Author's Note: You guys are sweet! So many reviews… You get a treat for so many fast reviews! An extra chapter today!

Disclaimer: Ask the government. Square-Enix owns Final Fantasy. Not I. Nor do I own Starbucks. –shudders at the thought of a Starbucks fanfiction- Nor do I own whatever appears here that you recognize as others' work.

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A Drama King's LiveJournal

Author: PsychDragoonX

Post III: Starbucks is a Cult

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Logged in as FeatherMage.

Entry: March 15, 2006

Starbucks is a Cult

I like coffee. Who doesn't? But, I must say, they are religious fanatics. There was one every half block on the street that I live on, dead people stalking me. I met up with the ugly elephant lady at the coffee shop, and she was drunk. Do not ask me, I have no fucking clue how she could be drunk in a coffee shop and liquor stores are non existent. And I must say, she looked fatter than the shop itself.

But I digress. Here's basically how the scene went:

I approach the shop. "Oh dear gods, why the hell must you be here, the Starbucks closest to my place?"

"Hic."

"…Drunk? On coffee and brownies?"

"Whozzat?"

Hmm… she doesn't remember me… Keeheehee… so I got out my compact make up mirror – what? What's so funny? Oh. A guy with make up ha ha ha. I can't help it if I want to look presentable whenever I cast the spells that make the peoples fall down. (Note to self: Spend less time at 8bit-Theater because Kefka needs to be kicked in the crotch. Very hard.) As I was saying, I fixed my features up temporarily with my magic so that I can look like a woman. …Don't. Say. A. Word. "Why, I'm no other than Starbucks herself!"

"Oh. You haaave lovely coff –hic- ee."

"Yes, now. You need to drink more, dear."

"Why thank you."

"That'll be 9999 gil, please."

"Ok."

End scene.

But I digress even more.

The reason why Starbucks is a cult is that I met up with none other than Emoroth himself. Not wanting to put up with Oedipus's brother-that-probably-he-has-sex-with-also, I went into the next Starbucks, craving a Mocha Latte Cappuccino Vanilla-Chocolate Blend No. 902 With Cinnamon-Otmeal Blend No. 23 With Antifreeze Espresso shot (if you can't tell that's sarcasm, you need to stop breathing). I saw Kefka talking to a Sephiroth copy through the window.

So I went to the next one. I saw Oedipus there again wearing shades playing bongos while reciting poetry that could compare with a 2 year old's skills.

Next one over… Kefka again. Explicitly burning the place. Not wanting my thong burned, I moved on.

Sephiroth Copy No. 2: Explicitly… umm… let's just say… insert incest scene here.

This next one did it. There was all the pathetic generic Final Fantasy villains (save Cloud of Darkness, as that didn't get killed legally by Americans yet) having a rave. I went back home.

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COMMENTS:

1: Masamune4eva:

Dot dot fucking dot.

REPLY:

Indeed.

2: UWEE666:

COMMENT DELETED: Don't even bother talking. I saw you.

NO OTHER COMMENTS

FeatherMage: I told you.

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Hope you enjoyed this!