Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future fic.
AN: Thanks for everyone who reviewed and left me a PM even after I haven't updated this story in weeks! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Special thanks to my wonderful beta Eileen and to Sandra for letting me use two segments she wrote for this story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.
Way Back Into Love
Chapter 15: Anything But Alone
They laid in bed next to each other staring at the ceiling in awkward silence. Blair felt so depressed and ashamed she wants to hide under the covers, cry and never come up again.
"I'm sorry," she told him, barley above a whisper.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," was his immediate responses and he reached for her hand squeezing it tightly.
She still felt like she would die in shame. And it had all started out so well. After their confessions and his suggestion to spend the day in their robes, a heavy makeout session had followed. They were still Chuck and Blair, and soon enough they had made their way to the bed.
It had all been so nice. Good. Familiar. Not even her stopping him as his hand had attempted to slip beneath her blouse and take it off had managed to ruin the mood. She'd grabbed his hand with her own as soon he'd reached to hem of the material and he'd immediately backed off. There had been no look of reproach or the rolling of his eye, he'd just silently nodded and gave her kiss.
But then... oh then... he'd shed all his clothes and removed the clothing she had allowed him to take off, that was when awkwardness reared its ugly head. Despite a half hour of his best efforts – she was still dry as a bone. Not a chance.
Tears brimmed in her eyes as she replayed the scene in her head.
"I really wanted to," she told him, wiping away the one tear that dared to make its way down her cheek.
"I know, but the important thing right now is to have you back and to get you healthy. I don't care about the sex," he said, enclosing her arms around her.
She turned her head away as he tried to place a kiss on her cheek, only barely able to endure his embrace, at the moment.
"It really doesn't matter to me," he tried reasoning with her again.
"It does to me," she cried out, desperately wanting him to understand. "How can you possibly love me Chuck? I mean, look at me: I'm damaged goods."
He shook his head not wanting to hear the words. "I never want to hear those words out of your mouth again. That's absolute nonsense!"
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm getting dizzy thinking about how fast you would leave me if there would be no sex at all anymore."
"Blair, you know that what just happened was a side effect of the chemo. It won't always be like that. And if this is what takes to get you healthy, so be it. As long as you're healthy I don't care if we never have sex again."
"Well it's not like you're missing out on anything major anyway," she told him slightly pouting, tears still in her eyes. "Cause let me tell you. Me? Naked? - Not what it used to be."
"You'll find a objection to anything I say, won't you?" he sighed in a frustrated manner.
She nodded a little bit.
"And nothing I'll say, will change the fact that you just want to drown in your world weariness right now, correct?"
"Correct," she sobbed out and the tears practically soaked her cheeks.
He kissed her eyelids shut, "I'll always be there. No matter what."
Blair snuggled herself into his arms, finally calming down after awhile. As her eyes grew heavy she didn't know if it was the exhaustion from crying or if fatigue had finally kicked in. "I'm so tired."
"You should sleep then"
"Will-" his arm had tightened around her before she'd spoken out that one syllable properly.
"I'm not going anywhere until you're fast asleep," he told her.
In spite of her closed eyes and the exhaustion that she felt within every inch of her body she couldn't come to rest. Lying there she decided that God was a sadist after all. He was probably watching at all times, making sure that Blair Waldorf wouldn't become too happy.
She'd just confessed her feelings to Chuck and hadn't be rejected. Of course after that she deserved a downer. The sudden snoring of Chuck behind her momentarily pulled her out of her depressing thoughts.
Oh dear Chuck. He'd skipped work to take care of her today, to make sure she felt safe, and he didn't get anything out of it. She couldn't help but wonder how long he'd stick around under those circumstances. Despite what he'd said earlier, sex had always been a big part of their relationship—good times or bad.
Well, there was at least one thing she could still do to make it worth his while. She turned around in his arms reaching under the covers which barley hid his naked figure. He stirred in his sleep as soon as her hand had wrapped around the base of his member.
After a few strokes she slipped lower at his side, pulling the covers off of him. She'd just taken him between her lips when Chuck became fully conscience.
