A/N: ZOMG! I fucking forgot to put a warning before the last chapter, because it dealt with some very emotional and potentially upsetting/offensive issues. This chapter follows up the previous one, so this one also needs a warning.

Announcement!

Delusions has been nominated for three different categories in the Indie Awards! You guys rock. I mean really. Like I seriously spent the entire day all flushed and excited about it. You'd think I was 12 and going to my first N Sync concert all over again (or, like, I mean, I wouldn't ever go to a N Sync concert, psssssh... fuck! Okay, so what if I did? I was TWELVE!!!) Anyway, voting is open now so I hope you all go and vote for my baby here. It'd make me so happy, you don't even know. But even if I don't win, I'm just way stoked and honored to even be nominated, so thank you. Thank you.

LOVE YOU ADRENA!!!!!

Disclaimer: This story does not necessarily reflect my own personal beliefs. If you are curious as to my own beliefs, please feel free to PM me and I would be happy to share.

Alas, we are now ready for the chapter... here we go!

CPOV

The sunlight peeked through the lacy curtains covering the window across from Esme's bed, causing me to stir from a deeply satisfying slumber. Just as I sat up to rub the sleep from my eyes, I heard the door creak open to reveal Esme holding a tray laden with food. "Hey there, Dr. Sleepy," she greeted me with a smile.

She was breathtaking.

I squinted and smiled back at her. "Hi. How long have you been up?" I asked. After my long shift at the hospital, I'd come straight here to apologize to Esme for missing our date scheduled for last night. She understood, just as I'd hoped she would, but I still felt like a heel. I was so exhausted that she offered to take a nap with me, and I couldn't turn her down.

So...here I was, half-naked, in Esme's bed. She was standing in the doorway, looking like a breath of fresh air, and I felt as if I hadn't taken a deep breath in three long years.

After all, she was a beautiful, intelligent, and entirely unattached woman in her prime. She could have anyone, and yet...she'd chosen me, even with all my faults: my demanding job, my broken heart, and even my confusing relationship with my son. Somehow she managed to see past all of that, and I was grateful.

When Elizabeth died, I thought I would never love again. I had resigned myself to a lifetime of loneliness and pain without my beautiful and loving wife. I knew that realistically, I would probably resort to a physical relationship with someone someday because...well, men have needs, and I wasn't sure I could live the rest of my life alone without any human companionship.

But then...then I met Esme, and she was so patient and understanding that I found myself craving her presence while all other women seemed like shallow cardboard cutouts. Something about her just soothed me and made me feel like more of a man than I had in a long time.

Because of our faith, I was hesitant to move forward with our physical relationship. Esme hadn't always been a Christian, and I knew she considered herself more liberal than people might expect; after all, she had been married to Pastor Smith, but she claimed he knew and accepted her for who she was. I couldn't argue with him about that, because Esme was a wonderful human being with a beautiful heart...I could never imagine frowning upon her for anything.

The real concern for me was that I hadn't been with anyone since Elizabeth, and I was kind of...afraid. What if I couldn't perform? What if I couldn't please her? She was rapidly becoming someone incredibly important to me, and I couldn't stand the thought of not being everything she needed.

"Carlisle?" Esme asked.

I was stirred from my thoughts by her voice. "Yes?"

She smiled playfully. "Penny for your thoughts."

I scrubbed a hand down my face and looked at my lap. "I was just thinking..."

"About?" she prodded.

I shifted uncomfortably. "Ahh...about sex...with...you." There, I said it. I was a horrible communicator, but Esme always encouraged me to speak up, and right now, I felt like an honest-to-God fool.

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and saw her laughing under her breath. "Well, then, what are we waiting for?" she replied saucily.

My eyes went wide as she pushed my shoulders back onto the bed. She climbed over me and leaned down to kiss me, and I was lost in her presence. "Um, what if..." I trailed off, unable to voice my fears.

She sat up and laid a finger against my lips. "Shhh...we're both adults, Carlisle. We've both been married and widowed. I think we're both able to handle this like consenting adults."

