The Bonding

The next day…

"And that is why you are grounded for several months! And another thing! I don't want you associating with that weird little foreign friend of yours anymore!" Professor Membrane yelled at his son. "He's obviously a bad influence on you!"

"He's an alien that wants to conquer the planet! Of course he's a bad influence!" Dib protested. "What else could he be? Not a good one!"

Gaz could hear the shouting in her room. She rolled her eyes but never stopped playing her game.

"I don't want to hear it! Your shenanigans have not only caused your skool psychologist to go insane! But you blew up the roof of the Skool! It will be weeks before the students will be allowed to go back. If you are allowed to go back at all! Your teacher called me and said she was considering suspending you…Over a pot of boiling oil!"

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

"And I still haven't captured the robot you let loose on the city the other day!" Membrane yelled. "It blew up two more highways and a pretzel shop! I like pretzels Dib!"

"But Dad…"

"Don't but Dad me, young man! It was bad enough when your paranormal obsession humiliated yourself and this family but when it starts causing costly property damage…! Well that's one step too far! Not to mention I am way behind on my experiments! And those experiments are important to me Dib! Very important! Those cyborg cats and robot dogs won't make themselves you know!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"That sounded like it was two blocks away!" Membrane shouted. "I'll be back in a few days to yell at you later!" He ran out of the house.

Gaz chuckled and decided that tormenting her brother was more fun at the moment than finishing her game. She went to his room, not bothering to knock. "Boy you really made Dad blow a gasket," Gaz leaned against the door. "I haven't seen him this mad since the time you tried to bring back those dead cats from the pet cemetery."

"Yeah and he gave me the same punishment," Dib showed Gaz a large black collar around his neck.

"Whoa. He brought out the shock collar," Gaz snickered. "That is awesome!"

"No it's not Gaz! I can't go out of the house without getting shocked! And if I can't go out of the house Zim is free to plot and take over the world some more!"

"Dib…Zim can't even take over the couch from Gir," Gaz rolled her eyes. "I think the world will be fine."

"No the world will not be fine!" Dib yelled. "You don't know what goes on in Zim's deranged brain Gaz! I do! I've seen the dark side of his soul and it's really, really dark!"

"Large empty vacuums in space usually are," Gaz rolled her eyes as she left the room.

"Fate of the world Gaz!" Dib tried to take the collar off. "FATE OF THE AGGGGHHH!" He was jolted rather violently and fell of the bed.

"Dib! Just because you're stuck here doesn't mean I want to hear your voice!" Gaz snapped.

Meanwhile back at Zim's base…

"GEEEEEEEEEEE!" Zim shook violently in his secret base. "Ugh…Why do I feel like I've been shocked? And fallen off a bed?"

"You do look a little stressed," Invader Skoodge remarked as he walked in.

"Skoodge! Who let you in here?" Zim snapped. "Wait stupid question." He glared at Gir. Gir of course being clueless looked around to try and find who Zim was looking at.

"I got lonely and bored and I just wanted to visit," Skoodge said.

"Wanted to gloat more like it," Zim grumbled. "You just want to rub it in my face that you already conquered your planet and I haven't! Well I'm working on it! It's not easy Skoodge! Not everyone is lucky enough to have been assigned a planet with only giant rat monsters living on it! I got stupid humans infesting my planet! And bees. I hate the bees!"

"Actually I kind of have a confession to make about that," Skoodge played with his fingers. "I never actually conquered my planet. I just said I did because I didn't want to get eaten by the giant monster rats."

"Oh…" Zim blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean it was pretty easy to lie," Skoodge told him. "Nobody ever comes to Blortch because of all the giant rat monsters. After getting attacked a half dozen times I figured it was just easier to stick the Irken Flag on a big tall rock somewhere and call it a day."

"That was pretty smart," Zim blinked. "Who's going to go to a giant rat infested planet to check?"

"Exactly. And I knew since I did that none of the other Invaders would go down to the planet to check it out," Skoodge said. "Just use the armada to destroy the planet from space to wipe out the life forms."

"You conquered your planet without actually conquering it! Ingenious!" Zim was stunned. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"So I thought maybe I'd help you with your planet since we're both kind of having trouble with taking over our assigned worlds," Skoodge said. "And I kind of find Earth interesting."

