Invader Dib
"Are they dead yet?" Purple gulped as the Tallest reached the safety of their ship, the Massive.
"No…" Red moaned as he watched through the monitors. "Those two maniacs got out just before the building collapsed. They're still fighting."
"Maybe we should do something? You know like…DROP A WHOLE BUNCH OF HUGE BOMBS ON THEM?" Purple yelled.
"Bomb our own planet? Yeah brilliant idea," Red said sarcastically. "Have all our people evacuate the area. Let's see how this plays out."
"Let's see how it plays out?" Purple screeched in a high voice. "We know how this is going to play out! A lot of things are gonna get blown up!"
"Yes and maybe if we're lucky Zim and that Dib are going to be two of them," Red explained. "Let them take each other out."
"Take each other out? Okay that's a good plan…" Purple gulped.
"Is it?" A technician asked. "I have a bad feeling this is gonna backfire."
"Just shut up and do your job before I throw you out an airlock!" Red snapped.
"DIE DIB!" Zim screamed as he ran through the Irken city blasting everything but Dib in sight.
"YOU FIRST ZIM!" Dib yelled. He blew up statutes, vehicles, park benches, shot up buildings and the occasional stray Irken in his line of fire.
"I can't believe that my beautiful world of Irk is being polluted by filth like you!" Zim screamed as he fired. He also destroyed several statues and vehicles. And he also blew up the occasional Irken that wasn't lucky enough to get out of the line of fire.
"Now you know how I felt, Zim!" Dib yelled as he shot up a statue of Purple and Red when Zim dodged out of the way. "Every day for nearly two years!"
"I know nothing about feelings!" That hit a nerve for Zim but not the way Dib would think. He found a stray bazooka left by a dead Invader and grabbed it. "ESPECIALLY YOURS DIB!" He fired.
Dib of course dodged. The bazooka blast hit the building labeled IRKEN EMERGENCY SERVICES behind him. He found a stray laser blaster left by a crushed Invader and used that as well. "What's the matter, Zim? You can dish it out but you can't take it can you?"
Zim dodged out of the way of Dib's laser blast. Dib took out another statue, a vehicle and shot up the windows of a building labeled: IRKEN GREEN CROSS. "I can take anything you throw at me Dib!"
"BRING IT ON!" Dib screamed as he fired.
"OH IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT ON!" Zim screamed as he fired.
BOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOM!
"WELL I'M BRINGING IT ON!" Dib shouted.
"YOU BRING IT ON! I BRING IT BACK!" Zim shouted as they fought.
"THEN I'LL BRING IT BACK TO YOU A THOUSAND TIMES IF I HAVE TO!" Dib yelled.
BOOOOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOM! KA BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Red, they're not taking each other out!" Purple said in a worried voice. "They're taking a lot of other things out!"
"Told you this was a bad idea," The technician grumbled. "It is Zim down there after all!"
"Just shut up!" Red glared at him.
"I'm just saying considering all huge mountains of evidence..." The technician explained. "And all the disasters Zim has caused over the years..."
"You must really want a transfer to some ice planet don't you? Keep talking it will happen!" Red yelled.
"I'm just saying I'm with Tallest Purple on this!" The technician said. "Bomb them and kill them both! The damage from the bombs can't be half as bad as what Zim could do!"
"Finally! Somebody with sense!" Purple snapped as he glared at Red.
"Shut up the both of you! Send down Shock Troopers Units 6 and 7!" Red ordered. "Better throw in Eight and Nine just to be safe!"
"Uh Tallest Shock Troopers Units 8 and 9 were with the Ultimate Irken Armada when they were sent to explore Sector…uh…?" An Irken looked at his records. "Well you know? The place with the very big black hole?"
"Oh. Right," Red thought. "Well who's left?"
"Shock Troopers Units 5 and 4 are on the other side of the planet," The Invader said helpfully.
"Well what good does that do us?" Purple yelled.
"They could use the teleportation disks," The Invader explained.
"Oh right. We have those," Purple blinked. "I forgot."
"Fine! Call them for backup too!" Red ordered.
The Shock Troops Six and Seven arrived and surrounded both Zim and Dib. "It's all over you two!" One Irken soldier called out on a megaphone. "Just surrender and you'll be executed immediately."
"Hey! Nobody kills the Dib except me!" Zim shouted. In his rage he fired on several of the troopers.
Dib dodged the blasts and hid under a wrecked vehicle. He grabbed an object out of his backpack. "Take this Alien Slime! One of my Dad's smaller inventions! The Super Soaker Drencher Five Thousand!" He shot it into the air. Actually by it, I mean there were five thousand tiny water balloons that expanded and increased in size. And they scattered all around them in a circle.
"Uh oh…" Zim realized. "I've seen this before!"
Zim managed to duck and roll under the same vehicle before the water balloons fell and hit every Invader surrounding them. The Invaders screamed in agony. "AAGGGH! I'm blind! It burns! It burns! I'm melting!"
"Water gun, Dib?" Zim snarled as he realized he was under the same vehicle as his hated enemy.