About an hour later, the house was quiet and Esme was lying languidly in my arms. My phone beeped and I sighed, hoping it wasn't the hospital. I reluctantly released the woman in my arms and reached for the offending piece of technology to see a missed call and message from Edward.

"Hey Dad, it's me. I was just wondering if you were going to be home any time this week."

Edward's voice held a hint of bitterness, but underneath that, I detected fear. I couldn't understand why he was so angry all the time, but I certainly hoped he would find some way to welcome Esme into our lives...because if I had anything to say about it, she wouldn't be going anywhere.

I looked at Esme and saw her concerned face. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"I missed a call from Edward. I guess I didn't realize how long it's been since I've been home," I told her.

She was quiet and I wondered what she was thinking. Was she bothered by how Edward had treated her when she'd come over for dinner? I knew she was an understanding person, but all of this was new to me, to us, and I didn't want anything to ruin it...especially my cranky son.

I supposed she might regret what we'd just done, but I sincerely hoped not. Without a doubt, I knew exactly what I wanted with Esme and I knew I needed her in my life.

I decided it was time to show Esme that I was serious about her and that I wanted to be with her...hopefully forever. I put my phone back down on the bedside table and stood up to get dressed. When she grumbled in protest and tried to grab my arm to drag me back to bed, I laughed and felt a light joy filling my heart. "Will you have dinner with me tonight?" I asked.

She sighed and let go of my arm. "Of course. Should I dress up?"

I grinned when I thought of what I had in mind for her tonight. "Most definitely. I'll be by at seven."

With a kiss, I left her to return home for a shower and a change of clothes.

EPOV

I found my mind wandering to Bella several times over the course of the next week. I couldn't help thinking about how much she'd gone through with her mother, and how poorly she was handling it. Her appearance on Saturday morning had been drastically different than the way she looked at the store the night before.

After our argument in the vacant classroom, I realized something about Bella that I hadn't seen before: she was suffering...perhaps even more than I ever had.

When I saw her on Saturday in the parking lot, something had changed, and I couldn't guess what it could have been. Her entire demeanor spoke of something that was tearing her apart, and I found myself wanting to ask her about it.

Something huge had happened, and that was made painfully obvious when she removed her hat and hood to reveal her chopped-off hair. Her usually vibrant brown eyes were dull and distant while her luminous skin appeared pallid and sickly. Her appealing features were drawn in misery and exhaustion, if the purple bags beneath her eyes were anything to go by.

I'd looked much the same in the months following my mother's death, so I could see the similarities.

After class, while we argued, I asked myself why she looked so tired, sick, and sad beneath all that righteous indignation.

As we'd argued heatedly, our voices echoing off the walls of the vacant classroom, I could see the pain ripping her apart...and I had no idea why, until she said something that shocked me deeply.

"Well, let's not forget women like my 'mother.' Maybe if she hadn't fucking fucked my father, he wouldn't have knocked her up and she wouldn't be such a selfish bitch of a mom. Women like her should have kids ripped from them."

I felt the searing pain in her words, and it resonated with me in a place that I hadn't been able to share with anyone in the years since my mother's death. I saw her anger and attitude for what it was: a cover, a mask, a way to hide herself from the people around her. I mean, sure, she had a problem with communicating effectively, but I couldn't blame her. I hadn't exactly been the most patient or level-headed person around her, either. I knew from Seth that Bella was usually a lot happier, and now I could see there was a reason for all her anger.

All of this led me to another realization: I wanted to give her my understanding, my sympathy. I wanted to help her.

I wanted her to know she wasn't alone.

Our time in the garden was a revelation for me, and I felt really horrible for all the things Bella was going through. I knew it must be devastating to have lost her mom in such a selfish and cruel way.

While I opened up to Bella in the garden, she got upset. It didn't surprise me, and it didn't offend me. I suddenly felt as if everything was happening for a reason, and I couldn't deny that I could see the hand of God in all of this.

