Scheming

"Any more ideas?" Renji asked.

"Stay out of their business?" suggested Kira.

"No," Renji answered.

"Not happening," Rukia agreed.

A group of them had gathered at a local bar outside of the Seireitei. Shuuhei had had to work late and Ichigo had waited up for him. Renji had taken the opportunity to share the information that Ichigo loved Shuuhei, but was surprised to find out that pretty much everyone already knew. Rangiku had instantly brought up half a dozen ideas on how to get them together, all of which were completely ridiculous.

"I have an idea, but it'll involve you being an asshole," Yumichika said.

"Yeah, like Renji will have a tough time with that," Ikkaku laughed.

Yumichika laid out his idea to an increasingly incredulous Renji.

"Would it work?" Renji asked Kira. He knew that Kira and Shuuhei were particularly close.

"Yes, but I don't know that it will help the situation. If you do plan to do it, make sure to throw your captain title around a lot," Kira replied. "Shuuhei isn't Kaname Tosen but he still really buys into the idea of justice, so you abusing your rank and to your best friend will definitely rankle him."

"Come on," Rukia urged Renji. "You can always apologize to Ichigo later."

"I already kind of crossed a line with him though. I'd feel bad doing again so soon," Renji hesitated.

"Oh?" Rangiku raised an eyebrow. "Details," she demanded.

"Oh hey look! Here's Ichigo and Shuuhei right now!" Renji deflected. "Ichigo, why don't you sit over here with me?"

Ichigo took a seat at the large circular booth. Shuuhei sat across from him.

It was about an hour later when Ichigo began to seriously wonder what was going on. He edged away from Renji again, but Renji just wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer.

"Uh hey Renji, a little personal space?" Ichigo asked. Being a little friendly was one thing, but Renji had been practically hanging on him the entire night.

Renji ignored him and had some more sake.

Maybe he's just drunk, Ichigo thought.

He hasn't had enough to drink to be such an ass, Shuuhei thought, glaring at Renji who was now nuzzling Ichigo's neck.

"RENJI!" Ichigo yelled, pushing him back.

"Why are you being so uptight?" Renji asked.

"I'm not. I just want you to leave me alone for awhile. I'm pretty sure that I made it clear that I don't…," Ichigo trailed off. He didn't really want to bring up anything private in front of the group. They were all pretty close, but he didn't necessarily want Rukia (or Shuuhei) to know that he had made out with Renji.

Renji did leave him alone…for approximately one minute, when his hand disappeared under the table and Ichigo yelped, jumping so hard he hit he knees on the table. Renji laughed.

"Damnit, Renji!" Ichigo said to him, hitting him in the arm. "I'm getting tired of this!"

"Me too," Renji admitted. "I think I'm going to head home."

"Fine," Ichigo said. Good, he thought. He stood up to let Renji by.

"Oh no, you're coming with me," Renji said.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Ichigo asked. Even though he almost always walked home with Renji when they went out, he didn't really think it was a good idea to be alone with Renji right now.

"Hey, it's a lieutenant's duty to make sure that their captain is taken care of," Renji said with a wide grin.

Ichigo just looked at him, confusion in his eyes. Renji knew that he wasn't interested in him at all, what the hell was he doing?

"I don't feel like I can make it home. I need you to escort me to make sure I'm all safe and sound," Renji explained.

"No," Ichigo said, irritated.

"Don't make me order you," Renji said completely seriously.

Ichigo gaped at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked.

"Let's go!" Renji said as an answer, putting an arm around Ichigo and leaning on him heavily.

This really sucks, Renji was thinking. Ichigo seems a mix of pissed off and hurt.

As soon as they got outside and were alone Renji hurriedly started talking. "Ichigo, I don't mean any of this. It's just part of scheme to get Shuuhei to come and rescue you."

"What?" Ichigo turned towards him.

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"What makes you think he'd do that? He let me leave with you," Ichigo mentioned.

