Title: Collecting the Stars

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has slight OOC, and contains Yaoi. You have been warned.

Summary: [AU. Yaoi] – I'm Roxas, 16 and recently forced to live with my estranged father, whom I've never met. I'm stuck in a town where all they do is drugs, sex, and wild parties. And the only person who helps me keep what little sanity I have left is an eccentric red head who sneaks in through my window.

Thank You Le Tenn for being my beta!

"Blah" means talking

"Blah" means phone conversations

Blah means thoughts

Chapter 5: Shut Up and Let Me Go

Shut up and let me go, this hurts I tell you so
For the last time you will kiss my lips
Now shut up and let me go
Your jeans were once so clean
I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met

Now oh so easily you're over me, gone is love
It's you that ought to be holding me
I'm not containable
This turns up, it's not sustainable

I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin' this
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin' this
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin this
Shut up and let me go, hey

Dating Naminé was different, for lack of better words. Nam was an acid head, plain and simple. She liked to paint what she saw when she was high; she's never had a bad trip and she says that LSD makes her psychic.

We had been together for about three weeks, and I was at another one of her infamous parties. It made me worry a bit that partying was the only thing Nam really did.

In the three weeks that we've 'dated' I've learned a lot about her. I knew that she came from a rich family and that her father was letting her use their house in Twilight Town to work on her summer portfolio. That was why she was all alone, and that was why she could throw party after party. Apparently it was common knowledge that once the summer was over she would go back to her real life in the city. According to most of the people we party with, Nam was the spirit of summer.

Naminé grinned at me; her teeth perfectly white, and offered me some stamps to stick. Sora was busy talking with Pence and Hayner about Blitz Ball, and Olette was dancing with Larxene and seemed to be having fun just dancing. They all had a bottle of beer in their hands, but I knew that it was their first, and only, drink of the night.

I shrugged and took the stamp, licking the back happily. I knew what it was that she gave me, but for some reason I didn't care. Axel hadn't come in through my window in almost a month, and aside from the occasional sighting of him lounging around his parents' house whenever we hung out with Olette, I haven't really seen him either. I felt that he was avoiding me, and that hurt more than anything.

I shook those thoughts out of my head. I didn't need Axel. I really didn't, I was my own person after all. He was way too old for me, and obviously thought that I was straight and that I was better off with Nam.

So, I licked the stamps.

After that the night was pretty much a wonderful blur of warmth and happiness.

I came down from my high and blinked groggily, noticing that I was in a bed, feeling something hot and tight over my, er, thing. My hips were moving up on their own accord until I had managed to come down fully, and realized that Nam was riding me.

Her blonde hair was sticking to her sweaty body, her faced was flushed and her eyes were glazed.

Her movements were languid, gentle; she let out little gasps and moans. I stared at her with wide eyes, and she looked down at me with lust clouded ones. My breath was caught in my throat, and I wasn't sure what to do.

Fuck, what should I do?

I tried not to watch her, with her chest bouncing and her hands placed over my stomach to give her better leverage.

Naminé let out a strangled, choked, sob and her body convulsed over mine, I could only watch with morbid fascination. After a few more quivers she managed to get off of me and collapse onto the bed, giggling and sighing happily.

She didn't bother to move from her spot or say anything to me. I blinked, regaining my bearings.

I looked down at my half-mast erection, a small flood a relief swept over me as I noticed that I was wearing a bright red condom.

Bright red.

The color of Axel's hair.

I felt the need to vomit.

Getting up, I quickly dressed, taking off and tying up the condom, throwing it into the waste basket that was near the door, whatever left of my hard on vanished. I could feel Nam's eyes on me with her fucking knowing gaze.

She didn't try to stop me, only watching my every move. I hated her for it. I hated her so much at that very moment.

As soon as I left the room I knew it was over between us.

My brother didn't question what happened last night, and I didn't bother explaining. I felt different, disgusting, and dirty. I bathed about four times since we got back to Cloud's the night before; it just wasn't enough.

Sora had gone out with Cloud about an hour ago to go to Traverse Town, which was about a forty-five minute drive away. When I turned down Cloud's offer to go, he opted to take his motorcycle, which made Sora nearly wet his pants with excitement. Leon was on a business trip to Balamb Garden, which was on the other side of the country. So I was pretty much alone all damn day.

Naminé hadn't called me or anything, and I didn't bother to reach her, but I think we both knew that there was no more us. I tried to forget exactly what happened, it wasn't like it was hard.

Something I had learned from that horrid experience: getting laid while higher than an airplane was never a good idea. Especially if you were a virgin while going into it. Fighting back the urge to cry in anguish and self-loathing, I slowly dozed off.

