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That Monday at school, Cartman approached Kenny in the hallway. Kenny had successfully managed to avoid the fat boy all weekend, but he couldn't get away at school. Kenny groaned as he watched Cartman approach. He really didn't want to start the week like this.
"Ah, why if it isn't my little gay friend Kenny," he began. "I heard about you and Butters in the slash club. Told ya you were a fag."
Kenny glared and closed his school locker. "Fuck you fatass. You're just jealous anyway."
Cartman rolled his eyes. "H'yeah right. Jealous of what, the fact that you got mouth-raped?"
"Jealous I hooked up and YOU didn't," Kenny challenged. "Jealous because, even if it was with a guy, all the girl's eyes were still on -me- Friday and not you. That includes the eyes of your little girlfriend Wendy by the way, so there fucker!" Kenny spat.
Cartman stepped closer toward his friend, glaring angrily at him now. The Wendy remark had clearly gotten to him. Of course Kenny's statement was totally false. Wendy was the only one protesting the makeout session. Of course, he wasn't about to tell Cartman that.
"I'll admit this much: You're a worthy opponent," Eric complimented. "But I'm afraid it won't be enough. Your own strategy blew up in your face, quite literally, and soon you'll be out of that gay little club forever."
Kenny flipped him off. "No I won't. I'm going strong in that club, and I'm not backing down. Now take your vending machine breakfast Twinkies and fuck off."
"First of all, these are Ding Dongs! Second, I don't care how popular you are in that club. You saw how divided that room was. You think you can out-bullshit me? I've lied so many times I've forgotten what the truth is! I'll get you. I'll get you, and your fake, faggy boyfriend too!"
Cartman stomped off with that warning, munching on his sugary snack.
Kenny growled and kicked his locker a few times in frustration.
"W-what's wrong?" a voice suddenly asked from behind. Kenny turned and found Butters standing there, nervously tugging at his own shirt sleeve.
"Just Cartman. Don't worry about it." he replied.
"Oh, a-all right then. Hey! uh, I-I was thinkin' that after school, m-maybe we could see a movie or somethin'."
Kenny blinked. "A movie?"
"H'yeah! I thought movies would be a good way for us to spend some time alone," Butters replied.
Kenny thought about the proposition a moment. Realization slowly set into his brain. Kenny technically -did- have a boyfriend now, if he truly wanted one. Did he? He thought back to that Friday afternoon. To the hot and heavy makeout session in the slash club classroom. To how, if he wanted, he could be spending his time doing that same thing with any number of women. Those thoughts were quickly washed away however when he remembered how good Butters' lips felt. How hot, how different, and how not-so-terrible it was to kiss Butters. Kenny had a boyfriend, and the strangest thing of all was perhaps the fact that it didn't feel strange. It didn't feel weird addressing Butters in such a way. It didn't feel odd being thought of in such a way by another boy. After the experience the other day, Kenny could safely say that he -did- in fact want Butters as his man. In fact, he wanted him in more ways than one.
With each extra second it took Kenny to respond to the offer, Butters tugged harder at his own shirt. His mouth formed into a frown. Maybe what he overheard at Stan's house was true? Maybe Kenny -was- just confused. Maybe the idea of kissing him again made the dirty blonde sick to his stomach. Maybe Butters had failed, once again, at life. His frown was quickly turned upside down however when he noticed a perverse grin creeping across Kenny's face.
"Well are you sure it has to be a movie?" Kenny asked.
Butters grinned from ear to ear. "W-well no, but it should be somethin' nice and boyfriendy."
"Well, I've got a few ideas where we could go," Ken offered as he looked his fellow blonde up and down lustfully.
"Really?" Butters asked happily. He had to get some clarification before he got too excited. "so...So you -do- wanna go out with me and everything?"
Kenny nodded. "Yeah, I do."
Butters blushed. "Well, w-well that's swell! Where do you wanna go?"
Kenny shrugged. "My place, your place, a motel..."
Butters blinked. "A motel?"
Kenny smirked. "You know, to do boyfriend things in," he explained.
Butters giggled. "Oh jeez, I-I heard about the kinda thigns that happen there, Kenny! Y-you're a naughty boyfriend."
Kenny nodded. "So? It's no worse than what we did in the classroom."
"W-well that's true yeah," he admitted. Butters fiddled with his fingers a moment, before giving an "okay" response. This made -Kenny- grin from ear to ear.
"After school?" Kenny offered.
"Hehe, okay boyfriend! That'll be neato!"
Kenny grinned and leaned back against the wall. "Damn right it will."
Overjoyed that he was in fact wanted, Butters leaned in and kissed Kenny very quickly on the cheek.
"I'm gonna go to class now," Butters said. Kenny didn't respond. He was too busy staring straight ahead in a state of wonderment. This drew a laugh from Butters, who found the action cute.
Kenny continued standing there as the next bell rang. He wondered exactly how over a simple weekend his life had turned so upside-down. Now he had apparently switched teams, and now had a boyfriend to call his own. Even stranger, how he -wanted- to have a boyfriend. And to think, it was all thanks to that gay little club. The club that wouldn't judge his new lifestyle. The club that supported, and encouraged, exploration conversions among the sexually confused. A club of people that Kenny could, possibly, even call his friends.
