When Idiot Worlds Collide
"So this is Earth," Red growled as the Massive and a large chunk of what was left of the Irken Fleet arrived. "It's very…blue."
"Who'd have thought that a planet so remote and technologically inferior could have caused so much trouble?" Purple threw up his hands.
"Sir, according to our scanners this planet doesn't even have decent defense shields," An aide spoke.
"No defense shields? This is going to be easy!" Purple snickered.
"Put up all information we have on Earth on the monitor," Red ordered. "That's probably the one thing Zim did do right was having his computer record all the data on this planet and put it in our databanks."
"Ugh! Those are humans? They're hideous! I mean I thought that Dib creature was ugly enough but…" Purple struggled not to get sick at the sight of humans.
"There's more sir, please direct your attention to the lower screen," A somewhat tall aide spoke. There were images of pest control devices, pest control services, insects being gassed or stomped on to the song 'Kill that Roach'.
"They kill insect based life forms?" Purple shuddered in horror. "Oh the horror! The horror!"
"Insect based life forms are considered disgusting and abhorrent on this world," The aide explained.
"Oh if ever there was a planet begging to be blown up it's this one!" Red snarled. "Prepare for invasion! No! Not just an invasion! An annihilation! Operation Annihilate the Earth!"
"Weird how Invaders Sklell, Deegee, Nib and Kip didn't show up with their ships," Purple mused. "They called and they all said they had engine trouble and couldn't make it to the invasion. Come to think of it Invaders El and Pesto and a few others didn't show up either."
"Forget those losers! We'll deal with them later! After we've blown up the Earth into a billion pieces!" Red snapped. "Wait I just thought of a better name. Operation Blow Up The Earth Into A Million Pieces! MUHA HA HA HA HA!"
Meanwhile back on Earth the President was meeting with several generals and his war council in the really big war room.
"Gentlemen we are in a crisis to end all crisis!" The President spoke, looking and sounding suspiciously like Steven Colbert. "I don't need to tell you what's at stake here! Not only is the freedom and survival of the whole human race in danger, I could lose the next election if this goes really badly! So what's the news?"
"Sir, every country in the world has agreed to use every single one of it's nuclear weapons to destroy the Invaders!" A soldier saluted. "Even Iceland!"
"Iceland? Since when did they have nukes?" Another soldier asked.
"Technically none, they just rent them from us," A general explained.
"Mister President! They're coming!" General Guffaw shouted on the monitor from his post.
"All right everyone, you know the drill," The President said. "While our armies take out the aliens we assume defensive maneuver number one! HIDE UNDER THE DESK UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER!" He and his cabinet dove under the desk. "Oooh! I found some candy!"
Outside the city General Guffaw was at his war bunker preparing his troops. "Scramble all fighters! Prepare the nukes and all missiles!" He ordered. "And let me at the really big button!"
He went over to a huge button which was labeled BIGGEST NUCLEAR WEAPON WE'VE GOT. "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!" The General ordered.
"Uh sir, I don't think they have whites in their eyes," A soldier corrected.
"Really? Oh well just hold your fire until I say so!" The General prepared to push the button. "I'm gonna personally fire the first shot and blast those disgusting green skinned aliens into atoms!"
Back on the Massive: "Oh I am going to enjoy this!" Red sneered as he went over to the controls of the really big laser on the Massive. "I am personally going to fire the first shot and blast those disgusting pink and whatever other colored skinned aliens into sub atomic particles!"
"Here they come!" General Guffaw snarled. "Come and get us you butt ugly…"
"Disgusting pus filled…" Red snarled as he prepared to attack.
"Slimy bug eyed…" General Guffaw prepared to fire his really big cannon.
"Hairy stinky monkey brained…" Red aimed his blaster cannon.
"Disgusting unnatural…" General Guffaw put his hand on the trigger.
"Inferior primitive…" Red prepared to fire.
"FREAKS!" Both Red and General Guffaw shouted at the same time. And they prepared their weapons.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
ZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
"TAKE THAT EARTH! HA HA HA HA!" Red cackled.
"Sir, you just shot a big block of ice at the top of the planet," An Invader remarked.
"Well yeah! As everyone knows if you want to wreck a planet start at the top!" Red snapped.
"I thought you always started at the bottom, you know by destroying the foundation?" Purple asked.
"That's only for burning stuff on the ground. For planets you start at the top," Red explained. Then the Massive shook.
"They're firing on us sir!" An Invader shouted.
"I can see that!" Red snapped. "FIRE BACK!"
"Shields on the Massive and most of our ships are holding," An invader reported as the Massive shook. "Holy crap! There's missiles coming out from all over the planet! There must be thousands of them!"
"So what? Our ships can handle them," Purple waved.
BOOOOOOOOM!
A smaller ship next to the Massive was blown up by a bomb. "Well most of our ships can handle them," Purple said. "Keep firing!"
"I've got a better idea!" Red grinned. "All ships, increase reflective defense shields by fifty percent! Then hit repel forward thrusters! Now!"
The defense shields activated and most of the nuclear weapons hit them, but surprisingly didn't deactivate. Instead they fell backwards towards the Earth.
In the Borgia's secret stronghold…
"Oh this can't be good," A Borgia winced as the nuclear bombs started falling back to Earth and landed all over the planet.
"I told you we should have given these humans defense shields!" Sneer snapped. "But noooooooooo! You said we didn't have to worry about that!"
"We had to advance their technology so it could handle the basic components first!" Bitters growled. "Any idiot knows that! It's not our fault the majority of these humans are so stupid! Even Membrane isn't exactly the sharpest tack in the bunch! Not to mention those idiot humans in charge kept demanding we make other weapons that are outdated!"
"Well duh! They kept insisting on making nuclear warheads! Good thing most of them aren't landing near our base!" Another Borgia snarled.
"But that's gonna screw up the environment for quite a while," Miss Bitters groaned. "Even for our people!"
"It's not like the humans weren't gonna do it to themselves sooner or later," Another Borgia grumbled. "Why don't we send out our own advanced weapons?"
"We sent most of them to take down that stupid robot that trashed half the city!" Another Borgia said. "By the time we destroyed the robot, nearly all our weapons were gone! And what few are left are in the hands of the army and air force."
"So basically what you're saying is that we're going to have to rely on the humans to take care of this problem?" Bitters snarled. "Great! We're doomed!"
The Invaders were having a few problems of their own.
"Look it's basic Invading 101. You go down, blow a bunch of stuff up and take over the capital city of a planet. Take the city you take the world! So what do you mean this planet doesn't have only one capital city?" Purple shouted at an aide.
"Well according to our intelligence these humans are not a united species," The aide explained. "They're always at war with each other and stuff."
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"They look pretty united to me!" Purple shouted as a nuclear warhead hit one of the many satellites zooming around the planet. The space debris from the explosion hit all the ships. It damaged several of them.
Back on Earth…
"Dang it Krelborne! How could you miss? You hit one of our satellites!" General Guffaw snapped at a subordinate.
"It was only a Nickelodeon Satellite," The private protested.
"Oh well never mind then," General Guffaw shrugged. "Never did like children's programming. Too soft and mushy. Except for that one show where they advertised those military toys. Now that wasn't so bad!"
"Sir all our nuclear weapons are doing is mostly scratching their ships and wrecking our planet!" Another soldier said.
"Did you try our experimental biological weapons?" Guffaw asked.
"Yes Sir but they got repelled too and are falling all over the Earth," The soldier said. "They're not really good for fighting enemies in space Sir."
"Well what can we use to get them?" General Guffaw snarled.
"I believe I have the answer to that General!" Membrane strode in. Behind him rose a very big blue laser on a platform. "Science to the rescue!"
"What is that contraption?" General Guffaw asked.
"This is my Quasi Positronic Atomic Reactivator Beam!" Membrane posed dramatically. "It shoots out a beam of combined anti matter, positrons and refracted light particles guaranteed to destroy Earth's enemies!"
"You mean it's a laser?" A soldier asked.
"Well if you want to over simplify it," Membrane shrugged. "Yes."
"You sure this sucker will work?" Guffaw asked.
