Summary: Just divorced Chuck thinks everything is said between him and Blair. But why does she show up at his doorstep at night? Future Fic.
AN: You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews!
Special thanks as always to my fantastic beta Eileen!
And of course to Sandra who's letting me use the pieces she wrote for me, whenever I was stuck!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or its characters.
Way Back Into Love
Chapter 18: A Real Bitch
"B?" A wave of blonde hair came rushing into the hospital room. "B?" Seeing her best friend awake and half sitting in bed had Serena overwhelmed with emotion. Tears welled up in her eyes as she placed a hand over her heart in an non-typical manner.
She fell down next to Blair, not caring that she was pushing Chuck aside in the process.
"You're really awake," she breathed out, somewhere between tears and laughter of joy.
Blair smiled at her warmly, still feeling pretty weak, but being close to her friend gave her some strength. She felt her own vision blur as Serena touched her face, feeling it like a blind person, as if to assure herself that this was real.
"Hi," the brunette laughed.
"Hey," her best friend responded, her cheeks drenched.
Falling into another fit of giggles and tears they hugged each other as tightly as possible. When they parted, Serena couldn't help but study Blair's face intensely, once again, needing to make sure she wasn't dreaming this.
"I was so scared," Serena admitted. "And I prayed – can you imagine? - I prayed every single day that you would be okay. I was so afraid I would never talk to you again."
"I was afraid, too," Blair said. "But everytime you showed up in my dreams it got a little bit brighter."
Serena embraced her again, sobbing into Blair's shoulder as the brunette softly stroked her hair.
"I'm so happy to have you back," Serena choked out after detaching herself from Blair a bit later, still holding her face between her hands.
In the euphoria of the moment Blair pecked her friend's lips briefly. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, S."
And so the day passed, people rushing into Blair's room all day long, telling her how glad they were that she was awake.
It was already dark when Chuck was the only one left at her bed. She studied his right hand, which she was playing with, intensely.
"All day long people have been telling me how good it is that I'm on the road to recovery – which is a pretty big exaggeration if you ask me – but no one will tell me what was really going on."
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb with me," Blair demanded. "What did I miss while I was out?"
She could see his mind working for a second, probably considering if he should tell her everything. Or reliving it for that brief moment.
"You died," he told her in a a voice devoid of emotion. "On your sixth day here, your heart had taken so much damage from the infection that it stopped."
Blair's mouth had formed a perfect 'O' as he continued.
"You had to be resuscitated," he went on. Now she could see how much it hurt him to even remember the details. "And then we – Serena had to make a decision how to proceed."
"Chuck, I-" Blair started an attempt to explain why she'd wanted Serena in charge, but Chuck silenced her by placing a finger on her lips.
"She choose right. That's all that matters," he exchanged his finger with his lips. "This has been quite a day, I think you should rest."
"I've been resting for the past ten days", she said dryly. "You on the other hand look like you've been awake the entire time."
"Something like that," he admitted.
"I'd offer to let you lie in bed with me, but I'm afraid it would mess up all of the tubes going in and out of my body," she laughed.
"I'm fine here," Chuck told her. "I slept the previous ten days on this chair, one more night won't kill me."
"There is no chance I can get you to leave tonight, is there?" she sighed.
"I'm afraid not," he told her placing a kiss on her lips, before he crossed his arms and rested his head on her bed.
Blair reached over to her nightstand, switching off the nightlight. Staring into the darkness of the room, her mind wandered. If she had died, she wouldn't even have been awake to say goodbye. So much she hadn't done yet, so many unresolved things came to her mind.
"Chuck?" she spoke into the dark.
She could feel him lifting his head off the mattress, "Yes?"
"I love you. If I had died, you would've known that, right?"
"Yes. And I love you, too," he kissed her wrist.
She couldn't help but cry as she spoke those next words. "Oh god, Chuck I don't want to die."
"And you won't," he told her.
"I only barley escaped death," Blair sobbed. "And just because I survived this infection doesn't mean I will survive cancer."
"Yes, you will," Chuck kept on insisting.
"You don't know that!" she exclaimed desperately. "I was already dead. I was dead, Chuck."
"And you came back," he told her softly.
"What if the next time I won't be as lucky?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking. "You know my prognosis. Chances I won't be alive in five years are about thirty percent."
"That's seventy percent that stand for you," he argued.
"What if I won't make it?" she asked quietly.
"I don't know," Chuck admitted. "But no matter what happens I will be there every step of the way."
Once Chuck was asleep Blair had time to let the shocking fact that the cancer had almost managed to kill her, or rather had killed her, if only for a few minutes, sink in. She stared ahead full of melancholy, sobbing quietly, when a nurse entered the room.
"Everything okay?" The young nurse asked worriedly.