"Well I suppose that YARRARGLGGEHEERAREGLEEELL!" Zim violently twitched again.

"Zim?" Skoodge blinked.

"YEARLGLESMIFFLEYARRGGLLEEES!" Zim screamed as he twitched.

"So I take it that's a yes?" Skoodge asked.

"Okay this is just getting weird!" Zim snapped as he shook himself.

"Are you okay Zim?" Skoodge asked.

"Normally I'd make a sarcastic remark at that comment, but to be honest…I'm not so sure," Zim groaned as he rubbed his head and stood up. "I've been feeling really strange these past few days. I'm getting images and memories of my arch enemy Dib. I get these weird feelings."

Zim stiffened. "YEOWWWWWWWWWW!"

"And you occasionally feel like you're getting zapped by something painful?" Skoodge scratched his head.

"Yes! Yes! Do you have any idea what is going on here?" Zim asked. "What is happening to Zim?"

"Well I don't know about the zapping part but the memories and feelings stuff sound awfully familiar," Skoodge thought. "Maybe it's some kind of disease?"

"Disease! Is that what is wrong with me? Computer do a full body scan," Zim lay down on a slab and let the computer scan him with a green light. "Figures I'd get myself infected by another stupid Earth disease!"

"Analysis beginning…" The Computer spoke in a friendly voice. "Your invader blood has been infiltrated by unknown DNA. Due to your adaptability genes the DNA is being encoded within your body. As a result the Bonding Process is beginning in your body. It will be complete within two days to three weeks."

"Bonding Process? What Bonding Process? And where did I get this unknown DNA? Did you put something in me Skoodge?" Zim jumped off the slab and grabbed Skoodge by the collar. "That's it isn't it? You wanted my job of taking over the Earth so you infected me with some disease! You want to steal my job you…JOB STEALER!"

"No Zim! It's not me!" Skoodge protested.

"Why Skoodge? Why did you do this to Zim? Why did you make him diseased?" Zim howled. "Why-y-y?"

"It's not a disease, Zim. The Bonding Process is an adaptability feature built in all Irkens," The Computer spoke. "When two Irkens of a similar mind link vital fluid such as blood or secretions from antennae, it creates a partnership link. This partnership link will allow two Irkens to fight as one, combining their skills and mindset into an ultimate weapon."

"You are a mind stealer and a job stealer!" Zim yelled at Skoodge. "You want my mind to help you take over planets while you take over my job!"

"Zim aren't you paying attention to anything the computer is telling you?" Skoodge asked.

"He never listens. He has terrible listening skills," The Computer grumbled.

"Why did you do this to me Skoodge? Wait…This is about what happened the Second Painful Overload Day isn't it?" Zim pointed. "You never forgave me for that!"

"Well to be honest sometimes I do get a bit miffed when I remember what you did," Skoodge said. "But I'd never infect a fellow invader with a disease to get back at him and take his job."

"Why not?" Gir asked.

"Yeah why not?" Zim yelled. "How could you do this to me Skoodge? Why? WAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Told you. He never listens," The Computer grumbled.

"Wait a minute! The computer said you have alien DNA! Right?" Skoodge backed away. "Were you in contact with any alien DNA?"

"Of course not! I would never be so careless to allow myself to be tainted by non Irken DNA! Unless of course you count…" Zim blinked. "My PAK! That disgusting Dib Stink contaminated my PAK with his ugly germy inferior DNA!"

"Your PAK?" Skoodge blinked.

"A few days ago I lost my PAK in an accident and that stupid Dib with his stupid enlarged head thought it would be a good idea to keep it from me and he got my PAK attached to his body and…And somehow some of his bodily fluids were still attached to my PAK when I reattached it. That idiot!" Zim yelled.

"Where there you go," Skoodge said. "That would happen if you got his blood or secretions from his antennae."

"HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANTENNAE YOU FOOL!" Zim shouted. "HE'S A HUMAN! A STUPID STINKING HUMAN!"

"Ooh, kinky," Gir spoke.

