A/N: Thank you all for the lovely reviews :) I finally finished this chapter and I'm really sorry that you had to wait so long for this update, but I hope that you all enjoy this chapter :)
Special thanks to my beta Abby! She's the best! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.
He woke up surrounded by white and with an overwhelming feeling of warmth. He blinked a few times, trying to adjust his eyes to the bright light around him.
"Where am I?" He asked himself and rubbed his eyes. The only thing he remembered was that he had felt pain, but said pain wasn't present anymore. He shook his head and looked around, when he saw a figure dressed in white walking towards him. Without a second's thought he recognized her. How could he not? She was haunting him. Her dark curly hairs cascaded down her delicate shoulders, her ruby lips were slightly parted and her innocent brown eyes stared directly into his. It wasn't possible; certainly, it was a dream.
"Blair?" He asked carefully, making sure that he was right and that this girl who was walking towards him, was without a doubt his girl. Her perfect pouty lips formed a small smile.
"Blair!" He shouted out of surprise, joy mixed with other emotions that he felt just at the sight of her. He was still certain that this was a dream. He could see her again, smiling, looking at him; and he even dared to think as if he were alive. His head was spinning and the only thing he knew to do was to take her in his arms, to feel her again, her body against his. His arms were around her in merely a second and his hand was caressing the back of her head. He kissed her cheek gently, much to her surprise. He sighed in relief, when he felt that she was real under his arms, that he really could feel her, so he tightened the embrace.
"Chuck, you're killing me!" She said, while laughing. He broke off the embrace and looked at her skeptically with a hint of a hopeful smile on his lips after hearing her sentence. His hands were still going up and down her arms, not wanting to lose physical contact.
"Well, if I weren't already dead!" She added, surprisingly still beaming. His smile faded away, his hands halted their ministrations, and his back stiffened. She was dead; of course. But it was all just so confusing. It looked like a dream, but somehow it felt real.
"Too soon for dead jokes I guess." She said after seeing his reaction. He shrugged the painful feeling off, not wanting her to see that his heart was falling into pieces for the millionth time. But she could see it anyway. He became distanced again, like he always became when his feelings were involved.
"Yeah, jokes are not funny, especially not when you take the measure to kill into your own hands." He huffed with an increasing voice, sounding slightly angry. She just raised her eyebrows.
"What are you talking about?" She asked puzzled.
"You killed yourself, Waldorf! That's what I'm talking about!" Chuck snapped at her, but regretted it the minute her eyes and the whole surrounding darkened. No response came from her side; she just glared at him. Chuck ran a hand through his face, trying not to act out of control. He was still trying to understand why he was standing there with his dead lover. Not that he was complaining or anything. The only logical thing that crossed his mind was that he was dead too and it didn't scare him a bit, he thought it was okay, when with her.
"Just tell me why." He said barely audible with a soft tone, but without breaking her gaze.
"I didn't do it on purpose." She started slowly, sighing heavily and looking away. "It was an accident. I was just so exhausted and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. The days were just too long and I was feeling, well, you certainly know how I was feeling." She looked back into his eyes and now it was his turn to look away, guiltily. "So I took some sleeping pills just to sleep a bit longer than three hours a day." She continued to tell him. "I tried to get rid of them when realization hit me that I maybe took too many, but they already showed their effect and I drifted off. It was my time to go."
"I'm sorry; it's my fault all of this happened." He said, feeling all those familiar burdens on his shoulders again. "I have never thought it would come this far and I've never wanted to push you away like this." He admitted.
"Chuck, it wasn't your fault at all. Yes, you hurt me many times, I can't deny that, but this time it was my own fault." She told him. "There was just too much going on that I couldn't handle and which didn't let me sleep. For example Yale." It was one of her biggest dream to attend that college since forever and of course Chuck knew that it had been hard for her. "And like I said I didn't try to kill myself I just wanted to have a normal night's sleep." She finished.
"But…" Chuck started.
"I said it wasn't your fault. Deal with the fact that not everything revolves around you." She said half joking, a smile blossoming on her lips. But he still felt incredible bad for what had happened to her and still thought she just didn't want to admit that it was him who caused all of that.
"You should hate me or at least be mad at me. I really am sorry for what I did." He told her, his remorse transparent.
"I definitely would be mad at you for what you did, if I was alive, but I don't see the point in hating you or being mad at you now, Chuck. I'm dead." She told him and every time she said it out loud he felt a sting in his stomach as if something inside of him was tearing him apart.
"Blair, I am so sorry." He told her again, it was everything he could tell her over and over again.
"I know." She assured him. "And just so we are clear, you were the one who tried to kill yourself." She said trying to speak of something else than her death. With her horror hided, that his action had caused, she awaited an explanation from him.