Blair took a deep breath to compose herself, unsuccessfully trying to hide her tear stained face and nodded. "Do you think that it would be possible to get a bed for my husband?"
The nurse looked at the couple in front of her. She had been there the first night Blair had been admitted. She had seen how he had managed to calm her, when her patient had been caught in a feverish delirium, by only his presences. That moment she'd decided that she would – name aside – grant Chuck Bass as many privileges as possible, to be with the woman he loved.
Chuck eyes fluttered open, momentarily not knowing where he was. When he spotted a very amused Blair smiling from next to him, he remembered the last night.
"How the hell did I get into this bed?" he wondered, rolling onto his back and yawning loudly.
"You walked," she told him matter-of-factly. "But you were still half asleep, I didn't think you'd remember."
"I am aware that this mattress is a lot less comfortable then ours at home, but hell, I haven't slept this well in years!"
She laughed. "You haven't been awake for ten days in years. Or ever."
"Good morning Ms. Waldorf!" a resolute, vigorousnurse stepped in and supporting herself at the foot-board. "I'd like to get you up and into the bathroom."
Blair already nodded eagerly, wanting to get out of this damn bed desperately, when Chuck cut in. "Don't you think it's a bit soon for that?"
"Shut up, Chuck!" Blair answered instead of the nurse. "I've been lying in this bed for the past ten days, my muscles feels like jello. If I don't get up now, you can get me a room in a nursing home right away."
"Good attitude!" the nurse acknowledged while disconnecting the infusion.
"Can I get rid of that damn catheter soon?" Blair motioned to the tube between her legs.
"That will have to wait a few days," the nurse explained. "Till your mobile enough to go to the toilet by yourself."
The patient pouted in a annoyed manner.
"I could remove it now," the nurse smiled slightly. "But then you would have to use the bedpan for the next few days."
Pure horror appeared on Blair's face.
The nurse laughed dearly. "That's what I thought. Now come on. Let's start with you sitting on the edge of the bed."
Chuck had sat up in bed as well, watching the nurse helping Blair to sit up with professional motions. He could see how much Blair was struggling and how much strength it cost her. Quickly he stood up, going to her other side, so he could support her.
"No!" She stopped him decidedly. "I have to do this on my own."
Chuck smiled at her stubbornness. That was why he loved her. She smiled at him brightly when she'd reached her sitting position on the edge of the bed. He returned it.
"Alright," the nurse said, clapping her hands. "Now I want to move you into the wheelchair. You'll have to hold onto me for that, your leg musculature isn't nearly as strong as necessary."
Blair nodded eagerly, clearly excited she was allowed to leave the bed. Like instructed she slung her hands around the woman's neck, while the nurse stabilized her at her shoulders. In a see-saw like motion Blair came to sat down in the wheelchair.
"Well done," the nurse praised.
Blair was just about to answer, when a second later her body tension changed, she slumped down and her eyeballs rolled back in her head.
"What's happening?" Chuck panicked. "What is happening with her?"
"She's collapsing," the nurse explained, an annoyed 'crap' expression on her face. "Grab her legs, we have to get her back into bed."
Chuck obeyed the command, helping to lay Blair back down. The nurse immediately lifted the foot of the bed. About thirty seconds passed till Blair regained consciousness and her eyes focused again.
"Don't say it," she ordered as soon as she spotted Chuck.
"Say what?" he wondered.
"'I told you so," she grumbled, causing Chuck to chuckle silently.
"Alright," the nurse cut in. "Ms Waldorf you just won yourself a sponge-bath. Maybe Mr. Bass would like-"
"I'll do it," Chuck offered, a little to quickly.
"Of course you will," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "Pervert."
"I love you, too, Blair."
Exhausting. That was the only word that came to Blair's mind as she walked along the hallway supported by a wheeled walker. Three days had passed since her collapse, the first time she'd gotten out of bed. Four days since she had woken up. According to her physical therapist, she was making enormous progress and shouldn't be to hard on herself. Still she challenged herself every day. With the goal to get out of this hospital as soon as possible.
Today she'd planned the longest walk so far. It was a cliché, still she felt the need to go three floors down to look at the newborns. With a goal like that, she figured the exertion would pay off.
She longed for the more friendly decorated unit. She was sure to develop a full-on depression if she had to stare at the white walls of her room for one more day. Not to mention that she was bored out of her right mind. Ever since her life wasn't at ultimate threat anymore the number of people who visited her had dropped a bit.
Not that she was mad at them or anything. Blair of course understood that everyone – besides her apparently – had a life outside of this building. And she was doing better, for the time being. Still she regretted a bit that she had forced Chuck to the office a few hours earlier.
A smile appeared on her face as she had reached the window behind which the newborns slept. Well, some slept. Some were crying, others were just seeming to study their environment curiously, despite the fact that they hadn't developed proper sight yet.
One had to be pretty heartless not to melt away at the sight of those small creatures, she figured.