"It's not supposed to be for that!" Zim snapped at Gir. "Invaders don't need mates! Partners in destruction, yes! Mates, no! In fact our race doesn't even mate or need to mate because of our superior genetic technology and the Hatchery!"

"Saturday nights must be real dull on your planet huh?" Gir blinked.

"It's your planet too Gir!" Zim snapped.

"Oh yeah…" Gir remembered.

"Zim this isn't good. I'm pretty sure there's a rule about Bonding with a non Irken," Skoodge thought. "Even if it was an accident. That's grounds for deactivation right there!"

"What?" Zim turned around and looked at Skoodge.

"Yeah if that DNA is deemed inferior you'd be classified as both defective and tainted," Skoodge said. "And that is not a good combination to have on your file. No offense Zim, but your record has enough black marks in it as it is!"

"Just out of curiosity what happens if an Irken gets…tainted?" Zim gulped.

"No one knows. No Irken has ever bonded ever with a non Irken before," Skoodge said. "But I'm pretty sure it's the same punishment as if you're declared defective. Only worse…."

"Ahhhhh, you'd probably only be killed and chopped up into little bits," Gir waved his hand in a dismissive motion.

"NO! THIS WILL NOT DO! Computer! How do I remove this inferior DNA from my body? Begin the procedure!" Zim got back up on the slab.

"Zim once the Bonding Process starts it can't be stopped," Skoodge blinked. "Don't you remember that from the Health class we took?"

"What do you mean it can't be stopped? It has to be stopped!" Zim shouted. "If it was Irken DNA I could see it but this is inferior human DNA! It has to be stopped! Right!"

"Actually according to my scans this human's particular DNA is quite compatible with yours," The Computer said.

"No it's not! It can't be! I am an Invader! He is a useless Dib Worm! Dib Worms and Invaders don't mix!" Zim shouted.

"They do now!" Gir said cheerfully. "I want snacks."

"Snacks are good," Skoodge admitted.

"Zim his having a crisis and all you can talk about is snacks?" Zim snapped.

"It's always a good time for snacks," Gir said. "Wait hold on...I am remembering...Something..."

"The fact you can remember anything at all is astounding to me," Zim grumbled.

"Didn't you put a lot of human worm baby organs in your body once?" Gir asked. "And one was Dib's? Why didn't you bond then?"

"Because I followed standard proccedure and sprayed each organ with protective non bonding spray before I put them in my body! Duh!" Zim snapped.

"Wait you did what?" Skoodge asked.

"It's a long story. A horrible one when Zim was forced to harvest organs of Earth smeets in order to survive. It was a Dark Harvest," Zim hissed. "YEOWWWWCH!" He twitched horribly.

"You have a lot of those weird long stories don't you?" Skoodge asked.

"No! This is wrong! I'm having flashes of stupid Dib's stupid life!" Zim growled. "Not even the good parts! If he has any good parts…"

Again he felt like he was being shocked. "YEOWWWWW! AND WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE TEN THOUSAND VOLTS RUNNING THROUGH MY SYSTEM?" Zim screamed.

"Maybe something's happening to this Dib you keep talking about?" Skoodge asked. "You're feeling his pain."

"Wait a minute…I've seen Red and Purple get hurt and neither were affected by it," Zim blinked.

"That's because those two have been bonded since the academy," Skoodge explained. "After a few decades you learn how to block the majority of the pain so you can enjoy it better when your partner gets hurt."

"This is bad! This is very bad! I've got to find a way to break it!" Zim paced back and forth. "There's got to be a way for me to stop this!"

"Zim it can't be stopped. Irkens can't stop a bonding process once it's started," Skoodge said. "Our scientists have been working on it for thousands of years. It's impossible."

"Impossible? Nothing is impossible for Zim!" Zim protested.

"Except having a decent conversation where you actually listen to somebody for a change," The Computer remarked.

"Shut your non-face hole Computer!" Zim pointed. "Think! Think! Think! There's got to be a way to stop this!"

"You can't! No Irken can stop this," Skoodge said. "Then again you said this Dib wasn't an Irken so maybe it might be possible if he's not an Irken for him to break it."

"Skoodge! I'm trying to…Wait…Dib isn't an Irken! Maybe I can't break it but maybe Dib can?" Zim had an idea. "Okay I've got a plan…"

"Didn't I just say…?" Skoodge asked the computer.