"I-I –," Chuck stuttered, not sure how to finish the sentence. "I wasn't going to kill myself; I just wanted to scare them a bit." He finished lamely, knowing that it was a lie and she knew it too.
She rolled her eyes, impenetrable by his failed attempts to lie to her. She could see through him and read him like an open book, even when he was sometimes hard to figure out.
"But it isn't really your time to go. That's the reason you were hit by a car and the reason you're here, because if you had taken the pills there would have been no going back. But now you have the chance to go back if you say you want to. It's still your decision to make." She explained to him.
"So I'm not dead?" He asked a bit astounded.
"Dead? No!" Blair shook her head. "You're like in between life and death and it is my duty to convince you to go back." Her eyes were shining and she looked so happy and carefree. He could look at her day and night and never get tired of it. If he went back, he wouldn't be able to do that any longer.
"But what if I don't want to?" He asked slowly. Now she wasn't looking that happy anymore.
"You have to!" She yelled at him. "I mean, they need you, Chuck. They wouldn't be able to bear it if you were gone too." She lowered her voice and spoke to him calmly, placing a hand on his chest.
"They're still dealing with my death; it would be too much for them." She tried to reason.
"I just can't go back, Blair!" He told her frustrated.
"If I would have had this chance I wouldn't have needed that long to think about it, so why the hell can't you?" Her voice was rising again.
"You're not there." He answered in a whisper, not wanting her to hear it completely, but she could hear it perfectly. He hated it when someone saw his vulnerability, because for him, if you showed weakness it never meant something good and it could be only used against you. He was sure she would laugh in his face.
And she did laugh, but not for the same reason that Chuck thought – just out of disbelief.
"Chuck, please, we both know that you don't need me there. You've managed to live pretty well without me in the past and you've got enough entertainment to sustain you." She answered taken aback by his words.
But you were always there, helping me, encouraging me, doing everything to make me feel better. He thought and realized for the thousands time what a moron he was for letting her go. He unfortunately had no courage to say it out loud.
"So why can't you?" She asked him again, waiting for a more plausible answer, because she didn't really buy the first one, no matter how honest it sounded.
"Because…" He breathed heavily. Say it. Say it. Say it. He looked back in her eyes. "Because I love you, okay? It's that simple. I love you, there I said it!" He finally said and felt thousands of pounds lighter.
"I love you, Blair." It rolled out of his tongue as if those first foreign words were made for him to say. To her.
"That's the reason." He added feeling totally exposed the first time in his life.
A smile broke out on her face. "Chuck Bass confessing his love." She said, trying to take the words in. "Too bad I will never really experience this." She told him, her smile diminishing.
"But you just heard it." Chuck answered.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, Chuck, but it's kind of too late for that, don't you think? I'm still dead and it would be really wise of you to pick life over death. So it doesn't change anything." She told him.
"So just that I understand, you don't want to be with me?" He asked her, a bit hurt by her rejection.
"Who says that we even can? Here?" She answered with a counter question.
"You're speaking in riddles, Waldorf." Chuck answered, not following. Then he thought of one possibility how they couldn't be together. "Ah, you think that I'll go to hell and you to heaven?" He asked her.
She just groaned frustrated in response and started to push him away with as much strength as possible. "Blair what are you doing?" He asked and looked behind him to see a huge blue spiral just some steps away from him. He would fall in it if she didn't stop.
"Stop it. You're not really going to push me into hell, are you?" He asked, slightly frightened, trying to stop her from pushing him further backwards. But her hands were quicker. "No idiot, I am pushing you back to life!" She said without stopping. He was walking backwards, because of her. "I thought you have to convince me?" He asked, still walking backwards. "Believe me I'm just doing you a favour and making your decision easier. You'll thank me one day." She explained. He was only some steps away from the hole; just a few pushes more and he would be gone and she would disappear. He was still trying to catch her hands so she would stop shoving him, when he finally grabbed both. He pulled her as close as humanly possible to him.
"So you really want to experience my love confession?" He asked her holding her firmly against him, while she was struggling with his grip, still trying to push him, and confused at what he was trying to do next.
"If I'm going back, then you sure as hell will come with me." With that he made the last steps on his own. She gasped in shock. "Chuck! Let go of me! You're not allowed to do that! Chuck! Stop it!" The brunette protested, kicking and yelling, but there was nothing she could do.
"Chuck! AAAAAAAAHHH!" They were both falling into this huge spiraling hole and Chuck still had her in his arms, not even letting go of her for a second.
A/N: What do you guys think? Let me know :) And if you haven't already check out my other stories as well, maybe you like them...reviews would make my day...hehe :)