"What are you doing?" he asked pulling her up by her shoulder's so they were at the eye level.
"I think that's pretty obvious, isn't it?" she smiled at him, confused why he was stopping her.
"But why?"
"This is just something I wanted to do for you. You used to love it when I gave you head!"
"I just don't think it's right," he tried to argue.
"You don't want me anymore," she figured, hurt. "I knew it. You don't find me attractive anymore!"
"Of course I do!" Chuck gestured down to his obvious erection. "Does it look to you like I don't?"
"Then why would you push me away?" She asked looking him in the eye sadly.
"Because you're emotions are all over the place right now. You're going from ripping my clothes off to screaming at me and now you're having a breakdown. You shouldn't do this just because you think you owe me something, or because you think I'm keeping count about who's giving who more orgasms.."
Blair looked down, slightly ashamed of herself. As logical as his argument was, the rejection still hurt her. Despite her good reason told her that it was total nonsense since he'd wanted to sleep with her barley an hour ago she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he just didn't find her attractive anymore. And she couldn't just lie here without doing anything about it.
Decidedly she swung her legs out of bed and left a confused looking Chuck behind as she made her way to the bathroom.
"Where are you going," he called after her.
"Taking a shower," she responded.
Quickly he stood up, resting his hands on her slim waist just before she could disappear behind the door. He lifted her face by her chin making her look him in the eye before kissing her lips softly.
"I love you."
She couldn't say it back. She just couldn't. Not after the previous events. So she just nodded, only barley able to keep herself from crying.
Not giving him a chance to say anymore she slipped into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. After starting the shower she unbuttoned her blouse turning away from the mirror as she did so. She couldn't look at herself after what had just happened. She threw the cloth along with her prosthetic bra and stepped into the hot spray of water, closing her eyes as she rested against the tiled wall.
The half hour he had been in his home office was enough to be buried in work. He was thankful for the distraction. When Blair still hadn't come out of the bathroom after an hour, he decided to try and at least get some work done. Her calling "Okay." when he told her he'd be in his office was comforting to him, she was still at least conscious.
The echo of footsteps in the hallway had him momentarily looking up from the computer screen. When he spotted her standing in the doorway, he knew that his attention for the rest of the day would be focused on her.
She looked stunning his jaw positively dropped. Her game face – no question. She wore a gorgeous chocolate-brown wig in a bob cut and the brown robe. Along with perfect make up she'd repainted her eyebrows and adjusted some fake lashes on her lids. Nothing reminded him of the weak, sick woman he'd carried to bed last night. The queen of the Upper East Side was clearly back.
"Can I use your computer?" She asked nonchalantly, as if the previous hours had never taken place.
He furrowed his brows. "What do you need my computer for?"
"I want to find material I can use against you when I file for divorce," she feigned seriousness. "Oh no, wait... that was last month."
They shared a smile.
"I want to check my email," she explained. "I haven't checked my voice mail or email since last week. I figure it's time to stop my self imposed isolation and return to the real world."
Chuck couldn't decide whether he should be proud of her for that decision or doubt her because of it. He was not so sure she would be ready to face the world.
"You haven't checked your voice mail? Serena probably exceeded the memory days ago anyway."
"Well, then I should probably check that first," She said as she pulled her cell out of the robe's pocket. It didn't slip Chuck's attention that her her thumb hovered above the "on" button. He reached for her free hand, pulling her close so that he could wrap his arms around her waist.
"I'm right by your side," he told her.
She sat herself down on his lap, still looking at the dead screen in her hand. "Welcome back real world," she whispered before pressing the button.
As the phone turned on, what Chuck had predicted happened. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. Text after text, missed call notifications and voice mails started filling up her in-box. He felt Blair tense within his arms, this was not going to be easy.
As Blair starts scrolling the first of the texts, she realizes that the tension is misplaced. Most of the messages were positive, wishing her well and offering a sympathetic shoulder.
