Thank you to my reviewers! I'm glad you like it. That makes me feel nice. Here is a very quick update.

Oh, and threeheadedmonkey--is your name inspired by a certain Mr Threepwood?

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Wednesday, 11 March, 1750, 6.21 P.M.

Looking back over my captain's log, I realised that quite a few people have stolen my name over the years. Most famously Davy Jones, but also Davy Jones, Davy Jones, and David Bowie. Aye, but how many of them are famous dread pirates? None! That's how many. I'm the only piratical Davy Jones there is, and I'm bloody good at it.

Meanwhile, there are many pirates named "Jack", I've noticed. Jack Sparrow, Jack Rackham, Jack Breton (admittedly not famous, but a charming bloke nonetheless). I don't understand this fascination with the nickname, seeing as "Jack" is nearly always the name that teen-aged girls take on as an alias when dressed as boys. Another interesting point that has occurred to me is that there are Jacks both Black and White.

In other news, today Ogilvey checked out my teeth. He said I probably should have continued wearing my retainer in my youth, but he says that every few months so it's no big deal. I told him that in 1984 Winston invented a man named Ogilvy. He didn't know what I was talking about. It's so frustrating that none of the crew has read the same books as I. There's nobody with whom I can discuss The Catcher in the Rye, which is annoying beyond belief. I think I really identify with Holden.

I think I have to take down these invisible walls and not be such a despot.

Monday, 16 March, 1750, 10.48 P.M.

OKAY. A few nights ago I drank some raspberry-garnished concoctions and somehow got it into my head that I needed to show my crew some more gratitude. I made an announcement, calling them my "love kittens", and told them some very deep and pressing thoughts. I don't remember anything beyond that but for some reason we've set course towards Japan.

Friday, 20 March, 1750, 9.45 P.M.

I had to have a Little Talk with the navigator today. He said he understood completely, but to keep up appearances I told him that his spherical existence was a disgrace to our cubic society. That humbled the cocky bastard.

Thursday, 26 March, 1750, 11.22 P.M.

Sometimes I think I'm completely irrelevant to the world. Almost as if I haven't made an impression at all. I don't bring it up because I WANT to be, it's just that sometimes things happen all out-of-order or inside-out. I don't mean to push people away, it just happens by accident. I know I have this metaphorical bubble around me, and I know I put it there, I just don't remember dipping the wand into the solution, if you will.

I guess this means I should make a list of ten things about me that are great:

CAPT. DAVY JONES'S UNIQUE TALENTS

1 Playing compositions written for up to three organists

2 Sick text-messaging skills

3 Typing 402 words per minute with no mechanical errors

4 Paleontology majour

5 Aquatic teleportation

6 Invincible!

7 Power over kraken

8 Super-long and multi-jointed right index finger

9 Vice-like left grip

10 Multi-tasking beard

Sunday, 29 March, 1750, 11.52 P.M.

I got a really late newspaper today and found out that on my birthday there was an earthquake in London! Sweet.

But that's the problem with being out at sea. All the newspapers are really late, and electricity isn't at its best. The news is pretty unreliable. But I think the worst problem is all the tension of living together. Today, Maccus and Jimmylegs got into a fight over whose iPod would be hooked up to the ship's P.A. during work-out time. I don't know why they were fighting about it, because they have practically all the same music. I guess it's just what happens when you're bored and despondent.

So I had to sort out that scrap, and then I also had to tell a bunch of them to stop shirking off. It looks like they're getting restless, which means we're going to have to go kill or get some new recruits like tomorrow. I can't believe how busy I am.