"Did he?" Renji smiled at him, before grabbing him and drawing him close. Ichigo put his hands on Renji's chest to push him away.

"Hey guys," Shuuhei greeted them grimly.

"Shuuhei!" Ichigo said with honest gratitude in his face. Even though he had just been told it was all a game, it was still nice to know that Shuuhei had his back. He's just a nice guy though, Ichigo thought. He would do this for anyone. I'm not sure what Renji thinks this will accomplish.

"I'm done for the night so I thought I'd walk home with you guys," Shuuhei said in a voice that left no room for argument.

Ichigo quickly put some distance between Renji and himself.

The walk back was quiet and awkward.

"I got it from here," Shuuhei said as they got within the Squad 5 gates.

"Are you sure?" Ichigo asked, looking over at Renji.

"Oh yeah, Renji and I have helped each other home more times than I can count," Shuuhei said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Shuuhei waited until he was out of ear range of Ichigo before saying anything. "Ok, what the holy fuck are you doing to that kid, Renji?"

Yeah, I guess I didn't think this part through, the part were I make Shuuhei not think I'm a total creep, Renji thought. He decided for honesty, at least as much honesty as he could give Shuuhei.

"You know, he used to have a crush on me," Renji said with a smile. "It was cute the way he would alternately try to hide it and then awkwardly flirt with me."

"Well he obviously isn't interested in you now," Shuuhei pointed out.

"I know. He's in love with someone," Renji said.

"What?" Shuuhei was shocked. He had felt that he and Ichigo were very close friends; why would Ichigo not have mentioned something so big?

"The thing is, this person is straight and there's no way it's going to work out. You know how Ichigo is; once he's in, he's all in. That kind of dedication is good for a lot of things, but in this case…I'm just really worried about him is all. He's never dated someone or been with someone, and the first person he ever seriously likes and falls head over heels for is someone that will never have him."

Shuuhei was quiet.

"I was just trying to distract him a little. I was hoping that it was early enough that maybe I could intervene. It's pretty stupid though. Ichigo is a stubborn bastard, he'd never just give up on something like this," Renji said with a sigh.

"Yeah, that really sucks," Shuuhei admitted. He paused. "Fine, I won't kick your ass, but stop harassing the kid. His life is obviously complicated enough as it is and he needs you to be his friend, not some horny would-be fuckmate."

"Yeah," Renji agreed. He would have liked to have followed it with "SHUUHEI YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT," but thought that might be a little overboard. He didn't see how it was possible that Shuuhei could keep not seeing how Ichigo was mooning over him, alternately looking like a lost puppy or like a depraved sex maniac. Oh well, I'm not going to just come out and say it, if I messed it up Ichigo would probably have me dead by dawn.

"Are you just going to watch, or did you have something to say?" Captain Ukitake said, opening one eye.

"I thought you were asleep," Ichigo admitted.

"Just resting. Have a seat," Jushiro offered.

Ichigo sat next to him on the grass, and leaned against the tree that Jushiro had been resting on.

"You've known Byakuya for a long time, right?" Ichigo asked.

"Since he was crawling," Jushiro said with smile.

"So this is going to seem off the wall, but do you think that he likes Renji?"

"Likes?" Jushiro thought about it. "You mean romantically?"

"Yeah. It seems odd considering how cold and formal he is to Renji, but I'm pretty sure that there's something. Every time we run into him and are together I feel like he's casting daggers at me with his eyes."

"Are you Renji together?"

"HA!" Ichigo said. "No, and we never have been."

"Well, he did seem happy to see you in the outfit that you wore to the costume party," Jushiro smiled.

"That…that…," Ichigo blushed. "Look, that wasn't my idea at all. Rukia and Toshiro forced me to wear it. Toshiro even ordered me to do it."

Jushiro laughed at the idea.

"Besides, I'm in love with someone else."

"I'd love to know, but you don't have to tell me," Jushiro replied.

"Shuuhei Hisagi," Ichigo said.