"You didn't think I'd come to your planet unprepared did you, Zim?" Dib hissed as he pulled out another water pistol. "Just before I left Earth I brushed up on your weaknesses! Including your aversion to water!"
"AAAHH!" Zim dodged the powerful stream and jumped out of the vehicle. Dib chased him out still shooting. And he hit the Invaders in his way.
"Say hello to the Super Soaker Streamer Nine Thousand!" Dib cackled as he chased him all over, hitting and burning other Irkens.
"Run! AAAAHHH!" An Irken soldier screamed as his skin burned. The Irken soldiers fled for their lives.
"What kind of maniac has a gun full of acid?" Purple was horrified as he watched on screen. "I mean I know we're Invaders and all but that's just too much!"
"It appears we have underestimated this Earth and the Dib," Red growled. "Okay this calls for extreme measures! SEND MORE SOLDIERS!"
"Here's my next secret weapon! Big Weenie Bomb!" Dib yelled as he pulled out a huge box and threw it at Zim. Zim ducked. The box rolled over to several Invaders and Irken soldiers arriving on the scene. It exploded with tons of weenies flying all over the place.
"IT BURNS! IT BURNS! AAAGGGHHH!" The Invaders and soldiers screamed in pain as their flesh was burned by the meat.
"Second major weakness! Irkens can't withstand Earth meat!" Dib cackled.
"This human is insane!" Red gasped. "What kind of planet is he from that can come up with such powerful weapons against us? No wonder Zim hasn't conquered it yet! Actually the better question is considering how incompetent he is the real question is how did he survive all these years?"
"Send out the bombs now?" Purple asked.
"No…Send out more troops! And…And…Wait! What about the vicious Hologuluous Snorklesmirt? We use it to execute other aliens and traitors! Why not those two?" Red tried to come up with some idea on how to handle the situation.
"It's worth a try!" Purple nodded. He pushed an intercom button. "Release the Hologuluous Snorklesmirt!"
With a roar a huge beast was unleashed onto the ground. It thundered and screamed with rage and really big sharp teeth straight towards Zim and Dib.
Then it veered to the left, ignoring Zim and Dib and plowed headlong into a huge battalion of Irken soldiers. The monster tore the soldiers into pieces, their laser blasts barely making a dent in it's shaggy, but very hard hide.
"Oh yeah…We trained that thing to attack large groups first didn't we?" Red blinked as they watched more of their soldiers eaten and killed.
"Yeah we did," Purple sighed. "Now can we do the bombs? Is it time to use the bombs now?"
"Close…But no bombleberry," Red pushed several buttons. "Desperate times call for semi desperate measures! Launching planetary defense Number Two!"
"Two! That's almost as dangerous as Number One!" Purple gasped. "Which one is Number Two again?"
"The one where we engulf the entire planet in the poisonous gas X 231!" Red cackled. "There's no way that Dib creature can survive this!"
"X 231! You're going to poison our own planet?" Purple gasped.
"X 231 is harmless to Irkens," Red explained. "Unfortunately that means that Zim is immune to it but I'll settle for one out of two for now!"
Several thousand cylinders popped out from nearly every building that was still standing on Irk. A strange purple gas swirled around the atmosphere. "What is this?" Dib coughed.
"It's your doom, Dib!" Zim cackled. "This poisonous gas protects my kind, while your kind burns and rots from both the outside and the inside! Die! Dib! Die! Muah ha ha ha! Behold the Death of Dib!"
"Actually I think I'm okay," Dib stood there sniffing. "Hey this smells just like cotton candy!"
"Are you sure?" Zim blinked. "You're not even feeling a little burning?"
"Not really," Dib shrugged. "I mean it smells like some kind of girly perfume but other than that…"
"Not even kind of kind of burny?" Zim asked.
"No, not even kind of kind of kind of burny," Dib shrugged.
"Are you sure?" Zim's antennae sank.
"Positive," Dib shrugged.
"Shouldn't he be rolling around in agony by now?" Purple asked.
"He's immune to X 231?" Red screamed. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? ONLY SOMEONE WITH SUPERIOR IRKEN DNA CAN WITHSTAND IT!"
"Well apparently it is possible!" Purple snapped.
"How can you be standing there, Dib?" Zim snarled. "Only true Irkens with true Invader blood and Invader DNA coursing through their veins…" Then he stopped and remembered something. "Oh right. I forgot."
"Forgot what?" Dib asked.
"Nothing important. Never mind," Zim went back to shooting at Dib and vice versa. Dib quickly ran out of water pistols so he grabbed the nearest laser from the nearest incapacitated Invader he could find. And of course he shot and fired at Zim but missed. Hitting several more Irkens trying to flee the scene or stop them.
"This is insane!" Purple yelled. "They're still fighting!"
"RARRRR!"
"And for some reason the Snorklesmirt is still alive too," Purple moaned. "And killing everyone in sight instead of Zim and Dib!"
"Where are those other Shock Troops?" Red shouted.
"They're headed into the teleporters now!" An Invader said. "And they've got all our robot doom weapons with them! Transporting in three…Two…"
Unfortunately Zim and Dib's battle took place right at the nearest teleportation system. And of course both of them shot up the system and blew it up to kingdom come.
