Chapter 3

"Len! Welcome home!" Hamai Misa waved at her son as she and her husband waited for them to come nearer. Near them there were joyful "Ryou!"s as Tsuchiura's siblings were greeting him.

"Hello mother, father," Tsukimori said as he kissed Misa and hugged his father. "Children, say hello to your grandparents." Kaoru and Sei didn't need any encouragement. They immediately latched themselves to their ojiisan and obasan and greeted them with angelic smiles.

"My grandchildren are so thin! My, my, Len, have you been feeding them at all?" Hamai Misa mockingly wagged a finger at her son, which earned giggles from the kids.

"I'm sure Len has been a good father to these two," said his dad smilingly. "Come on, then, I'm sure you're all tired from your flight. We'd better get on home."

"Bye, Uncle Ryo! See you!" Sei and Kaoru waved at Tsuchiura as they walked with grandfather to the car.

"See you tomorrow, then," Len said as he looked at his watch. "We still have to talk to the organizers for the next concert about the— "

"Hold on," Tsuchiura cut him off with a look of disbelief. "You want to get back to work already? We've only been in Japan one day! Don't you want to spend some time off first? Maybe bond with the kids?"

Tsukimori stared at him blankly. The pianist sighed.

"Get some rest, man. Geez. You're working yourself to the ground. I have to go home now. See you tomorrow." With that, Tsuchiura spun on his heels and walked back to where his family was waiting for him.

In the car, Tsukimori glanced out the window as the familiar sights passed him in a blur. The billboards with kanji, the Lawson convenience stores, still brightly lit, even the street lights were wonderfully different. Yes, different. It DOES feel good to be back. Away from Europe. Away from…

Flashback

Eleven pm. An empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Papers strewn on the floor. Drops of alcohol wrinkling the sheet music on the desk. A sole lamp. Blurry. Things were so blurry—but the date. The calendar. Still so clear. Why was it so clear? October 25. Stumbling. Where is the door? THUD. What did I hit? Hurts. Head hurts. Who opened the door? Why is it sideways? "Tsuchiura? Kaoru?" The light is blinding.

That incident on the night of Michiko's death anniversary had been particularly bad. He had been able to control it before, but that day…on the anniversary of her death…that day he had passed by the bridge. The bridge he'd walked on with her countless times. Their first date. Their second and third and fourth. It was THEIR bridge. He'd asked her to marry him on that stone gray structure. They'd walked Kaoru on it countless times. She loved looking at the ducks float past below them. But Sei…Sei had never seen the ducks swim across. She'd died. When Tsuchiura found him on the floor, a frightened Kaoru about to burst into tears, the German nanny padding towards her to take her back to the room, he'd felt nothing.

The next day, Tsuchiura had called his parents and asked them to make arrangements. They were all going to go back to Japan. His friend had been incredibly angry with him. "You were passed out drunk on the floor! The room was a mess, you were making so much noise, and thudding around…Kaoru was terrified!" He had said nothing. It was true. But what could he do? That place had held too many memories. He did have to get away.

The children had no trouble accepting that, especially since Tsuchiura had been the one to tell them. It was a piece of cake. Kaoru and Sei loved 'Uncle Ryou', Sei especially. Kaoru could still remember a time when Len had been a happy father, a funny, loving one, who would tuck her in and play her lullabies on his violin. Sei had been so young when she died, when he died too.

He looked over at them. Kaoru was regaling her obasan with stories of the funny looking people she had seen at the airport, while Sei was already fast asleep on his ojiisan's lap. Yes. Surely, that wouldn't happen again. He had his family, his home, his music…his music. Music was a double edged sword, he thought, glancing back outside at the road. It was all he could throw himself into to keep busy, but at the same time it was a reminder of all those times with her…their days at the school…the duets shared by them and them alone.

But what was done was done. There was nothing else he could do. Leaning back into the soft leather car seat, Len closed his eyes and gave in to sleep.

