A/N: I am so sorry that I let you all wait so long...I just had an immense writersblock and I couldn't write anything for a long time. I really am sorry.
Thanks so much for the reviews I've got. I truly appreciate them and they make me so happy, because it's just great to see that there are people who enjoy my work. I hope that there are still people, who'll read this story. The next chapter will probably be the last and I really hope that you guys will like how it will turn out.
Thanks as well to my lovely friend stephi, who read this chapter and encouraged me to publish it, because I wasn't quite sure if it was good. Thank you!
This isn't beta'd so I apologize for mistakes in advance.
I hope everyone likes it :)
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previously:
"So you really want to experience my love confession?" He asked her holding her firmly against him, while she was struggling with his grip, still trying to push him, and confused at what he was trying to do next.
"If I'm going back, then you sure as hell will come with me." With that he made the last steps on his own. She gasped in shock. "Chuck! Let go of me! You're not allowed to do that! Chuck! Stop it!" The brunette protested, kicking and yelling, but there was nothing she could do.
"Chuck! AAAAAAAAHHH!" They were both falling into this huge spiraling hole and Chuck still had her in his arms, not even letting go of her for a second.
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He sucked in a breath and began to inhale sharply, every single breath coming out uneven and slowly.
"Blair!" He said weakly and opened his eyes. Everything in front of his eyes was blurry and it took him a second to realize where he was.
He felt hands on his left arm. Someone was there.
"Chuck?" He heard a familiar female voice saying in surprise.
"Blair!" He said again, closing his eyes shut.
"He's awake!" He heard the female voice shouting out loud. "Everything is alright." The voice addressed back to him and tried to soothe him.
He opened his eyes again and caught a fuzzily glimpse of the females long blonde hair swirling around.
"You scared us so much, Chuck!" She said with a hoarsely voice.
"Blair!" It was the only thing he could say and think of. He sat up on the bed, suddenly wide awake. The blonde next to him sighed sadly.
"She's still gone, Chuck." She caressed his arm and had tears in her eyes. He gulped soundly, seeing clear again. He was in the hospital and both of his legs were hurting like hell. He looked down at himself and dizzily made out that he was still wearing his shirt. It was ripped open though and an IV was hooked on his arm. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the drowsiness, while one thing never left his mind.
Blair.
"The funeral!" Chuck let out abruptly and turned to look at Serena. "Did I miss it?" He asked looking his step-sister in the eyes, afraid that the answer might be yes.
She shook her head. "No. They're waiting for us." She told him, but he had the feeling that the "us" wasn't including him.
"We still have time, until they bury her." She added and her eyes once again filled with tears.
By her words his whole body stiffened. He didn't know why, but he had a weird feeling in his stomach, a feeling that told him something was off and not really okay. While he was unconscious something had happened, he was sure of it, but he had no idea what it was, he just knew that nothing else was in his mind than Blair.
"We just made sure you're okay and I don't think it is a good idea for you to come –" She trailed off, when she saw him fidgeting around.
He, without a warning, stood up from the bed, grimacing in pain, which his movements were causing. He ignored it. Like hell, he wasn't coming. He once again looked down at his arm and yanked the IV forcefully away. He headed towards the door, while buttoning his shirt back up.
"Chuck! What are you doing?" Serena yelled and stood up alerted, when she saw the IV falling to the ground.
"I have to be there." He said determined, moving towards the exit, only to be met by Lily, Nate and Eric, who were just walking in. He tried to pass them, but a serious looking Lily grabbed him on the shoulders.
"Charles, where are you going? You have to stay here, you just had an accident." Lily said bewildered, trying to stop him from leaving the room, but he withdrew himself from her grip. And if it wasn't bad enough to have four people in the room who tried to stop him from leaving, a troubled doctor entered the room as well.
"Sir, you can't leave this room!" The doctor told him, looking over his glasses.
"But I really have to be there. I feel perfectly fine." He lied and tried to pass them again. He just needed to get out of there and to her.
Although Serena knew that Chuck loved Blair and that he wanted to be there for the funeral, she also knew how risky it could be for him. She didn't want to see another friend of hers in such a situation or worse. She moved towards the door and blocked it, so it was impossible for him to leave the room.
"Chuck! You need to recover first! You can't just walk out of here as if nothing happened!" Serena yelled at him, still in front of the door. She couldn't believe that he was acting like that. He wasn't just making it harder for himself, but also for everyone else around him. It hurt her to see him so broken and devastated. How could he be so dumb to walk out of the hospital after having such a bad accident?
"Serena, move!" He remained calm, not looking at her, just making a hand movement to the side.
"No! You're injured! You're going nowhere!" Serena said dead serious, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She felt like she needed to look out for him, to make sure that nothing will happen to him. That's what Blair would want, she told herself.
