Stan alone once again.
"...Um...P-Poor guy," Kyle said.
"Yeah" Stan agreed. "...He must be really confused about himself right now."
"Yeah. Not like us," Kyle replied.
Stan grinned, moving over to Kyle and finding his way into the boy's lap.
"Is this okay?" Stan asked, looking into his eyes for confirmation.
"Yeah" Kyle replied, a blush forming on his face. "Is um...Is this?" he asked before lifting his hips up, rubbing a bulge against Stan's ass.
Stan blushed, nodding before he closed his eyes and wrapped his legs around Kyle's waist. He rubbed his forehead against his friend's.
Kyle's arms nervously wrapped around Stan's waist. His hands slowly started to caress the other boy's back.
"Even if Kenny does turn out gay, who cares?"
"Yeah" Stan said. "He'd still be my friend."
"Mine too" Kyle replied as he shut his eyes, gulping as he felt a part of Stanley brushing against his stomach.
"N-Nowadays, people have all kinds of different friends...And different relationships with those friends."
"L-like ours," Stan replied with a nod.
Their faces turned red as Kyle's hands began groping the other boy's tight round ass. Stan moaned out when he felt Kyle's bulge poised against his backside, causing Stan to turn an even deeper red.
Stan groaned, undoing Kyle's belt buckle as he pressed his own bulge against the redhead's stomach.
"Kyle...A-are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Y-yeah... Heh-heh," Kyle laughed.
Stan laughed too, nuzzling the boy as he undid his own belt. "Shit. Kenny better not come back in here."
Kyle removed his shirt, then ran his hands inside of Stan's top to help him get it off, copping a feel of the boy's smooth stomach and chest as he undressed him.
"So what if he does? Worst case scenario is he sees us, runs home and leaves us alone again..." Kyle said in a hot, eager breath. He moaned as the zipper on his pants came down.
"Butters?" Wendy slowly said through a heated breath of her own.
"Yeah?"
"Hand me my camera."