"That's as close as you are ever going to get with him listening," The Computer sighed. "Trust me on this."

A few hours later…

"Zim how long are you just going to stare out the window?" Skoodge asked. He and Gir were on the couch watching TV.

"Until the Dib arrives and I can unleash my brilliant plan!" Zim snapped. He folded his arms. "That is if he ever gets here!"

"Oooh! Celebrity Circus Acts are on!" Gir pointed to the TV.

"I like that show," Skoodge grinned.

"Where is he? What is going on? Dib never misses a chance to spy on my base!" Zim paced back and forth. "This isn't working. I'm going to have to go over to his house."

"Ooh! That star that just got out of rehab is walking a flaming tightrope over a group of lions and angry monkeys without a net!" Gir pointed.

"Oh you are going to get it Dib!" Zim put his disguise on. "I'll teach you to stay at home and mind your own business!"

"Look the lady fell off the tightrope onto the kitties!" Gir pointed. "Guess she's on the sauce again."

"You think knowing you have to do a stunt like that would motivate you not to drink," Skoodge remarked.

"That's it! Prepare yourself Dib for the destruction of our bond! Which Zim definitely does not want!" Zim stormed out the door.

"Whoo hoo! Monkey bit her on the butt!" Gir laughed as he and Skoodge ignored Zim and watched TV. "Monkey bit her on the butt!"

"That's going to cost a few points," Skoodge winced.

Several minutes later…

"Open up! Open up Dib! I know you are in there!" Zim pounded on the door. "HEY! HEY! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!"

Gaz opened the door and glared at Zim. "Gaz! Tell your stupid brother to come out here and face me like an Invader!" Zim ordered.

"Dib's been grounded. He can't leave the house," Gaz said. "So go away Zim!" She slammed the door in his face.

"WHAT? YOU DARE TRY TO KEEP ME FROM MY ENEMY! AGGGGKKHHH!" Zim felt himself getting shocked again. He thought for a minute. "Ha! The Dib is in his room! How do I know that? Oh right…The Bonding. Okay since the Dib will not come to Zim, Zim will come to the Dib!"

Zim found Dib in his room. "Zim! I thought felt you in here!" Dib shouted.

"Yes! And now you have fallen victim to my latest plot! Muah ha ha ha!" Zim cackled.

"What plot?" Dib asked.

"Haven't you noticed you've been seeing flashes of my life? Knowing I'm near and all that other stuff?" Zim asked.

"Now that you mention it, that has been happening a lot lately," Dib frowned. "Wait! Are you behind it?"

"Correct Dib! This is just phase one of my brilliant plan to take over your mind! Muah ha ha ha!" Zim sold it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dib screamed in horror.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!" Zim cackled. "Soon your every thought and feeling will be my whim!"

"That's just plain evil," Dib said.

"Yes, well that's the point. With my Mind Control Discombobulating Mental Block Technology I will turn your mind into cottage cheese and make you my zombie slave!" Zim cackled.

"No! I don't want my brain turned into cottage cheese!" Dib grabbed his head. "And I certainly don't want to be your zombie slave!"

"Too bad! The power of my Discomtromputor Brain Control Block Technology is mighty! Might for ZIM!" Zim cackled.

"You mean Mind Control Discombobulating Mental Block Technology," Dib blinked.

"Uh I'll use that too!" Zim said. "Foolish little Dib, only the strongest minds in the universe can break free of the control of the Mental Discomboblator Block."

"Wait a second, you just called it three different things! Which is it?" Dib snapped. "A Mental Discomboblator Block? A Mind Control Discombobulating Mental Block or a…What was the second one?"

"I forgot," Zim blinked. "Look the point is I have mind control technology and I'm gonna use it to take over your filthy human brain! Unless of course you have the will and inner strength to overcome it. But I doubt you have that so…"

"Oh yes I do!" Dib yelled. "I have the strength to fight you Zim! Any time! Any place! You will not win! You won't make a slave out of me!"

"Ha! You can't resist my mind control but try! I mean seriously it will amuse me for you to try very, very hard!" Zim gritted his teeth. "I dare you to try it! Maybe you will break the mind control? I don't know. Who's to say? Try it!"

