A/N: A big fat greeting to the people I know in real life who are reading this story: Ali, my beautiful and amazing breastest friend, Amanda!, and all yous girls in my Humanities class. I hope you like this update, and just know that the next one will be coming soon because I've got it all on a roll now!
I don't own Twilight. Also, this next chapter will begin with some pretty sad stuff. Just be prepared, k?
EPOV
The last two weeks had been horrifying. My mother stayed on a hospital bed in the living room where the nurses could care for her more easily than they could on the second floor of our house. Carlisle and I took turns sitting next to her in shifts ever since she'd been released for hospice care.
The absolute horror came from the screams my mother emitted as the pain ravaged her cancer-ridden body. She begged Carlisle to stop the pain, and his hands would shake violently as hopeless tears ran down his face. My hands held my own face as I would listen to her howls of anguish; nothing could be worse than the hell of hearing my mother in so much pain.
Carlisle begged the nurses to administer morphine as he tore at his hair in frustration over not being able to do it himself. We both wanted nothing more than to ease her pain, but we knew that he wasn't allowed to under the law, so we sat...day in and day out, holding her hand and trying to keep her calm.
Her mind became confused and she drifted in and out of awareness as the cancer ate at her body. I was amazed at how fast it moved at the end, and I was at once both terrified for her death and yet, I dreaded the idea of yet another day in hell for her. She was barely coherent and at times she didn't even recognize us; it broke my heart every time she looked at me with that blank "do I know you?" stare.
The days and nights of eternal purgatory raged on endlessly after my mom was released into hospice care. We never left her side, unless it was to eat, sleep, or shower. Carlisle didn't go to work and I had dropped out of college to come here and be with her.
When I came downstairs on the day she died, she was sitting up weakly in her bed with her eyes latched on me. Carlisle must have been in the kitchen or somewhere nearby, but I couldn't remember where he was for the life of me.
"Edward, baby," she croaked, her voice rough and cracking from disuse. She reached a shaky hand out to me, and I ran to her side to clasp it in my own.
"Hey Mom," I said softly as I kissed her temple. Her skin felt like tissue paper beneath my lips, and I couldn't help the anger and terror that rose in me at that moment. I was going to lose my mother, any day now...I just knew it.
"You're such a handsome boy, do you know that?" she rasped.
I smiled at her tenderly and brushed my hand down her hair. "I got my looks from you," I replied. "You're the beautiful one."
She laughed, and it was like music to my ears after her blood-curdling screams. "Edward, you look exactly like your father," she told me firmly.
I rolled my eyes and squeezed her hand so gently; the bones were visible beneath her thin skin. "I'm afraid, Mom," I admitted, my eyes dropping from hers as the hateful tears welled up once more.
I felt her finger come up under my chin to lift it, just as it always had when I was little. She looked me in the eye and said, "Remember what I said, honey? Even when I'm not here, my heart will be wherever you are. A part of me will always be with you."
I remembered her telling me this when I was a little boy; at the time, I'd envisioned a gory heart in a box under a bed. Now, however, I pictured a lifetime without my beloved mother. A torrent of tears released from my petrified heart at the thought.
"Mommy, please...please don't go," I begged her, sounding like a small child. I clung to her arms and hands desperately, so desperately.
She smiled at me serenely and brushed her palm over my cheek, drying some of my tears. "Baby, you know I have to go...but I love you, and so does your father. Please don't ever forget that; you guys need to stick together after I'm gone, okay?"
I couldn't say anymore after that because the lump in my throat was too huge to get around. The nausea swirled in my stomach as I realized that it wouldn't be long now before I never got to hug or kiss my mother ever again.
As if sensing this, my father came running from the back of the house. His eyes were wild until he saw my mother smile at him. "You're awake," he stated in wonder.
She smiled and held her other hand out for him, bringing him to the other side of her bed. "Yes, I am. I wanted to tell you how much I love you before..." but she didn't finish, because both of us protested.
"Don't talk like that!" Carlisle yelled, looking horrified. I agreed with him and my mother just shook her head weakly.
"Carlisle, my handsome love, would you do me a favor?" she asked quietly.
He nodded quickly. "Anything, beautiful." I watched in wonder as my mother's pale, gaunt cheeks colored in a youthful blush.
She pulled me to her and kissed me like she always used to when I was a child, with a big smacking noise. My heart broke a little bit at the happy sound. She then released my hand and turned to my father. "Would you mind holding me, just for a little while?" she pleaded sweetly.