"Serena if you don't move away right now, I will make your life a living hell!" He yelled back at her with as much volume as his voice allowed him to use. The other three people in the room were not sure how to handle this situation.
Serena let out a scoffing laugh. "Don't you think that my life is already a living hell? My best friend just died Chuck!" She cried back, compressing her lips to calm down. "There is nothing you could do to make it worse. So now just please sit back on that hospital bed." She said, declining her voice and talking to him peacefully, pointing towards the direction that she wanted him to head. She rather wanted him to be mad at her than him to go to the funeral and worsen his shape.
Chuck sighed loudly, running a hand over his face.
"Listen Serena." Chuck tried it with the soft way. "I would never forgive myself, if I don't make it to her funeral. That's the least I could do. I want to see her for the last time, why can't you understand that? You of all people should understand that. You know, I still can't believe she's gone and I want to see that she's really gone, because if not I'm sure I would think that she's still among us." He told her, honestly and fully resolved, although his hands were slightly shaking. "I loved her, Serena and I still do." His eyes were glistening with tears and he quickly closed them and rubbed them with his fingers.
"Chuck…" She said lowly, swallowing hard. She knew that it wouldn't be easy for him to just accept the fact that Blair wasn't there anymore and that she never will be again.
"Please Serena, I have nothing to lose." He said and just like that her gaze softened and he could gently remove her from the door to walk out. Not even Lily knew what to say against it.
Without another word the others followed him.
"But I can't just let him leave the hospital like that." The doctor said puzzled, but it was like nobody heard him. Everyone was walking out of the hospital, heading to the funeral.
When they arrived at the cemetery, they could see how her closest family was still there. They hadn't buried her yet, just like Serena had told him.
The heads from the funeral guests all turned to look at the newly arrived guests. Chuck felt every gaze on him. He hadn't even bothered to make himself a little more presentable after leaving the hospital. He must have looked like shit with all his bruises.
All went directly to a place to sit only Chuck halted and observed her casket. When they saw that Chuck didn't seem to follow them, Nate stopped and walked back to him.
He grabbed Chuck's arm carefully and tried to guide him to the chairs.
"Come Chuck." He said and pulled at his arm lightly; Chuck obeyed wordlessly and followed his best friend. Then he locked eyes with Eleanor and was instantly afraid that she would immediately tell him that he should leave, but she didn't seem to care this time around and neither did Harold.
The ceremony was going on and on, people around him crying their souls out. He looked at the casket. She was in there, dead. He thought about what would have happened if he had said those words, she desperately wanted him to say. Maybe then this whole disaster wouldn't have happened. His cheeks were moist, that's when he realized that he's been silently and unwittingly crying the whole time as well.
The last words were spoken and Chuck knew that now was the moment that the casket would go down into the ground. His whole body filled with fear and sorrow. He didn't want to let her go like that. They still had so many things to do together. He closed his eyes, trying to control the tears, which were rolling out without permission.
"Chuck Bass confessing his love." She said, trying to take the words in. "Too bad I will never really experience this." She told him, her smile diminishing.
"If I'm going back, then you sure as hell will come with me."
His eyes snapped open and his forehead wrinkled with questions. He didn't know what that was. Suddenly he jumped up from his chair.
"Stop." He screamed into the crowd, before they had the chance to let the casket down. Everyone turned to look at him. He wasn't quite sure why he did it, but there was something stirring inside him and screaming that he needed to see her one more time. It felt the same way like in the hospital the moment he woke up.
Nate looked at him questioningly.
"I have to see her." He told Nate severely and limped straight to the casket.
An alarmed Eleanor sat up from her chair and walked towards him.
"Chuck, we are really glad that you are feeling fine again, but please go back to your seat." Eleanor told him nicely, she was like exchanged. Nothing was left from that woman who had spat at him and told him to leave.
But he didn't listen and still walked towards the casket until he was standing in front of it. He bent down and tried to open it, but failed multiple times. His hands were just too clumsy.
"Open it!" He screamed, looking everywhere for help. Nobody budged, everyone surprised by his sudden outburst. Some even outraged that he had the indecency to behave like that on a funeral, thinking that he was losing his mind.
"Open this damn casket!" He screamed again, his voice faltering from the new tears that he felt, which were threatening to spill out again.
"Why?" Harold asked him concerned and walked towards him as well.
Chuck turned to look at him and it was then when Chuck saw how devastated Harold looked. He hadn't paid attention to him before, but seeing this man, who normally was full of love and happiness in this state made Chuck even more eager to open the casket. He gritted his teeth; he had a feeling that there would be a change if he opened it. He turned to look at Harold and braced himself by taking a long deep breath.
