Sorry, sorry, that took a lot longer than planned, but two presentations in one week will do that to a person. It's a bit short, mainly because I couldn't really think how to end it, so I just left it as it was. But read, enjoy, and review if you please, and more will follow soon. Also massive thanks to everyone who already reviewed, especially Mary Lou, to whom I can't reply since she is unsigned. I'm glad you're reading and I hope I manage to meet your expectations!

"Well, the thing is L, what you have to realise is that it can get very boring around here," Matt said conversationally, Mello and the few wisps of Near's hair which could be seen nodding along in agreement.

"Understood," L nodded. "There are only so many crosswords I can think up on my days off to send to Roger. I've tried to ask Light-kun for assistance, but his just aren't the same."

"I resent that," Light pouted. "I happen to be incredibly talented at crossword clues, and Sudoku!"

"Yes, Light-kun, this is true. However, since even I was not aware of the existence of over half the kanji you were using, I'm afraid the subtleties of your clues might be a little lost on the children."

"It's a challenge," Light defended. "Barely even that; I could read over 5000 kanji before I finished preschool."

"Is Light-kun saying my knowledge of the Japanese language is in some way lacking?" L asked innocently, bringing his thumb to his lips. "Perhaps I should create an individually tailored crossword for Light-kun and see how long it takes him to solve it."

"Well even crosswords can get dull after a while," Near interjected before Light and L could stir up another full-blown argument. "And I have lately devised a mathematical formula to break any Sudoku within thirty seconds."

"And my Gameboy broke a few weeks ago," Matt added, "so we were looking for something new to do."

"And did this something new involve any horrendous disfigurations or destruction of valuable property?" L asked knowingly.

"Well, yes, but that's not the point," Mello dismissed idly. "The point is, K gave us this idea-"

"-and we thought it'd be fun to try it out," Matt finished.

"Mello thought it would be fun," muttered Near.

"Who is K? Light asked, frowning. "I thought I knew the names of all the children in the house."

"Which is faintly disturbing, if you think about it," L mused. "Do I need to expect an ulterior motive, Light?"

"I take an interest in your family!" Light defended. "You forgot Sayu's last birthday."

"But I did know that she was dating Matsuda-san," L added.

"What?"

"For almost six months. She told me not to tell you in case you hired a sniper."

"Sniper? I'll kill him with my bare hands!"

"In light of your history, that's not the sort of thing you should be saying. I might have to handcuff you to me again."

"We do that anyway!"

"Perhaps we should get back on topic before the boys choke to death," L said thoughtfully, finally acknowledging the spluttering sounds which were emitting from Mello and Matt; Near's mouth was slightly open, his brow wrinkled in faint confusion.

"Of course," Light said smoothly, cheeks only slightly pink. "Who or what is K?"

"He's a new boy," Near supplied as Matt and Mello regained their breath, "whose interest lies in alchemy."

"Ah," L and Light said together.

"You are referring to, I believe," L clarified, "a very small boy of nine with a lot of hair and a propensity for shredding whatever he has to hand into little pieces?"

"He calls himself Khmi," Near supplied. "Most likely from the hieroglyph meaning 'black earth', a possible etymological origin of the word 'alchemy'. But we call him K for short."

"And because only the cool kids are allowed more than one letter," Mello chimed in helpfully.

"I see," L mused. "Has he managed to create gold yet?"

"Well, no," Mello shuffled his feet guiltily. "But we thought we'd help him out one day, since we had nothing else to do. Apart from-"

"We thought it'd be cool if he could create unlimited amounts of chocolate," Matt grinned enthusiastically, eyes glazing over under his goggles at the thought.

"Did he manage to do that?" L asked eagerly. Light cleared his throat pointedly.

"Are we getting to the point soon?" he asked.

"Yep," Matt nodded. "Mello gave K a few bars of Chocofornication to work on, and K took them to his lab and showed us how to separate all the component ingredients. It was way cool."

"He basically took the bar apart and put it back together again," Mello said in admiration. "It even tasted the same."

"But he didn't manage to multiply it," Near shrugged, "although the reassimilation of the ingredients without any loss of mass was rather remarkable."

"He'd be the best in the school if he was interested in anything except chemistry," Matt agreed. Even Mello nodded, although it looked like it cost him slight pain.

"But about a week ago, he said he'd run out of chocolate to experiment on, and could I get him some more," Mello continued. "He never leaves his lab, so I said ok, since he was doing me a favour."

"And he said he'd pay you as much as you liked once he'd managed to work out how to turn things into gold," Near said dryly.

"Well, yeah," Mello agreed awkwardly.

"But anyway," Matt interrupted, "he came back to us the next day and told us that the ingredients of the chocolate had changed. There was another ingredient in the chocolate which wasn't supposed to be there."

"This, by the way, is how the lab got blown up," added Near.

"How so?" asked Light interestedly.

"Well, the ingredient turned out to be volacilic acid," Matt said matter-of-factly.

"So it sort of exploded the lab the instant K mixed it with water."

"But that was totally nobody's fault at all," Mello said emphatically. "How were we supposed to know they had some crazy-ass acid in their chocolate?"

"That is indeed odd," L said thoughtfully. "I wonder whether it was an anomaly? I admit I am not very well informed on this particular substance."

"I actually heard from Roger that you really sucked at science," Mello said conversationally. "Is that true, L?"

"I came top of my year in science," Light remarked quietly. L remained impassive.

"Come to think of it, for someone who likes cake so much, I've never seen you in the kitchen," Light added a few moments later, a smirk playing around his lips.

"That is because Light-kun's own skills as a housewife are so perfectly honed, therefore I have no need to undertake any culinary experiments," L responded. The smirk fell from Light's lips like a stone from the sky. Mello sniggered evilly.

"Is this the end of the story?" Light asked quickly. He was rewarded with three meek nods.

"Then we had better meet with K," L decided.

"Weeellll," Matt dragged out the syllable for all it was worth. "You know what you said about horrific disfigurements?"

"Is he ok?" Light sounded alarmed.

"Weeeellllllll," Matt said again, "just make sure you don't say anything about his hair. It turns out he was kinda vain about it."

"Oh dear," said Light feelingly, automatically reaching up one hand to check his own perfect locks.

"Perhaps you had better stay behind, Light-kun," L said snidely. "Looking at your excessive grooming might upset him."

"I suppose you won't be having the same problem," Light retorted snippily, eyeing what looked like a nest of charcoaled feathers sprouting from his lover's skull.

"Is it just me, or do those two seem to do nothing but argue?" muttered Matt under his breath to Mello.

"God save us from sexually frustrated masterminds," Mello muttered back.

So that's what they've been up to. Next chapter we'll meet K, and have some more fun with L and Light... maybe in a candy store. If anyone wants to see any particular Smexmas scenario (T only, people, I'm talking mistletoe and cake here, not kinky Santa bondage or anything) let me know and I'll see what tickles my fancy. Review!