Jackson continued to stare at the television screen like he didn't notice Aaron standing by the door pulling his sleeves down over his clenched hands and shifting from one foot to the other. Why had Paddy left him alone with Jackson? Aaron thought. Paddy was clever, Aaron gave him that.
"Are you still standing there?" Jackson sighed, irritable.
"I-er. . . I-I I'll go if you want." Aaron stumbled, uncomfortable.
"You know where the door is." Jackson smartly replied, saying the opposite to what he wanted Aaron to do.
Aaron turned and opened the door, it was only when he was halfway out that it occurred to him all this was stupid.
"Jackson. . ." Aaron began, losing all his momentum when he saw Jackson glaring at him. "I-I I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Jackson snapped, not giving Aaron a chance. "For walking out and leaving me? Screwing up my life? Going after Mickey? You pick."
"Jackson don't." Aaron said quietly, crossing the room towards him. "I'm sorry for all those things and so much more. Just don't be like this with me."
"I'm sorry how do you want me to be like? It's just I'm new to all this." Jackson said snidely.
"Don't. You're doing exactly what I always do. Push away those who care for me." Aaron said. "I'm not gonna let you do that. It's lonely."
"Don't act like you care." Jackson argued. "You're the one who walked out a few weeks ago."
"I do care." Aaron protested. "I'm not going any where. You need me."
"Think full of yourself don't you." Jackson continued, not listening to a word Aaron was saying.
"Jackson!" Aaron snapped. Jackson was shocked slightly, he hadn't seen Aaron lose his temper with him for months now. "Listen to me."
"I am." Jackson stated. "You're not listening to me. Do you really want to be burdened with me? You're eighteen you're supposed to be out there living your life."
"You're my life." Aaron answered, looking Jackson straight in the eye.
"Aaron, don't." Jackson began, tears threatening to fall. He didn't want to be the reason why Aaron would resent how his life was in a years time, looking after him while all his friends were out in town.
"Jackson, I want you." Aaron told him.
"I want you too, but you deserve better than this." Jackson told him, a tear escaping down his cheek.
Aaron leaned over and wiped the tear away. "Then it's settled."
"Aaron-." Jackson started before Aaron interrupted.
"-Shut up." He joked, taking a seat next to Jackson's bed.
Aaron was fast asleep in the hospital chair when Hazel and Paddy came back from getting a coffee, he was exhausted from the restless nights he'd been having. Jackson laid, silently, in the bed, watching Aaron's chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply in his sleep, unaware that Aaron was entering a nightmare once again.
"How is everything?" Hazel asked, as she entered the room.
"Shhh" Jackson hushed gesturing with his head towards Aaron, he's didn't want his mother to wake Aaron up with her loud voice.
"Oh, sorry." Hazel whispered, taking a seat on the edge of Jackson's bed, so Paddy could take the other available hospital chair. "He looks so innocent when he's asleep."
"Who's to say he isn't?" Paddy asked joking.
"No don't get me wrong Paddy. I think Aaron is a wonderful lad. It's a shame about his past though." Hazel admitted. "Maybe if he had a better up bringing, like our Jackson did, then maybe he. . . he might less defensive and more open to things."
"Maybe." Paddy agreed. "He's come a long way though."
"I herd he gave you a run for his money-" Jackson started before Aaron's shouts interrupted their conversation.
"YOU'VE GOT ME!" Aaron shouted from the hospital chair twisting and turning, his eyes tightly shut. ". . .NO!"
"Paddy?" Hazel said uncertainly, all of her attention and everyone else's focused on Aaron.
"I know." Paddy said, getting up and heading over to Aaron. "Aaron?" Paddy started loudly, placing a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "Aaron!" He said louder this time, shaking him.
Aaron's eyes flew open. He jumped when he saw Paddy so close to him, worry plastered on his middle aged face. Hazel and Jackson were watching him intently also, both looking concerned. Shit. Had he really allowed himself to fall asleep? He was watching T.V with Jackson wasn't he?
"You alright, Aaron?" Hazel was the first one to ask.
"Yeah." Aaron snapped. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Can you remember?" Jackson asked. "You were having a nightmare."
"No" Aaron lied, feeling embarrassment rise up in his face as he looked down to the floor and rubbed his hand over the back of his head.
"We should be getting back now." Paddy began. "We all need our rest."
"Good idea." Jackson agreed, smiling, hoping it would lighten the situation.
"Right well, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then Jackson." Hazel said, getting up and straightening her coat.
"Do I have a choice?" Jackson joked.
"No." Hazel said simply, about to walk out the door.
"Woah mum! Don't forget your purse!" Jackson called to her, noticing her brown leather purse sitting at the edge of his bed.
"Oh god. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on." Hazel laughed at he clumsiness.
"Night." Paddy said, as he followed a bleary eyed Aaron out of the door.
"Night" Jackson returned. "Look after him." Jackson added quietly so only Paddy could hear.
Paddy nodded, before closing the door behind him.
"Come on then Aaron, show us where Paddy left the car," Hazel said, trying not to let any conversation focus on the nightmare Aaron had had, it would only make it worse. "I'm sure Paddy here, can't remember where he leaves things like me."
"It's just over there." Aaron answered, pointing to Paddy's car parked on the corner.
"So it is." Hazel mused.
It didn't take them long to get back to Smithy Cottage. Hazel sat in the back behind Aaron, wittering on to Paddy in Aaron's ear keeping him awake.
". . . I said to myself Hazel no way are you going to be able to carry that Christmas tree in on your own." Hazel continued as they walked inside. "But now, Aaron you can help me can't you?"
"Wha- Yeah," Aaron said, heading towards the stairs.
"Good boy." Hazel said smugly, happy that she could give Jackson a proper Christmas when he comes home.
"You going to bed now?" Paddy asked Aaron, popping his head round the kitchen door.
"Yeah, it's late." Aaron mumbled, finding it difficult to keep his eyes open.
"Okay then. Good night. I'm just across the hall if you need me you know." Paddy assured him.
Aaron really didn't want to submit himself to the nightmares again tonight. But he had to, he was exhausted and unwillingly he would fall asleep not matter how hard he tried to fight it. The screeching of the trains breaks, the sound of his running foot steps hitting the wet tarmac floor and the blood on Jackson's face continued to haunt him, no matter how hard he tried to block them out.
Aaron ran. He ran as fast as he could, the cold winter's air burning the back of his throat as he ran harder and harder, pushing himself. Wooden crates were scattered across the train track, were they had burst upon impact of Jackson's blue Van hurtling towards them, as the train had crashed into him. Aaron clambered across the track and climbed the wooden crates, unnerved by the danger risk. He needed to know if Jackson was alright. Aaron hadn't noticed the train diver climb out of the train and walk towards him, until he was standing directly beside him.
"I can't even tell if he's breathing." Aaron breathed, panicking.
"You'll do more harm then good. Come away." The train driver said, talking sense.
"Just leave. Me. Alone." Aaron growled. "Jackson. It's me." Aaron said reassuringly, hoping Jackson could hear him. All he could see was crimson blood covering his lover's face. "Look please, if you can make a move or something."
Aaron choked. "I told you I wasn't going to lose you and I mean it."