An all too familiar voice coming from a corridor to her right had her stomach turning inside out.
"Thank you so much," the voice said, "I'll see you next week then, doctor."
Thankful that she'd decided on a red wig for this trip she quickly turned away, as she heard the clicking of high heels coming closer. The reflection in the glass protecting the infants, confirmed her apprehension.
Valerie. Chuck's former mistress.
Blair's mind raced. What the hell was she doing here? Sure, this was a top medical hospital. But why in the world would she be on the floor specialized on OB-GYN?
A bad feeling washed over her as she walked along the hallway she'd seen Valerie come from. The name plate next to the door caught her eye.
Howard Kurtz, MD
After reading the name of Manhattan's most famous ob-gyn Blair couldn't keep her breakfast down. In the middle of the hallway she emptied her stomach.
It had become night when Chuck finally arrived back at the hospital. He'd actually planned on staying just a few hours at Bass Industries this morning, just working through the necessities. But it had turned out just the necessary was still a load of work, since he hadn't been properly been to his office during the time Blair had been at the hospital.
He saw Blair working on her laptop when he entered her room. She quickly shut it closed as she spotted him in the doorway.
"Hey," he greeted her, leaning down to kiss her.
Just before his lips touched hers, she turned her head, so he only met her cheek.
"Puke breathe," she explained quickly. "I wasn't feeling to well this afternoon."
"The nurse said so," he nodded, accepting her excuse. "I told you, you were overdoing it with the exercise."
"I think it's the new chemo protocol that's giving me a hard time," she forced a smile. "Everything alright at the office? You were gone quite some time."
"Just a lot to catch up on," he said, studying her carefully. Something was off. Definitely.
He loosened his tie, jerked of his jacket and shoes before he climbed into his side of the pushed together hospital beds. He rolled onto his side so he was facing her.
"Is something bothering you, Blair?"
She hesitated. He could see it. Her mind obviously working, if she should cut to the chase.
Blair shook her head. "I guess I just have too much time to think, when I'm lying here all day long. Forget it. I don't want us to fight."
"What is this about?" he asked softly.
"I'm being overemotional. Let's just go to sleep," with that she rolled onto her side, switching off the light, her back facing him.
"Is this about my behavior in the past?" he felt his way carefully.
"Good night, Chuck," the edge in her voice told him that he was right.
"About the other women? About her," he kept on interrogating.
He shifted closer to her, his arm going around her waist. "They- She meant nothing Blair. It was just the cheapest way to hurt you. I love you."
"I'm just wondering," she admitted, her voice shaking. "You wanted her to live with us. You must have cared for her on some level."
"Not at all. She was just something to piss you off," he explained.
"It worked," her tone grew hard. "That day I relapsed for the first time in five months."
Chuck was quiet. What devil must've been within him, to hurt the only woman he ever loved so much. "I'm sorry."
"The day, she was with you having lunch-"
"I told you what that was about!" he cut into her sentence.
Ignoring his interruption she continued, "She said she had been at the apartment the week before. Was that true?"
His mind began to race. How much would the truth hurt her in her vulnerable state of mind? Still, how much would it hurt her and them if she would find out the truth later?
"Yes," he admitted, pulling her closer as if he had to stop her from running away. He wouldn't blame her if she did.
"I see."
"It was the night, Mike told me that you were in Europe together with Jack," he continued. "I was hurting and-"
"Did you sleep with her?"
No more lies, he told himself. If they wanted this relationship to work they had to be honest.
"Yes, I did."
"And then?"
"The next morning I told her to fuck off and didn't hear from her until she told me that she knew about the cancer."
She lay still, needing time to let this new information sink in.
"I'm really sorry, Blair. For everything."
"You're here now," she said, turning in his arms so that they were facing each other, searching his eyes in the darkness of the room. "That's all that matters."
Blair had regretted the choice of their meeting point the second she had left the hospital. Even though it was mid-April, weather wise there was no sign of spring. The climate was raw. Just this morning there had been sleet and through the day it hadn't gotten any more comfortable.
But really? Weather was her least problem right now. Her mind was racing.
She had lied last night. Him being here wasn't all what mattered. It maybe helped, yes, but the possibility that that woman might be carrying Chuck's child was making her sick all over again.
She'd done the math. Yes, it was possible. The night Chuck had been with her, was the night after she'd had the surgery. Three weeks later she had started chemo. Four rounds til now. Once every three weeks.
If her fears were true, she had to be about ten weeks along. Which also explained why she hadn't looked pregnant yet. It would be another few weeks before she started showing.
But, maybe the whore had been there for different reasons. Who knew? And if she was pregnant why hadn't she shown up at Chuck's door immediately? Blair would expect her to squeeze every loose cent out of Chuck, if this was really his child.
Blair held onto that last small stray of hope with all her might. Anything else was unacceptable. No matter how strong she and Chuck were going now, it was impossible for them to survive something like that.
She couldn't lose him. He was her strength. Solid as a rock, when she couldn't be. She needed him, no matter what.
It was her fault, if that woman was really expecting, it was Blair's fault. If she hadn't made Mike tell Chuck false information, that she knew would drive him further away from her, he wouldn't have slept with her that night.
No use to cry over spilt milk, she had told Chuck. And she wouldn't. At least not until she was sure.
"Have you lost your mind, B?" Serena scolding voice brought her back to reality. "One cardiac arrest a month isn't enough for you?"
"What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" Blair asked as the blonde took off her coat putting around her.
"I met one of your nurses who was just on her way home, she said she saw you going in this direction. But the more important question is what are you doing out here?"
"I'm meeting someone," Blair said curtly.
"Well you're going to have to meet that someone inside," Serena decided, trying to pull Blair towards the entrance, by grabbing her wheeled walker.
"No," was Blair's simple answer as she let go off the handles and walked, with a unsteady but decided pose, in the opposite direction.
"Blair," Serena sighed in an irritated manner, pushing the walking aid back in front of her friend. "Care to tell me what's going on?"
"No."
"Who are you meeting? And why out here?"
"Chuck can't know," Blair answered and demanded at the same time.
"Can't know what?" Serena looked at her friend worriedly.
"You have to promise," she couldn't help but her voice being on an edge. "Chuck can't know about this."
"You're starting to scare me, B."
Blair looked at her expectantly, still waiting for the requested words.
Serena quickly nodded. "Of course, if you don't want me too. I promise."
"I'm meeting Mike," Blair admitted.
"Chuck's PI?" Serena sported a confused expression. "Why?"
She inhaled the cool air before responding. "It's possible that the whore is pregnant. I'll give you one guess on the happy father-to-be."
"Oh my god." Even Serena had turned pale, at those news. "What happened? When..."
"The night after the surgery. When I bribed Mike into telling Chuck I was with Jack."
"And now?" Serena wondered. "Did she blackmail you? What did she say?"
"I haven't talked to her yet I just saw her leaving Dr. Kurtz office."
The blonde had both eyebrow's raised. "That's it?"
"What do you mean, that's it? I think that's quite a lot to take in, when you're heart just stopped a week ago," she huffed.
"You're such a drama-queen, B," Serena said, amusement playing on her face. "She could've been there for a whole different reason!"
"At the very best OB-GYN in Manhattan?"
"Maybe she's screwing with him," she suggested with a shrug.
"I'm afraid not." A voice caused both women to turn around.
Silently the PI held a file out to Blair, who took hold of it immediately, studying the containing. It didn't take her long to see the information she was looking for.
"Fuck," was all she said, flipping the folder shut.
Chuck didn't know what hit him when the door to conference room slammed open and Blair burst in. The business associates sitting in front of his desk turned around as well, looking bewildered at the former Mrs. Bass looking that dissolved.
"I need to talk to you!" Blair insisted, supporting herself on the door frame, trying readjust her breathing.
"Gentlemen, if you'd excuse me," he rushed towards her. With an arm around her waist he supported her as good as possible while he walked her to his office.
One the first available armchair he sat her down, kneeling down next to her. "What happened? What's wrong?"
"I can't lose you," she exclaimed, getting a tight hold of his hands.
"No offense, Blair but you're the one with cancer," an amused expression crossed his face.
"Only one more reason why I can't have you leaving me.."
"Why would I go anywhere?" His confusion and worry grew by the second. She was making no sense. Something horrible must have happened.
"Yesterday, I made a walk to the newborn unit of the hospital," she started.
"Blair," he interrupted her, understanding now. So that was what this was about. "No matter how important kids may be to me, I wouldn't leave you just because you don't want any."
"I may be emotional at the moment, but I'm not a hysteric," she rolled her eyes before continuing. "I saw her, Chuck. She was leaving the office of Dr. Kurtz."
He looked at her confused, before she continued. "The OB-GYN."
Now understanding finally dawned upon him.
"I immediately contacted Mike and he confirmed it. She's ten weeks pregnant."
"Blair," Chuck tried to cut into her sentences, but she wouldn't let him.
"No, please don't," Blair freed herself of him, stood up and began pacing in the office. "I should've been prepared for something like this. This is the universe punishing me. Punishing me for the abortion."
"Karma's a real bitch, isn't it?" The voice from the door had Chuck and Blair swirling around.
Valerie Molane. In all her glory.
To be continued
AN: I figured it has been some time since I ended with a cliffhanger. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. If so, please review. If you didn't, do anyway and tell me!
Although I'm not known for updating all that frequently, I promise you the next chapter will be up within the next days.
PS Anyone who caught the reference in the end of this chapter?