"I want to see her. I just want to convince myself that she's really dead and if so, I wanted to say goodbye." Chuck answered politely and regained back his posture, still struggling with his tears though.
"Well, if you want to convince yourself, why should we stop you?" Harold said sadly, maybe even feeling pity for the boy, who had almost killed himself, because he was in love with his dead daughter.
Harold walked to the casket and unclosed it with one simple movement.
Chuck let himself slump next to her, his knees hitting the pasture with force. He clenched his teeth, ignoring the pain that rushed through his already injured legs.
There she was, lying. She looked paler than ever, but in his eyes she still looked like a sleeping beauty. He looked at her peaceful face and started to caress it tenderly. He heard how Serena started to sob. He looked at her and saw that she had buried her face into Lily's shoulder, not wanting to see her best friend like that. Chuck looked back to Blair and continued to stroke her cheek.
"Hey beautiful." He said with a weak smile on his face, spacing out, forgetting that there were other people there, who were hearing every word he said and seeing everything he did. In his mind it was just her and him.
"I know you can hear me." Chuck spoke with her. This was the last chance, he thought, the last chance to see that all of this was real. No response came from her. She was still lying there numb with her eyes closed.
"Blair, please!" He started to beg; the tears running down his face. He wanted to see her wide brown eyes looking at him like they used to, to see her mischievous smile, when something went the way she planned, to see her curls flowing around when she walked away and to see her nose wrinkle in disgust, when he said something inappropriate. But it seemed like those memories would always belong in the past.
"Please!" He said again, while stroking her chin. Nothing. He saw her again, but it didn't change anything, like he had hoped, like his feeling had told him. For once, his feelings had betrayed him. Reality came crushing back; she was dead, gone forever.
"That's enough." Chuck heard Eleanor saying. When he looked up to her, he could see that she couldn't bear to see her daughter like that for any longer, yet Chuck still didn't stop.
"Blair, come on. I know you're not dead." He said through clenched teeth, being more specific this time. He wanted her to be alive. God! He wanted her back! He felt grips on the left and the right arm. Harold and Nate tried to pull him away, backwards. But he didn't persist; he clutched the casket with both hands.
"No. Please." He yelled and started to sob like crazy, "I love her." His eyes still focused on her.
"Chuck, you have to let her go." Nate told him with a wobbly voice, trying to keep himself in check.
"I can't." Chuck shook his head violently without a break, while Nate dragged him away from the casket. "She needs to be alive." He cried through tears. "Why did she leave? Why did she do this? Why?" Chuck screamed, his whole body shaking. He was having a breakdown.
Harold closed the casket again; the whole situation brought him to the verge of tears as well. He turned around to Chuck and tried to put him back on his feet, together with Nate.
Chuck's cries didn't stop and his eyes never left the casket, but then all of a sudden a muffled sound escaped from the casket and Chuck's sobs abruptly halted.
He turned around to look at Nate with his tears-wrenched face. "Did you hear that?" He asked him, lowly.
Nate looked at him a bit confused and shook his head.
"There was something." Chuck said with a stable voice, this time a little louder, again, approaching the casket.
"Chuck, you're hallucinating." Nate told him, trying to get a hold of him.
"I'm not." Chuck spat back.
"Chuck, please." Nate said, exhausted. It was getting harder and harder to try to knock some sense in his best friend. It just seemed that he wasn't ready to believe that it was over for good this time.
Both Harold and Nate looked at Chuck as if he was slowly getting insane, but Chuck just took that opportunity to open the casket again, this time without struggling.
In that split second silence overcame the cemetery like in the night when nobody was there and only the cold wind was heard quietly blowing around. Every gaze was fixated on the tiny brunette in the casket. No one really believing what their eyes showed them.
There she was. Her wide brown eyes were starring directly into his, as if she had been patiently waiting for him to find her there.
As fast as the silence came, it was gone again and gasping and whispering filled the air. Nate and Harold were standing just some feet away from Chuck and were starring at the girl, who was lying in the casket and moving. They couldn't believe what just happened.
Chuck immediately got down to her level. Although he had wished for this to happen he was still taken aback that his silent plea and prays were answered.
She was coughing now.
"Call the ambulance!"
"Oh my God!"
"That's impossible."
Chuck heard people mumbling and screaming.
"Blair!" He cupped her face and looked at her intensely, making sure that it was real. Tears were uncontrollably straining his cheeks, but she wasn't really there yet to really know what was happening.
But then Chuck was pushed away and everyone rushed to her, as if she was the most interesting thing in the world, but then again, she probably really was. Chuck didn't even have the chance to speak to her.
Moments later the ambulance arrived.
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A/N: I hope I didn't disappoint. Please leave a review and tell me your thoughts. I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible.