When did it happen?
Chapter 1 – Prescription for Pain
He never thought it would happen, but it did. Staring out the loft window, Dante wondered when did it happen? He was sure how it happened, but Dante could not wrap his head around when. Letting his eyes scan the landscape, Dante looked out over Port Charles. Port Charles a dot on the map he'd never known existed a year ago. A place he'd never thought he would want to call home. But now it was his home...no he thought to himself ….it is our home. Gazing over all the now familiar sites, Dante could see her everywhere….and yet….he could not feel her anymore. The afternoon sunlight was getting brighter and Dante felt the warmth on his face. Turning away from the window, Dante scanned the loft…..looking for something….something to hold onto….something that would dull the pain of her. Dante raked his fingers through his shaggy hair. The pounding in his head would not be silenced…even with the medication Dr. Webber gave him. He was not sure if he even wanted it to stop. The throbbing in his temples allowed him to remember the pain….the pain of what happened….and what he could never take back. If a headache was his only consequence, then it was the very least he owed her.
Walking barefoot across the loft, Dante struggled to get to the kitchen. The pain in his head was approaching the point where he knew disorientation would not be that far away. Although he fought Dr. Webber and Dr. Drake when he signed himself out of General Hospital, Dante realized that he needed time to heal. The prescription bottle stood alone on the counter. Dante railed against the need for the pills, but knew that taking them was a necessary evil. He grabbed the bottle, cursed the child proof cap and deposited 2 pills on the counter. Stepping to the sink, Dante pulled a glass from the dish drainer and set it next to his medication. Turning, Dante grasped the refrigerator handle, opened the door to get the water pitcher…. when he saw it. Tucked behind the pitcher, the clear cellophane container refused to be hidden. The cluster of daisies beautiful in their simplicity sits unadorned in their plastic prison. Closing his eyes, he could see her smiling at him….putting the daisy he picked for her behind her ear….her face revealing the excitement and promise of what laid ahead that day. Dante knew he could not continue to look at those flowers….reminding him of what should have happened…but throwing them away was saying there was no hope. No….I am not ready to give up…..he thought…..With more force than Dante intended, he slammed the refrigerator door closed. Was it the pain of the memory or the need for medication that made Dante close the door?
Waiting for relief, Dante laid on the sofa. Trying to find a position that was comfortable was a challenge. They talked about getting a new sofa….but Dante was hell bent on keeping the last vestiges of his bachelor pad. He knew it was in sad shape and totally uncomfortable, but that sofa was the first piece of furniture he bought himself. He could not bring himself to let it go. Part of him understood it was the right thing to do, but he was scared. It meant leaving the life he knew and understood behind for her. He only had to be responsible for himself. Letting her into his heart and finding his way into her heart unnerved him. The way he felt about her was nothing he'd ever known before. He never saw it coming. Love. One minute he was hitting on her at Jake's, the next moment he was clearing out a closet making room in his life for her. Yet, it was the single best decision he had ever made. It was as though all the stars aligned to help him find the way to the life he had dreamed of having but never thought he deserved.
Feeling the spring drive into his lower back, Dante groaned. I should just go sleep in bed, he thought…..but he could not bring himself to do it. Sleeping in their bed alone felt like a betrayal. He now understood what people meant when they talked about the sanctity of marriage bed. It represented more than just a place to slumber. It was where they expressed their unbridled love for each other. It was where they laughed and talked about their life. It was their safe haven from the world outside. Although they agreed on buying a king sized mattress, Dante often felt like they were sleeping in a twin bunk bed. She could not sleep unless her body was right next to him….draping her arms across his waist…..tangling her legs with his….. Dante thought, I envied how she would find her spot in bed next to me and fall fast asleep within seconds. It must be the detective in me, but I hear every sound, groan, and creak making sleep a demon I wrestle with…. which in some respects suits me just fine. I love watching her sleep….seeing her face relaxed and peaceful with a hint of that mischievous smile that has me at her mercy…..seeing the way the moonlight lights up her hair like spun gold….and seeing how the moon illuminates her skin revealing her fragility…..I am only able to truly fall asleep when I hear her rhythmic breathing….and feel her heart beating next to mine….knowing she is safe in my arms. As Dante adjusted his body once again on the sofa…forcing the rogue spring to yield….the pain in his head seemed to be subsiding but the pain in Dante's heart was acute…..he knew he would never sleep again in that bed without her.