"General this weapon is so easy to use a ten year old can handle it," Membrane guffawed as he took the controls.
KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
A purple beam of pure destruction blazed through the sky and the stars.
Missing every single Invader ship and hitting the moon. Huge chunks of the moon were blown to kingdom come. In fact a part of the moon seemed to fall off and crumble like a cookie.
"Did they just shoot their own moon?" Purple blinked.
"I believe they did," Red blinked.
Back on Earth…
"Sir about fifteen percent of the moon's mass has been destroyed," A scientist with an Indian accent called out. "By my calculations that will change the intensity of the Earth's tidal waves and their intensity by at least thirty five to fifty eight percent."
"Which means?" General Guffaw blinked.
"If you have any beachfront property in Florida, I would advise selling it," The scientist spoke. "On the other hand this might be a good time to get some beach front property in Nebraska!"
Everyone glared at Membrane. "Uh did I mention that this weapon is a prototype?" Membrane gulped.
"Somebody get me a ten year old that can actually shoot something!" General Guffaw yelled.
Interesting choice of words…
"Zim is this all the information you have on the Borgias?" Gaz asked as she looked at the data pad she held in her hand.
"Yes. And there's a locator in there where you can find their nest. All Borgias have to return to their nest and mentally link with each other after twenty hours for at least twenty minutes. When a fight like this occurs they always cluster together for safety. Are you sure this plan of yours will work?" Zim folded his arms.
"Positive. Just wait for my signal. Okay Dib, you and Zim take care of the Irken Fleet," Gaz said. "Think you can handle that?"
"Pfft! We trashed an entire planet," Zim snorted. "I think we can handle one tiny little fleet. Especially since you helped me install new lasers and weapons in my Voot Cruiser."
"Uh huh, just get rid of them and don't screw up," Gaz said. "Gir! You and the moose come with me! It's time to blow up some Borgias."
Zim and Dib got into Zim's ship and Gaz took off on her own ship. "So how are we going to blow up the entire Irken fleet with only one ship?" Dib asked.
"That little review of my past back on Irk gave me a perfect idea," Zim worked on the computer. "I just need a few minutes to program and…Dib I need you to go get a target practice disk out of that storage compartment there. That is if Gir hasn't substituted it for a cupcake or something."
"Nope," Dib looked in the compartment. "Waffles."
"Great. We need a target practice disk for this to work. Preferably more than two of them. Wait a minute…I've got it!" Zim snapped his fingers. "We'll fly over to that last ship in the back of the fleet and get it there!"
"Are you crazy? They're going to blow us up out of the sky as soon as they recognize us!" Dib said.
"They won't recognize us," Zim smirked as he pushed several buttons. "Uh could you stand over there for a minute? About two feet from where you are now?"
"Uh okay…" Dib did so.
"A little more to the left," Zim waved. "Now a step back. Perfect! Hold still!"
"Why?" Dib asked. Then he looked up and saw a metal chamber hover over him. "This is going to be painful isn't it?"
"You get used to it," Zim shrugged as he pulled the lever.
"YEWOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Dib screamed in pain as the device came down on him and did it's work. "I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO IT!"
Five minutes later….
"This is never going to work…" Dib groaned.
"Yes it will! And try to act like an Irken instead of a stupid hu-man!" Zim hissed. "They're hailing us!"
An Irken Invader was soon on screen. "This is Invader Glin on the ship Missive Three. Who is this?"
But it wasn't Dib they saw. They saw an Irken with black glasses and a very strange tuft of scythe like hair between his antennae. "This is Invader Mem! I had some engine trouble and got here late," Dib did his best Irken imitation. "Uh do you mind if I come over and borrow some of your power tools and stuff? My SIR Unit is malfunctioning."
Zim looked like an imitation of GIR. Well if Gir was made out of silver cardboard. "Beep, bopp, boop! Waffles!"
"What the flork happened to it?" The Invader blinked.
"It got damaged when that idiot Zim and that dangerous human fought on Irk!" Dib got into the role. "I'm lucky to be alive!"
"Oh well that explains it," Glin nodded. "Between you and me I'm amazed there's a fleet left! That Zim is a menace!"
"Tell me about it! I can't stand that incompetent loser!" Dib got into character. "If I ever get my hands on that loathsome, idiotic, stupid…"
"Beep, bopp, WAFFLES!" Zim interrupted, waving his arms wildly. "WAFFLES!"
"All right! I get it!" Dib snapped. He shrugged. "Slave robots. What are you gonna do?"
"Yeah I had a problem similar to that last month. Took forever for the geniuses at the manufacturing plant to get the bugs out," Glin nodded. "Prepare to dock in hangar bay 9."
"Good, by the way do you happen to have any spare target practice disks?" Dib asked. "My SIR unit used them all and replaced them with waffles."
"Oh yeah there's a whole ton of them in Hangar Bay 9," Glin nodded. "Wait what do you need to practice for? There's a whole planet down there to shoot!"
"Oh uh well you know what they taught us at the academy! Always be prepared and keep your ship in tip top shape!" Dib improvised.
"I think they only meant to keep enough snacks on board in case the Tallest arrive for a surprise inspection," Glin blinked. "On the other hand it would be like those jerks to complain about one little thing that's not perfect!"
"Oh yes, the stories I have heard like that one guy who did that one little thing…" Dib went on.
"I know! I heard!" Glin nodded. "Who checks to see if there are purple and red frosting on donuts and cookies? It's insane! Especially on a fire planet!"
"Well of course they are going to burn," Dib said. "It's a fire planet."
"Yeah it wasn't Invader Plin's fault! Banishing him to Foodcourtia was way overkill!" Glin agreed.
"BEEP! WAFFLES! WAFFLES!" Zim shouted waving his arms. "NO TIME FOR WAFFLES! INVASION!"
"Oh right that," Dib nodded. "Well I'll dock my ship and get the supplies I need! The sooner I fix this defective unit over here the sooner I can get back to the invasion!"
"Good idea," Glin nodded. "Glin out."
Back on the Massive…
"What about this one?" Several aides were surrounding Red and Purple pointing to spots on a map.
"Too stinky," Another aide said. "What about this one?"
"Too remote," Another aide spoke up.
"How about this one?" A third aide asked.
BOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Too blown up," Purple said.
"Just pick one capital and invade it!" Red snapped. "How hard is that?"
"Ooh! How about Paris! I've heard good things about it!" Purple looked at a map of Earth. "They have really tasty food there!"
"What about Rome? I could go for some Italian even though I have no idea what it tastes like," Another aide said.
"Oh for Irk's sake! I'll pick!" Red snapped. "Here! Right here! Send our forces here!" He pointed to the map.
"But it's not an official capital," Purple said.
"It's the capital of Insanity!" Red snapped. "That's where Zim has been hiding out and it's also where that wretched Dib creature lives! That's good enough for me!"
"I don't see Insanity on the map," An aide studied it.
"Must be in the suburbs," Another shrugged.
"Just get our ground units down there!" Red shouted.
Several dozen Invader ships managed to land in the city. Actually it wasn't that hard for them because thanks to their shields they were able to deflect any Earth attacks.
"ATTACK!" The Invaders ran amok on the streets of the city.
"I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE BACKED THAT IMMIGRATION BILL!" A man yelled at another man as the Invaders chased them with their laser guns. "I SAID WE NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ILLEGAL ALIENS! YOU AND YOUR LIBERAL BLEEDING HEART CRAP! WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER FOR THIS NOW HUH SMART GUY?"
"LET'S JOIN THE NRA!" His companion screamed as the Invaders wreaked havoc.
In the shopping malls…
"Hey look what I found in my size!" A female Invader grabbed a green dress.
"OOH! SHINY JEWELRY!" Another female Invader cackled as she put on some jewelry. "Diamonds are an Invader's best friend!"
"Don't I look fabulous?" A female Invader modeled a dress and some very big shoes to another female Invader.
"Darling those shoes are to die for!" The other female Invader agreed.
"Speaking of dying can we get back to blowing up the humans?" One very annoyed male Invader folded his arms. There was a group of very annoyed male Invaders standing around.