"Oh, Ichigo," Jushiro responded with a sigh. It wasn't like he and Ichigo were extremely close, but he was over a lot because of Rukia and would always stop to say hi and wish him well. Jushiro responded well to Ichigo's type of personality, which was why he had always gotten along with his former lieutenant so well. "I can only hope that it's a fleeting type of love that will be gone in a couple of months or couple of years, or even a couple of decades. Otherwise…" he trailed off.

Ichigo looked over at the man sitting next to him. He seems as if he's speaking from experience. Oh no, Ichigo thought. I really hope that he doesn't…

Jushiro looked over at him with a gentle smile. "Don't give me that look."

"So, do you love him? Shunsui?" Ichigo said.

Jushiro didn't answer his question. "I'm feeling very odd today. Dreamy," he finally said, leaning his head against the tree again.

"Me too," Ichigo replied, closing his eyes. He put his head onto Jushiro's shoulder. I'm so sorry, he wanted to say, but it was obviously not something that Jushiro wanted to talk about.

"Uh…hey," Shunsui said, having just walked up the garden path. Ichigo opened his eyes and looked directly into Shunsui's chocolate ones, probably with a little more intensity than Shunsui was expecting because his mouth opened slightly. Ichigo couldn't help it though; the thought of loving Shuuhei for thousands of years and still being in the same place as he was now was so painful that he instantly felt protective of Jushiro.

"I guess I should get going," Ichigo said. "Think about what I said though."

About Byakuya and Renji, Jushiro thought. Yes, I think there might be something there, but it's so hard to tell with that boy. He nodded.

"Well?" Shunsui said as he and Jushiro walked together.

"Well, what?"

Shunsui decided to take a different approach. "That sure was some outfit Ichigo wore to the party."

Jushiro laughed. "Yes. You have no idea how hard it was to convince him to wear it too." Jushiro was happy that his teasing seemed to have hit the mark. Shunsui furrowed his brows.

"Looks, don't you think that he's a little…" Shunsui began.

"You know I don't talk about my love life," Jushiro cut him off.

"I just assumed you didn't have much of one."

"Oh? You assume I go for hundreds or thousands of years without a lover?" Jushiro answered with an arched eyebrow.

"….no…" Shunsui agreed that it sounded ridiculous when put that way.

"Really? Not even once?" Ichigo asked.

"Look, I'm not saying I never thought about it, but so what?" Renji shrugged. "There's a difference between having the occasional sexual fantasy about your boss and thinking that he'd actually date you."

Interesting wording on that, Ichigo thought. "So, if he had asked you out on a date you would have gone."

"I didn't say that. Besides, someone like him would only want someone like me for one reason, and I'm damned if I'm going to be treated like some whore by a haughty noble," Renji answered. "He's too cold blooded anyways," he said.

That last part he sounded like he was disappointed, sad, Ichigo thought. "I don't know about that. You should have seen him when he was fighting against me. He seemed like a different person, passionate and furious."

"Really?" Renji asked, intensely interested.

"Not only that, but at the very end of our fight, he had some sort of special move or special form. It was beautiful. He had large white wings and a halo. He looked just like an angel."

Renji's eyes were wide. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely."

"Wow," Renji said quietly.

Ichigo left, smiling smugly. Yeah, I knew it, he thought.

"More tea?"

"No thank you," Jushiro answered.

"To what do I owe this visit?" Byakuya asked. "Are we not scheduled to have tea in a couple of days?"

Jushiro felt like sighing, patting Byakuya on the head, and telling him that is really wasn't necessary to be quite that formal.

"I just was wondering how your search for a new lieutenant was going," Jushiro said.

Byakuya sat, looking at his tea in contemplation. "It is hard to replace someone you've lost," he said.

"What a funny way of putting it," Jushiro laughed.

Byakuya looked up sharply. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to compare my situation with yours."

"I'm not offended. It's just that Renji is just a couple of blocks down from you now, not a world away. You haven't lost him. Why don't you just talk to him now and then?"