"I'm here for you 24/7," she read one out loud, her expression a cross between a smile and tears of relief. She read another one, "You'll get through this. Call me whenever you're ready. XOXO Nate."
"Should I be worried that he's sending you kisses?" Chuck asks playfully.
"Are you jealous that you're not the one getting kisses from him?" she joked back, quickly wiping a tear away.
She went on to reading the next one. "I just heard the news. I'm shocked. Wishing you all the strength to get through this. - J."
He kissed her temple tenderly. "See, no pressure. Just support from your good friends. Hate to say I told you so."
"No, you don't," she said composing herself scrolling down to the next text. "Oh my God, listen to this: 'Dear Ms. Waldorf. We're sorry to hear about your diagnosis from the media. VitaFull is a supplement which is boosts the immune system and has been credited with preventing the spread of cancer. We would love the opportunity to send you a free trial package with a full month's supply. We offer a 3 month refill supply at a bargain price of $3,880.50..'"
Chuck shook his head in a disbelieving manner. "Disgusting. Absolutely illegitimate. Imagine the poor people actually desperate enough to buy that stuff."
She nodded affirming. "And there are about twenty more of those things. Cancer-diet's, vitamin replacement drugs, cancer meditation, Asian fungal therapy, incantation, immune cures..."
"Quacks."
"But luckily that's it with the texts so far," she sighed. "Let's see what voice mail has got for me."
He watched her as she hesitantly dialed the number to check her voice mail. He knew that the text messages were just the beginning. The careful, delicate friends and acquaintances wrote. The really shameless ones called. After jumping over about thirty messages from Serena she put the phone on speaker.
"Hello Blair! Is it true what I read in the paper? That would be just awful. But you can't believe everything you read there. Give me a call."
"Hey. This is my second message. Why don't you call?"
"Severe situation. But did you have to sell that to that newspaper?"
"Hey... what a madness. Front page. Didn't think you'd make it there."
"Me again. Why aren't you calling back?"
"How can you use something like this as a PR stunt? Seriously. That's tasteless."
"Call me back!"
"Hey. Heard you have breast cancer. Terrible. How are you doing? Did you need to have a mastectomy? My aunt did. Unfortunately she died last year. But, I'm sure you'll be okay. Keep in touch!"
"Blair Waldorf? My name is James Clarence. I write for the Gawker. If you would like to address the latest news – with a exclusive interview maybe – give us a call."
"I am getting a new number first thing tomorrow," Blair declared snapping her phone shut furiously. "I think that's all I can take for now."
"I can't blame you," Chuck nodded. Why call at all if you want to leave a message like that? Unbelievable.
Blair rested her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm maybe not as ready to face the world as I thought I was."
They sat there in silence for a moment when the elevator ding which told them that someone was arriving let both of them sit up straight.
"The maid?" she guessed hopefully.
Chuck shook his head almost immediately. "I sent them home until further notice."
"Serena, maybe?"
Carefully guiding her to stand up from his lap he walked towards the door. "I'll go check. You wait here."
Blair squeezed against the wall in the hallway listening carefully to the voices from the foyer.
"Where is she?"
Oh dear god!
"I don't know what you're talking about," Chuck stated calmly.
"Don't play dumb! Where is my daughter?" was the equally calm response.
Effing shit. Of course, her mother. It felt like the loss of her hair. She'd known that she would have to it eventually. Yet she was still surprised it happened.
"Why would she be here of all places?" Blair heard Chuck's distant voice.
"Because in the end, despite her knowing better, she always ends up back with you," Eleanor said and Blair could pretty much hear the eyes rolling in her voice.
"Eleanor, I don't want to be rude, but I have to ask you to leave now," Chuck insisted.
"The hell!" her mother answered, raising her voice for the first time. "I know Blair is here somewhere and she needs her mother! Especially in a time like this!"
"Yeah," Chuck shot back. "Because you were always the perfect mother, weren't you."
"Don't you dare lecture me about what's good for Blair!" Eleanor barked. "You of all people!"
