He'll have to come back so we can be sure his wounds don't get infected, but he should be fine.
It's sort of funny how things go on as if nothing's changed. As if Darius hadn't disappeared, the Peacekeeper force multiplied under a new head, the fence now electrified 24/7, and as if the square had never changed, with its new permanent terrible platforms for punishment, with whose victims increasingly show up at our door. I now know exactly how to treat someone who's been whipped and have refined techniques for tending to other injuries. I've had to, often tending to patients completely on my own while mother tends to others at the same time. But, businesses still run, even if people are more careful. I still have to go to school. We still learn about the same things, basically, coal.
My sister is still engaged. That's a nice thought, and strange. Just another way the Capitol has control of her, over us. She likes Peeta, I know. I think she may love him, but she doesn't know and she isn't ready. Besides, she never wanted to get married, even before the Games, she told me so, and I understand why. Especially now, but she's safe still, still a victor. And as long as that's true, no matter what, she can't be touched. But, she is engaged. And I still love her dresses. And she has a photo shoot today and she promised she would try to wait till I got home.
I get home and see she hasn't quite been able to keep that promise. But, I understand and she's not finished yet. Her prep team and Effie are all fussing over her. Effie's really bossy, so concerned about her schedule. I've been anxious for this day; I sort of needed to see it. It's just confirmation for me that she really is safe. Now that they've gotten footage of Katniss in her wedding dress, of course they can't do anything. I think it's the first time I've been happy for the Capitol cameras. She doesn't like it, of course, but I wonder if she realizes how stunning she is.
The next day there's a slight change, too. At school they announce there's going to be a special mandatory programming. I'm actually excited to see it. I want to see Katniss in those beautiful dresses again. I come home and tell her this. Though, she insists it can't be, because they shot it just the other day.
*"Well, that's what somebody heard," I insist, not wanting to be disappointed.
That night, I'm not disappointed. We're all gathered around the television to see the program. Mom and I are actually genuinely excited. Though, I see Katniss is concerned. Turns out I was right. She's so pretty and you can hear the audience seem to agree, screaming at their favorites. I can't help but smile. She's really safe. We're about to turn it off then, but then Ceaser mentions the Quarter Quell. I'm confused and asked, **"What will they do? It isn't for months yet?"
Mother answers me tightly, **"It must be the reading of the card."
I frown. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear how this year they're going to punish twice the districts for the Dark Days. I can't help but think that at least, Katniss is safe, but then, I'm not. And this time there's no one to volunteer for me. And Katniss will be mentoring. They wouldn't make her mentor me, would they? They couldn't. Could they? They probably could. Suddenly, I want to run out of the room, but I've felt like that many times before and I've stayed. I'll stay this time. I have to. I have to know. And then I almost wish I hadn't. I wish I hadn't been so eager for tonight. How stupid of me! It's the Capitol! They announced, after telling us what happened in the past Quell's, as if that wasn't hard enough, and the rubbish reason why it was like that, they announce, ***"On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."
NO! No! I hear my mother shriek and I feel like it, too, but it seems I've temporarily lost my voice. So, instead, I let the rest of me somewhat follow my voice, as I let my head fall into my hands. I hear Katniss run off. I don't blame her. I want to run off, too. Someone to tell me that I imagined what I just heard, but I know I didn't. I want to go tell Katniss it'll be okay, but I can't. I can't do this again. I can't make her promise what I know will be a lie. Because, even if she does somehow manage to come back out, she won't. She loves Peeta too much, and he loves her too much to let her go in against Haymitch, who won't care, either for himself or her. He'll play the Games again, as they always were played until Katniss came along. So it'll be her and Peeta, and she'll sooner save Peeta than herself. Maybe, would she listen to me? Listen to sense? Since when has she? Sometimes it's helped that she hasn't, but other times… No, I know there's nothing I can say. Besides, how could I? I can't be honest with myself if I sincerely thought she would come home again. It was a desperate enough plea the first time. And now, not just the almost non-existing odds, but look at what they did the first time she got out. What would they do if she got out a second? I don't even want to think about it.
