Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

Remembering Love

Chapter Two

Chakotay was up and about when Kathryn arrived at Starfleet Headquarters' sanatorium the following morning. He was casually dressed in a beige shirt over brown pants and looked like he was just about to leave. When he saw Kathryn, he smiled in welcome, but his eyes were sad.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi," Kathryn replied. "About to leave, I see."

"Yes. The Doctor says I can."

"Where are you going?"

"To see Seven. I need to. I need to apologize. The Doctor told me what happened and...I need to see her."

"I understand," Kathryn said. "But you mustn't hold yourself accountable for what happened. You weren't yourself."

"I know. But I'll feel better once I've spoken to Seven. I'm just glad she came to you, that she knew me well enough to know I'd never do something like that."

Kathryn stepped closer. "Of course she knows it, Chakotay. We all do."

"Thank you too...for believing in me."

"No need to thank me, Chakotay. I know what you are, and that's a kind, gentle, loyal man." Tears filled her eyes. "I should have seen that you haven't been yourself since Quarren. I let you down and I'm sorry."

Chakotay lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You've never let me down, Kathryn. Time was never your own on Voyager. You hardly had time to eat. Observing and analyzing my behavior wasn't your responsibility. If I wasn't quite myself, well, there were times when all of us were different."

"That's true. I certainly went off the deep end every now and then. The Delta Quadrant challenged us, and changed us, in so many different ways." She paused. "But I did notice a growing distance between us over the last few months. I just, well, when I found out about you and Seven it all kind of made sense."

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but before he had the chance, The Doctor came in.

"Ah, Admiral," he said. "Remember you have an appointment with me at 9:00 hours. Incase you're not time keeping, that's in approximately ten minutes."

"I'll be there," Kathryn replied.

"I hope so. I have a full schedule today. After you I'm examining Tom and B'Elanna, then Tal Celes, and then Samantha and Naomi Wildman. I have already examined Seven, she insisted on it last night, and she was right. Her sexual drive had been increased to encourage her to seek out a mate. I suspect, given your sudden involvement with Jaffen, that you were tampered with in the same way. I failed to notice it as I was concentrating only on memory manipulation and this is quite different. I doubt the procedure was done on everyone, as they wouldn't want half their new workforce to take maternity leave, but I'm guessing it was done on all those with low libidos and those over a certain age. It was done on you too, Commander, which no doubt explains your romantic involvements of late. It would also explain why I've had to dish out more interspecies relations certificates than usual. Of course, I won't name names as that would be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality."

"That's quite alright," Kathryn smiled, "as I'm not fishing for any. There's such a thing as too much information."

"This procedure," Chakotay said. "Can you reverse it?"

"Oh yes," The Doctor answered. "And I already have...on you, that is. I did it last night while you were sleeping. The effects were starting to wear off, anyway, at least on Seven...which no doubt explains why she wanted to end things with you. In a way I'm sorry her behavior was not natural, because now she's reverted to her usual celibate self, but in time I'm sure she'll reach the stage of desiring romantic relationships again."

"By which time you're hoping her eyes look your way," Kathryn teased.

The Doctor almost blushed. "A hologram has the right to dream, Admiral. Never deny a hologram a dream."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she smiled. Then she turned to Chakotay. "What are your plans after you've spoken to Seven?"

"To find myself somewhere to stay here in San Francisco," he replied.

Kathryn was about to say he could stay with her, but The Doctor got in first.

"Oh, there's no need for that," he said. "You can stay with me and Reg Barclay. There's plenty of room and, no offense to Reg, but I could do with some sane company."

Chakotay hesitated, but then smiled. "Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind of you."

"Not at all, Commander. After what I've put you through, it's the least I can do." He turned to Kathryn. "Now, Admiral, we'd better make a move if we want to keep our appointment."

"We certainly better," she agreed.

"I'll go on ahead and get everything prepared. You follow."

"Ok, Doctor. I'll be right there."

The Doctor left and the door closed behind him.

"I don't envy you," Kathryn said to Chakotay, "staying with The Doctor and Reg."

"I don't envy myself," Chakotay smiled.

"I was going to say you could stay with me, but The Doctor beat me to it."