I could see the anguish on his face at her words. "Of course, sweetheart. I'll hold you for as long as you'd like," he grated out.
She turned back to me, pulled my face down to hers, and covered my cheeks in soft kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you. You are the best part of me, do you hear me?" she said so softly that only I could hear. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut to stem the flood of emotion that crashed over me.
I retreated to the big armchair next to the fireplace and watched as my father climbed onto the bed and pulled my mother's diminished frame into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her like a child with his face buried in her hair. I could hear her singing to him softly, and I wondered what song it was.
I don't know how long we sat there like this, but I knew that it eventually grew dark outside. The warm glow of the light surrounded my parents on the bed and I realized then that my mother had a halo of light reflected on her head from the light above the bed.
She was asleep in my father's arms, looking peaceful. Carlisle was now humming the same song back to her. I felt myself drift off for a few minutes, feeling more peaceful than I had in months. I was jarred awake by my father's quiet voice calling my name.
"Edward," he called softly. My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright in the chair. His eyes were empty and his face was grim. I saw this and began shaking my head, denying the knowledge I saw there. All I could see through the harsh sobs racking my body was my father with his arms locked around my mother's frail body.
"Edward, she's gone," he stated hollowly. "She's gone." And then his face collapsed.
I slammed awake, sweat covering my body and drenching my sheets like tears. The pain that had ripped through me in the nightmarish memory was still present in my chest, feeling like a gaping wound. My hands shook as I reached over to turn off my alarm clock; the noise was grating on my nerves. I climbed out of bed and shot toward the bathroom, desiring a cold shower to wash away the bitter memories.
Tonight after class, I had a show in Seattle and I couldn't afford to have a dark day. I had to pull it together and keep it together if I didn't want to let my band down. I turned on the water in the tub and didn't wait for it to heat up before climbing under the punishing spray. I hissed and gritted my teeth through the discomfort and allowed it to overshadow the discomfort in my heart.
I hurried through my morning routine, eager to get out of the house and breathe the fresh morning air. The drive to school was spent trying desperately to avoid thinking about anything at all except the song lineup for tonight's show. We hadn't practiced our new stuff enough yet, so I figured we'd do a couple of cover songs to fill in some of the slots. We didn't want to let our fans get sick of the old stuff, so it was always good to change things up a bit now and then.
Feeling a bit more settled by the time I reached the school, I climbed out and locked my car up. Bella's figure was retreating to the big glass double doors and I followed her, my memory of her phone call beginning to piss me off and make me nervous. It was abundantly clear that I would have to speak to her about it, but I wasn't looking forward to it.
What I really wanted to do was punch a wall and let some of this frustration out.
Somehow, I found the pocket of calm that I needed to get through the class. Bella's constant bickering with me was beginning to really grate on my nerves, and I started to talk back. We went back and forth, our debate taking up most of the class period. Professor Allan just took a back seat and let us hash it out with an amused expression on his face.
At the end of class, I was completely exhausted. I just didn't have the fortitude to deal with Bella and her motives for calling my radio show right now, so I gathered my things and headed out to the parking lot. Unfortunately, Bella fell into step beside me.
"So you have a show tonight, right?" she asked in a reluctant tone. I nodded without looking at her. "I guess I'll be seeing you later, then," she said in response.
I looked down at her, squinting and trying to convey my feelings on that. "Don't even think about trying to get up onstage so you can out me," I hissed at her.
Bella's head snapped back as if I'd slapped her and she looked hurt. I was slightly surprised, because she had always been such a cranky bitch to me. "I guess maybe I shouldn't go, after all. I'd hate to show up uninvited," she finally replied with the familiar bitchy tone.
I just groaned and shook my head before walking off. Something about this girl just always managed to make me feel too much- too much anger, too much passion, too much disappointment that I couldn't be the guy that I could see she wanted me to be. Why did I feel like I always had to please everyone so much? Why couldn't I just please people by being myself?
I had to brush that shit off if I was gonna perform tonight, so I shook my head and blasted Bane and drove back to my house to get changed. The lights were off, and I breathed a sigh of relief because that meant Carlisle wasn't home. I went inside and tossed some clothes around until I found my black Dickies shorts and my From Autumn to Ashes t-shirt. I found my black baseball hat and was out the door in under fifteen minutes flat.
