Summary:Just divorced, Chuck thinks that all is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.

AN: Thank you so much, to everyone who reviewed and put this on alert! You keep me inspired so much, you can't imagine. Now I am afraid, this chapter is even more angsty than the second one. Hope you enjoy anyway! Special thanks as always to my amazing beta Sam!

Disclaimer: Though I somehow forgot to mention it in the second chapter, I still don't own anything.

Way Back Into Love

Chapter 3: Desperation

To say she felt like shit would've been the understatement of the century. She was not even able to open her eyes because of the nausea. And her chest was one giant pain.

With closed eyes she let her finger explore the bandages. They were awfully tight. She had to talk herself out of panicking about it. She had been prepared for this beforehand. She would have to try to breathe more into the right - the operated - side of her chest.

The controlled breathing helped her relax enough to open her eyes. Taking a moment to adjust to the blinding light she looked around in the room. Serena slept in the chair next to her bed. Curled up in a way which didn't seem all that comfortable. Blair was surprised to see that it was already morning outside. After waking up for the first time at night, she must have slept through.

"S?" Her voice was as hoarse as her throat felt.

"Hey!" Her friend was awake and at her side in a matter of seconds. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better."

Before either of the two women could say anything else they were disturbed by the doctor knocking on the door before entering the room.

"Ms. Waldorf," Dr. Parker gave her a sympathetic smile. "How are you feeling?"

Blair had only been asked twice, but was annoyed with the question already, though she figured, she would hearing it a lot more in the future. How was she supposed to be feeling? They had just cut one of her breasts off, for the love God!

She swallowed down a bitchy reply and answered calmly instead. "Comfortable to the circumstances."

The doctor studied her chart nodding. "Your vitals look good, too. Anyhow, I unfortunately have to inform you that the procedure turned out to be more complicated than I'd expected."

"Meaning?" Blair felt her throat closing up again. She relaxed a little when Serena took her hand.

"The cancer had already spread more than I'd predicted. So I had to perform, what is called a radical mastectomy. It's the most extensive type. It basically means I had to remove the axillary and subclavicular lymph nodes. And also some of the chest wall muscles."

Serena cleared her throat in order to get the doctor's attention. "How is this going to affect her daily life?"

"Well for once, it increases the risk for a lymphedema dramatically." The doctor turned back to Blair. "And you will find it quite difficult to move your arm for a while." She paused. "I'd also like to start you on chemotherapy as soon as the wound healing is completed."

"Chemo?" Blair felt panic rising. Unable to do anything about it. "You said chemo wouldn't be necessary."

"I know. And I'm really sorry. But with the cancer spread a systemic is just best way to go."

"I let you perform the surgery because you told me because you told me this would restore my health completely. There was never a word about a fucking chemo!"

"I honestly didn't think it would be necessary. But I have to be honest, Ms. Waldorf. If you wanna restore your health, this is the option I'm giving you."

"I'll have to think about it." Blair answered, her voice clearly dismissive the doctor.

Dr. Parker gave her and Serena a nod.

The blonde turned to her the moment the door was closed. "You'll think about it, B? Seriously? That's your answer?"

"Easy for you to talk!"

"What is there to think about? You heard what she said. If you wanna live--"

"Who says I want to live?" Blair cut her off.

What reason did she really have for living? No kids. No relationship. Friends who were all busy living there own happy lives. There was nothing really worth living for.

"You don't mean that." Serena had a horrified expression on her face.

The brunette turned her head away from her friend facing the wall. "I'm exhausted. I think I'll sleep some more. You should go home and do the same."

"I'm staying. Just as I promised," Serena replied, shaking her head and never letting go of her friends hand.

"Doing what? Watching me sleep?" Blair snapped and pulled away from the blonde. "Go."

The commanding tone in her voice left no room for arguing, Serena grabbed her purse and walked to the door. Before stepping out of the room she turned around once more. "If you need anything at all, call me. I'll come back tomorrow."

"Don't bother."

"I will be back tomorrow", Serena insisted before heading out.

A single tear rolled over her cheek as she heard the door click shut. Angrily Blair wiped it away, refusing to give into the desperation she felt.

To be continued

AN: Kinda short? Well the more you review, the faster I'll update! =)