A club that Eric Cartman wanted him out of for good.
Now more than ever, Kenny couldn't let that happen.
"Let meeting number sixty-nine of the slash club commence!" Wendy called out. Kenny and Butters both giggled at the mentioning of the number as they glanced one another's ways. Some of the girls joined in the laughter as well.
"So, I understand some of you caught Stan and Kyle having dinner together this weekend."
"Yeah!!" the girls declared excitedly.
Wendy grinned proudly. "Well that's nothing."
"Hey! We're doing the best we can Wendy," Bebe said.
Wendy nodded. "But -I- have pictures of them. Erotic pictures."
The female club members gave an ear-piercing scream, much to the chagrin of Kenny and Butters. The noise was louder and far more annoying than any "AWW" they had given off so far.
The girls shot out of their seats and surrounded their leader. All of them posed questions demanding to know the inside scoop. Wendy just smiled triumphantly. Her plan had worked. She had regained her power over the group. She had the entire floor. All the focus was on her, and that's just the way she liked it.
"There's another hot couple here too," Kenny reminded them.
"God dammit Kenny, shut up and fuck Butters' butt or something!" the fickle Bebe snapped.
"Don't get too attached to that idea," Cartman warned as he entered the meeting, late as usual. "Once I prove my case, this slut's leaving for good."
Kenny rolled his eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake. Cartman go away!!"
"You -would- want me to go away, wouldn't you?!" Cartman accused. "You want to erase me from your life so you can fuck this new hussy guilt-free. God, men! You know what I mean ladies?"
Wendy sighed. Leave it to Cartman to steal her spotlight.
"That accusation may or may not be true, but you're still late for the meeting," the girl pointed out. "Sit down."
Butters clinged to Kenny's arm gleefully, hugging to him possessively as Cartman sat next to them.
"Why don't you get a clue?" Kenny asked.
"Why don't you get fixed? That's what cheating dogs like you deserve."
"Right on sister!" one girl called out to Cartman. He smiled back at her.
Kenny flipped Cartman off and wrapped his arm around Butters' side. "What do you wanna do, huh? You wanna have it out right now?" Kenny asked angrily.
Suddenly, Cartman began to 'cry' at the sight of Kenny and Butters being so lovey-dovey. It had once again degenerated into another back and forth game of lies between Kenny and Cartman. Only this time, Kenny was being quite serious with his affection.
"You guys are such jerks!" Bertha said. "Stop rubbing it in Eric's face like that! Gawd!"
"Fuck him, he'd do the same to us," Kenny replied.
"Yeah!" Bebe agreed.
"Enough!" Wendy commanded, regaining her control over the room. "The trial's going to happen soon. Obviously the sooner we get this over with, the better. For now, we have more important things to deal with."
Cartman sniffled in response and wiped away one of his 'tears' of sadness.
"That's fahn with me. The sooner that manwhore's gone and out of mah life, the better!"
"W-well he won't lose," Butters interjected.
"Yeah!" Kenny agreed before he kissed Butters on the mouth in plain view of Cartman.
"You both have a week to prepare your cases," Wendy ordered. "Then we'll have the trial and rule. The one found guilty leaves the club," she reminded them. "In the meantime, can we PLEASE maintain some sanity here and talk about boys getting with other boys?"
"M-me and Kenny are going to a sleazy motel after school," Butters chimed in.
Just like with Wendy, the girls surrounded their table immediately. Cartman rolled his eyes from his seat.
Kyle barged into Ike's bedroom a few hours later.
"What the hell is this?!" Kyle demanded to know as he hurled a freshly dried shirt at his younger brother's head. Ike unfolded the shirt, revealing its 'I hate Kyle' message written across the chest.
"Hey, don't get mad at me!" the Canadian defended. "I didn't want to join that stupid club! I -like- Kyle!"
"Then why're you in it?!"
Ike shrugged. "I got candy."
"Christ, he's making shirts now?" Kyle rolled his eyes. "Ike, what else do they do at those meetings? How many people are there?"
Ike counted on his fingers. "Well Monday is baby sacrifice, Tuesday is cake raffle-"
"WHAT?!" Kyle's jaw dropped. "What the fuck does baby sacrificing have to do with hating me?!"
"Nothing. Cartman just finds them fun."
Kyle paused, blinking in shock. "...Dear god..."
"Oh, and he gives me candy! Did I mention that?"
"Yes Ike, you mentioned that."
"There aren't many members yet," Ike informed him. "Just me and cousin Kyle. Cartman hopes he'll get more after the trial though."
"Trial?"
"Where he's trying to get Kenny kicked out of the slash club."
"Oh for christ's sake!" Kyle growled. He rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming on. He didn't care to know about any involvement Cartman might've had with that god damn slash club. "Is that it then?"
"Um, no," Ike admitted. "He says things too."
"What things?"
"Kyle, do we really control the media?"
"Jesus Christ!" Kyle exclaimed. "That does it Ike! I'm shutting that damn club down if it's the last thing I do!"
TO BE CONTINUED!