It was pouring outside when I finally woke up again. Thunder and lightning galore. But it wasn't the storm which disturbed my slumber, it was my phone.

"Hullo?" I asked sleepily.

"Hey Rox, Cloud and I are probably gonna be stuck here at Traverse Town overnight, it's raining cats and dogs, they said that there are tornado warnings in effect until tomorrow morning too," Sora's voice came out louder than usual, and I could hear the sound of rain in the background.

"Okay," I said quietly.

"So be careful going out tonight! I'll see you in the morning," I could hear his smile through the phone, "I looooove you Roxas! Byeee!"

"...I love you too Sora. Bye." I hung up at the same time he did.

I sat there in the darkness, the only sound was the storm, lying back down on my warm bed, and I allowed myself to doze off again.

The sound that woke me up the second time came from the kitchen. The light to the dining room was on, and the microwave was going off. I was still half asleep, not realizing that I was home alone for the night.

My stomach dropped when I saw a shock of red hair from the bar.

Axel. He was one of the last people that I wanted to see at that very moment.

He turned and jumped as he saw me, "Jesus Roxas! I told you! Give a guy a warning or something; it'd be nice to know that you're there!" He gave me his usual Cheshire grin. I could feel my heart ache; I hadn't realized how much I missed his presence these last few weeks.

"Well, why should I warn you when you're the one who broke into my house?" I asked him dully, giving him a mock glare.

"Your house now? And here I thought it was Leon and Rinoa's," He grinned at me.

"Huh?" I asked, slightly confused, "who's Rinoa?"

Axel tilted his head for a moment, as if trying to decide whether he should say anything or not, after a good five minutes of staring and making me very uncomfortable, he answered, "Leon's wife, er, late wife."

This was news to me, and I couldn't help but feel a slight stab of pain, poor Leon. I knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. I know that my love for my mom wasn't the same as Leon's for his wife, but it was still a strong love.

"How long ago did she pass?" I found myself asking, watching him pour a steaming bag of popcorn into a bowl.

"It's been about two years, but we all still tend to talk about her like she's still alive. Only, we never talk about her around Leon. Ever. So just pretend like you never found out this interesting tidbit." He pasted another grin onto his face, tossing some popcorn into his mouth.

I nodded and stared at him, "why are you here again?"

Axel shrugged, taking the bowl and heading towards the living room, "it's pouring out and Sora told me that you were here alone. So, being the good guy that I am, I decided to check up on you. Plus it's kinda impossible for me to go back home now, there are tornado warnings until morning dude."

Sighing dramatically, I flopped down on the love seat; Axel was flipping through the channels. It was nice to have someone else in the house with me, even if it was Axel.

Warm hands were tracing over the contours of my face, soft lips leaving a light, butterfly, kiss on my forehead, hair tickling my cheeks.

I groaned and looked up, it was still dark outside, and the only light was from the muted television.

"Axel?" I asked, confused.

"Tell me something Rox, was dating Naminé worth it?" He looked down at me with narrowed green eyes, and although I could barely see him, I could tell that he was irritated.

"Why does it matter to you? You're the one who said we'd look good together," I hissed back through clenched teeth.

What the Hell was he getting at? Why did it matter? Why did he care? I was starting to get a headache, he was sending me mixed signals and it was really confusing. He was way too close to me; I could feel his breath on my face. My eyes fluttered close, and it was as if I was waiting for him to make some sort of move. Something!

Instead Axel shrugged and moved back, up and away. "The rain's let up, I should be getting home."

"Isn't there still a tornado warning?" I asked, very confused.

Axel shook his head, "they said it was safe to go out about an hour ago."

He was gone before I got to say a word; I stared at the TV, not really watching it. "You're an asshole," I cursed, although there was no point now, it was me and an infomercial making the only noise in the entire house.

From my position in bed I could hear the front door slam shut. Cloud's low, soft, voice saying something; and Sora's enthusiastic reply.

Sora tugged on my sheets. Judging by the sunlight that flooded into my bedroom it had to be sometime in the afternoon. "It's three! Are you just going to stay in bed all day you lazy bum?"

He tugged some more, I didn't budge.

"Go away," was my pillow muffled response, pulling the blanket even more over my head to cover my head, "just leave me alone."

Sore immediately stopped, "...are you okay Roxas?"

I let out a heavy sigh, "I think I'm heartbroken." I answered, lower the sheets from above my head, lying on my back and staring at the ceiling.

"You're so damn dramatic," Sora smiled easily at me, "was it Nam or Axel?"