"Just shut up and hold our bags!" One tallish female Invader piled on a bunch of bags and packages onto the male Invaders.
"Oh this is ridiculous!" Another male Invader snapped. "How could females be so stupid as to be attracted to stupid things in a store?"
"Hey look! Big shiny sports stuff!" Another male Invader pointed across the street. "TVS TOO!"
"OOOHHH!" The male Invaders crooned as one. "GOTTA HAVE IT!"
In the upper east side of town…
"AAAHHHHH!" People screamed as the Invaders ran amok. Some were driving expensive cars and crashing into everything.
In the financial section…
"Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell!" An Invader cackled as he shouted on all phones.
"Greed is good!" Another Invader laughed as he threw money everywhere and set some money on fire.
"Yes I think you should all invest in mace, ammunition and canned goods because civilization is going bye bye!" An Invader cackled as he spoke on a phone. The Invaders rampaged through the stock market building. Chasing brokers, setting fire to papers, shredding papers, just playing havoc with the stock market.
In the really poor side of town…
"ATTACK!" Several Irkens charged into the slum areas.
Only to flee for their lives from a barrage of gunfire and thrown knives. "AAAAHHHHH!"
"And stay out fools!" Someone shouted.
"Uh let's skip that part of town for now," One Invader suggested to another.
"Get out of our town you stupid bugs!" An old woman with a bug spray can snapped.
"Oh yeah like we're gonna be scared of AGGGGHHH!" An Invader screamed as the old woman used her bug spray. "POISON!"
"Take that you stupid overgrown cockroaches!" The old woman yelled.
Meanwhile Gaz and her crew had landed at the outskirts of the Borgia headquarters on Earth. BOARD OF EDUKATSHON the building sign read. "Well there's a shock," Gaz snorted. She pulled out several tools. "Moose, Robot…Let's get to work!"
"YAY!" Gir cheered. Minimoose agreed with a squeak. "We're helping!"
Meanwhile on the Missive Three…
"And those diololcorimonoricon chemicals will also do it," Dib ordered the robots loading his ship with supplies. "And that should do it."
"What are you going to do with all those chemicals?" Glin asked.
"I am going to poison their water and anything else in their atmosphere!" Dib said cheerfully.
"Ooooh! That's twisted. Somebody's bucking for promotion," Glin winked.
"Yes, I think that will be all now," Dib threw himself into the role. "All I need now is my worthless robot slave and I'll be all set for the invasion!"
"Yeah where did that thing go?" Glin looked around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"What the flork was that?" Glin shouted.
"RUN!" Zim screamed. Half of his robot costume was gone. He grabbed Dib and dragged him into the ship.
"Okay! Gotta go back to the invasion! Goodbye now!" Dib yelled as he was dragged into the ship. The ship took off quickly.
"Well that was weird," Glin blinked.
RRRRUMMMBBLEEEEEE!
"What the…?" Glin turned around and saw a huge wave of something orange and gooey rushing towards him. "Oh boy…"
BRRRRRRUMMMBBLEEEE!
The Missive Three was covered in explosions and some kind of gooey film all over it. "One invading ship down, the rest of the armada to go," Zim cackled.
"Do I want to know what you did to their engine?" Dib asked as he removed his Invader costume.
"Uh not really unless you like stories about cheese," Zim shrugged as he finished his work. "There, just these two disks should do it but I'm gonna program 'em all to be safe."
"Good because the invasion is really getting worse," Dib said as he and Zim looked over the battle.
"The armada will be no problem once our plan is in motion. What about the army on the ground?" Zim asked. "How are we gonna take care of them?"
"That's what all these chemicals are for," Dib grinned. "We're gonna saturate the clouds and make it rain."
"Rain? Ooohhhh!" Zim nodded. "Now Zim remembers! The Irken army has no defenses against the wettening!"
"Yeah why is that?" Dib asked. "Are you just allergic to water in general or is it something in the water?"
"Hey when something works I don't ask how I just let it ride," Zim shrugged as he sent out the two homing disks through a chute out to the ship.
"Good plan," Dib nodded. "By my calculations by throwing in these chemicals into this combination in the clouds will start the precipitation immediately."
"Huh?" Zim blinked.
"By throwing this stuff together I'll make it rain," Dib gave him a look. "I just need some kind of chemical infuser and distributor."
"Over there on the left," Zim pointed.
"Oh thanks," Dib nodded. Then went to work.
Back on Earth the invasion took a different turn.
"GET 'EM TROOPS!" The older woman rallied her troops of mostly elderly and shopkeepers. They sprayed the Invaders with all the bug spray they could find.
"AAGGHHH! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?" Several Invaders choked on the poison.
"HEY! I GOT AN ADVANCED LASER BLASTER HERE!" One Invader pointed at the older woman.
"Yeah and I got some Raid!" The older woman snapped as she blasted the poison in his face.
"GET 'EM BETTY!" The crowd yelled.
"AAGKKK! YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FAIR!" The Invader coughed and choked.
"Get off my planet you stinking little green piece of crap!" Betty kicked the choking Invader into some garbage. Then she turned around and ordered. "BRING OUT THE DOG WALKING BRIGADE!"
WOOF! WOOF! BARK! WOOF! WOOF!
"AAAGGGH! GET THESE MUTTS AWAY FROM ME!" Several Invaders ran from some very big and little dogs.
"I AM NOT A CHEW TOY!" One Invader was shaken about in the jaws of a Great Dane.
"THE NRA TO THE RESCUE!" Several biker humans yelled as they waved guns around and started shooting.
"The Southside Ladies Gun Club is here too!" Several women with guns started to fire on the aliens.
"The Girl Scouts are here! And to think! So many parents complained when I insisted that the girls get a merit badge in sharp shooting and hunting!" A female Troop leader tittered. "BLOW 'EM UP GIRLS!"
"Don't forget us in the Mafia…I mean…A bunch of businessmen that happen to have guns!" Several gangsters also drove up well armed. And they started to shoot at the Invaders.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"AAAHHHH!" More Invaders ran away. "THEY HAVE GUNS! THEY HAVE A LOT OF GUNS!"
BANG! BOOOOOM!
One Invader was shot to pieces. "They may not have as advanced weaponry as we do," Another Invader told the others. "But what they do have is pretty effective!"
"Why can't we just use Doom Walkers to attack?" Another Invader asked. "Or our maim bots? Or even our plasma tanks?"
"Because Zim and Dib destroyed them all Goop for Brains!" A third Invader shouted. "We're doomed!"
"Just hold on! We knew there would be some kind of resistance!" Invader Bik, the Invader in charge of the ground assault called his troops. "Just hold on! It's not like they don't have any other secret weapons that can hurt us!"
Drip…Drip…Drip….
"Huh? What the splork is this stuff?" Invader Bik asked. As he looked up. Some raindrops got in his eye. "AAAHH! I'M BLIND!"
"IT BURNS! IT BURNS! AAAAHHHHH!" The Invaders screamed in agony as it rained.
"These guys can't handle a little rain?" One girl scout asked. "Seriously?"
"Get the water balloons," Another girl scout grinned.
Back on the Massive…
"Something is not going well with the invasion on the ground," Red frowned. He turned on the communicator. "What's going on down there?"
"Sir, they have some kind of defenses we weren't prepared for!" One terrified Invader screamed into a communicator while hiding under a leaky deck. "Some kind of wet clear acid that falls from the sky! Our armor is useless against it!"
A drop hit him on the head. "AAAHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
"Acid? From the sky?" Red winced as the screaming hurt his auditory receptions. "What kind of crazy planet is this? Purple! Can you…Purple?"
Purple was watching something on another television set. It was a home shopping channel. They were selling some kind of sweater. "Yes I'm a first time buyer and I already love your selection!" Purple remarked as he called in. "Cashmere is so comforting!"
"What are you doing? Are you trying to buy stuff from the people we're trying to invade?" Red yelled.
"But it's so versatile! And it goes with my eyes!" Purple said.
"For crying out loud! Don't you know a post hypnotic suggestion propaganda technique when you hear it?" Red snapped. He blasted the monitor with a blaster. "In case you haven't noticed we're in the middle of an invasion!"
