=== RECORDING COMMENCED ===
Hey there, holocron. It's been a while.
Life has been... well, different, I guess. Gradually getting used to the idea that Master Kae isn't part of the Order any more, and to Master Zhar's method of instruction, which is very different from what I've been accustomed to. For one, his emphasis on book learning is much greater than Master Kae's. For another, he's also very big on novel applications of the Force. To some extent this is only natural - the man's a Consular, and Consulars are as famous for being academic as they are for diplomacy. Speaking of which, I have a suspicion that perhaps Master Zhar's willingness to set me extensive 'research' work in the Library has less to do with his preferred teaching method than with respect for my... personal space.
...I still miss Master Kae, holocron. A lot. Letting go is far easier in theory than in actual practice. Knowing the Code is one thing: putting it to work - whole different story.
I think it's perfectly natural that I should miss someone who has played such a big part in my life, especially in my formative years. For lack of a better word, Master Kae was... like a parent to me. I mean, I do know who my 'real' parents, the people who birthed me, are... but all I know of them is what is stated in the Enclave's records: their names, occupations, where they resided at the time of my birth and gifting to the Order... but beyond that, I don't know them. They're faceless names to me. But Master Kae is a whole different story. She was one of the young Knights who looked after us in the creche, and then when I was old enough, she chose me as her own Padawan. You could say I grew up under her guardianship and care, and from all I've heard of mothers from beings who actually have them, Master Kae was exactly that to me.
And now she's gone. My sense of loss is so, so real.
Which is why I'm very grateful that Master Zhar is being so... hands-off with my instruction, at least thus far. It gives me the time and space I need to think things through. I guess I'll never know exactly why the Council saw fit to expel Master Kae, but the reason doesn't matter. The only legacy that Master Kae has in the Order is me. Years from now, people - Jedi or otherwise - who don't know her as I do, and who hear of her expulsion from the Order, may conclude that she was expelled because she was a failure of a Jedi... or even that she messed up in my instruction... or something equally insulting.
I don't want that to happen. So, I've really been pushing myself ever since coming under Master Zhar's tutelage, striving not just to meet his expectations, but to surpass them if possible. I want him to see that Master Kae left behind a top-notch student; that she was never remiss in her instruction, that whatever the Council thinks of her, she raised a fine Jedi of a Padawan. It's the very least I can do for my Master, holocron.
...unfortunately, I think that purpose of mine has already been significantly compromised. It's a long story.
See... Padawans are the worst gossipers around for parsecs, and speculation about the whys and wherefores of Master Kae's expulsion is rife. Mostly I shrug it off: idle gossip only lives as long as it has an audience. But some things are downright impossible to ignore.
A couple days ago there was a really annoying female Zabrak Padawan from the Core who was here on a visit with her Master. That girl! She started mouthing off at our table during dinner that she'd heard from her best friend that her Master's former Padawan's own Padawan had heard from someone else, who is allegedly a 'reliable source' from - of all places! - Tatooine, that a certain recently-expelled Jedi Master from the Enclave had been cast out of the Order because she was addicted to spice, among other things.
I was totally prepared to let that pass, because... fact is, I've heard it before. But then she said something that made me lose interest in my food entirely: she insinuated that this Master had, well, had... ah... behaved... inappropriately with her Padawan. And that she had, at the time of her expulsion, actually been - you know, in the family way? - by her own Padawan. What the kriff?
...look. It really says something when an entire table of chatty Padawans goes completely silent. I don't believe there is a single soul on the Enclave that doesn't know me, at least by sight; and everyone knows that there's only been one Master from the Enclave who has been expelled, in recent history.
And everyone knows that I'm the Padawan whose Master was cast out.
I mean - man! How stupid can a being be, right? What the kriff? Seriously! Did this girl never think that the Padawan she was impugning might be at the same table? Or that he might even be within earshot? For a moment I really was at a total loss. I mean, how - what - how does one react, what would the appropriate response be? Knocking someone up - this is stuff the guys kid about lots, especially Alek, the local crude and 'fresher humour expert; but whatever this girl said was totally beyond the pale.
And you could tell that she was really, really pleased with herself. Like she'd just made the largest scoop ever in the history of the HoloNews.
My first reaction was that I wanted to pick up my food tray and knock myself out with it, it was that absurd. Then I got angry - really angry, like... I don't think I've ever been that mad before, and it wasn't a nice feeling at all! ...I wanted to throw something at her or yell or... or just snap, and at the same time, I just knew I had to keep it all down, because if I were to fly off the handle, it might be construed as 'proof' of her allegations by some fool out there. Everyone was staring at me by this time. EVERYONE. Even Miss Super Battle Meditation, who mostly keeps to her little group of friends. Anyway... I knew that I had to get out of there, or I would totally lose it.
In my consternation, I didn't realise that the corner of my food tray was sticking out. One of the pouches on my belt brushed it as I stood to leave. Next thing I know, my tray's flipped over, and the Twi'lek kid in front of me has a face full of sauce. Hot sauce. In the eyes. For reasons that escape me entirely, Alek took it into his head that I had actually decided to "make a point" by flipping my own tray over. So he deliberately got up and flipped his tray over, only - this being Alek - he had to be dramatic and stab an accusing finger at the Zabrak girl while shouting something like "You!", followed by the old 'I'm watching you' finger-pointing thing.
...then the Twi'lek kid started hollering blue murder, because the hot sauce was stinging his eyes. This prompted the Miralukan genius next to him to chuck a tumblerful of water into his face to wash out the sauce, only in his haste he forgot it wasn't water but juice. So much for seeing through the Force.
The situation deteriorated faster than a warehouse exposed to a troop of Kowakian monkey-lizards. Everyone at our table started shouting. Juice, water, caffa... grain, beans, various food items started flying everywhere as several of Alek's friends followed his example and flipped their trays over; and then the jokers two tables down from us, who hadn't the faintest idea what had actually just happened, started a food fight amongst themselves, which spread like wildfire - in less than a minute, the entire dining room was in a state of absolute chaos: there was so much noise it was as if the Great Sith War was being played out in our dining room.
By the time the Masters and some Knights arrived to sort out the mess, four tables had been overturned, the floor was literally invisible, the youngest Padawans were bawling, and the Twi'lek kid had been doused with practically every beverage a Padawan could ever care to drink at dinner.
To cut a long story short, Master Vrook ordered an investigation into the 'Unfortunate Incident at Dinner'. No prizes for guessing who's been found responsible.
...at least Alek will be washing 'freshers for the next three weeks with me. I shall be sure to remind him that that's what friends are for.
=== END RECORDING ===