"I'm not blind. I can see how he stiffens around me. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or feel like I am looking over his shoulder."

I can't believe he's being this candid with me, Jushiro thought. Ichigo has to be right. For anyone else this would be normal behavior, but from Byakuya it's something else. When I take into consideration his coming up with the idea of preventing Rukia and Renji from getting into trouble by forging the vacation release papers, as well as his obvious distress when Renji was promoted, it may very well be a feeling of affection.

Jushiro thought back to the night of the party. Yes, he thought. Byakuya was so angry about Ichigo's costume and then so ill looking and despondent after Renji and Ichigo left that he didn't stay for long.

"You were right," Jushiro said.

"I felt out Renji as well, I'm sure he has feelings for Byakuya," Ichigo offered.

"First things first, he has to know that Renji is available."

"What, you're just going to say, 'oh guess what, Renji is definitely single, just thought I'd let you know'?" Ichigo laughed.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course," Ichigo answered.

When Shunsui walked into the office he stopped in his tracks. Jushiro was playfully tousling Ichigo's hair, while Ichigo was leaning over Jushiro's desk.

"You're messing it up," Ichigo complained.

"It was already messed up," Jushiro smiled up at him. He looked beyond Ichigo to Shunsui.

Ichigo turned around. "Well, I'm off, I guess," Ichigo said. "See you later," he waved as he left.

"You have bad timing," Jushiro blamed Shunsui.

"Look, you have to tell me…"

"Later. Captain Kuchiki will be here in a couple of minutes and I was a little…distracted and haven't made the tea yet."

After all three captains were seated and enjoying their drinks (Shunsui had taken the liberty of drowning his with sake), Shunsui jumped right in. "Ok, now tell me what the hell is going on with you and Lieutenant Kurosaki."

"I don't know what makes you think anything is going on between us," Jushiro said.

"What do you mean? Every time I come over here you guys are all over each other. Plus there was that ridiculous outfit that you made him wear to the costume party," Shunsui accused.

"I was…under the impression that he was dating Captain Abarai," Byakuya said carefully.

Jushiro laughed heartily. "Oh no! Those two boys are like brothers."

I know what I saw though, Byakuya thought. I know that Renji wanted Ichigo when he saw him at that party. I felt his spiritual pressure, how alive and excited he was. Even if Ichigo doesn't like him and is with Jushiro, that doesn't mean that Renji still doesn't desire Ichigo.

Jushiro noted the slight frown on Byakuya's face. Well, that wasn't the hoped for response, he thought.

"Hey Shuuhei," Ichigo said wearily, sinking down onto the office futon.

"Something wrong?" Shuuhei asked. "Renji isn't bothering you still, is he?"

"Not more than usual," Ichigo laughed.

"Oh look, it's my favorite lieutenant!" Kisuke said, walking in.

"Are you talking to me?" Ichigo said. "Isn't that kind of mean?"

"Oh, I've just known you longer is all. I'm sure Shuuhei will climb up my list eventually," Kisuke grinned. "Want some candy?" he offered.

"Sure," Ichigo grabbed it.

Both Kisuke and Shuuhei stared.

"Are you sure?" Kisuke asked, taken by surprise.

"Ichigo, what are you doing?" Shuuhei asked.

"I'm depressed and bored," Ichigo shrugged, putting the lollypop in his mouth. "Well, it doesn't taste too bad," Ichigo said. "What does it do?"

"I…don't know," Kisuke responded.

"WHAT?" Shuuhei jumped up. "Take it out of your mouth!" he yelled at Ichigo.

"Meh, too late now. My mouth is all tingly and the room is getting a little fuzzy."

"Hey, it's fine!" Kisuke quickly put his hands up when Shuuhei glared at him angrily. "It's not deadly or anything, I'm just not sure which box I pulled stuff from this morning."

"Ichigo, why don't you lay down?" Shuuhei said.

"Naw, I'm fine. Can't say the same for Byakuya, poor sap," Ichigo said, his eyes slightly glazed.