"Oh. How's it going?" Purple asked.
"Well our ground troops are having trouble but our planetary assault isn't doing too bad," Red shrugged.
BOOOOOOOOM!
The Massive was rocked by a nearby explosion. "Of course there's still the odd explosion!" Red shrugged. "But you know for every one of our ships they manage to blow up we get at least ten of theirs. So it's pretty much even."
BOOOOOOOM! BOOOOM! BOOOOM! BLAMMMM!
"That sounded like more than one," Purple blinked.
BOOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM!
"What on Irk…?" Red turned around and went to the bridge. He saw several Irken fighters and warships getting blown up. "Now what's going on?"
"Sir! Something is flying around blowing up our ships!" An Invader cried out. "No wait…Two things! Two small round disks hyped up with lasers…"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Very powerful lasers," The Invader gulped. "Getting an analysis…"
"Is it some kind of Earth weapon?" Purple asked.
"No, my Tallest!" The Invader gasped. "According to the computer the weapon is from Irk! More specifically…They're target practice disks! Two target disks with advanced settings on their lasers and unusual programming are taking down our ships!"
"Target disks? Our fleet is being taken down by our own target disks?" Red gasped.
"I've seen this before…" Purple blinked. "Where have I seen this before?"
It came to both of them. "ZIM!"
On Zim's ship both Zim and Dib were shooting at the Invader ships as well. Zim was flying. "WHAOOOOOO! No one can out fly Zim!" Zim cheered.
"Zim are you sure you don't mind blowing up your own ships?" Dib asked.
"Eh, not like I haven't done it before," Zim shrugged. "And this time I've got a better reason!"
"This is such fun!" The Computer said cheerfully. "I never get out to blow things up anymore! Oh Zim, the Massive is hailing us!"
"Oh yeah, now they want to talk to me!" Zim snapped. "Take a message!"
"Zim! Zim I know you are out there!" Red yelled into the communicator. "Answer me!"
"Zim can't come to the phone right now," Zim's Computer spoke. "Please take a message and we will get back to you whenever we feel like it."
"Did Zim just…Call screen us?" Purple's jaw dropped.
"RRRRRGGGHHHH!" Red snarled. "AAGGGHHH! ATTENTION ALL IRKEN SHIPS! STOP INVADING EARTH! REPEAT! STOP INVADING EARTH! INSTEAD I WANT YOU TO BLOW UP ZIM! REPEAT! YOUR TALLEST WANT YOU TO STOP INVADING EARTH AND DESTROY ZIM!"
"Red careful, remember your blood pressure…" Purple warned.
"DESTROY HIM! BLOW HIM OUT OF THE STARS!" Red screamed at his loudest, highest voice. "BLOW HIM UP! BLOW HIM UP! TURN HIM INTO ATOMS! NO, SMALLER THAN ATOMS! SUB ATOMIC PARTICLES! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"
This proved to be a costly move. For two reasons. The first reason was when the Invaders first heard the call. Most of the Invaders in the sky were fighter ships and in dogfights with Earth fighter ships. Stupidly some of them turned around and left their backside unguarded when they started to leave the atmosphere.
The Earth fighters took advantage of this. They kept firing on the Invader ships and many of them were destroyed.
"They're turning tail sir!" One fighter whooped.
"Good! Keep shooting!" General Guffaw ordered.
This is how the Irken Armada lost fifteen percent of their remaining fighter ships. And this is how they lost over twenty five percent more.
"Which one is Zim's ship?" An Irken fighter pilot called out. For some reason, the Irken Fighter ships looked almost exactly like Voot Cruisers.
"I think it's that one!" Another said as he shot at another.
"NO! It's not me!" A terrified Irken pilot shouted. "It's not…"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
And so several Irken fighter ships started to fire on each other. Not realizing who was Zim's and who wasn't.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Red screamed. "YOU IDIOTS REALLY CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHICH SHIP IS ZIM'S? SERIOUSLY?"
"Can't we lock onto his ship's energy signal or something?" Purple asked.
"All Voot Cruisers and Invader Fighters have the same energy signal! No two fighter ships are different!" Red moaned. "I wanna know who's the genius that came up with that idea?"
"Uh that was you, My Tallest…" An Invader gulped. "In order to make sure the Massive and the lesser main warships stand out more."
"Could you do me a favor after this battle and throw yourself out an airlock?" Red snarled at him.
BOOM! BOOM! BLAMMMMOOO!
"You idiots stop firing on each other!" Red yelled over the communicator.
BOOOM!
"That one was the target disks," Purple interjected.
"Look! Zim is over there!" Red yelled, pointing to a direction. "OVER THERE!"
"They can't see you Red," Purple said. "Or tell which direction that you're pointing in."
"Fine! All idiots look over there by the Missive Seven! See the ship that's firing on it? That's Zim!" Red screamed. "FIRE ON IT NOW!"
Of course Zim flew out of the way of the laser fire. The blasts missed Zim and hit the Missive Seven, blowing it up completely. "YOU JUST BLEW UP THE MISSIVE SEVEN!" Red screamed. "YOU MORONS BLEW UP THE WRONG SHIP AGAIN! AND IT DIDN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE YOURS THIS TIME!"
"To be fair Zim was always a pretty good pilot," Purple thought aloud.
"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?" Red yelled.
BOOOOOOOOM!
"And there goes a few more ships thanks to those target practice disks," Purple moaned. "Maybe we should try calling Zim again?"
"There is no way I am groveling to that maniac pipsqueak!" Red shouted. "THERE! HE'S OVER THERE! BLAST HIM!"
BOOOOOOM!
"That wasn't him Red," Purple remarked. "He's over there blasting away at the Missive Twelve."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"And once again Zim got out of the way just before our troops shot at him," Purple sighed. "Blowing up the Missive Twelve."
"Try hailing Zim again…" Red snarled. "And the rest of you fighters don't fire at Zim…"
BOOOOOOOOM!
"BLOW UP THOSE STUPID DISCS INSTEAD!" Red yelled. "THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT YOU MORONS?"
"Hey! There's no need to yell! We're doing the best we can considering the circumstances!" An Invader snapped on the com link.
"Ugh, this invasion is not going well," Purple rubbed his head. "Oh wait, I think Zim is hailing us!"
"Finally!" Red grumbled as he turned on the communicator.
"Hello Evil Aliens," Dib remarked as he and Zim were on screen. "This is what happens when you mess with Earth! MUAH HA HA HA HA!"
"What he said," Zim shrugged.
"Zim why are you doing this?" Red yelled. "I thought you hated Earth and wanted to see it destroyed?"
"I do. But then I realized that because you lied to me and tried to kill me and get me out of the way I hate you two more!" Zim shouted. "For all his flaws the Dib has taught me one thing, it doesn't matter what the size of invader on Irk…It matters the size of the invader in an Irk! SO TAKE THIS YOU JERKS!"
BOOOOOOOOM!
"Shields holding at seventy five percent," An Invader called out. "We have some damage but not on any vital areas!"
"He fired at us! He actually tried to blow us up!" Purple gasped. "I mean he's come close a few times but that was always by accident. This time he's doing it for real!"
"That's it! I've had it! I'm going to personally make sure that the scourge of Zim and his little alien friend never bothers us again!" Red snarled as he went to the controls. "I'M GONNA BLOW THEM BOTH UP MYSELF!"
"He's flying around all over the place! He's too fast!" An Invader yelled.
"Not if we use the Tractor Beam at maximum range and power!" Purple got an idea and turned it on. "I'll increase the gravity so when that ship gets in a range at two feet from us it'll be squashed like a tin can filled with squishy things!"
"And then I'll blow them up! HA HA HA!" Red cackled.
"Sir, our tractor beam is pulling in and destroying all our other ships!" An Invader yelled. "We've just lost five fighters!"
"I DON'T CARE! IT'S WORTH IT AS LONG AS WE GET ZIM!" Red shouted. "AH HA! GOTCHA YA LITTLE FREAKS!"