It only took Gale about a minute to get over here after they announced it, looking around for Katniss, for us. He and I shared a glance, full of the pain of the knowledge that we'll have to watch her fight again to live, maybe not even fight. Mother starts to cry again.
"Prim?" he starts to ask after a minute. Probably, he was about to ask if there was anything he could do to help, but he knows there isn't. There isn't anything any of us can do but watch. So, I just barely shake my head and he waits there with us. I'm still holding on to mother when Katniss comes back home, drunk. It's the first time I've ever seen her drunk, and likely the last, even if… but I won't delude myself. Won't get caught up again. I see Gale catch her and help her up to her room.
I notice mother's head drop. She's asleep. Gently, I lay her down on the couch and pull a blanket over her. Then I just kind of sit and stare off, accepting that life as I've known it is over. Really, it was over the day Katniss's name was pulled at the reaping. Now, it'll be up to me to keep us going. Gale will probably help, probably watch the Games with us again, but he has a family, too. I'm scared, but who wouldn't be? But, I'll make it work. I'll be strong for Katniss and mother.
Gale comes back down the stairs, glances at our sleeping mother, back over to me and whispers, "Katniss 's asleep, too. Prim," he pauses again, then just asks, slowly, quietly, seeming to still change his mind of what he can ask, "Is there anything you need help with?"
I look back at him, close my eyes for a moment, know he will hear unspoken what he already knows, no, there's nothing left we can do, and then just say, "Thank you, Gale." Because I really am, am grateful for all he has done for us: from helping Katniss provide food for us, for being there for support for us through the Games, for helping Katniss now, up the stairs, when I can't, I'm just not strong enough, thankful for always being there for us no matter how little or who needed him. Cousins, I remember the lie. For the amount we all care for the other, he may as well be. The look he returns me before he leaves, it seems full of pain and regret, haunted even, but I don't think I could fully understand it.
The next morning, I figure my sister might want something to eat and drink, so I fix up toast and tea. Simple, but calming. Mother is up and I nod to her unspoken question to come with me. At Katniss's doorway, we are only concerned for her, but maybe that knowledge, after a lifetime of it being the other way around and on top of everything else, is enough that it brings her to tears. I know there is nothing I can say. Nothing I can ask. I can only try to comfort her. Try to be there for her as much as I can for as long as we have left. I hear mother try to make soothing sounds, but not able to form any words.
Silently, I get up and get some towels, a comb, and warm, clean clothes for my sister. Her hair's a mess and her clothes filthy. Though, I don't blame her. I help straighten out her hair and get her into pajamas. The best we can do for her now is get her comfortable, as long as possible, where people will love and care for her in honest. We stay with her until she goes back to sleep. She'll need it.
The next morning, Katniss pauses before she comes down the stairs. But, once she does, I go over to embrace her again, and so does mother. Mother gets her some broth and Katniss asks for some for Haymitch. I frown, feeling certain she is going there to talk about how she wants him to help her play the game, knowing she won't want to hear from me, not now. All I can do for her is let her do what she thinks she needs to.
The days go by and I hardly see Katniss. I could be wrong, but I think part of it is intentional, trying to make goodbye easier. Of course, she spends a lot of time now with Gale, training, but, I try not to think about it. Soon it's reaping day again. Has it really been a year? I can't quite decide if it seems like it's been longer or shorter than such. So much has changed so quickly, but it doesn't seem like a year.
The reaping is just as I figured it would be. Katniss, unpreventable, and Peeta volunteers for Haymitch. The only thing that surprised me, though now that it's happened, it shouldn't have surprised me so much, was our wonderful new Head didn't even let us say the customary goodbyes. And now it's likely I'll never see my sister in person again alive. I wonder if he can tell I can't keep it up anymore, or if he just needs someone, too, because suddenly I feel Gale's strong arms steadying me. Though, maybe not meant for me to see, and certainly not directed to me, but the expression I catch on Gale's face is fuming.
AN: *Direct quote from Catching Fire by Suzzane Collins, pg.169. Do not own this quote.
**Direct quote from Catching Fire by Suzzane Collins, pg.171. Do not own this quote.
***Direct quote from Catching Fire by Suzzane Collins, pg.172. Do not own this quote.