"Regretfully. And, it being him, I couldn't say I'm allergic to cats."

Kathryn laughed. "No, you couldn't."

Their eyes locked as they gazed at each other, and Kathryn could hardly breathe, but then she sadly looked away.

"Well, I'd better get going. Good luck with Seven."

She turned around and headed for the door, but before she reached it, Chakotay called after her.

"Kathryn..."

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Kathryn turned back to him. "Yes?"

"Will you have dinner with me tonight? The Rosamere at 19:00 hours?"

Kathryn's sad eyes lit up and she smiled. "Yes...I'd love to."

Chakotay smiled in return, dimples showing, and then Kathryn went on her way.

The Rosamere was a stylish restaurant on the San Francisco coast and Kathryn arrived there early. She was elegantly dressed, wearing a blue velour jacket over a matching gown, and her usually bobbed hair was now short and sleek. Although she had dined with Chakotay countless times on Voyager, and was more comfortable with him than she was with anyone else, she was nervous as she waited for him in the lobby. This was the first time that she and Chakotay were truly socializing outside a command structure and that was both terrifying and exhilarating. Now she had no defenses to hide behind, no barriers, for they were meeting just as a woman and a man. That made her vulnerable and being vulnerable was always hard for her. But, at the same time, that vulnerability opened up new possibilities. It opened up the possibility she had dreamt of for years, the possibility of a future together for her and Chakotay. Maybe that moment, that moment that had seemed out of reach for so long, was finally upon them.

Yet, while part of her hoped that Chakotay would take her in his arms and declare his undying love, another part of her dared not to hope. It had been five years since they'd been stranded on New Earth, five years since Chakotay had told her in an ancient legend that he loved her, and a lot had happened in those five years. As she sat there waiting, she had no idea what the night would bring, but somehow, someway, she wanted to tell Chakotay how she felt. She had to tell him, even if it cost them their friendship, because maybe there would never be another chance. Offers were already being made to him to captain ships, aswell as offers of positions on deep space archaeological expeditions, and if he accepted any of them, it could be years before they saw each other again. She couldn't let him go without telling him that she loved him. If she did, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

"Good evening, Ma'am."

The voice was Chakotay's and Kathryn turned in the direction of it. As she did, she saw Chakotay standing before her, smartly dressed in a white suit with a black shirt, and she thought he'd never looked handsomer.

"And to you," she smiled as she got to her feet.

"I love your hair," he said. "You look amazing."

"Thank you. You look mighty fine yourself."

Chakotay smiled. "Thank you, Ma'am." He then fell serious. "How did your examination go?"

"Fine. I was fine. Tom and B'Elanna too. If my 'romantic instincts' were heightened, they've gone back to normal now. I'm the same me I've ever been."

"I'm glad to hear it." He then offered her his arm. "Care to come with me, Ma'am?"

Kathryn linked her arm with his. "Don't mind if I do!"

Chakotay led her to what was clearly a transporter and she questioned curiously. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he smiled. He then pressed a button and a computer voice spoke. "Stand by for transport."

In seconds, a blue transporter beam engulfed them and they dematerialized.

When they rematerialized, Kathryn found herself standing on the deck of a luxurious yacht. Above her a black sky twinkled with stars and a diamond moon shone brightly. The air was icy, but the familiar lake before them was as still as a picture and looked absolutely glorious in the moonlight.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn exclaimed. "Lake George!"

"The real deal," he smiled.

Kathryn stepped closer to the railing, grabbed it, and gazed out in rapture at the glittering black water and silhouetted landscape.

"I've dreamed of being here a million times," she said. "Of being here with you. And I can't believe that I actually am. But I am. I can feel it, can feel the air, the cold, and they feel real...alive."

"I've dreamed of us being here too," Chakotay said. "Of drinking real champagne and eating real strawberries. Although, I have to say, in my dreams it was warmer."

"In mine too," she smiled. "But this is heavenly, Chakotay. Just heavenly!"

"The boat is ours for the weekend. So, if you want, you can stay tonight. There are two bedrooms, both ensuite."

"Oh I want," she said, turning back to him. "Right now, I feel like I never want to leave!"