On the way to Emmett's to load up the van, I called my dad and left him a message to say that I wouldn't be home until late because I had a show in Seattle. I knew he didn't want to know about my music, but I at least felt that it was important for him to know where I was since we still lived together; I considered it a basic courtesy.
Our trusty van was parked outside Emmett's house when I pulled up in front. I found Jasper and Emmett in the garage packing up our cords and wheeling out the amps. Rosalie was sitting on the hood of Emmett's 1965 Dodge Dart, looking bored as usual. I greeted everyone and started helping, and soon all of our equipment was loaded in the back of the van. We were ready to set off toward Seattle, which was going to be a bitch of a drive.
When we got there, we unloaded the van and waited for the guys to set up a set list. We went through sound check and after everything was ready to go, we went and hunted down some grub. The vegan scene in Seattle was always pretty generous, so we hopped over to one of our favorite little places to stock up on food for the rest of the night.
I wondered if Bella would be at the show. I really hoped she wouldn't be, because I'd already had my fill of bickering and negativity today. I just wanted to enjoy tonight.
BPOV
"Mom, I'm home!" I yelled as I dropped my school bag next to the door. Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway and I wondered where he was this time of day.
My mom came walking out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. "Hey, honey. How was school?" she asked with a small smile. Her face had been strained lately, and now I knew why.
"It was fine. How are you, Mom?" I asked with concern.
Her eyes dropped to the floor next to the stairs and I saw a pile of boxes and bags sitting there. Was this really happening, or was I just going crazy? "What are those?" I gasped with a sick feeling of dread in my stomach. Was Charlie moving out, or was my mom leaving? These were questions I needed answers to.
"Bella..." she began with a heavy sigh. She walked over to me and took my hand before leading me over to the couch. She sat down and angled her body towards mine. "Your father and I haven't been getting along lately, and we both think it's time that we try something else."
So, the truth was finally revealing itself. "What do you mean, 'try something else'?" I asked incredulously. This just could not be happening.
She looked down and I tried to ignore the fact that she looked happier now than she had in a long time; there was no way my mother could be happy about all of this...could she?
"I mean that we're getting a divorce. I'm leaving today," she admitted without looking at me.
I felt so angry with her in this moment. She was tearing apart my entire world, and she wouldn't even look at me while she did so. What's worse was I fucking knew that it was all her idea, not Charlie's. She was the one who wanted to leave and "try something else," not my dad. Why the hell was she doing this to me...to all of us? "Mom, why?" I grated out as the hot, angry tears began to fall.
"Bella, please..." she pleaded, her hands grasping mine with fervor.
"No! Tell me why you're leaving!" I cried, my hands gripping onto hers until my knuckles turned white.
"Because I can't do this anymore, Bella! Because I'm not cut out to be a mother or a wife, and I never meant to be either one in the first place!" she yelled, her composure finally cracking.
I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. "Wh...what? What do you mean you never fucking meant to be a mother?" I shouted, my hands shaking now. I shot up off the couch and stood over her with my entire being quivering from the emotional outrage coursing through me.
She looked up at me and shut her mouth, which had been hanging open. "I was young, Bella. I was too young. Charlie was ready for all of those things, but I wasn't. I didn't intend to get pregnant, and I never intended to marry him or stay here in Forks," she admitted with a disturbingly unsympathetic look on her face.
Now I really wanted to throw up. "Are you saying I was a fucking mistake?" I whispered brokenly.
"I..." she began, trailing off as she looked at my face. "I'm sorry, honey."
She reached her hand out for mine, but I snapped my hand away and glowered down at her. "Don't. I'm glad at least Dad wanted me, because you're apparently nothing more than a shallow, self-involved bitch!" I gritted out with vicious intensity.
Renee's hand collapsed back onto her lap and her expression went hollow. "You really shouldn't talk to me like that, Isabella," she said with an airy tone. I could tell that she didn't really mean it, because the woman who had been my mother for over twenty years was suddenly gone, only to be replaced by this woman who just didn't seem to care anymore.
I took one last look at her before grabbing my things and slamming the front door behind me.
Carlisle POV
"Hey, Dad, it's me. I'm just calling to let you know that I'll be out late tonight because I'm playing a show in Seattle. Don't worry about waiting up for me, okay?"
I finished listening to Edward's message and set my phone down on the desk in my study. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed, trying to relieve the headache that had been brewing all day. I was supposed to be meeting Esme for dinner, and I didn't want to be poor company.