"We're caught in a tractor beam!" Zim yelled. "They're pulling us in and using the gravity pull to crush us!"
"I've got an idea!" Dib said. "Computer…Locate the Snack Storage section on the Massive!"
"Primary or secondary?" The Computer asked.
"Both!" Dib yelled.
"Snack Storage areas in identified compartments on screen," The Computer put the ship's data on screen.
"Target all firepower to both sections," Dib ordered. "Those sections are unguarded by the shields!"
"Okay first of all this is my ship! I give the orders! Secondly…How did you know about the Snack Storage section on the Massive?" Zim asked.
"From your memories!" Dib gave him a look. "Remember the time you accidentally jettisoned all those donuts on the Massive while they it was doing maneuvers near Regis 4?"
"Oh yeah," Zim blinked. "I remember that now. Oh I get it! Heh heh…This is gonna be good!"
"So…You do want me to target those areas?" The Computer asked.
"YES!" Both Dib and Zim shouted.
"I was just asking," The Computer said as it did what it was told to do. "You don't have to yell."
"Oh I've got you now…" Red cackled as he prepared to fire. "I've got you now! I should have done this a long time ago! Say goodbye Zim! Say goodbye…"
BOOOM! BOOOM!
"Fight all you want! Our essential ship components are protected!" Red cackled. "Say goodbye to…"
Suddenly several objects started to float in front of the Massive's bridge window. "OUR SNACKS!" Purple screamed.
"What? No! NO!" Red yelled as several snacks started to clog up the window. "GET OUR SNACKS OUT OF THERE!"
"Sir, some of the snacks are being pulled into the tractor beam!" An Invader yelled. "Their gooey goodness is being pulled in and pummeled! It's leaking into our main systems!"
FLORK! FRRRRUMBBLEE!
"Tractor beam is disabled, my Tallest!" The Invader shouted. "What's left of those snacks have gunked up our other systems! They're leaking into everything! Including…"
KASHOO-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Our main propulsion systems?" Red gulped. "Rendering our ship completely immobile?"
"Yes sir, and by the way a piece of that destroyed moon is headed our way," An Invader pointed. "I know you can't see it on the screen. But it's a big chunk and it's headed straight for us!"
"Actually we can see it," Red looked out the window. "And that is a big hunk of moon."
"Uh oh…" Purple gulped. "This is not good…"
"I think we should get in our escape pod now," Red blinked.
"Good idea," Purple agreed. He looked at the crew. "Invaders…This is a nice ship. I think you should go down with it. Toodles!" The Tallest then ran over to a chute and went down it into a waiting escape pod.
"WAIT A MINUTE!" An Invader screamed. "ARE THEY KIDDING US?"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! ABANDON SHIP! EVERY INVADER FOR HERSELF!" The Invaders ran around screaming. "THERE YOU GO WITH THAT SEXIST STUFF AGAIN! JUST SHUT UP AND GET TO THE ESCAPE PODS!"
One Invader was trapped in the chaos and managed to see a very close up image of the moon chunk head straight forward the bridge. "Oh this is gonna hurt…" The Invader winced.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The Massive was destroyed. "The Massive is gone! And so is more than half of our fleet!" An Invader on the Missive Eleven screamed. "What do we do Captain?"
"Get the flork out of here!" The Invader Captain in charge of the Missive Eleven yelled. "What do you think we should do?"
"Retreating does sound like a good idea," The first Invader agreed as another Irken ship blew up.
"CALL THE RETREAT! RETREAT!" The cry went out.
"There are some escape pods from the Massive!" One Invader called on another ship.
"Pick up every survivor you can!" An Invader ordered. "We're getting the Fleck out of here!"
"Don't forget us!" An Invader flying a ship that had landed on Earth zoomed past them. "No wonder that planet hasn't been conquered yet! That place is crazy!"
"We barely got out of there with our lives!" Another Invader on that same ship shouted. "Acid falling from the sky! Insane natives armed to the teeth with guns and poison…Dogs! It's madness down there! Madness!"
"If those savages want that planet so bad they can have it! I wanna go home!" Another Invader wailed.
"Zim! We did it!" Dib yelled. "They're retreating!"
"Good now we can do phase two!" Zim yelled. "Where's that satellite?"
"Over there! Transmitting data and programming now!" Dib said as he worked on the computer. "Transmission programming complete."
"Now what?" Zim asked.
"Let's land over on that building there," Dib pointed to a large roof. "That's near where the army is. Now comes the hard part."
"I just hope that scary sister of yours did her job," Zim grunted.
"I heard that Zim," Gaz's voice came over the communicator. "And I did. Now we're ready for phase three."
"Okay…Here comes the tricky part," Dib nodded.
Back in the bunker…
"I don't believe it! The invasion is over!" Several Soldiers whooped.
"Colonel are you sure what you just told me?" General Guffaw asked.
"Well it definitely wasn't us that blew up all those invader ships," The soldier told the General. "From what few transmissions I could get it seems Dib and this Zim character did a lot of damage."
"I'll be damned," Miss Bitters slithered in. "Those idiots actually accomplished something for a change."
"I knew it!" Membrane guffawed. "I knew my boy had real science in his blood! He gets his intelligence to fight aliens from me! Of course he is my clone. Where else would he get it from? It's all from me!"
"Oh yeah? Then where the hell did he get his shooting skills from?" General Guffaw glared at him. "Because obviously he didn't get them from you!"
"I said I was sorry for blowing up a small part of the moon," Membrane gave him a look. "It was an accident!"
"The boys are landing nearby," Bitters frowned. "Let's get them before this becomes an even bigger fiasco! Which knowing them it probably will be!"
"She's right. We'd better corral them and keep them under wraps before the public finds out," General Guffaw grunted. "Good news Membrane, your clone is actually useful enough not to be destroyed."
"Sir! That invader ship we think has Dib on it has landed on the roof next door!" A soldier said.
"Well then let's welcome the little hero home," Guffaw snorted.
Speaking of which…
"HA! Success! Zim has done it! Zim has…." Zim ran out of the ship. Then he realized it was still raining. "RAIN! AAGGGGHHH!"
"Zim! Zim you idiot! Get out of the rain!" Dib yelled. Zim gasped and fell down. "ZIM!" Dib ran to his side.
The rain started to stop and a rainbow illuminated the sky. "Oh Zim! You're dead! Dead!" Dib wailed dramatically. "And I didn't get to insult you one last time!"
"Actually I'm okay," Zim sat up. He looked at his arms. "There is no burning. Odd I don't remember covering myself in paste." He scratched his head.
"Hey wait a minute! Remember how back on Irk I was immune to that poison death cloud because your people are immune?" Dib realized. "And I have your DNA inside of me?"
"How could I forget?" Zim grumbled. "Do we have to go over this now?"
"Zim! My DNA inside you must make you immune to water!" Dib snapped.
"Huh? Oh yeah," Zim got up and tentatively splashed in a puddle. "Hey this stuff isn't so bad once you remove the horrible burning sensation and the eating of the flesh."
"Can we get back to dealing with our other problem?" Dib asked as the several soldiers ran towards them.
"Oh right," Zim nodded. "This might get tricky."
"Good job Dib Clone," General Guffaw, Membrane, Miss Bitters and several troops were ready to greet them. "You got rid of all the invaders! I guess you're good for something after all!"
"Well you see the thing is…I didn't get rid of all of them," Dib cackled manically. "We all know that don't we?"
"Yes well there's nothing you can do about that is there?" Bitters loomed over them. "This is how it is going to be boys. You two are our newest weapons against the Irken Armada and other alien menaces. And you'd better keep this whole thing a secret or else!"
"Uh let Zim think about that for a moment," Zim made a thought pose. "How about…NO!"
"What did you say?" Miss Bitters snarled, as she raised her eyebrow.
"Let me handle this, Zim," Dib said. He looked at Miss Bitters and said sweetly. "What Zim meant to say Miss Bitters is…No way in hell you revolting, bitter, old, ugly, disgusting, mean spirited bitch!"
"Dib! Language!" Membrane was horrified.