Chakotay laughed.

"Everything is so perfect, so beautiful. I want to freeze this moment in time forever."

"I don't know about time," Chakotay teased, "but if we stay out here much longer we'll certainly freeze."

"Yes," she laughed. "We just might."

Chakotay unlocked a grand mahogany door and then held it open.

"Step inside, Ma'am. Dinner awaits."

Kathryn stepped through the door and found herself in a cozy room that was sumptuously decorated. Mahogany wainscoting covered the walls, rich red curtains adorned paneled windows, colorful rugs graced the wooden floor, and in the middle of the room was an ornate round gold table. Mock white candles burned on the table, casting a golden glow all around, and silver dishes sat amongst sweet smelling flowers.

"Oh Chakotay," she said as he closed the door behind them. "How wonderful!"

"It's all authentic, 2120."

"Everything?" Kathryn asked. "No replicators or sonic showers?"

"None. Up to roughing it?"

Kathryn laughed, remembering their conversation on New Earth. "I'll do my best." She then went over to the table and lifted the lid on a dish. "Oh, Spahetti bolognaise with dorinian sauce. My favorite." She then looked up at him playfully. "Not from 2120 too, is it?"

"No," he smiled. "Handcooked by me in 2379."

Kathryn lifted up another lid and gave a delighted sigh. "Ooohhhh, coffee and walnut gateaux! You're spoiling me, Chakotay!"

"You deserve it," he smiled. "Now, may I take your jacket?"

"Just one more question," she said, stepping away from the table. "The bolognaise, is it vegetarian?"

"No," he joked, "it's made with Klingon mince. I killed one in battle earlier."

Kathryn slapped his arm. "Oh you. I take it then it is? Vegetarian, I mean?"

"Yes. I'm totally myself again."

Kathryn smiled, both relieved and happy at this news. "Then take my jacket, Sir, and let's get eating. I'm starving!"

Chakotay laughed and helped her take off her jacket. Then he took off his and they sat opposite each other.

"Before we begin," Chakotay said, picking up a bottle of champagne that was resting in a gold ice bucket, "let's make a toast."

"Yes lets," Kathryn agreed. "To us, the Voyager years, and to new beginnings."

Chakotay opened the bottle and they laughed as white frothy bubbles rained down upon them. Then he filled up their elegant crystal glasses and they tapped them together.

"To us," he said, "the Voyager years, and to new beginnings."

"I can't remember when I last ate so much," Kathryn said as she dipped a fourth strawberry in coffee cream. "Two helpings of bolognaise, two slices of gateaux, and now strawberries... I'm going to have to work out for a month."

Chakotay laughed. "We can start on Monday, if you like. We always said we'd like to ski on Mount Everest when we got home. How about it?"

"Sounds great to me," Kathryn smiled. "In fact, why don't we stay a few days? We could book ourselves a log cabin and go skating and swimming too...indoors, of course."

"I hope so," he laughed.

"It will be wonderful, Chakotay. Really..." She was going to say 'romantic' but stopped herself just in time. "Relaxing."

"I don't know about that," he teased. "But it all sounds great. Let's do it."

"Then it's settled. We're doing it. What do you fancy, Chakotay? A cabin by a lake or a grand slope with a magnificent view."

"The view, definitely."

"Me too. Nothing quite like sitting on a balcony looking out at a winter wonderland. I've done it many times. My parents always took me and Phoebe on skiing holidays when we were little and our hotel room always had a balcony. Heated, of course, or we'd have frozen to death. But I'm guessing log cabins have heated ones too."

"Mostly," he smiled.

"And speaking of heating," Kathryn continued, "is it me, or is it getting cold in here?"

"It is a bit," Chakotay agreed. "I'll turn up the heating."

"While you do that, I'll make us a coffee. I need my fix."

Chakotay laughed. "You've just had coffee gateaux and coffee cream with those strawberries."

"Not the same," she said. "Got to have the liquid." She raised an eyebrow. "This place does have a coffee machine, right?"

"I'm afraid not," Chakotay replied, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Coffee here is hot water from a kettle with instant granules."

