There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.
-Dante

It's been three day since I was let out of the hospital. My Vitals were fine blood count, heart rate, and CT scan was practically perfect. Yet my heart felt as if it had been torn out, sliced, stomped on, and then thrown back in wanting me to use it fully. The hole deep in my chest felt like a black hole, like it was slowly sucking all my life out of me and that sooner or later it would suck my body in to and I'd disappear like a puff of smoke.

The first day home was awkward; mom came over stayed the night, Dad slept on the couch so mom could sleep in his bed. Another hint that he wasn't ready to lose her. And I, I wasn't ready to lose Edward.

Mom left the second day, abruptly to around 6:00am she woke me with a quick kiss told me she loved me and left. I didn't want an explanation nor was I expecting one, so I went on with my life. Charlie and I started looking into school. Because I was two years behind, I was going to be doing online schooling. I had already signed up for it and paid the two year tuition. I would immediately be starting classes on Thursday, (it's Tuesday) and my main priority was finishing out this year, and then waiting for school to start again in September… In September I was going to be turning twenty. Wow I am turning twenty…

I was able to find a job at a small burger shop called Sully's Burgers, where I worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and part time on Saturday. On Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I would work at the Bed and Breakfast cleaning and preparing food for the guest. With both jobs and schooling I would be busy, but it would pay the bills. Charlie and I were now looking for a place for me to rent or buy. We found a nice little white house that I might invest in. Charlie said he would help me pay for it but I would have to pay all the bills and stuff after that. So I had two days until I started school and two days to go where I wanted. And I knew exactly where that was. The weird thing to me was that almost everything is the same. Charlie still got me the Old read truck, and the town looked about the same, well there would be some things missing like a store or a house but my memory could be playing tricks on me to. And that's what I hope was happening, my memory was playing tricks and that Zafrina was somewhere near me making me think all this was happening.

"So what do you plan on doing today Bells?" Charlie asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Um…" I hesitated, because to be truthful I didn't know what I was going to do. Then it hit me and I knew."I'm going to go look around the town, get a better feel for it. It's small so it shouldn't take that long." I paused not knowing if he would let me.

"Ok well I'm going over to the station, see if there's anything exciting there." He kissed my head and walked out.

I watched out the window as his car silently pulled out on to a deserted street. I waited until he was out of sight to grab my coat, my wallet and my keys. I locked the door behind me got in my car and took off like a slug. Damn this car for being so slow. With a screech and a grunt the motor finally started up and then the car moved. I knew the route like the back of my hand, every turn and every stop was etched into my brain never to be forgotten. I drove along the road looking for the small opening, and then I saw it. I pulled a sharp right and followed the new road.

The trees and bushes were so over grown that they looked like lost souls reaching for me, begging for me to help, but I didn't stop. I knew my actual soul was in there, somewhere reaching for me I wanted to go back, so badly. I wanted everything to be back the way it was, but if this was my "life" then there was no going back. The place where my heart use to be ached. It ached for the love I once felt, the happiness I lived and the joy my life had once been. It ached for it all and I knew that it wasn't coming back. I guess the grown part of me, hurt the most, but the other part of me accepted it, when your broken once it don't hurt nearly as bad the second time. Yet you feel emptier the second time.

My truck rounded the last corner, and I pulled into the clearing, I stomped onto the breaks and stared. I didn't move I didn't breath, and I didn't blink. I just sat there and looked at it. Without taking my eyes off of it I opened the door and stepped out. I walked forward. The vines were creeping up the columns spiraling towards the sky. I ran my hand along the chipping paint and climbed the stairs, each one groaning or cracking under the weight they had never felt. I walked forward taking my hand off the column and dropping it by my side.

I stood directly in front of the door, looking at the cracked wood, the molding paint, and the rusty knob. My hand slowly reached for the knob and when making contact with it the door opened. Rusty flakes floated to the floor, like blood stained snow around my feet. I entered the dark room. Light shown in only in a few spots where boards were broken or falling off. It was exactly the same, but the furniture wasn't there.

I walked a little farther in. I looked around and then I saw it. It was just there. A black leather couch, torn and moldy but still there. I feel to my knees. My arms felt like rubber my heartfelt shriveled and I cried. Silent tears rolling one by one down my face and plopping on the floor. I cried for the life I was living, I cried for the pain, I cried for the emptiness and for once… I cried for myself. I slowly sank further to the ground and cried. I closed my eyes still letting tears role their way. But I watch the other memories as they played back for me on the inside of my eyes.