"Oh that can't be good," Red winced as the explosion.
"No it is not, Sir," An Invader gasped. "Those units were mostly still in the transporter beams when those teleporters were destroyed! And since they were destroyed mid transport…"
"I don't suppose it's too much to hope for that they're just stuck in some kind of middle dimension and it's just a matter of finding the right frequency to get them out is it?" Purple asked.
"Well maybe but they'd still be in a lot of little pieces even if we did," The Invader explained.
"Red…Are you sure we can't bring the bombs out now?" Purple's right eye began to twitch.
"No! The SIR manufacturing buildings are over there! Send in an order for them to destroy those morons!" Red ordered.
"How many My Tallest?" An Invader asked.
"ALL OF THEM!" Red shouted.
"YEAH SEND THEM ALL AND BLOW THOSE TWO MANIACS UP INTO TINY BITS!" Purple added.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Before they blow up the planet up into bits!" Red added.
Now while Zim and Dib were fighting, Gir was amusing himself with playing around in the rubble and occasionally watching Zim and Dib go at it. "Ooh! I can make stuff with this!" Gir picked up some broken rubble. "Eh, no I can't."
"Destroy, destroy, destroy…" Several thousand SIR units rolled past him.
"Hey! Where you guys goin'?" Gir went after them.
He managed to catch up to one of the SIR Units. "What'cha doin'?"
"Destroy Zim and Dib. Destroy…" The SIR Unit intoned.
"Oh okay!" Gir said cheerfully. Then he actually had a thought. "Wait a minute…"
"Destroy…Destroy…"The SIR Units chanted. "DESTROY ZIM AND DIB!"
"Destroy…Wait…You mean hurt Master and…?" Gir was stunned. Something rattled in his scattered brain. "No! No! You can't do that! That's not nice!"
"Destroy Zim and Dib!" The SIR Units prepared to fire their weapons systems as they advanced on Zim and Dib.
Suddenly Gir's eyes turned red. "PROTECT THE MASTER AND HIS FRIEND!" He shouted. His weapons systems emerged from his body. "PROTECT!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"What is going on now?" Red yelled.
"It's that Gir thing," Purple yelled. "It's destroying all the SIR Units!"
Gir went from SIR Unit to SIR Unit like a ninja, destroying everything with his weapons and lasers from his eyes. Then Gir leapt into the air. His eyes turned from red to gold. "Super Ultimate Power Gir! Special Power! BYE BYE BOOM!" Gir created a huge ball of energy and threw it at the SIR Units, destroying them all.
Then he created another blast which destroyed the SIR Unit factory nearby. "BYE BYE BOOM!"
"And you made that from garbage?" Purple was shocked.
"Oh flork…" Red's jaw dropped. "I'm too much of a genius for my own freaking good!"
Gir's eyes changed back to their normal aqua blue after he destroyed all the Sir Robots. "Bye bye…" He said cheerfully.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Ooh! Master make that house go bye bye!" Gir said happily.
"Gir! Stop fooling around!" Zim snapped as he had somehow gotten his hands on a very large bazooka and was blasting all over the place. "I need to concentrate here!"
"Yeah Gir!" Dib also had gotten his hands on large blaster. "Let me finish off Zim!"
"Okay!" Gir said cheerfully as he sat down to watch the carnage. "I love this show!"
"Still blowing everything up Red!" Purple yelled. "Sure you don't want to send in the bombs now?"
"Okay, okay…What else do we got?" Red looked around.
"Sir, we just got a transmission from…Roc Harr…" An Invader gulped.
"Roc Harr?" Purple blinked. "He's on Irk?"
"Yeah apparently he stopped off on the other side of the planet at his favorite nectar bar before coming to the meeting," The Invader said.
"Roc Harr? He's the meanest, baddest, biggest Invader we have next to Sizz Lorr!" Purple gasped. "He's personally invaded and taken over thirty seven planets! Ten of them in one weekend!"
"Roc Harr…" Red realized. "The only reason he turned down being the Tallest was that he didn't want a desk job!"
"Roc Harr…Irk's most famous and strongest warrior in our history…" Purple said. The Invaders behind him were in awe.
"He's our only salvation," Red gulped.
Meanwhile Zim and Dib's lasers had run out of ammo. So they were fighting with something else. Namely whatever they got their hands on. "Ah HA! I got a sword!" Zim brandished a sword.
"And I have…A fish?" Dib did a double take as he grabbed a fish. "Where did this come from?"
"Heh! Heh! Heh! Time to die DIB!" Zim cackled as he attacked. Dib held the fish in front of him and closed his eyes. Zim swung his sword.
Only to have the sword break when it collided with the fish. "What the…?" Zim looked at the broken sword handle. "That was weird."
"Yeah," Dib agreed then smiled. He swung the fish wildly and charged after Zim. "EN GUARDE!"
"Not good! Not good! Not good!" Zim ducked and weaved as Dib used the fish to cut everything in his path to get to Zim. Plants, statues…
"AAAAAHH! MY ARM!" An Invader cried out. Pinkish blood spurted everywhere.