"I never felt anything for Nam!" I glared at the ceiling, watching as the fan spun lazily.

"Then it was Axel." Sora looked at me expectantly.

"Yes. No. I don't know Sor, everything's just so damn messed up," I picked at the sheets, and suddenly I'm thrown back to a few nights ago, I half expected to look up and see Naminé to be looking back down at me as she bounced herself. I quickly tried to shake the image out of my head.

"I heard you and Naminé broke up," Sora stated, draping himself so lay across my legs comfortably.

"Yeah," I breathed, eyes closing. I didn't want to think of her nude figure above me, nor did I want to think about the tight hotness that I felt through the rubber. It made me feel sick. "When did you hear? Who told you?"

"Olette texted me yesterday, asking why you and Nam broke up. I made up some shit about it being a mutual decision and that you two just didn't see each other like that. I called you to ask, but you never answered last night," his voice vibrated through his back and up my calves.

"Sorry, I kinda slept the night away," because sleep let me escape my thoughts.

He shrugged, "want to tell me what happened?" Sora's eyes were still fixed on the ceiling fan.

"We had sex."

A long silence. Way too long for Sora and I. I shifted and he wiggled around to get more comfortable then finally said. "Wow."

"Yeah, it...I think she kind of took advantage of me. But it was my fault; I put myself in that predicament." I shrugged this time.

Sora sat up and looked down at me suddenly, "you and Nam made a mistake, but you're smart enough to use protection. She's not pregnant, and you're not in love with her. Are you going to tell Axel how you feel?"

I snorted and curled up on my side, facing him, "and how do I feel Sora?"

"Pretty damn confused, but you should look past that and do what your heart tells you to do," he smiled softly.

I rolled my eyes, "thanks for the Disney advice."

"You're very welcome;" my twin said sincerely, "now get your ass up, Cloud wants us to help him make dinner."

Cloud wanted us to make our own Sheppard pie, which was fun. I even got to make my father laugh, which was nice.

We only spent about an hour together, and I've noticed how much I was like him. Sora was a lot like our mother: sweet, understanding, kind, patient, and with a fiery temper.

Cloud was quiet, sarcastic, witty, and calm. It was odd that I was like him in so many ways, despite only meeting him a few weeks ago. Cloud didn't look bad for his age; then again he was only thirty-seven.

As we sat down to eat Sora chatted away about nothing and everything. Mentioning Kairi, Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, the island, Blitz Ball. He never once mentioned Riku.

"What was it like, to grow up on Destiny?" Cloud asked quietly.

My twin and I exchanged looks, and I answered, "it was peaceful, laid back, easy-going. We lived above Mom's juice bar cafe, it was nice."

It felt good, to be able to talk about home without feeling resentment or bitterness.

"How was Tifa? Towards the end?" Cloud asked, fork playing around with his peas.

We both went silent for a few minutes, how did we explain that one, "by the last six months Mom had accepted that her cancer wasn't curable. She donated her hair before cutting it real short. She looked so weird with short hair," he gave a short laugh at the memory.

"Mom tried to keep a smile on all the time," I continued, Sora was too far gone. Lost in his memories. "Her hair was really long, but she had decided to get rid of it before the chemo did. She began to sell some furniture and stuff just to help make sure that Sora and I had something to live off of."

"Mom, she had a lot of regrets," Sora suddenly said.

I nodded in agreement.

Mom did have a lot of regrets. I couldn't help but think if never telling Cloud about us was one of them.

I had locked my window for about a week and half before taking Sora's advice and following my heart.

It was mid-July and I found myself at the street entrance to Olette's house, taking in a deep breath I pressed the buzzer. A few moments later the kitchen window opened and a head popped out. At first I thought the man was Axel, but he had black hair and a more mature face.

"Which one you here for?" he asked, staring at me with an amused look.

I looked up at him helplessly, "Axel." I answered, shifting uncomfortably.

The man nodded, "he'll be down in a minute, go on and wait in the shop." He then shut the window, leaving me staring at the space he was just in. I had wanted to avoid the flower shop, Marluxia really did creep the crap out of me. Luckily for me he wasn't working that day, or if he was working it wasn't at the register.

Olette smiled at me from the front counter, "hey Roxas." She looked very happy to see me; then again it's been forever in teen years since we've last seen each other. I felt that she probably pitied me a little, because Sora may have been spreading that it was a mutual break up, but everyone always thought that it was the girl who ended the relationship.

"Hey Olette," I greeted back, leaning against the counter casually, "how've you been, since, you know?"

I arched an eyebrow at her, "since Naminé and I split?" I wanted to laugh at the awkward look on her face, it was amusing. "I've been fine, just spending some time with my dad."