Blair decided then, spontaneously, to step in before the two would slaughter each other. She stepped out of her hiding place, coming up behind Chuck. She puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from throwing out the next barb in her mother's face.
"It's alright, Chuck," she said softly.
"Oh my goodness! Of course, I should've known!" Eleanor exclaimed gesturing towards the couple in front of her who only wore robes. Blair realized how that must look in her mother's eyes. And really, was she all that wrong?
But the jaw-dropped state of her mother only lasted for a mere second before she concentrated her full attention on Blair. In an unusual burst of emotion she took two steps towards Blair and hugged her as tightly as she could. To be completely honest, Blair couldn't remember her mother ever hugging her as tight as that before.
"Are you alright?" She asked against her daughters hair.
"Not if you continue to cut off my air supply," Blair responded.
Not even a second after Blair had spoken those words, Eleanor's distant attitude was back. Though her mother released her out of the embrace quickly Blair couldn't help but notice how watery the older woman's eyes looked.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Eleanor wanted to know, placing a hand on both Blair's shoulders.
"I've been better," Blair answered honestly. "But I've also been worse."
"Well you look good," her mother stated, gathering herself. "And your hair..."
"It's a wig, mother," Blair explained dryly. "The lashes are fake and the eyebrows are painted."
"Oh my god!" Eleanor pressed a hand against her lips as if to take back her outcry.
"Mother-" Blair started before being interrupted by Chuck.
"Why don't the two of you go sit down in the living room. Standing here in the hallway, just..."
Blair nodded immediately. "You're right. Come on let's go sit. Thank you, Chuck."
He kissed her cheek. "I'll be in my office if you should need me."
Awkward silence had spread over the living room as mother and daughter sat next to each other on the couch. Blair could see her mothers hand twitch as if she considered taking Blair's hand, but in the last second she reconsidered and withdrew it.
"Why in the world didn't you tell me?"
Blair sighed. "I didn't tell anyone."
"I am not anyone, Blair!" Eleanor's tone was sharp enough to make Blair jerk a bit.
"I couldn't bear the thought of anyone pitying me," Blair admitted looking down.
"Well, I'm here now and I'll take care of you whether you like it," her mother's voice softened and she gave her daughter an encouraging smile. "So why don't you get dressed and I'll take you home."
"But I am-" Blair became silent, a bit shocked herself by what she was about to tell her mother.
"What?" the elder woman asked patiently.
"Nothing," she shook her head as if it could help her to clean up the mess of her feelings. "Just give me a minute to get dressed."
Halfway on her way to the bedroom she couldn't help but feel devastated at the thought of leaving this place. Making up her mind and turned around to face her mother.
"No."
"I beg you pardon?" Eleanor looked at her like she wasn't sane anymore.
"I want to stay with Chuck, mom," Blair stated. "I am home."
"Why in the world would you do that?" she looked utterly shocked. "Has the chemo caused some kind of memory damage? You were the worst couple ever. I have never seen such a terrible marriage and I was married to a gay man!"
"We are working on leaving that behind us," the younger Waldorf explained.
"Blair," Eleanor sighed. "After everything he did to you."
"Guess what, mom, it takes two to tango."
"Still..." looking into the resolute face of her daughter, she swallowed the rest of what she wanted to say. "Are you sure he's going to take care of you?"
"I am."
Eleanor took Blair's hand and pulled her down onto the seat next to her. "Alright. Here's the deal. I'm not leaving town. You will call me every day. And we'll spent as much time as possible together! Understood?"
Blair felt a spontaneous fit of emotion running through her. "I love you, mom."
"I love you more," Eleanor responded with tearful voice, kissing her daughters forehead. "You're my little girl no matter what. Don't you dare leaving me!"
"I'll try my best not to," Blair said, a tear running down her cheek as she flung her arms around her mother.
As her head rested against Eleanor's shoulder she spotted Chuck standing in the hallway giving her a warm smile. Right then she knew that not only had she made the right decision, but that she was anything but alone.
To be continued
AN: Now, I was nice enough not to leave you with a cliffhanger, I think that deserves a review.