Lavi the PI: Loveless
Disclaimer: I don't know D. Gray -man, or any other animes that just so happen to pop in here. I m pointing at Fullmetal Alchemist and Loveless here. They are each created from their own creators. D. Gray -man, Katsura Hoshino. Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa. Loveless, Yun Kouga.
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Today there is nothing more annoying than for Allen to be waiting by the phone for that phone call from Alphonse. He even makes it seem like he's just passin' by that phone to go into the living room, or to go to the kitchen. That's the sorriest excuse. He should have asked that Winry girl to give him their number Nuff said.
Suddenly the silence is broken by that phone ring. I m headin' towards it about to land a hand on it and here he comes slapin' my hand away to reach it first. "Ow, damn it" I cry. Allen answers the phone like he never expected it.
"HEY! ALPHONSE! Yeah! I dropped off your girlfriend at your house last night!...huh? she's not your girlfriend? Oh I see so she's Edward's girlfriend" a loud yelling was heard on the other side of the phone nearly knocking down the phone from Allen's hand the cruddy one. "Heh?! Oh, gomenasai, Edo-kun I didn't know she wasn't your girlfriend." He suddenly put down the phone and turned to me with that poker face he makes when he knows he's gonna win, but the evil one.
"Winry's single, Lavi now's your chance!" he said slyly.
I look at him with my "stfu" face and turn back to my puzzle of the Lenalee girl I met at that Conoco store. Damn If I had wings I'd fly to her store every day and pretend to be shoppin' around just to turn at her and give her my irresistible look that only damsels in distress can't resist. That poor dame is probably wishin' for my appearance there at this very minute. Just thinkin' about her thinkin' 'bout me tears my heart up.
"So what have you guys been up to since last we've talked?...oh really?...we saw it yesterday with Winry I guess you can say that. It wasn't the greatest but it was ok Lavi liked it...Lavi? You know that guy I'm with all the time yeah the one with the eye patch...what? Oh he's not related to Sven* nope yeah I thought so too but I see no resemblance I mean Sven has GREEN hair ha ha yeah maybe he could easily cosplay as him OR Ciel** yeah! Hey speakin' of anime I got the boxset of loveless!...Hells yeah!"
I roll my eyes at the ecstatic conversation Allen was having with Alphonse. That guy will make friends with a piece of toilet paper and still have a conversation. I finish my puzzle of Lenalee. Damn I wish I could see her one more time well since I don t really have a chance all I can do is start with the next puzzle "Hello Rangiku***..."
Allen's voice is getting louder and I notice he's walkin' over to me. Great what's he gonna do, tell Al I'm some kinda womanizer or some pervert lookin for a good time out?
"Ok, ok, let me ask." Allen puts a hand over the speaking part of the phone, even though you can still here it, it won't sound as loud as he wants it to sound "Hey Lavi, can we go over to Ed and Al's house to watch Loveless? Come on Winry s gonna be there..." he says nudgin' my shoulder as I'm holding a puzzle piece of Rangiku s hair.
I turn at him and still have my "stfu" face. "Sure, I guess going over to their house would be entertaining enough to not be stuck here with nothing to investigate though I'm not going just to see Winry..." I say with sweat slightly running down my forehead.
"Suuuuurrrreee, buddeh" he says picking the phone up "He says 'ok', oh by the way uh will there be food?"
"Hey Allen, we don't know our way to Ed and Al's house remember? We either get on that crazy bus or Tim driving and usually it's blurry." I say leaving the house and going towards Allen's Lamborghini.
"No problem, Lav, Tim will drive us there, I mean he did take us there the first time to drop Winry off yesterday remember?" he says opening his door. Allen steps back and the doors shoot up.
Tim suddenly flies into the driver's seat and turns on the car, the motor roaring in the back as he presses the gas. I flinch and jump into the car. Allen closes the doors as he gets in. Tim shoots away without even looking to see any cars. He would miss them before they even had a chance to panic. I hold on to my seat and managed to get my seat belt on before he took off. You need serious skills to get your seatbelt on before Tim can jolt away.
Suddenly he stopped. I choked myself with the seatbelt when he made the abrupt stop. My head was flying around and Allen was whooing Tim for his driving. "Good, Tim! Here s a Scooby snacks**** "he laughed throwing him the entire box of Scooby Snacks.
The door shoots up and Allen holds a hand out to get me out. I could see four of Allen holding a hand out and I reached for the wrong one. Allen sighs and grabs my hand and pulls me out. I shake my head and look at their house. It's yellow and a porch dog walks to us.
Allen smiles and squats down to pet it. It has a metal leg and I looked at it with a "whaaaaat??" face.
"Hey, buddy! I have a hand sorta like that" he takes his glove off and shows it his red hand. The dog smells it and licks it.
"Hey you guys!" calls the metallic voice again. Allen puts his glove back on and looks up to see the metal man come out, Alphonse. "I see you've met, Den." He says happily.
We look at the dog and it wags its tail. Den eh? Well it s a pretty decent name for a dog.
Edward walked to Al's side. It only made him look shorter. Though I wouldn't want to call him short. Something tells me he'll try and murder me if I say to him. "Yo, It s nice to see you too again. My assistant here just wanted to spend time with you guys again after the first time we met." I say in my coolness.
Edward smiles "It's not a problem, we need to thank you one way or another for..." he looks back to see if anyone other than ourselves were listening. "...for bringing back the annoying girl..." with that a wrench flew out of the second story window and smacked him in the back of the head making him fall forward.
Allen managed to catch him with a "wtfsholycrap!" look. Alphonse kneeled and turned him over. "Brother! Brother are you ok?!" he asked to the dazed boy.