Renesmee, she's sitting across from me. On the edge of the dining rooms table. It's her first birthday. She already opened her presents. Alice dressed her in a small blue dress that you would see on a princess… only four times smaller. Her legs are dangling off the table swinging back and forth. Her hair is cascading over her shoulders is small curls. Her bangs held off to the side by a small white butterfly clip. She looked so beautiful! So much older then she really was. She didn't like the cake and loved how the ice cream was cold. At this moment were all sitting around her watching her every move. She was going to show us all a trick Uncle Emmett had thought her. Folding her thumb in her right hand so it looked hidden then gripping her left thumb she showed us how she could take her thumb off and put it back on. Of Course we all knew it was a trick but we all sat in a fake awe asking each other out loud how she did it. Emmett stood up obviously proud with a goofy grin on his face and started clapping. We all joined in, she jumped off the table and took a small curtsy for everyone, her eyes were not satisfied though and her face was not smiling. Then she ran into my arms.

"Mommy I know you all know how to do the trick…Uncle Emmett said you would all be faking it." I shot a glare at Emmett and he just rolled his eyes and looked away.

"No baby actually we were faking nothing, I had never seen you do that trick before so how could I of known?"

"Good" she said then hugged me.

A loud bang woke me. I hadn't noticed that I was a sleep until I opened my eyes. Could I have dreamed the bang? It was darker now but I didn't care, I didn't care what time it was or how long I had been here.

I pushed myself up and started walking to the stairs.

"Renesmee?" a voice called out. I froze. It was my voice but I had not moved my mouth.

"Mommy I can't see?" Her bell voice tinkled from the hallway above. My heart stuttered then started again but faster.

"Baby where are you why can't you see" I heard my voice say again but I still hadn't actually said it. There was another crash, and I bolted up the stairs. Running down the hall to the third door on the left. Barging in. there was nothing there. But an old dresser covered with cobweb. Then I saw it. Over in the right far corner of the room barley illuminated in the dark. Her body on the floor, curled over and her eyes closed. "Renesmee?" Came a voice over my left shoulder. I quickly turned around and screamed. There was me…as a vampire, staring at my child.

"Open your eyes." I, she said. I watch horror struck as the lady…as I walked over to my daughter. "If you don't open your eyes then you won't be able to see!" she, me, I exclaimed.

"No mommy I can't" Renesmee shook her head in a rush.

"Why not?" I replied with my other self. This time I actually spoke. I remembered this moment as it played before me.

"I'm worried that if I open my eyes in the dark, I won't like what I see." She whispered. I gasped as I remembered what happened next. The door behind me opened with a bang so loud I had to cover my ears.

"Is everything ok?"

I couldn't hold back the gasp at his voice. I turned slowly as if I was afraid to look at what once had been. And he was there. In front of me. His face sharp with concern. Just as I remembered it. The cry that had bubbled up in my throat burst from my lips, a cry of pain. I ran and reached for him. He was there right in front of me.

"EDWARD!" I yelled. Tripping I fell on my knees I cried again harder. He's right there. "Edward, I'm here, Edward I'm here for you." He couldn't hear me and continued to stare at the scene behind me. "Please" I begged choking on my own words "PLEASE! Edward I'm here look at me! Please." He couldn't hear me. "Save me Edward. Help me, find me. I NEED YOU; PLEASE!" I let my body fall to the ground as harsh sobs wrenched though me. My fists were in balls and I hit them on the ground as hard as I could. With the last once of energy my body had I reached for him. My hand slid easily through his image. Then he started fading. And I reached for him again not wanting to lose the image of him. My other self and Renesmee were also fading. Then they were all gone. With a flash Renesmee was back in the corner and I was gone.

"Renesmee?" My other voice called from somewhere below.

The scene was replaying itself again. A memory lost in time, plucked from the past that couldn't be pulled away from this house. I image forever haunting this room.

My body shutdown, defeated, yet I watched as the memory played again, Jumping when the door slammed open, silently whispering his name when he came in. then disappeared. And it played again and again and again and not once did I close my eyes. Soaking in as much as I could. Then it didn't play again, and the house went silent not a noise to be heard. I didn't cry as the scenes played over and over again I didn't cry when Edward ignored my quiet pleas, but when the house went dead quiet, I cried. I eventually cried myself to a deep sleep. One that no one could pull me from.

I didn't expect for this chapter to turn out the way it did… sadder then I was going for. I'm working on the next chapter.