As I am lying in my bed looking at old photos that Finn and I took over the summer, all I can think about is the break up. I messed up. Big time.
I don't know how, or why it even happened.
I was pissed. I was pissed that Finn had lied to me about Santana. That still didn't give me a reason to do what I did.
Finn.
It hurts me every time that I hear his name. It shouldn't hurt me, but it does. I can't believe I attempted to sleep with Noah. Of course it would've hurt Finn. Maybe if I hurt him the same way that he hurt me, it would be even. Obviously, I wasn't thinking at the time.
Maybe I should call him.
No. I've bugged him long enough. I just need to give him time.
I slowly close my eyes, letting the tears that were sitting at bay, flow freely, and I attempt to fall asleep.
Minutes later, I feel my phone buzzing, indicating that I have a text message.
New Message from Finn:
Hey, we need to talk. ASAP.
-Finn
11:58 p.m. December 29, 2010
Wow. That was fast.
Seconds later my cell starts ringing. I gaze at it awhile, trying not to seem so needy. I let it ring for a few seconds, then answer softly as to not wake up my dads.
"Hello?"
"Rach? It's me." He says in a sweet voice.
I'm still unsure of what to say to him. I mean I broke his heart and all. Maybe he's trying to forgive me.
"Finn, it's really late."
There. Maybe that won't make me sound too desperate.
"I know. It won't take long," he began, "I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks."
Yeah. Talk about a long two weeks of him not speaking to me. Two weeks of uncertainty. I tried to leave him alone as much as possible. I know that days after the breakup, I seemed too desperate. I thought for sure that he would forgive me on Christmas. Isn't that what Christmas is about? I'm a little slow when it comes to Christmas, being Jewish and all.
"I know. I have been too," I say softly. "Finn, I'm so so sorry. You don't understand how much I've wanted to come by your house and just make you listen to me."
I really did. On Christmas Eve, after watching old movies with my dads, I took their car and went driving. To nowhere in particular. I just drove. Before I knew it, I was on Finn's doorstep, fist ready to knock. But I hesitated. I ended up turning around and going back home, afraid of rejection yet again.
"I understand. I wanted to do the same. I was wondering, Mr. Schue is hosting a New Year's Eve party for the Glee kids at his house. Would you want to go with me? I understand if you don't, but I'd really like for you to be there with me."
He wants me back! This is a sign that we are getting back together! Maybe Christmas time does bring miracles.
"Of course, Finn. Of course I'll go with you."