A/N: Heey...first of all...thanks for all the reviews =) reviews are LOVE...hehe =)!! And here's the next chapter. =) I know it's short, but it took me really long, until I finally had it the way I wanted it...hehe. I re-wrote and re-read it like a hundred times til I thought it was okay. Well, I hope you enjoy reading it.

And again, a special thanks to Brittany for beta-ing it. =) Thank you so so so much =)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters....

"Chuck, don't act like you don't hear me!" Serena's voice brought him back to the present – away from the painful memories.

„What do you want," he asked.

„You have to get ready. It's time," she said with tears in her eyes.

„For what," he asked innocently, although he knew.

„For her funeral, ", she cried with a broken voice, and Chuck felt a pain deep inside his chest. It was his heart that couldn't bear this word related to her, and that reminded Chuck that it was still there – that it wasn't him who had died instead. But why did he feel that way?

„I have no reason to go!" Chuck was surprised at the words that had just slipped out of his mouth, and so were Serena and Nate.

The news of her death had quickly reached everyone, and the news about a certain Basshole who had rejected her twice were on Gossip Girl. Now everybody would have the chance to draw their own conclusions about her death, and most of them would come to the conclusion that it was Chuck's fault. Even if nobody said so, he knew that they thought it.

Nate looked at Chuck with a serious expression. „Blair wouldn't be happy to see you like this," he said.

„Who cares what she thinks," Chuck screamed aloud. "She isn't here anymore, is she?" He was met by silence. "She's gone," Chuck said, and this time he managed not to scream. He spoke as lowly as possible. "And nobody can change that – not even me." He took the bottle of scotch, which was on his bedside table, and took a big gulp.

"Chuck," Serena yelled at him. "Move your stupid ass off of your bed!" She really wasn't in the mood to comfort him. She felt even more horrible than he did, or at least that was what she thought. "She wasn't only yourfriend, okay? She was my best friend, Chuck! Do you think I don't miss her – that I wouldn't do anything to bring her back? Everybody here misses her. She wasn't just around you and your life! I don't know how you can be so selfish in this moment, and only think about yourself!" She was screaming at him while tears ran down her face. Nate tried to calm her down. "Now change your clothes! You're still wearing your suit from yesterday," she added with anger and bitterness in her voice.

Friend. It echoed through is head.

Friend?

Was she just a friend? Was that what they were? Friends? No, they weren't! They weren't just friends. They were far more than that. They were soul mates; they were meant to be together; they belonged together. He didn't know why he needed so much time to figure that out. He should have said those three little words when he had had the chance to say them. He had never thought about the fact that one day he wouldn't be able to tell her.

He made no move to stand up from the bed. "Chuck, really – now," Serena said with annoyance. He looked at her first, and then stood up from his bed – the bottle of scotch still in his hand – and finally looked at both of them.

"I killed her, okay? That's what everyone wants to hear, right, sis? That's what everybody thinks, including you!" He was screaming again, and pointing at Serena. "I, Chuck Bass killed Blair Waldorf," he said, compressing his lips and clenching his fists, holding the bottle of scotch even tighter with one of his hands. "I killed her, like I killed my mother by coming into this shitty world, and like I killed my father by calling him, and telling him to come back to the Snowflake ball to fight for Lily!" He laughed with no humor. "I killed her," he repeated in an almost inaudible whisper while a sad, sarcastic smile appeared on his lips. "I swear, sometimes I think that my love's poison," he said still with that sad expression on his face. "It kills everyone I love before they even know how much I care about them." He shook his head. "I should have said it," he spoke more to himself than to Serena and Nate.

Both were stunned by his statement, and before any of them could answer, he walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Chuck looked into the mirror in front of him. He looked awful – a mess – but he didn't need to look good. That wasn't important. He was going to a funeral – why look good? He let the water run and washed his face, thinking it could possibly help to clear his mind. Time is a great healer. Wasn't that an idiom? He just hoped that time wouldn't wait too long to come, because he was sure that this pain, and guilt, and every other emotion he felt would eat him up alive. He knew from past losses that he had experienced, the pain won't completely go away, but become more bearable with each passing day. This time, however, he wasn't sure if it would be like that – if the pain really would become less heart-wrenching.

The moment in the hospital, when she had opened her eyes was back in his mind. What if it was just an illusion? What if his mind had tricked him into believing that she was awake because that was what he had wanted and had wished for? No. He shook this thought away. He wasn't crazy – he had seen it. But why did she smile, and then in the next moment leave like that? Only to give him false hope? Yes, she would certainly do that. Only to punish him for everything he had put her through. She just smiled, because she was glad that he finally could see what he had done to her, in which condition he had brought her. Glad to see him suffering, before dying. Gloating.

His anger and confusion overcame him, and without realizing it he punched the mirror in front of him, making the glass shatter down around him. He heard Serena shouting worriedly that he should come out because she had heard the noise. He didn't say anything back. After he let all his aggressions out, he felt a little better, although his hand was covered with scratches. Then his eyes locked on something behind all of the shards. It was a little box with the words "sleeping pills" on it.

He cocked his head to the side, and studied it – his eyes narrowed, and filled with darkness. 'Fucking sleeping pills', he thought, all the anger coming back. He took the little box out of there, and put it in his pocket. Then he unlocked the door. Serena and Nate were still standing there, and they looked relieved that he had came out. "I'm ready to go," Chuck said sadly before passing them to leave the room, not bothering to change his clothes - his suit was black anyway – and he didn't wait for them to join him.

A/N: Thanks for reading it... =) If someone's confused why I described the smile like that, I have an explanation. It doesn't mean that it was really like that, it's just that I think Chuck would see it like that....after everything that happened between them I thought that he wouldn't believe that she was glad to see him, because that showed her that she meant something to him. In my opinion, when you're filled with all this negative emotions you can't see the positive things even if they're obvious. So okay I hope it's clearer now. =) and if you're reading this story, please, please review !!! =)