"A kettle?" Kathryn exclaimed. "I haven't used one of those since Aunt Martha threw a Victorian tea party when I was a teenager!"

Chakotay laughed. "I'm happy to say it's a bit more advanced than Victorian...and a replica, so no rusty pieces. But if you have trouble figuring it out, give me a shout."

"I certainly will, Sir," she saluted him.

When she was gone, Chakotay went over to a corner of the room and fiddled with the central heating control.

"Boy, Chakotay," Kathryn cried from the kitchen, "it's freezing in here!"

"Unfortunately, it soon will be in here too," he said, stepping away from the control. "The central heating's shutdown."

Kathryn returned from the kitchen. "Shutdown? Why?"

"I don't know. There must be a problem. It's set to automatically shutdown as a safety precaution."

"Maybe we can figure out what the problem is and fix it."

"I'm sure we could, but it's against the rental rules. All repairs must be made by professionals. If we violate the terms, we may be banned from renting again."

"I see," Kathryn said. "Is there any secondary heating?"

"Yes. There's a small portable battery heater. I doubt it will generate much heat, though."

"Enough to keep us warm, I'm sure."

"For a while, but it's almost subzero outside. The temperature in here will drop pretty fast. We'd better call it a night."

"Not me," Kathryn said firmly. "This place is a little paradise and it will take more than a broken heating system to drive me out. As long as we have some heat, I'm staying. We are supposed to be roughing it, remember?"

"Yes, we are. But I don't want you to catch hypothermia."

"Hardly. I'm an Indiana girl. I'm used to the cold. So, get that portable heater out and I'll get us coffee."

"Yes, Ma'am," he smiled.

By the time Kathryn had finally figured out how to operate the kettle, and had made them both a smoking hot cup of coffee, the portable heater was warming up the lounge.

"There's a bit more heat in it than I expected," Chakotay said. "I..."

But before he could finish his sentence, the heater went up with a bang and a puff of smoke.

"Damn," Chakotay said. "I guess it was just an ornamental antique."

At this, Kathryn laughed heartily and had to put down the tray in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said, sitting on a red velvet couch. "I just...it's too funny."

"I suppose it is," Chakotay said, laughing too. "But what will we do now?"

"I'll call my sister, ask her to transport us some heaters. Don't know why I didn't think of that before."

"Great idea. Do it."

Kathryn tapped her personal commbadge, which was round and silver, and tried to call her sister...but there was no reply.

"Strange," she said. "My sister's definitely in range as she's at home all night, home being Bloomington. There must be a glitch or delay in the system. I'll send her a message. She's bound to get it sooner or later. In the meantime, we'll just have to make do. It's not freezing in here yet!"

She made and sent the message to her sister and then picked up a cooling cup of coffee.

"I know you like yours with cream and sugar," she said to Chakotay, "but I couldn't find either."

"Black is fine," he said, picking up his cup. "It's actually what I drink now."

"Really?"

"Yes," he smiled, gazing into her eyes. "It reminds me of you."

Kathryn smiled in return and their eyes locked, but then Chakotay broke their connection and turned to the portable heater.

"I'll take this down deck," he said. "Get it out of the way."

As he took the heater down deck, Kathryn finished her coffee and then put on her jacket. Without any heating, the room's temperature was indeed falling fast, and she was starting to feel very cold. She could only hope Phoebe would receive her message and come good with the heaters.

"Keeping active helps keep the body warm," Chakotay said when he returned. "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to," Kathryn smiled.

"Then let's have some music."

He turned on an old fashioned music system and beautiful classical music filled the room. Chakotay then put on his jacket, as he too was starting to feel the chill, and held out his hand to Kathryn. She took it and he drew her into his arms. Kathryn could hardly breathe as his arms wrapped around her and her heart pounded wildly. As they gazed at each other, all she wanted to do was close the gap between them and kiss him gently, but she did not. Instead, she lay her head on his shoulder and let herself melt into him. Softly they danced, a gentle waltz that was more like a lullaby, and Kathryn lost all sense of time and place. She didn't even notice when the dancing stopped. All she wanted was stay in his arms forever. Then Chakotay's words broke the spell.

"You're shivering," he said. "Let's get you a blanket."