"Why you little…" Miss Bitters snarled as she raised a talon.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"Attention people of Earth! Attention! The Invasion is still going on! Repeat! The Invasion is still going on! Earth still has enemy aliens in our midst! Watch and learn! Watch and learn!"
"What the…? Who's on that PA system?" Miss Bitters snarled.
"Gaz?" Membrane recognized the voice.
"Holy crap Sir! Look over there!" A soldier pointed to a large television in the distance. It ran scenes of the Borgia arriving and infiltrating Earth.
"What in the world…?" General Guffaw gasped.
"Sir according to our scanners this message is being broadcast all over the planet! On every TV, computer and other technological gadget!" Another soldier cried out.
"Hey! It's even on my IPAD!" Another yelled.
"But how…?" Membrane gasped. Then he heard something. They saw Gaz's ship hover. Gaz came out with Gir holding a camera. "Gaz!"
"Your memory enhancer also had a recording device on it," Gaz said. "I saw it was on. So I took the disk and with a few modifications to the cable and satellite connections…"
"Smile! You're on Candid Camera!" Gir said cheerfully.
"Thanks for coming Bitters," Gaz smirked. "This makes things so much easier. Boys if you don't mind?"
"Not at all dear sister," Dib grinned. Then he kicked Miss Bitters in the shin.
"YEOW!" Miss Bitters howled.
"Aw Dib you shouldn't kick your teacher like that," Zim smirked. "You should kick her like this!" He kicked her in the other shin.
"YEARRRRGGGHHH!" Miss Bitters snarled. "You little…"
"Come and get us!" Dib stuck out his tongue.
"Oh you bet I will you…" Miss Bitters slithered after them, changing her feet into a tail.
"Bitters! No! Your tail is showing!" Guffaw yelled.
"What?" Bitters realized her mistake.
"Look people! ALIEN!" Dib happily pointed at Miss Bitters.
The people of Earth were still glued to the TV even during an alien invasion. "Hey! That's an alien too!" A man shouted.
The people of Earth were not happy about this revelation.
"Wanna see more aliens?" Gaz smirked. "Moose! Split screen now!"
Suddenly a shot on the screen was shown of both Miss Bitters and on the other side the other Borgia in their hiding spots. Some of them looked distinctly reptilian. "Busted!" Gaz cackled.
"How did we get on TV?" One Borgia blinked.
"Take a good look people of Earth!" Dib shouted. "These aliens have been secretly controlling Earth for years! And our own governments have been collaborating with them!"
"Pay no attention to the idiot human child on the TV!" A Borgia shrieked.
"Don't call him a human child you idiot!" Another Borgia yelled.
"Don't you call me idiot, idiot!" The first Borgia shouted.
"You are an idiot!" The Borgia began to fight with each other.
"You are all idiots!" Bitters snarled. "So you pathetic humans finally figured it out!"
"Because I told them!" Dib shouted.
"No one likes a tattletale, Dib!" Bitters growled.
"Hey wait…You're a Borgia right?" Zim blinked.
"Yeah so?" Bitters snarled.
"How come you're outside in the sunlight? Sunlight is deadly to Borgias," Zim blinked.
"Three words genius: sun block lotion!" Bitters folded her arms. "What I can't figure out is why you're not a writhing mass of pain, Zim! You Irkens can't stand water, especially polluted water! And you're not covered in paste!"
"Oh that," Dib said. "Well that's kind of a long story."
"That's not important right now! Your reign of terror over human worm babies is over Bitters!" Zim said.
"Don't be so sure!" Bitters growled.
"Borgias! Well that explains a few things!" Red's voice was heard.
"What the…?" Dib looked upwards.
There was a large escape pod type ship puttering around. On top of the ship was a huge monitor. "Can you hear me now?" Purple was on the monitor along with Red tapping on the microphone.
"Of course they can hear us you moron!" Red snapped. "They can see us too!"
"You loathsome Irkens!" Bitters snarled. "You destroyed our home world and nearly killed off our race! So we came to this planet to rebuild and prepare to invade your pathetic planet!"
"Hey! We only wiped your people out because you tried to wipe our people out first!" Red snapped.
"What?" Dib blinked.
"You think Irkens were always invaders?" Purple asked. "Believe it or not there was a time when we were once a peaceful race. Until those jerks came along!"
"We learned the hard way that you're either an invader or an invaded in the universe!" Red explained. "So we chose to be invaders!"
"Can somebody shoot those aliens?" General Guffaw yelled.
"Okay. Minimoose," Gaz smirked. "Get 'em!"
"SQUEEEEAKKKKK!" An animal's wail was heard on screen.
"What the flork was that?" A Borgia asked.
On screen Minimoose flew in, his antlers glowing. "SQUEEEEK!"
"What the…? YEOW! AAGGGHHH!" The Borgia screamed as they were blasted by the glowing antlers of Minimoose.
"NO! OUR NEST!" Bitters howled.
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought you meant the Borgia since they're the only threat left," Gaz smiled sweetly. "My mistake!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oooh, that's a pretty explosion," Purple remarked.
"Just drive the stupid ship before we're next!" Red yelled. The Irken pod started to putter away into space.
"Bye bye Borgias," Dib cackled as the building and all the Borgias were blown to bits.
He was grabbed from behind by Bitters. "Still one left…" She snarled. "I should have killed you when I had the chance you loathsome inferior clone!"
ZAP!
"YEOW!" Miss Bitters screamed as she was shot in the behind. She dropped Dib and spun around. "YOU!"
"Actually…I'm the one you should have taken out when you had the chance," Gaz said calmly as she held a blaster on Bitters. "Not that it matters any more!"
"Gaz…" Dib was startled.
"Go! I've got this!" Gaz told them. The boys didn't argue. They ran to their ship with Gir behind them.
"I should have known," Bitters snarled. "This battle was predestined. Our paths were bound to cross sooner or later."
"Well duh," Gaz said. "You teach the next grade up!"
"And now you will learn the same painful lesson your brother learned," Bitters circled Gaz. "I can not be beaten!"
"I'm not my brother," Gaz snarled back. "I'm stronger."
"Only one of us will walk away," Bitters roared and extended her claws as she charged for the battle.
"Let's dance," Gaz smirked. She dodged and fired but Bitters dodged as well. The two females fought furiously on the roof.
"So uh what do we do now?" One soldier asked.
"Didn't any of you geniuses think of grabbing the clone and the alien before they got away?" Guffaw yelled.
"You didn't order us to sir," A soldier asked. Guffaw slapped his head.
"Never mind…It's not like those two idiots can cause even more damage…" Guffaw grumbled.
Oh how wrong he was.
"Hello! I'm still on TV!" Gir waved to the camera he held in his hands.
"Wait a minute…The Irken fleet is pretty much gone and the Invaders are routed," Zim blinked as they flew. "So what exactly are we doing flying around in the ship?"
Dib laughed. "Okay…Dib what are you doing?" Zim raised an antennae.
"What I should have done from the beginning. Hey Zim…Wanna help me destroy the Earth?" Dib cackled.
"I thought you'd never ask," Zim grinned. Both laughed manically as they used the spaceship and the extra target practice disks to blow up everything in sight.
"What is that idiot boy of yours doing, Membrane?" General Guffaw shouted.
"I…I don't know…" Membrane was at a loss.
WHOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!
"What the dang blame gum shoe is going on now?" General Guffaw shouted as he looked downwards. A huge wave of water had started to make it's way through the city below.
"Looks like the ice caps have melted and Cleveland is finally going to get some beachfront property," Membrane remarked.
BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOM!
"Come on! We have to do something to stop that crazy clone and that idiot alien!" General Guffaw yelled as the rest of the army went to deal with the latest threat.
"What about our fighter jets?" Someone shouted.
"We have some left but a lot of them were blown up already by the Invaders!" Guffaw shouted. "Just get whatever you can in the sky to blow those maniacs out of it!"
Meanwhile Gaz and Bitters fought each other. Gaz managed to dodge Bitters' claws and attacks but Bitters dodged most of Gaz's laser blasts. Until Bitters slashed apart the blaster. And as she lunged she missed Gaz but slashed off Gaz's trademark necklace, shattering it to pieces.