The occasional Invader that tried to stop them.
"Okay Zim! Now you are gonna…" Dib began when something shadowed over them. "Huh?"
A six foot tall muscular Irken wearing combat armor and a ton of weapons on him jumped out of a flying starship hovering above them. He landed in front of Zim, facing Dib. "Prepare to fight! Roc Harr is here!"
"Is this another one of your friends you are hiding behind, Zim?" Dib snarled.
"Hey! This is my fight! Get out of my way!" Zim yelled.
"It is clear that you are no ordinary warrior," Roc Harr spoke to Dib. He positioned his sword into a warrior's stance. "I am Roc Harr! Mightiest Warrior of Irk!"
"I am Dib! Protector of the Earth!" Dib snarled as he took a stance with the fish.
"Ah I see you have learned the ways of the fish," Roc Harr took a stance as well.
"Eh, it's something I just picked up," Dib shrugged.
"For a long time I've been looking for a challenge. An adversary worthy of my skills," Roc Har pulled out an even bigger fish from his arsenal. "Are you worthy?"
"There's only one way to find out isn't there?" Dib prepared for combat.
"Uh excuse me!" Zim put his hands on his hips. "Hello? Zim is talking here!"
"Today two mighty warriors shall battle, but only one will survive!" Roc Harr snarled.
"That's fine by me," Dib growled. "I will do what I must to free the universe from evil alien tyranny!"
"And I shall fight to protect my empire and the Irken…" Roc Harr began.
"EX-CUSE ME! HEY! I'M TALKING HERE!" Zim shouted. Both looked at him. "This is my fight! I'm the one fighting Dib! So take a hike and get your own enemy!"
"Zim! Shut up and let a real invader handle this!" Roc Harr snarled. Then he turned back to Dib. "Where was I?"
"You were going to protect your empire and…" Dib reminded him.
"Oh yeah right," Roc Harr nodded. He posed dramatically with his fish. "I will protect my empire and the Irken way of life with my last breath! And nothing shall stop me!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Zim had grabbed one of Roc Harr's very large blasters and shot his head off. Then he shot him a few more times.
"I said this was my fight!" Zim snarled at the dead body. "Nobody kills Dib but me! ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!"
Purple and Red's jaws dropped at what they saw. "Oh this just plain sucks!" Red groaned.
Purple and the first Techinican asked at the same time. "Now can we use...?"
"NO! NO BOMBS!" Red yelled at the both of them.
Zim shot the fish out of Dib's hands. "Ow!" Dib was knocked backwards from the force.
"Blaster beats fish, Dib! Any last words?" Zim cackled.
"Yeah…EAT MY DUST!" Dib grabbed some soil and threw it at Zim's eyes.
"HEY! MY EYES!" Zim screamed as he was blinded. He fired the giant laser into the sky. Which hit a nearby spaceship. Which crashed into a large power plant onto another section of the planet. Which caused a huge fire on that section of the planet. Which destroyed many, buildings and killed many warriors and destroyed a lot of robots. Including a lot of buildings that had explosive materials in them which caused more explosions and more fires all over the planet.
"Red explain to me again why we couldn't use the bombs for fear something on Irk would get damaged!" Purple yelled at Red.
"YOU CHEATED DIB!" Zim yelled as Dib ran away, looking for a weapon of his own. Zim was still blinded so he kept shooting. "CHEATER! CHEATER! CHEATER!"
Of course Zim hit several buildings and statues as he shot all over the place. Including another low flying spaceship which crashed into another building, making another fire. A fire which several Irkens ran out of burning.
"OW! OW! OW! FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" The Irkens screamed. "STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL!"
"Seriously, explain again to me your thought process on this," Purple said sarcastically. "On how not using bombs would save the planet?"
BOOOOOOOOOOM!
One spaceship hit the Snorklesmirt which exploded on contact. Tons of firey meat flew everywhere. Many Irken soldiers left on the ground were hit with it and caught on fire themselves.
"Yeah Red, not using bombs on them was a real good idea," Purple said sarcastically. "Just send out a giant monster to eat our troops and when it finally dies it explodes and kills more of our troops! Real smart there."
"Well if this is so easy, why don't you handle this?" Red pointed a finger at Purple.
"With pleasure!" Purple snarled. He called out to the Invaders. "Prepare the quartron bombs!"
"Finally!" The first Technician rolled his eyes.
"How many Sir?" One Invader asked.
"How many do we have on our ships?" Purple snapped.
"Well the Massive has two and there are five more scattered in the fleet," The Invader answered honestly.
"Then that's how many we'll use!" Purple snapped.
"All of them Sir?" The first Irken Technician was stunned.
"All of them! At the same time!" Purple snapped.
Meanwhile Zim chased Dib into a very large building. "You can run but you can't hide Dib!" Zim cackled as they ran in.
"THERE! FIRE NOW! WHILE THEY'RE TRAPPED IN THAT BUILDING! NOW! FIRE ALL QUARTRON BOMBS NOW!" Purple screamed.
KA-BOOOOOOOOBBBBOOOOM-BOOOOOOOOOOM!