"How is Cloud? Is he doing well?" Leave it to Olette to jump on the chance to change the subject once things got uncomfortable for her.

The metal door in the hallway opened and Axel stuck his head out, glancing around the door. He looked as if he was just woken up, he had bags under his eyes and his hair was messier than usual. Tired green locked with mine, "so you're finally here to visit me for a change," he yawned, "come on upstairs."

Olette watched us then gave me a bright smile, "see you later Roxas!"

I nodded at her and followed Axel up the stairs, to the second door at the top, and straight into the warm kitchen. The dark haired man from before was sitting at the small kitchen table, eating a sandwich.

"This is my dad, Zack. Pops, this is Roxas," Axel pointed a thumb at me as he introduced me to his father.

"Oh yeah, you're Cloud's youngest son," Zack smiled at me, and it looked exactly the same as Axel's.

"Yeah, I'm the youngest." I said lamely, trying my hardest to not appear as awkward as I felt.

Zack smiled at me warmly though, "you look a lot like your father."

"Well, there goes the confirmation," I grinned.

Zack laughed, "do you want something to eat or drink kid?"

I shook my head, "nah, I'm good."

Axel grinned, "come on; let's go chill in my room.

Axel's room wasn't what I expected at all. One would think that he'd have clothes everywhere, posters on the walls and old food in random places. It wasn't like that at all.

First off the walls were pretty much bare, and painted a soft blue. Secondly, his room was clean, almost disturbingly so. He had a clean desk with a laptop on top; shelves full of books covered an entire wall. His bed was against the only window in the room, which had a great few of the station and, if one actually looked at it, the skyline of Hallow Bastion.

"So, what makes you grace me with your presence?" He asked, taking a seat on his messy bed. The only unorganized thing in his entire room.

I stared at him for a moment; he was wearing a pair of extremely baggy sweats and an overly large t-shirt. "I, um," I looked down at the carpeted floor for a few moments. I couldn't lose my nerve. It was now or never. Do or die.

"You um?" Axel teased. Sexy smirk on his face, green eyes shining.

I allowed a blush to spread across my face and over the tips of my ears, the heat radiating off of my face was almost unbearable, "I...I need to know something." I looked him straight in the eye with the most serious look I could muster.

"What do you need to know?" he asked, suddenly as somber as I was.

I began to pace his floor for a moment. Back and forth, between the desk and the headboard, desk and headboard, back and forth. I ran my hands through my hair; pulling gently on the follicles and grinding my teeth to prevent myself from letting a scream of frustration escape my throat. I didn't want to chicken out.

"Why do you keep sending me mixed signals?" I turned to him, arms crossed over my chest.

"Pardon?" He asked, looking confused.

"You know what I'm talking about!" I glared.

Axel gave me a sharp look, "you're a kid Roxas. You don't know what you're talking about."

I felt the urge to punch that pretty face of his, "don't talk to me as if I don't know anything!" I hissed I didn't want our voices to rise; I didn't want his dad to hear. And this right now was between the two of us.

Axel stood, and suddenly he was towering over me, "but you don't know Roxas," he gave me this heated look. "You don't know."

I stared up at him, "then explain."

Axel shook his head, "I think it's best if you leave."

Tears of anger, hurt, and frustration sprung to my eyes before I got a chance to rein my emotions, "Fine. Be an asshole." I turned my back to him and blinked away the tears while swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.

I opened his bedroom door and let myself out of his home, practically running out of the shop. I ran wherever my legs decided to take me, I really didn't know where I was until I stopped in front of The Usual Spot, which was where Olette had taken me my second day here in town. I moved the flap of clothe that separated this place from the rest of the alleyway and curled up on the ugly green couch.

Way to go Roxas, aren't you just the greatest epic failure? My thoughts then began to run wild, showing me the what-if's and the should've beens. Maybe it was best if I just give up on Axel. Maybe I should just move back home where it was safe and I didn't have to deal with all of this bullshit.

I wish I had someone who could give me good advice when I needed it. Someone to tell me it was all going to be okay no matter what. Someone who would love me and care about me no matter how emo, or angsty, or dramatic I could get sometimes.

I've never missed my mother more than I did that that very second.

TBC

ECK: Surprisingly, this chapter just poured out. You know, this fic feels like an indie film to me. I don't even know where any of this is going anymore. All of the characters are just running around doing whatever the Hell they want! I hope no one hates me too much for letting Roxas lose his virginity to Nam. If you do, then send me a flame XD. Yeah, I'm so desperate for reviews that I'm asking for flames ha-ha!