"That…Was my favorite skull necklace…" Gaz snarled. "Now I'm mad!"
"Oh I'm so scared," Bitters mocked. Her tail whipped around and knocked back Gaz hard. So hard she fell off the roof.
"SQUEEEAK!"
Minimoose caught Gaz. Minimoose had managed to expand his sides so that he was swollen enough to carry Gaz. "Moose…I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," Gaz smirked as she managed to ride Minimoose's back. "Now let's get her!"
"Squeak!" Minimoose said happily. Then it shot out several small missiles at Bitters from his harness.
Bitters swore as she dodged the blasts, barley missing the shots before they landed. She zoomed in her snake like form. Bitters leapt from roof to roof as Minimoose fired, blowing up building after building.
Bitters made a tactical move. She managed to leap onto a chimney and twist in the air. She grew her claws longer as she soared straight towards Gaz. "Time to die little girl!"
"You first!" Gaz shouted as Minimoose made an upside down twist, dodging Bitters.
Bitters then realized she made two tactical errors. One she was fifteen stories over the ground with nothing but street to stop her. The second was that Minimoose was very fast and had her lined in his sights.
"Oh crap…" Bitters gritted her teeth before she was shot by several blasts from Minimoose's antlers and fell several stories to the ground. Probably the only dry ground left in the city.
Minimoose landed on the ground next to Bitters. Gaz got off her new friend and looked at the body. "That'll do Moose," Gaz scratched Minimoose's head. "That'll do."
"Gaz! We have to stop your brother!" Membrane ran up to her. "He's wrecking everything!"
"Why should I?" Gaz asked bitterly. "If you ask me Earth is getting what it deserves. You're getting what you deserve."
"Gaz please! I taught you better than this!" Membrane pleaded. "I taught you to value human life and how precious the Earth is!"
"No, you didn't," Gaz told him.
"Are you sure?" Membrane blinked.
"Yeah pretty sure," Gaz said. She pulled out a device that made a clicking sound. Gaz's stolen Borgia ship flew down next to them.
"Oh," Membrane scratched his head. "Well…I always meant to teach you to value human life and all that stuff. That counts for something right?"
"Dad," Gaz looked at him. "You suck." She went into her own ship with Minimoose and flew away, blasting buildings and destroying fighter planes.
"This is for not listening to me!" Dib crowed into the ship's PA system as he shot up several buildings. "I warned you people! I warned you! But did you listen to me? No! You called me crazy! Well who's the crazy one now? Huh?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"I tried to be good! I really did!" Dib went on. "I tried doing everything I could to protect the Earth and help the human race and what did it get me? WHAT? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT GOT ME! YOU LAUGHED AT ME! CALLED ME A FREAK! TREATED ME LIKE I WASN'T EVEN HUMAN! TRIED TO TURN ME INTO HAIR GEL! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU TREAT SOMEBODY WHO SAVES YOU FROM TWO ALIEN INVASIONS IN ONE WEEK!"
Dib pulled the trigger on the blasters and blew up what was left of the Skool. "YAAAAYYY! DIB!" Several kids cheered.
"Oh yeah now you all like me!" Dib yelled. "Now you think I'm cool! Where were you stuck up jerks when I needed you? Would it have killed you to give me the benefit of the doubt once or twice? Because actually it's probably going to kill you because you didn't!"
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"AAAAHHH!" The children fled in terror as Dib shot at them. They barely escaped Dib's firings, mostly because Dib didn't want to kill them. Just make them suffer.
"I warned you! I kept warning you and warning you and screaming warnings at you until I became hoarse!" Dib shouted. "But did you listen to my warnings? No! You all laughed at me and called me crazy and made fun of my big head even though I kept showing you proof again and again and you ignored it! It was like you all wanted the Earth to be destroyed! Well…If that's what you all really want….Who am I to deny it?"
"KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"
"YOU ALL WANT THE EARTH TO BE DESTROYED? FINE! IF DESTROYING THE EARTH IS WHAT YOU WANT, DESTROYING THE EARTH IS WHAT YOU GET!" Dib cackled as he launched more laser blasts at several buildings.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" People fled the TV station that showed Mysterious Mysteries as Dib blew it up.
"Why so sad? I thought you said that crazy people give you great ratings?" Dib snarled. "I'll give you ratings through the roof!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Actually, I'll blow up a few roofs!" Dib shouted. "And a few walls, a few buildings and a few hundred blocks of city!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"I wanted to be good," Dib yelled. "I tried to do the right thing and protect humanity…Only to find out I'm not considered human am I?"
"Like that's a bad thing?" Zim asked as he used the controls to have his remaining disks blow up a few more cities.
"All I wanted was just a little recognition…A little love and kindness!" Dib screamed. "But all you saw was a crazy clone boy! Well I've had it! I've been pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and…You get the idea! You can only push someone so far so long before they push back! AND I'M PUSHING BACK BABY!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Hey Dib would you leave me some buildings for me to blow up?" Zim snapped. "Oh never mind. I'll just use the remote control on the disks to blow up all the other cities all over the world."
"You all wanted me to be normal and to be sane! But if being normal and sane means being stupid and accepting your doom then forget it! I REJECT BEING NORMAL AND SANE! I HATE HUMANITY!" Dib screamed at the top of his voice. "I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!"
"Whoa…Maybe this bonding thing won't be so bad after all?" Zim blinked.
"DAD THIS IS ALLYOUR FAULT!" Dib screamed at the top of his voice. "YOU MADE ME THIS WAY DAD! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDD!"
"Spoke too soon…" Zim sighed. "Oh well…Might as well make Spurkleberry punch out of Spurkleberries." He went back to destroying buildings and fighter pilots with glee.
"You know the worst part of this whole thing Dad?" Dib shouted. "I looked up to you! I admired you! And you turn out to be a collaborator! You let the Earth get enslaved by an alien race all in the name of science!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Look at all the stuff you did in the name of science!" Dib yelled. "Science doesn't tuck your kid in at night Dad! Science doesn't sit at the dinner table at night and feed your child decent food! Science doesn't spend time with your kid! WHY DIDN'T YOU SPEND TIME WITH ME? I TRIED SO HARD TO PLEASE YOU BUT NO MORE! FORGET IT! YOU HEAR ME DAD?"
"Okay this is the most pathetic evil rant I have ever heard," Zim blinked.
"Does Dib always have to embarrass me?" Gaz groaned.
"Squeak?" Minimoose mooed.
"You're right Moose," Gaz flew her ship. "I'd better pick up a few things from home. We might be gone a while."
Dib madly ranted and raved as he flew around, blowing up building after building and any fighter plane able to get near them. "You never had time for me! You never had time for me!" Dib raved.
"You know…blowing up this pathetic excuse of a planet isn't as much fun as I thought it would be," Zim yawned. "I mean seriously. After all this time of plotting and scheming…"
"AND ANOTHER THING, YOU NEVER CAME TO A PARENT TEACHER MEETING! YOU JUST SENT YOUR STUPID ROBOT WITH THE VID PHONE ON IT!" Dib was heard screaming. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THAT MADE ME LOOK IN FRONT OF ALL THE KIDS AND TEACHERS? HOW IT MADE ME FEEL?"
"Seriously…All I had to do was work on Dib's Father complex," Zim groaned as he casually blew up another building. "And boom! He does most of the work for me! Boy do I feel stupid! Not as stupid as Dib but I digress…"
BOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM!
"THERE GOES ANOTHER SCIENCE BUILDING DAD! HA HA HA HA!" Dib cackled. "GOODBYE MEMBRANE INSTITUTE! HA HA HA!"
"It was so freaking obvious," Zim sighed. "How did I miss it?"
"You know while Dib is acting nuts I might as well do some shopping," Gaz smirked as she touched down next to a building that said MOST EXPENSIVE AND COOLEST GAME SLAVE STORE EVER.
She went out of her ship with a blaster and cheerfully whistled as she blew open the door. The sounds of screaming and blasters were heard inside. A few minutes later, Gaz walked out. Carrying several bags and boxes worth of games and equipment were three very scared and slightly charred employees. "Throw it in the ship and watch the merchandise!" She snapped. "And don't fall in the puddles!"