The explosion could be seen for miles from space. Purple turned to Red. "Now was that so hard?"
"Shut up," Red folded his arms.
"I think the question has now been settled once and for all, which one of us is the smart one!" Purple told him.
"Yeah but you blew up a thousand million acres of buildings and stuff including that big one they ran into," Red pouted.
"It was worth it! Don't be a sore loser, Red," Purple smirked. "We'll rebuild. By the way what was in that building anyway?"
"Doom walker factory Sir," An Invader said. "In fact it was the only doom walker factory on Irk, Sir."
"And there goes Ultimate Defense Number One," Red mocked.
"Hey it got rid of those two, so…" Purple began.
"Sir, something is rising from the rubble! We're getting readings!" An Invader called out.
"No…It can't be…" Purple's eye twitched. "It can't be! Tell me this is not happening!"
Two very large and very powerful doom walkers, huge hideous black machines with a lot of legs and a lot of laser cannons and other weapons emerged from the rubble and immediately started firing on each other. And caused much destruction wherever they went.
"It is…" Red moaned. "But how is that possible?"
"My Tallest apparently they were working on a pair of Ultimate Doom Walkers and they can withstand about five hundred quartron bombs very easily," An Invader said.
"And of course there were two of them which Dib and Zim managed to get into just before the bombs hit!" Red yelled. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
"DIE DIB!" Zim shouted as he blasted several rockets towards Dib's doom walker.
Dib however easily ducked them and they destroyed several Irken buildings. "You first Zim!" Dib screamed as he pushed several buttons of his own. Of course they missed Zim and hit more Irken buildings.
"What now oh Smart One?" Red asked Purple sarcastically.
"Use more quartron bombs!" Purple yelled.
"We don't have any more quartron bombs!" An Invader said.
"What do you mean we don't have any more quartron bombs?" Purple yelled. "How is that possible?"
"We don't have any more because there were no more orders to make more!" An Invader cringed. "And you ordered us to use all the bombs we had, My Tallest!"
"What do you mean there were no more orders to make more?" Red yelled. "We're Invaders! Of course we're always going to need quartron bombs!"
"But sir…No more orders to make quartron bombs were sent to the quartron bomb factory!" The Invader cringed.
"Quartron bombs are only made by robot units," Purple realized. "It's too dangerous for Invaders to make by themselves."
"Yes my Tallest, and since the orders for those robots were always given by the Control Brains…" The Invader spoke.
"I see where this is going," Red held up his hand. "Just use some other weapons then!"
"We can't! All our other weapons are useless against a pair of Ultimate Doom Walkers!" An Invader cried out. "The quartron bombs were the strongest stuff we had and they didn't do squat!"
"Are you kidding me? We have all these weapons and advanced technology and troops and you are telling me that they are useless against Zim and a human child?" Red yelled.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"Well to be fair those two do have some pretty impressive technology of their own," The Invader blinked as another mushroom cloud appeared over the planet.
"Figures! What idiot ordered the construction of two Ultimate Doomwalkers with extremely simple controls and capable of withstanding any and all attacks from our own army?" Red shouted.
"Uh…" Purple held up his hand. Red gave him a look. "Sorry Red. I ordered them as a surprise present for your Hatching Day. My bad."
"I'm surrounded by morons…" Red slapped his head.
"My Tallest! Irk is being destroyed! What do we do now?" A technician yelled.
"I don't know! I don't know!" Red yelled.
"Well we have to do something!" Purple yelled. "Let's run away and hide!"
"Running is good! Retreat! All remaining Irkens retreat from the planet!" Red ordered. "Get into the spaceships!"
"RETREAT! RETREAT!" The Invaders screamed as they fled for their lives as Zim and Dib fought on the planet.
"Donuts! I need donuts!" Purple yelled as he ran around panicking.
"Donuts?" Red snapped. "Now? At at time like this?"
"I eat when I'm panicking! Okay?" Purple yelled.
Meanwhile on the Resisty's ship they were watching the carnage unfold. "We should have made snacks," Finn remarked.
"Wow…" Lard Nar blinked. "I mean wow. I mean I said I wanted a savior and a secret weapon to use against the Irken Empire but I had no idea he would be this effective!"
"That Zim isn't exactly a slouch at destroying stuff either," Finn said. "In fact he's doing just as much damage as Dib is!"
"Call our home worlds! Show them what we are watching!" The Meekrob Ambassador ordered. "The time for freedom is now!"
"Hey! That's the Irken Snack Storage Satellite Unit over there!" Lard Nar shouted as he pointed to a nearby floating satellite. "Now is the time to go and steal some snacks!"
"Forget freedom, snacks are much better…" The Meekrob Ambassador said sarcastically.
On board the Massive there was panic. Red was giving orders left and right to panicked Irkens. "Send in Missive One and Two to evacuate the planet! Call Admiral Din and send the Borgolon to send all their ships to blow up those doom walkers! Hey! What are those Resisty doing to our emergency snack rations satellite? GET AWAY FROM THAT! THOSE ARE OUR SNACKS!"