"Wake up, dear!" Tsukimori opened his eyes to the blinding sunlight spilling into his old room as his mother opened the blinds. "The children are already downstairs eating breakfast. We've got yogurt in the fridge and some toast still in the toaster. Tsuchiura called to say he'll be coming over here at 10, and Kanazawa-sensei just rang a few minutes before. He said to call him back."

Misa strode back out the room, leaving Len to wash up and get changed. As he headed downstairs, he heard his children's voices eagerly cutting off one another.

"And then—"

"Let me tell it—"

"The woman—"

"She suddenly took out—"

They both fell silent as Tsukimori walked into the kitchen and said together, "Good morning, father."

Len's parents frowned slightly and exchanged worried glances before his father said, "Morning, son. There's yogurt. Sugar-free, just how you like it."

"Arigato."

The room was suddenly consumed in an awkward silence. If Tsukimori had noticed it, he didn't let it show as he proceeded to open the refrigerator and take out a quart of yogurt.

"So! What would you kids like to do today?" Hamai Misa asked the children.

"The botanical gardens are very beautiful this time of year," her husband suggested. "Or maybe you'd like to go to the zoo?"

Sei smiled excitedly. "Can we go to both?"

His grandparents smiled and were about to say yes when another loud "Ahem" cut them off.

"Children…"Tsukimori said warningly.

"Now, Len," his father objected. "We haven't seen our grandchildren in a while. Humor us, would you?"

He grumbled quietly, which everyone else took as a sign of his, albeit grudging, assent.

"O-oto-san? W-will you come with us too?" Kaoru asked him timidly.

"No, Kaoru. I have a lot of things to do today," Tsukimori answered, trying not to look at his mother, who stared daggers at him, or at Kaoru, who looked utterly crestfallen.

"I'm sure your father will be able to spend time with you once he's finished," Misa said quickly. "Anyway, if we want to go to the gardens and the zoo, you two had better get ready quick!" With that, she ushered them back up the stairs to get ready, leaving Tsukimori alone with his father.

He sat down at the place across Len and, after sipping his coffee, said gently, "You know, Len, Kaoru and Sei have already lost a mother. They shouldn't lose you, either."

"They haven't. I'm just raising them the way I see fit."

His father shook his head sadly. "Someday, Len, someday…"

As he stood up and placed his dirty bowl and spoon in the sink, he mulled over what his father had said. Someday what? Someday I'll realize the error of my ways? Someday I'll get over Iko's death? He silently laughed bitterly. They don't understand.

At 10, Len was home alone, flipping idly through TV channels as he sat on the couch. Kaoru, Sei, and his mother and father had already left 15 minutes ago. Suddenly the doorbell rang. It was Tsuchiura.

"Where is everyone? I brought some Japanese candies for Kaoru and Sei. I'll bet they've never tried these," the pianist looked around the empty house.

"They went out with okaa-san and oto-san."

"You didn't go with them?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You said you were coming over, didn't you? We have to practice."

"Tsukimori, the concert isn't for another SIX FRIGGING MONTHS."

"And I had to call Kanazawa sensei."

"Uh-huh. I suppose you're gonna do that now?"

"Mmm."

Sigh. "Well, put him on speakerphone. I want to join in."

Tsukimori moved the phone between them on the coffee table and dialed Kanazawa's number, the pressed the hands-free button.

After a few rings, they heard a brusque "Yo."

"Oi, Kanayan!" Tsuchiura couldn't help but smile. Though he wasn't exactly the world's most driven teacher, Kanazawa sensei was still a pretty nice guy, overall.

"Tsuchiura?"

"Good morning, Kanazawa-sensei," Tsukimori said coolly into the phone.

"Yo, Tsukimori. Now, to get down to business. About that nanny—that sounds strange—anyway, the nanny."

"What about it?"

"We've found one."

The two men exchanged glances. There was a mischievous trace in Kanazawa's voice.

"Alright, then," Tsukimori said warily.

"Don't you want to know who it is?"

There was definitely something up.

"Spit it out, Kanazawa. I know you're dying to tell us," Tsuchiura said.

"We-ell…you guys remember Hino Kahoko?"