Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! You are all so kind… and sorry if I haven't PMed you, I've been somewhat busy. But that should change now… So, onward! PS: I was going to upload this several days ago, but decided to hate me.

Disclaimer: How can I put this…? No. Nothing. Je ne possede pas Final Fantasy ou LiveJournal. Fin.

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A Drama King's LiveJournal

Author: PsychDragoonX

Post VI: Damn Cosplayers

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Entry: March 25, 2006

Stupid people who cosplay as me –

First of all, it's great that you want to pay tribute to me by imitating me. Secondly, YOU ALL DO IT WRONG. ALL OF YOU. NO EXCEPTIONS. Where to begin…?

One, I usually don't care what body frame you have (See? I AM indeed flexible), but… don't be fat. I do not sacrifice chocolate, fat, and general food in order to have some non-thin person mock me for all my efforts! I have no stretch marks! I am THIN! You don't know how hard it is to fit in these clothes! I ABHOR diets like the rest of you, but it must be done. Your target weight: Less than 135 lbs. Strict indeed, but if you want to resemble me, you MUST follow harsh guidelines.

Two, GET THE FUCKING PROPER WIG. It's silver with a lavender hue, NOT white, gray, black, blue, brown, purple, or PINK. Or any other color. And you seem to forget, I have 5 feathers. Not one, two, three, four, or none. FIVE. YES, FIVE. NOT ZERO… like I've seen. Heathens.

Three, my armor. It is purple. Not emo-black and/or blue that screams ChEcK! We ArE fReEdOm'S pEoPlEs! Please, if I ever wanted to convey a message with my armor, as well as my thong and semi-cape, it would be Oh, me? I'm just going to go to shop and buy some tea and cak- FLARE STAR, BTICHES. –walks off with tea and cakes- And most of you seem to forget my gold spiky thing. And the gray quasi-belt.

Four, THE POSE. I am not a hysterical twit orgasm, dammit! Pose like you mean it! I do not pick my teeth, or have my fingers all over my face. I am sexy, so work your damn pathetic hips! But I do NOT walk like some PMSing fashion model. Never forget the flicking of the hair. Let's see… Also, don't twirl around like a little giddy schoolgirl – as I am not one. I am a man, I am masculine, I am effeminate. I am NOT a woman. I am NOT feminine.

If I ever see one walking around… I'll kill the next cosplayer. Slowly. And painfully.

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COMMENTS:

1: Masamune4eva:

Hahaha. No, the reason why people cosplay as you is because you're pathetic. See, my cosplayers are all sexy because I'm sexy.

REPLY:

You impress no one but your mother.

2: SexyGenome17:

Yeah, I know what you mean. People always have oversized gloves with me.

REPLY:

You fail to realize that you ALREADY have oversized gloves, you pitiful blonde.

3: ShyCecilHolyKnight:

I've heard this was Shy Guys Anonymous… so, about Rosa…

REPLY:

…Not again…

4: TheNameIsBond:

My, now this lad likes to wear girls' panties, now doesn't he?

REPLY:

…You? When the fuck did all of these random people come in?

5: BahamutTamerRydia:

I've heard this is where I can talk about my various sexual interests… So, about that threesome with Kain and Edge…

REPLY:

This is not a sex channel!

6: Masamune4eva:

Lies! This is a place to express yourself, and if I wish incest on my mother, then so be it!

REPLY:

…I give up…

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Poor Kuja… having his LJ hijacked by everyone… Well, I shall update soon! …After I update some of my other fics, that is.