"Oh I picked a bad day to try and give up caffeine…" Purple moaned as he drank some Irken coffee.
"They're headed for the Hatchery!" Red yelled.
CRASH! BOOM! BURN!
"They've wrecked the Hatchery!" Red shouted.
"SAVE THE SMEETS!" Purple screamed in his highest voice. "FOR THE LOVE OF IRK SOMEONE SAVE THE SMEETS!"
"Forget the smeets! Where the flork are the donuts?" Red moaned. "Save the donuts! I need some sugary goodness now!"
As the Hatchery burned hundreds of small baby Irkens were screaming and crying as they were being carried out by robots, Irken doctors and in one case a strange purple donkey like creature. Baby smeets were running around screaming everywhere.
"Get the smeets to the emergency Smeet Evacuation Ship!" A tall blue eyed Irken in a doctor's coat called out as he carried two smeets in his arms. "Get to the Smeet Ship!"
"Did we just blow up a day care?" Dib blinked.
"You sick little freak! Zim was born here! Take that!" Zim used his tentacles to grab the first item he could find. Which happened to be a tiny smeet.
SPLAT!
"Owie…" The little smeet moaned as he was flattened against Dib's doom walker window.
"Oh yeah! Take this and this!" Dib used the controls to extend tentacles of his own to throw back the smeet and grab another smeet and throw it.
SPLAT! SPLAT!
"Owwwww…" The smeets moaned. "I got a hurtie..."
"Oh yeah! Take that! And that! And that! And these! And those!" Zim threw back the two smeets and grabbed more smeets. And so on, and so on.
"AAAAHHHH!" The smeets screamed as they were flung through the air back and forth at both Zim and Dib's fighting vessels
"They're fighting with smeets now?" Purple yelled as he grabbed his head. "What kind of sickos are these people?"
"Huh I wonder why I never thought of using smeets like that?" Red blinked. "Hey look at that one fly!"
"You're really sick sometimes you know that?" Purple gave him a look. "And that's not always a good thing."
"Evacuate the rest of the planet! Any Invader under a Level Seven is to evacuate the planet!" Red ordered. "All Level Sevens and over…ATTACK THAT SHIP!"
Dib and Zim got bored of throwing smeets and were now experimenting with different buttons of the doom walkers. "I wonder what this button does?" Dib pushed a button. Dozens of bombs emerged from the doom walker and blew up every Irken ship that tried to attack them.
"Cut it out Dib! Oh I wonder what this button does?" Zim blinked. He also activated his bombs that went after whatever ships were shooting at them. And of course when those ships crashed they usually crashed into buildings or other facilities which caught on fire.
"Pull back! Retreat! Retreat! Get out of there!" Red ordered. "Nobody attack the doom walkers! Just get out of there while we have ships left! Flee for your lives!"
"Oh this is just not going to be our day…" Purple moaned. "Oh look they figured out how to use the posotronic laser beams. There goes the Academy…"
"AAAHHHHHH!" Several Cadets and teachers fled for their lives.
"Zim you stupid little whoop monkey!" An older Irken shook his fist. "Knock it off!"
"Headmaster Koof! I remember you from my days at the Academy," Zim recognized the Irken. He thought for a second, then pushed a button.
WHAM!
One of the feet on the massive doom walker came down and crushed Headmaster Koof. Zim whistled innocently. "Oh look what Dib made me do. Oh well, never liked that old crank anyway!"
"Looks like Koof's dead," Purple watched on the monitor.
"Well we all knew that sooner or later Zim would kill him," Red sighed. "I'm amazed he lasted this long."
"Yeah I never liked that old crank, anyway," Purple shrugged.
"So what does this button do?" Dib pushed a button. Suddenly a restraining belt wrapped around him. "Uh oh, this can't be good."
The doom walker pulled in it's legs and hovered over the ground. Then it began to spin wildly and flew over the surface of the planet. "I NEVER LIKED THIS RIDE!" Dib screamed as he held on for life.
"Hey come back here!" Zim pushed the same buttons. However his ship started to spin the other way. "No! No! Go after Dib! Dib! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBB!"
"How do you stop this crazy ride?" Dib yelled as he pushed several buttons. Of course that activated dozens of bombs and other weapons that destroyed everything else around the entire planet.
"There goes the Irken Hall of Fame," Purple moaned as he watched the destruction. "Our science labs. Several apartment complexes. Irk's weapons of mass destruction district. The Irken Spacecraft Hall of Fame…The Irken Art Institute where we stole thousands of art from all over the universe…Do you ever have the feeling you never should have gotten out of your recharging station?"
"Every single time I run into Zim…" Red sighed.
"Okay! Here we go! THIS TIME YOU'RE GONNA GET IT DIB!" Zim shouted as he got control of his doom walker and sent it to collide with Dib's.
"YOU'RE GONNA GET IT ZIM! ONCE THE WORLD STOPS SPINNING!" Dib screamed. "AAGGGGHHHH!"
"There goes another weapons factory, the emergency food storage unit…" Purple moaned. "A waste recycling plant…The maim bot factory…Another weapons factory…A hospital...Irk's memorial park of the Ancient Hive Queens. The Irken Statue of Tyranny..."