After showering and dressing in a nice suit, I headed out to pick Esme up at her house. We hadn't been talking long, but she'd been really great ever since I ran into her at the church. Her kindness and grace were so apparent that it was hard to ignore, and I wondered if maybe I would ever feel the way about her that I'd felt about my Elizabeth.
Maybe. Hopefully, a tiny voice whispered into my ear. I shrugged it off and parked in front of Esme's tidy little house. My eyes observed everything about her home as I approached the front door: the sunny yellow paint on the exterior with white trim and black shutters, the pretty little flower garden with the whimsical frogs and faeries, and the cobblestone walkway I was currently on.
When I reached the front door, she opened it wide before I could even knock. She looked absolutely stunning in a simple white dress with a blue-green shawl over her shoulders. Her hair was brushed up and off her neck, and her brown eyes shone with warmth. "Hello, Carlisle," she greeted me.
"Good evening, Esme. You look lovely," I complimented as I stepped up to her door. I watched with interest as she looked away from me shyly. Hmm.
"Thank you," she said with a bright smile. "So, what's Edward up to this evening? I was hoping he'd come have dinner with us."
I was surprised, to say the least. "Oh, he's at a...thing...with some friends," I replied uncomfortably. I wasn't sure I wanted Esme to know about Edward's band.
She looked like she wasn't fooled by my evasiveness. "I see. Does he...disapprove of you and I going out together tonight?" she asked with a wounded expression on her face.
I realized then that she must have mistaken my cryptic response to mean that Edward wasn't happy about me going out with her, which wasn't the case at all; in fact, Edward didn't even know I was here tonight. "No! That's not it at all!" I exclaimed, feeling horrible for putting that look on her face.
She looked instantly relieved. "Oh, good. So where is he, then?" she asked with curiosity.
I gently held her arm as she stepped out of the house and locked her door. "He's actually playing with his band tonight," I admitted reluctantly.
Her eyes lit up. "Oh! Really? I didn't know Edward was in a band! Where is he playing?" she asked with real excitement on her face.
"Umm... well, at Studio Seven, I guess. At least, that's what he told me when he left me a message," I replied uncomfortably. I didn't want her to know about this side of Edward that made me so unsure about his behavior.
"That's great! Is that where we're going? I'd love to see him play. What does he do in the band?" she asked, her face looking bright with interest.
"Actually, I thought we'd go to dinner... he's the singer, I guess," I told her, feeling awkward. This was already becoming very bizarre in my mind.
"What do you mean? We should go see him play! Don't you think that would be fun? Are they any good?" Her hands came up and rested on my shoulders as we reached the car. "Can we go, please?" she asked with her big brown eyes staring me down.
I felt a weakness in my resolve that I hadn't experienced since...well, since dating Elizabeth. This was an old feeling, but also new at the same time. I didn't quite know how to respond to it.
"Well, I...I don't know where the club is," I evaded, trying to get her to drop the subject. There was no way I wanted to take Esme to one of Edward's shows. I had no idea if his band was any good or not, but that didn't matter. I didn't want Esme anywhere near his noisy racket that he called music.
I opened the car door for her and she slid onto the warmed up leather seat with ease. "Yes, but isn't that a GPS in your dashboard?" she replied with a sly smirk.
Son of a bitch. I groaned and walked around to my side of the car, reluctantly now. "Yes, it is," I supplied against my will when she stared me down.
"Good, then we'll just plug the name of the club into the GPS and we can follow the directions. While you're doing that, I think I'm going to just head back inside really quick and change so I won't stick out so much," she rambled on happily. I could feel the bars slamming down around me as I realized that there would be no getting out of this soon-to-be-debacle now.
I turned on the GPS and cued it up for Studio Seven while Esme changed into jeans that made her look too good for words and an old college t-shirt that hugged her curves lovingly. I hoped she couldn't see my sudden reaction to her appearance, because it sure surprised the hell out of me and I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.
We headed to the freeway and settled in for a long and comfortable drive. I switched on some classical music and asked Esme to tell me more about herself. This night was pleasant enough right now, but I knew it would be embarrassing by the time she realized what a mess Edward and I were now that Elizabeth was gone. She probably wouldn't want anything to do with me after that, so I tried to just enjoy her company while I could.
A/N: Just a reminder, please don't forget to go and vote for my one-shot "The Virginity Pact" for the SMC Contest! I'm in the top 10. I've already written the second chapter for it, so please keep me encouraged;)