It was true, she was shivering, but in the magic of his closeness, she hadn't even noticed. Chakotay opened a cupboard, pulled out a black fleece blanket, and brought it over to her.

"This should do the trick," he said.

Then, before she knew it, the blanket was over her shoulders and Chakotay was sitting her down on the couch. Then he was sitting beside her, his arm around her.

"If your sister doesn't send the heaters soon," he said, "I think we should leave. We can do this another time. Next weekend, maybe."

"No," Kathryn protested. "Another time isn't this time and I...I don't want it to be ruined. Phoebe will come through for us, I know she will."

"If she gets your message, no doubt. But maybe she won't get it. There are severe snowstorms all over."

"She will...she must." Tears filled her eyes. "It was all so perfect, Chakotay. I don't want it to be over. There's so much that I...there's so much I need to say to you."

"Then say it," he urged gently. "I'm listening."

Kathryn looked into his eyes, his kind dark eyes, and tried to say the words she had longed to say to him for years, but she couldn't. They just seemed to stick in her throat.

"I can't," she said, turning away as a tear ran down her cheek. "I can't."

Chakotay took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Then show me."

At this, Kathryn turned back to him and saw the invitation again in his eyes. Slowly, tearfully, she closed the gap between them and kissed his lips. The kiss was soft, brief, but the moment seemed to last forever. As she drew away, Kathryn could hardly bring herself to look at Chakotay, incase she saw rejection in his visage, but when he opened his eyes, there was only love and joy in them. Then his hand was on her cheek and his thumb was wiping away her tears.

"I love you too," he said. "I've always loved you, and I always will."

"Really?" she whispered. "You still love me?"

"With all my heart."

Tenderly, he drew her against him and Kathryn leant into him as they cuddled up on the couch.

"I thought I'd lost you," she said tearfully. "That it was too late for us."

"Never. There's no one for me but you, Kathryn. Whatever those aliens did to me, they changed the very core of my being, made me forget who I was. But I remember now, and I remember who I love, and that's you, Kathryn. Just you."

Kathryn smiled. "Even though I'm stubborn, controlling, and have made your life hell at times?"

"I like a woman who knows her own mind," he replied, kissing her hair. Then he fell serious. "But that's what love is. It's about seeing the best of each other, the worst of each other, and still wanting each other. We've seen the worst of each other, but we've never really seen the best. We've never had the chance. But we do now. We have the rest of our lives. And I want to spend mine with you, Kathryn."

A tear trickled down Kathryn's cheek. "I want to spend mine with you too. But I'm scared, Chakotay. I'm scared of loving you only to lose you." Her voice fell to a whisper. "I don't want you to captain ships in deep space or go on long expeditions. I want you with me, beside me, as you've always been."

"Then that's where I'll be," he said.

Kathryn raised herself to look at him. "But are you sure? I don't want to stand in the way of your dreams, to stop you doing what you've always wanted."

"What I've always wanted," he said, "is you."

"But..."

"No buts. I've been offered a teaching post at The Academy and I'll accept it." He gently brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I've waited seven years to be with you, Kathryn. The last thing I want is to fly off into deep space."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "I'll make you happy, Chakotay. I promise I will."

"You already do," he said. "I just want to make you happy. You sure deserve to be."

"I am. Right now, I'm blissfully happy." She smiled, eyes sparkling. "Cold, but happy."

Chakotay laughed and then kissed her hand. "I'm getting unbearably cold too. How about we abandon ship and start our Everest vacation early? "

Kathryn was about to say what a great idea that was, when a blue transporter beam filled the room and three silver portable heaters materialized.

"Well, what do you know!" Chakotay laughed. "Good timing!"

"That's Phoebe, for you. Always there in the nick of time. Thank you, sister!"

Chakotay switched on one of the heaters and warm air rose out of it.

"Oh heat," Kathryn exclaimed. "Heavenly heat! Now all I need is..."

"A coffee," Chakotay finished.

"A coffee," she laughed. "Could you?"

Chakotay smiled and kissed her forehead. "One hot black coffee coming right up."

He then left the room and Kathryn happily warmed herself over the heater.

THE END