Obviously, my mother's death and my being in this class with Bella wasn't all just so I could help her...but maybe everything that I'd gone through had made me the person who could help her. Everything I'd been through with my mother's death and the fallout following it had given me the ability to sympathize with Bella.

Maybe I could help her, and help other people in the process.

I mean, who knows what God's plan is for all of us? Right now, though, I felt like I could see that this was part of His plan for me. I was thrown into this situation with Bella so that I could help her, be there for her, and I suddenly felt like this was my mission.

It made me laugh inside to think of what she'd have to say about my newfound sense of faith in divine intervention, but I didn't care. She was so hardheaded that I would no doubt have to be incredibly subtle about this.

And so, with my faith in mind, I decided to become Bella's friend.

BPOV

It was Friday, and I was skipping school to go to Warped Tour with Leah, Emily, and Jake. Seth rode with the guys in OCS, so we'd meet him there.

We'd left on Thursday after my classes so that we could camp, but Billy and Harry had given us money for a motel and demanded we stay there instead of the campgrounds at The Gorge because they were notoriously unsafe. Leah was embarrassed to take money from her father and father-in-law, but she accepted it with grace after Jake convinced her that he would sleep much better knowing she was safe in a motel.

Ezra was only too happy to hang out with his grandpas, and I wondered if Charlie would be with them this weekend as well.

I was worried about him.

When I'd come home from school on Monday night, Charlie was passed out in his recliner with the television flickering over the empty bottle of scotch in his hand. He hadn't shaved in at least a week from the look of things, and he smelled like the inside of a bar ashtray. There were deep lines of fatigue and anger etched into his handsome face, and I felt my heart break a little.

Damn my mother for doing this to him, to us.

Without waking him, I pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and covered him with it after removing the empty bottle. I turned off the tv and headed upstairs to do my homework in the quiet and empty house.

Charlie may have been here physically, but he wasn't really here. His spirit had dissipated, and I knew I wouldn't ever forgive my mother for hurting him so deeply.

My father had always been a handsome, dynamic man. He was quiet and calm, but he could work a room with few words, and he had fantastically loyal friends.

Unfortunately, I could see now how Renee's behavior had affected his friendships with Billy and Harry in the past few years. She would fly off the handle anytime he went off with the guys, claiming she was doing all the work around the house while he acted like a lazy asshole. When he'd try to help her with projects, she'd bite his head off over being underfoot.

It was a no-win situation for him.

I felt my sore heart soften a little as I thought of how much Renee had affected him as well. Perhaps I shouldn't have thought so harshly of him, but I couldn't really help that now. I apologized to him in my head and tried to finish my homework.

Now it was Friday and I was determined to have a good day. I was excited for the trip to DC in a week, and I was looking forward to getting out of the house for a few days.

I realized that I was strangely disappointed Edward wouldn't be there, too...not that I would ever admit that out loud, because who would I tell? Leah still had a little vendetta against Tony, and Emily was remaining mute on the event because she hadn't been there. Jake was caught between Leah's fury and Seth's calm assurance that it was all a big mistake and it would never happen again, so his attitude about it was more uneasy than anything, for which I was grateful.

The last thing I needed was my overprotective brother-from-another-mother going after Edward in a fit of rage.

Eastern Washington was sweltering and dry, and I was eternally grateful for the SPF 50 sunscreen protecting my extremely pale skin. Thankfully, Seth had finagled us some wristbands so that we could be "backstage," which meant that we wouldn't have to stand in line with all the other hot, sweaty people.

The other benefit would be hanging out with Seth, which hopefully meant that I'd finally get to properly meet the rest of the guys from OCS. Whatever my issues with Toneward were, I was still in love with the band and wanted to meet the other members.

I was slathering on my second application of sunscreen when a van pulled up carrying Edward, Seth, and the other two guys. I knew one of them was named Jasper, and the other one was Emmett, but I wasn't sure which was which. Edward was driving, and I saw he had his shirt off. The blond guy sitting in the passenger seat had his phone pressed to his ear and a concerned look on his face. The sliding door came open and the burly drummer climbed out, followed by Seth.