"Wait…It sounds like you want me to break your mind control?" Dib blinked.

"Yes! I mean no! I only want you to try because it will amuse me!" Zim thought fast. "Yes! It will amuse Zim for you to try and escape your cottage cheesy fate! Muah ha ha!"

"You'll never get away with this Zim!" Dib yelled as Zim leapt out the window.

"Okay this will work perfectly," Zim rubbed his hands as he walked away, ignoring Dib's ranting. "Dib lives to wreck my plans! He won't resist this one! He will wreck this one, if he thinks that the bonding is a plan! Even if it isn't a plan but he doesn't know that which means my plan will work and the bonding will be broken and everything in my normal Irken body will go back to normal and YEOWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Dib had stuck his head out the window and the shock collar had given him a very nasty jolt. "ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!"

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBB!" Zim screamed in pain.

Gaz was watching Zim spinning around on the sidewalk outside her window. "I didn't think it was even possible for Zim to get weirder than Dib." She shrugged and went to play her game on her bed.

"GAZ!" Dib burst in. "I NEED HELP!"

"Truer words were never spoken," Gaz sighed still playing her game.

"I'm in trouble Gaz! Real trouble!" Dib went on. "Zim is trying to get me out of the way! He's trying to take over my mind and…Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, Zim, evil plan…fate of the world, yada, yada, yada…" Gaz kept playing. "Got it."

"Not the fate of the world this time! Although that's probably Zim's next step!" Dib yelled. "He wants to take over my brain Gaz! He's trying to take over my brain!"

Gaz put her game on pause for a second. "Zim wants to take over your brain?" She asked.

"Yes!"

"Your brain?"

"YES!"

"Huh…" Gaz blinked. "Odd. If I were him I'd try to take over something that actually worked." She went back to playing her game.

"Gaz! This is serious! I've got to do something before Zim turns my brains into mush!" Dib yelled.

"Too late…" Gaz groaned as she went back to her game.

"Gaz I need your help!"

"You need help all right. But not from me. I don't have the right psychology degrees for that."

"Gaz! I'm your brother! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed you!" Dib got on his knees and begged.

"Dib normally this is the point where I threaten to beat you up and say that you have a stupid annoying voice and I would but to be honest this game is kind of lame," Gaz kept playing. "I think playing while you're screaming is the only challenge I'm getting."

"Ga-az!"

"No, this game is still pretty easy. Hang on…" She looked out the window. "Oh look Zim's out there waiting to ambush you."

"HE IS! WHERE?" Dib went to look. He stuck his head out the open window and was violently shocked. "AAAGGGGHHHHHKAAAHAKAAAAA!"

"Man that never gets old," Gaz snickered. She put the game down. "A lot more fun than my game."

"YEOWWWWAAGGGGKK! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!" Zim's cry was heard down the street.

"Oh no! I just had a flash of Zim being in pain! Normally I would enjoy that but…" Dib got up. He started to panic. "IT MUST BE A SYMPTOM OF THE BRAIN SCRAMBLING THINGY! NOOOOOOOOOOO! I'VE GOT TO FIND SOME WAY TO STOP HIM! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" YOU WON'T TURN MY BRAIN INTO COTTAGE CHEESE ZIM! YOU HEAR ME? I WON'T BE YOUR ZOMBIE SLAVE!"

"Why do I have a very bad feeling that no matter how hard I try to stay out of this, I'm going to get involved?" Gaz sighed as Dib ran out of the room. "And I have an even worse feeling that some kind of stupid catastrophe is on the way."

"YEAOWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Oh well. At least I get to watch Dib be in agonizing pain," Gaz smirked.

"YEAAWOWOOOEEEE!"

"And for some reason Zim is in a lot of pain," Gaz realized as she looked out the window. "No…My instincts are telling me that this is very bad. I have a feeling in my gut that Dib and Zim are pulling me and everyone else around them into a catastrophic nightmare which few will come out unscathed."

"YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! DIB YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BREAK THE STUPID BONDING! I MEAN, TRY HARDER YOU WEAK LITTLE EARTH MONKEY! TRY HARDER!"

"So what else is new?" Gaz chuckled.