"What?"

"Captain Ukitake and I are trying to get Renji and Byakuya together because I'm pretty sure the pure white noble is secretly lusting after some tattoos and red hair," Ichigo replied nonchalantly. "It's not going well."

"Do you really think you should be speaking so freely right now?" Shuuhei said concerned, looking over at Kisuke.

"Ah, I got it!" Kisuke said. "Does it taste like grape?"

"Grape and burning," Ichigo answered.

"Truth serum."

"Truth serum doesn't exist," Shuuhei rolled his eyes.

"Ok fine, but 'loosening up to make someone more pliable and want to talk a lot serum' doesn't have the same ring to it," Kisuke admitted. "Why do you think Captain Kuchiki likes Renji?" he asked Ichigo.

"Are you kidding? I thought he was gonna cut a bitch when he saw me all dressed up and looking ready to troll the nearest street corner," Ichigo said with an unhealthy laugh. "It wasn't even my idea. That stumpy cross-dressing ice queen and his midget ice princess forced me into that outfit and now Byakuya thinks I'm chasing after his little love bunny."

"Whoa," Shuuhei said. Cross-dressing ice queen? He was referring to Captain Hitsugaya, right? Did Toshiro actually…

"Ooooohhh, this is so much fun," Kisuke sang. "Hm, what wouldn't you normally answer? I know! Do you find me attractive?"

"Go play with your pussy cat, Candyman," Ichigo said.

"You're so delightfully bitchy like this!" Kisuke said. "But, you didn't answer my question."

"Fine. You are attractive assuming that someone looks past the crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to you. Besides, why would anyone look at you when Shuuhei is standing right next to you looking like a sex god?" Ichigo said.

"Uh," Shuuhei mumbled.

Time to change the subject, Kisuke thought. He wasn't a stupid man by any means, and it was pretty obvious to anyone that had observed the two together that Ichigo was completely infatuated with Shuuhei. He just wanted to have a little fun, exposing Ichigo's little secret wasn't in his game plan.

"Have you ever been kissed?" Kisuke asked.

"Yeah, a couple times, by Renji," Ichigo admitted.

"Ha! I knew it. Nothing serious though?"

"Of course not, it's Renji. He was really nice about it though, even though he made me feel kind of like a stupid kid," Ichigo answered. "OHMYGOD I HAVE THE BEST IDEA!" he yelled, jumping up.

"Hey, slow down," Kisuke said. "This drug isn't the best thing to…"

"NOREALLYWEHAVETODOTHIS!"

"Calm down," Kisuke urged him. However, when Ichigo explained his idea he definitely agreed it was a good idea. Or a bad one. Sometimes the really bad ones are just too good to pass up.

"HEYRENJI!" Ichigo said energetically, jumping into Renji's lap.

"Um…Ichigo?" Renji didn't really know how to react.

"HEYRENJI! GUESSWHAT? KISUKE IS GOING TO POISON YOU!" Ichigo was so excited he was yelling.

"What!" Renji hadn't even paid attention to the fact that both Shuuhei and Kisuke had come into the room with Ichigo. Kisuke was on his left side holding a needle that was already going into Renji's arm. Renji tried to jump up but Ichigo was on his lap pining him down. The room began to fade into darkness. "What the hell just happened?" Renji wondered just before losing consciousness.

"I really wish I wasn't a part of this," Shuuhei said with deep sigh.

"Piff, I ordered you to come," Kisuke answered. "Believe me you'll be getting far odder orders from me in the future."

"Goody."

A/N: Btw, the next chapter might be pure smut with about 1.5 sex scenes. I did an early upate on this fic because I'm not liking how a chapter for another story is turning out and am letting it ripen on vine until it gets better. That's how it works right? You ignore it and it fixes itself while you sleep? Anyways, I had little fun with this chapter. I think the only time Ichigo is THAT happy is when hopped up on drugs. That kid needs to lighten up. Shuuhei? You listening?