I lean over to Allen a bit and have a hand covering the side of my mouth whispering to him. "I still can't believe he's the older brother" Just like that Edward jumped up and threw a tantrum.
"I'M NO NARUTO***** NOR A RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT****** NOR A CRISS ANGEL******* BUT BELIEVE IT!!!"
Now I'm pretty much convinced that everyone here is full of glitches and super sonic hearing, Winry being able to hear from the second story window and Edward hearing me whisper. Can't get any better than this...
Once we finally got Edward in the house with an ice pack on his head Allen pulled out his Loveless boxset out from nowhere. Just where did he bring it out from I haven t the slightest clue maybe a black hole portal to an alternate dimension where he stores all his crap I narrow my eyes at Allen. Maybe the source of all this money came from a bank he stored in that little big alternate dimension where he can get all the cash he wants Interesting...
Allen passed the box set over to Alphonse who looks at it like he's seen porn. He runs toward the T.V. and kneels down to the DVD player and pops the first DVD in. Allen slides next to him on the floor. He blushes at the screen when the cat boy with black hair comes out with his fair haired companion. Gross Allen watching this with Alphonse just makes them look a bit strange but it's all in their tastes. I look over at Edward and he's sulking in his seat dealing with the pain of the Triple Decker Ice Cream******** on his head.
"That was one tough blow you took to the head, you need Tylenol?" I ask with an amused look in my face.
He looks a me with a bit of a glare and nods. "The pain will go right off that sundae on your head" I say handing over two Tylenol pills and a glass of water. He grabs the pills and swallows them then chugs the water.
Winry passes by and my eyes follow her body IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS WEARING A CENSORE BAR ON HER CHEST!! It was so hard for me to look away. She looked so sexy standing by the door with that tube top and overalls and that bandana on her head I'm glad the place was air conditioned...I felt the place go 100 degrees. I pulled out my shirt a bit it felt like it was choking my neck and making it hotter.
"Oh, I didn't know you boys came already. If I knew that I would have changed out of these clothes" she chuckled. "What clothes" I wanted to ask but I preferred not to end up like my little buddy over here with the Sundae on his head.
I laughed a very uncool laugh that just about killed off my coolness. "Ha, ha don't be silly this is your house after all, you can dress however you want, make your self comfty at your own home!" I say rubbing the back of my neck making myself nervous.
Edward paid no attention to Winry. How could he not have the hots for someone who dresses like THAT in her own house?? It's enough to give a man an orgasm something to HAVE an orgasm of instead of standing before the entry of Wal-mart.
Winry chuckled. "It's ok, I'm still working on his automail I only came down for a glass of water and for all the ruckus." She looked down at Edward who was grasping his head still. "Edward! What happened to you? Did you hit yourself with Al's Armor again?" she asked concerned. Edward looked up at her with a deadly glare and glanced back down. Winry grinned at the edge of her mouth. "Serves you right for calling me an annoying girl..." she mumbled as she walked back up the stairs with her cup of water.
Once she left it felt like I could breathe again. Man if I saw Lenalee wearing just that I think I'd have a heart attack Edward calmed down a bit and just rubbed his head. I turn over to him glad that he didn't see my reaction to Winry. "Felling better, Ed?" I ask with a sweat drop.
"Yeah...man...I don't know why she hasn't been called out to play baseball games she throws like a murderer!" he sighs.
I chuckle. "Ha ha, women..." I say with a bit of the remains of my reaction to Winry.
"You said it..." he looked up at me and noticed my face was kinda flushed. "Hey you ok? You look like you have a fever." He asks leaning forward.
"He just has whip lash from Winry comin' down here and all her tube topyness" says Allen yawning out loud pretending he wasn't hearing our conversation.
At this moment I could feel steam come out my ears and I was sweating more than when I saw her and her tube topyness would Edward kick me the hell out of her house?!
Edward started laughing out loud practically falling back and off the chair, banging on the table and turning pink from all the laughing. Al glanced at me with a blush and Allen was just acting like the cool bastard he wishes he could be. I glare at Allen and look at Edward.
I cough trying to set the tone back to the way it was. "Listen I got nothing on your Winry girlfriend I mean she IS you're wife if not wife to be..." I say my blush going away.
Edward stopped laughing as sudden as he started. "Winry's not my girlfriend, nor will she be my future wife..." he says wiping a tear off his eye.
"Oh come on, Ed. You and I used to fight over who would win Winry's heart when we were little after thinking twice I just gave up and gave her to you..." Al said as he approached Ed's side.
"What!? That was a long time ago! Back when well..." He looked around and did a double take just in case and whispered. "...Back when she wasn't as bitchy as she is today..."
Suddenly we heard a chainsaw rip from up above. All of our eyes bulged out and we all stood up. Except Allen who sat there listening and not butting in.
"I think it's a wise decision to just run the hell out of here..." said Ed in a scared stiff tone.
"Y-Yeah If we don t I don't think we'll make it out alive" said Al in his metallic voice.
"You don t have to tell me twice!"I say with a scared tone. We all burst out the door as soon as we heard footsteps running down the stairs. HOLY MOTHER OF EVERY LEAF THAT HAS FALLEN!! SHE LL GET US!!
"Run! It s The Risembool Chainsaw Massacre!!!" cried Edward as we ran out the house. Allen sat there watching the credits roll by the anime and Winry ran down the stairs with the chainsaw.
"Where are they!?" she screams. Allen points to the door and she runs out. Man what a great sport telling her where we ran off too...
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*Sven = Black Cat
**Ciel = Kuroshitsuji
***Rangiku = Bleach
****Scooby Snacks = Isn t it obvious?
*****Naruto = Naruto
******Ripley s Believe it or Not
*******Criss Angel
********Triple Decker Ice Cream = Kuroshitsuji
All these belong to their respective owners.