"You know we can do without the Commentary of Doom here!" Red snapped.
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM-A BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oh there goes some more of the fleet…" Red moaned. "Just freaking….perfect!"
"And there goes a perfectly good donut factory," Purple remarked.
"What did I say about the commentary?" Red snapped. "Oh crap! Zim just blew up my favorite nacho bar! Now I'm doing it!"
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Zim yelled.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Dim yelled louder.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Zim yelled really loud.
KA- BOOOOOOOOM!
"What happened?" Purple gasped.
"Both doom walkers crashed into each other, totally wrecking each other!" Red told him.
"You think they're dead?" Purple asked. "Maybe they're dead and they killed each other?"
"Think again," Red pointed as both Zim and Dib floated down from parachutes. "You didn't really think it would be that easy did you?"
"You know…For a second there…I kind of thought it would," Purple sighed.
"Oh that was not fun…" Dib spun around and around and fell to the ground. Only to find a wobbly Zim staggering over to him.
"It's over Dib!" Zim snarled as he grabbed Dib by the collar. "I've beaten you! You won't do a thing to my precious Irk!"
"Look behind you, Zim," Dib sneered. "I already have!"
"You really think I'm stupid enough to fall for that trick, Dib Monkey?" Zim snarled.
"It's no trick alien!" Dib said proudly. "Your world is finished!"
"Finished! We've hardly just begun!" Zim shouted. "This is Irk, smelly little dookie brain! Glorious Irk! Where Zim…" Zim then got a whiff of smoke. "Where…Zim…" He looked around and saw the entire planet was reduced to rubble and fire.
"Oh…" Zim blinked as he saw the destruction all around him. "That can't be good."
"How does it feel Zim? How does it feel to have your world invaded and destroyed?" Dib sneered as he stood up.
"Honestly, not that good," Zim blinked as he looked around. "Ooh. I know that hole wasn't there before."
An Irken landed his cruiser next to them. "Look what you two maniacs did to Irk!" He came out with his blaster and stormed over to them. "Zim you were bad enough but I had no idea that you would find someone worse than you! You wrecked my planet! You…You jerks!"
"Yeah about that…" Dib scratched his head.
"We kind of got carried away…" Zim did the same.
"Hey wait a minute! Why am I apologizing? You guys are evil and were gonna invade the Earth!" Dib said. "Oh wait that was just Zim. The rest of you weren't. But you're still evil."
"Yeah and now you're both gonna be dead!" The Irken pointed his laser at them. Suddenly a large shadow was over him. "Huh?"
He looked upward just in time to see Zim's ship land right on top of him. "Hi Master!" Gir waved cheerfully. "The meter ran out so I had to move the ship!"
"Good work Gir!" Zim said. "That was convenient! Hey! Where are you going Dib?"
"Thanks for helping me destroy your planet and save the Earth!" Dib cackled as he ran off towards the other Irken's spaceship. "I've even taped our battle so now I have proof of aliens and my victory and triumph! So long Zim! I'm going to show the world what you really are!"
"Oh no you don't! Gir! After Dib! Set course for Earth!" Zim jumped in the ship. He took off after Dib.
"It's over Zim! I won! I won!" Dib cackled as he flew his stolen ship. "AND NOW EVERYBODY'S GONNA KNOW IT!"
"Fool! You may have destroyed my planet and tricked me into helping you destroy my planet and other stuff but I will still beat you Dib!" Zim screamed as he flew after him. "You may have won this war but you will not win the…not win the thing bigger than war!"
"But you and he wrecked the planet. He kind of already won," Gir said.
"HE DID NOT WIN GIR!" Zim snapped. "Not yet! As long as I draw breath in my Invader body Dib will not win!"
"But he…" Gir began.
"Just help me fly the ship!" Zim ordered.
"Okie Dokie!" Gir saluted and did as he was told.
Meanwhile on the Irken ships surrounding the ruined planet…
"Gone…It's all gone…" Purple was in shock. "They've destroyed everything on Irk!"
"No more Hatchery…No more Invader Academy…No more SIR Unit manufacturing plants…No more weapons factories…No more super sized snack stations…" Red was stunned. "They blew up our palace…All our statues of us…Our summer home in West Irk is destroyed! And we were gonna flip that and turn a profit!"
"Oh boy, those property values are gonna go down real fast," Purple groaned.
"The majority of our people are still alive if that's what you're worried about," An Irken Invader said sarcastically. "Most of us got to our escape ships on time."
"Most of the smeets are okay," Another Invader reported from the Smeet Ship. "Although quite a few of them are a little airsick." To emphasize the point a wobbly looking smeet threw up behind him.
"We still sustained heavy casualties," Another Invader reported. "At least ten thousand injured and almost as many are dead."
"Who cares about our people? Zim and his weird alien adversary ruined our lives!" Red yelled at him. "And now we're gonna ruin theirs!"
"What are we going to do?" Purple asked.
"What we should have done when we had the chance! Attention all Irken Ships…" Red's eye twitched as he called on the intercom. "All Invader posts are to be immediately abandoned and rendezvous to Irk! Or what's left of Irk! We're going to invade a stupid little planet called Earth!"