"No wonder you wouldn't listen to me about Zim and his plan to take over the world!" Dib went on as he kept blowing up everything in sight. "You were already working with aliens that already took over the Earth! Oh the lies! The lies upon lies you lying liar!"
"Yes Membrane, it's not good to lie to your children," Zim called out.
"See? Even he knows that!" Dib yelled. "And he's an alien!"
"Seriously Membrane, you really messed him up," Zim spoke.
"He did! Didn't he?" Dib yelled.
"He sure did," Zim remarked. "Kids let this be a lesson to you. Don't ever neglect your clones. It could really screw them up."
"SCREW THEM UP BIG TIME!" Dib yelled.
Meanwhile Gaz had made her way to a huge convenience store. "Throw it all in boys!" Gaz ordered the employees as they threw in several boxes of frozen pizza, soda, frozen waffles, popcorn and all kinds of fast food.
"Oh here's another lie," Dib snarled as he tore through a park area. "Sorry son, I'm too busy to take you to the father son picnic! I have to work on science! WORK ON THIS DAD!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Maybe I should steal some medication just to be on the safe side?" Gaz sighed. She went to a nearby pharmacy to steal some medicine and other items.
"IS THIS ENOUGH TO GET YOUR ATTENTION NOW DAD? AM I IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO PAY ATTENTION NOW? HUH DAD?" Dib screamed at the top of his voice.
"This is no longer an evil rant," Purple remarked in the escape pod. "This is a cry for help."
"IS THIS SCIENCE-EY ENOUGH FOR YOU DAD?" Dib screamed as he blew up more buildings. "IS IT? IS THIS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME?"
"Somebody get us out of here?" Red called on his communicator. "I can't take any more of this kid's whining!"
"My brain hurts…" Purple moaned.
"Why couldn't you love me for who I am?" Dib cried out as he blew up more buildings. "Instead of trying to make me a copy of you? Okay I'm a clone but still…Wait a minute, you didn't even try! You just ran around and went from one experiment to another…forgetting all about me! WELL LET'S SEE YOU FORGET ABOUT ME NOW!"
"This kid is skipping without a rope," General Guffaw groaned as he watched the damage.
"YOU KEPT ASKING ME WHY COULDN'T I BE NORMAL? I'M A NEGLECTED CLONE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT?" Dib screamed. "THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD EVER BE NORMAL! AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING? IF NORMAL MEANS THAT I JUST SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP WHEN ALIENS INVADE THE EARTH THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL! YOU HEAR ME DAD? I'LL NEVER BE NORMAL!"
"Obviously," General Guffaw groaned. "Anyone who's met this kid for more than a minute would know that!"
"NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!" Dib screamed.
"I tell you one thing, if he ever does come to trial he's got the insanity defense locked up," A soldier said.
"There's not gonna be a trial because we're gonna blow that brainless boob out the sky!" General Guffaw shouted. "Send the nukes on him!"
"We don't have any more nukes," A soldier told him. "We used them all up on the Invaders!"
"Well then shoot whatever we have left on him!" General Guffaw yelled.
"We have a whole bunch of Scum Missiles left, Sir," A soldier suggested.
"You mean SCUD?" Guffaw asked.
"No, Scum," The soldier corrected. "Made by the Scum Corporation sir. Their latest weapons.
"USE THEM!" General Guffaw yelled.
In some remote base the Scum Missiles were launched and headed straight towards Zim and Dib's ship. And they went right past Zim and Dib's ship.
"Private…Those missiles don't have very good guidance systems do they?" General Guffaw sighed as he noticed the missiles were headed straight for his position.
"I'm afraid not sir," The soldier said. "That's why we didn't want to use them."
"This is not going to end well," General Guffaw sighed as the bombs fell on him and his army.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Well that was a freebee," Zim noticed.
"Okay boys! Come on in," Gaz ordered on her communicator.
"Might as well, we're running low on power and fuel," Zim shrugged. "And this planet is pretty much trashed anyway!"
"But I haven't blown up enough stuff yet!" Dib protested as Zim piloted the ship into Gaz's ship.
"I think you've done enough. And I got a lot of stuff," Gaz said as they disembarked their ship.
"Oh I'm not done yet…" Dib snarled. "I've only just begun! Earth and the entire human race is going to pay for rejecting me! They are going to pay…so much! I just need to check out our warp drive and all the systems. Zim does your ship have some kind of basic temporal flux capacitor and some kind of reverse polarity generator?"
"Yeah in the back," Zim indicated. "Why?"
"Perfect! I need to hook that up to this ship's reverse thrust engines," Dib smirked. "My Dad wanted me to work on real science…Well he's about to get his wish. Muah ha ha ha ha!"
"Should we be worried?" Zim asked.
"Nah, let him have his fun," Gaz waved.
"Uh oh…" Gir blinked. "This isn't gonna be good."
"He he he he…" Dib scrambled around like a deranged monkey fusing and calculating. "It's done! Now all I have to do is hit the reverse thrusters button!" Dib rubbed his hands together as he made his way to the bridge. "And watch the fun!"
"What exactly does this gonna do?" Gaz asked.
"Hit the Earth with a temporary temporal warp blast," Dib cackled. "It'll trash the whole stinking planet! Every city will lose power for weeks! If there are any left! HA HA HA!"
"Cool," Gaz nodded.
"Why didn't I think of that?" Zim hit his head.
"Here we go!" Dib laughed. "I'm gonna end this with a bang!"
BLAAMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
A ring of light emerged from the ship and grew until it engulfed the Earth. The Earth looked like it was knocked back on it's axis for a moment. Parts of the ocean covered the land areas and some of those water covered land areas froze solid. Other land areas seemed to burn. And some large land masses split in half.
"Whoa…" Gaz looked at the damage.
"That place is pretty wrecked," Gir said.
"Cool!" Zim was thrilled. "Hey, look that ocean is on fire!"
"Technically part of that is the fault of the oil companies," Gaz admitted. "But yeah Dib did do a lot of that too."
"I did it! I did it! I saved the world only to destroy it! Ha ha ha!" Dib was clearly in a world of his own. "I can't believe it! It was so obvious all along! My destiny wasn't to save the world! It was to blow it up! KABOOOOOOOOOM!"
"Okay it's time to leave this planet and go somewhere else now," Zim gulped.
"Yeah. Zim help me tie up Dib. You got any straightjackets on board your ship?" Gaz asked.
"Kaboom Gaz! Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOM!" Dib laughed.
"In the closet on the left," Zim pointed.
"I did it!" Dib cackled madly. "I finally did it! I achieved my dream of destroying the Earth! He he he! I only had this dream for about half an hour…KABOOM!"
"Uh Dib the Earth's still there," Zim pointed out. "You just really wrecked it."
"And I think you turned the seven continents into nine," Gaz blinked.
"Aw let him have his moment," Gir remarked.
"KABOOOOOOM! I'M DIB! I'M INVADER DIB AND MY MISSION IS TO WRECK THE EARTH! HAAA HAA! KABOOOOOOM!" Dib cackled.
"Rub it in why don't ya?" Zim grumbled.
"Come on Dib, time to take a nice long nap and make some friends with some very happy pills," Gaz dragged him away.
"KABOOOOOOOOOOOM! HA HA HA HA HA!" Dib laughed insanely.
"If anyone asks, Dib being crazy is all my father's fault," Gaz told them.
"Are we going with the defective clone theory or the neglect angle?" Zim asked.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Dib cackled happily.
"Let's just say it's a combination of both Column A and B shall we?" Gaz sighed. "Gir take us out of here!"
"Okie-Dokey! Smokey Pokey!" Gir said cheerfully as he piloted the ship into the unknown reaches of space.
That day would be remembered in both Irken and Human history as the Clone Attack. Or the Clone/Irken Invasion on Earth. On Irk it was known as the Earth Offensive and it was proven to be the downfall of the Irken Empire. What was left of it. This event shattered and changed both worlds forever. It would also be known as the defining moment when the InvaderZ were created.