"What the…?" Zim heard the broadcast on his communicator which was open. "Hey! That was my mission! I get to invade Earth first! Why that stupid Dib! He's ruined everything! Well I'm going to go back to Earth and destroy Dib and the Earth before the Tallest get the armada ready! That way they'll have to make me a full Invader!"
As Zim flew off to get Dib and keep him from revealing his secret identity on Earth, Red addressed the troops on the Massive.
"We may be down," Red snarled. "We may have lost several ships and our beloved planet Irk may be in rubble but we are still the Irken Empire! We are still a force to be reckoned with! Even though we only have 35 planets left under our control…"
"Actually Sir it's down to twenty four planets," The Irken Accountant spoke up. "Oops, wait it's now twenty three. That's because a lot of the Invaders you called back for the meeting weren't there when the resistances attacked. Apparently the Resisty showed the whole meeting and the entire battle on their communications channel to several planets so they decided…Oh now it's down to twenty two…Twenty one…"
"Yes we get the picture!" Red snapped. "Okay! Here's what we're going to do! Call back all the ships! Every single invader from every single planet we have left! Every single soldier from every corner of what was once our empire and beyond! This is a code Ultimate Plaid! Abandon their planets and meet us at Earth's coordinates! Use their super powerful star hyper drives so it'll only take a day to get there! Then we're gonna take the Massive and every single warship, fighter ship, whatever…even a garbage scow that has lasers is going to be needed and we're going to go to Earth and blow it up! Then we're gonna go back and retake every single planet over again! Got it?"
"What about the other ships?" Purple asked. "The ones that aren't warships and stuff? They have the wounded, young and very old invaders that can't invade anymore."
"Just leave 'em! They're dead weight anyway!" Red snapped.
"Are you crazy?" Tenn realized. "If something happens to the Smeet Ship we're done for! That ship not only has all the smeets but tons of backup genetic samples and our best geneticists and doctors!"
"What do you care about smeets?" Red snorted.
"No smeets or geneticists, no future Invaders! Is that simple enough for you to understand?" Tenn shouted. She was increasingly getting fed up with the Tallest who she suspected weren't so great after all. "If they all die our entire race dies with them!"
"Fine Tenn, you can stay and watch the smeets while the rest of us get the glory, honor and pure joy of blowing up Earth!" Red snapped as he and Purple stormed off.
But several other Invaders and soldiers weren't so sure this was a good idea. "But shouldn't we regroup and rebuild before we do any invading?" Skoodge blinked. "What if some other alien group decides we're vulnerable and wants to finish us off?"
"You're right Skoodge," Tenn nodded. She pointed to another Invader. "You! Call Invaders Sklell, Deegee, Nia and Kip. I know they'll stay behind and help protect the rest of our people."
"You think they'll ignore the Tallest's orders too?" Skoodge gasped.
"I know they will," Tenn said. "Unlike our Tallest but not Smartest those four have a brain. I have a bad feeling that the Tallest are going to take what's left of our fleet into a disaster! We have to save whatever and whoever we can, right down to the smallest smeet! Our entire race could depend on it!"
"She's right!" Invader El spoke up. "I'll stay too!"
"I've got an extra large cruiser I can use to guard the Smeet Ship," Invader Slacks volunteered.
"Guarding Smeets? You're crazy! I'm going with the Tallest to get revenge on Zim!" Invader Sklud snapped.
"Me too! I mean they are our leaders after all," Invader Skoo spoke up.
"Yeah well those jerks have led us to this!" Invader Pesto snapped as he pointed to the ruined planet. "I'm staying behind to help too, Tenn."
"I'd like to help but I don't want the Tallest to get mad at me," Invader Larb admitted. "Or shoot me out of a cannon for disobeying orders."
"Guess we can't blame you for that," Skoodge said. "Okay everyone who wants to help guard what's left of our planet come with me and Tenn. The rest of you can follow the Tallest."
"Fine, I just hope that the Tallest don't end up leading our people into oblivion," Tenn grumbled.
Meanwhile back on the Resisty lead ship the Resisty were happily eating their stolen snacks. "Victory! We have victory and freedom thanks to Dib!" Lard Nar raised a snack cake in his hand. "And now that the invaders are leaving our planets, we can build an army of our own to protect ourselves from ever being invaded again!"
"Yeah we could make some kind of federation of planets and come together for peaceful co-existence and blowing the crap out of the Irkens!" Another Resisty shouted.
"Good idea! We'll do that while the Irkens are going off to blow up Earth! After we finish our snack meals of course!" Lard Nar nodded.
"I could just get the ball rolling while you eat, since my people don't need to eat anyway," The Meekrob Ambassador suggested.
"Good idea! Thanks buddy!" Lard Nar grinned.
"Anything to get away from you for a few hours," The Meekrob Ambassador sighed as he left the room.
"Should we do something else? Like help Dib and save his planet?" Finn asked.
"Nah, I'm sure he can handle it," Lard Nar shrugged. And the Resisty went back to eating their snacks.