"Hey, Seth! Over here!" Jake yelled as he waved his arms around to get Seth's attention. Seth spotted us and smiled hugely before jogging over to say hello.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he greeted.

We all stood around talking about the drive and the motel, but I watched Edward from the corner of my eye the entire time. Leah, Emily, and Jake still didn't know I knew him as Edward, so I reminded myself to refer to him as Tony for the rest of the day.

Tony climbed out of the van wearing nothing but some dark blue Dickies shorts and some black and white Saucony sneakers. I watched his muscles bunch and release deliciously as he stretched his body. I had to admit to myself that I found him attractive-incredibly attractive.

I must've been standing there staring with drool running down my chin, because Leah nudged me and frowned. "What's your issue?" she snapped, obviously wondering why I was checking out the guy who had treated me like shit at the last OCS show.

I felt the embarrassed flush climbing my face. Fuck. "Umm, nothing. I was just...appreciating the scenery," I replied. It was the truth, at least. If you replaced "scenery" with "Tony's naked inked-up chest," that is.

I was a dumbass.

She turned to look at the flat, arid landscape surrounding us. "Um, sure. Whatever you say."

I huffed and turned to look at her. "Well, it's different than Forks. It's flat and brown everywhere."

"Hey, you guys wanna meet everyone?" Seth asked us. Jake had already met the rest of the band, but the three of us girls had yet to be introduced.

"Sure," replied Emily. She sounded enthusiastic, but I could see her wary glances at Tony. She probably worried about another scene, but I was determined to be on my best behavior today. I smiled at her reassuringly as we walked over to meet Jasper and Emmett.

The brawny drummer was unloading his cymbals when we reached them, and he turned to us with a curious expression on his face. Seth clapped him on the back and turned to us. "This is Emmett McCarty. Emmett, this is Bella, Leah, and Emily. You already know Jake, obviously."

Emmett gave us all a firm handshake, but I saw his eyes lingering on me. "Nice to meet all of you. Seth talks about you a lot."

I blushed as I remembered the last show. I knew Seth had something to do with Edward showing up at the shop to apologize, but I wasn't sure if Edward had told the rest of the band about how we knew each other. I would be left wondering, however, because I didn't see any way of bringing it up, even on the sly.

The blond guy, Jasper I assumed, was still on his phone, but Seth called out to him anyway. "Hey, Jazz! Everything okay?"

Jasper looked up and saw all of us standing around. He murmured something into the phone and pulled it away from his ear for a moment so he could come over and shake hands. "Hey, what's up?" he said, and I was surprised by his deep voice. I wouldn't have figured he'd have such a Barry White voice with his outward appearance.

He seemed distracted, and he was obviously still on the phone, so Seth waved him off. As he was walking off, I heard him saying "Baby, it's okay. Please don't cry. It'll be okay, I promise. I miss you, too. You're only going to be there for another couple weeks, and then I'll pick you up at the airport..."

I looked to Seth and Emmett, who both looked like they felt sorry for Jasper. "What was that about?" I asked, not sure I should even ask.

Emmett sighed and shook his head. "Jasper's girlfriend, Alice, is on the East Coast visiting her dad for the summer. She's apparently miserable because Jasper didn't go with her," he explained.

"Man, I know how it is. When I was in Caustic Riot, I had to leave Leah to go on tour. She hated it," Jake said sympathetically.

Leah hugged Jake around his waist and stood on tip toe to kiss him briefly. "Yeah, but it was just as hard on you to be away from me."

Emily and I smirked, remembering all the pathetically sappy phone calls Leah would get from Jake during his long weeks away from home. He was whipped, in the most amusing way.

"Hey, Bella," I heard Edward-Tony- greet me from behind.

I spun around and gaped up at him. He sounded positively friendly, and I was a little taken aback. "Uh, hey, Tony," I replied.

He was smiling down at me, and it blinded me momentarily. In all the time I'd known Edward, I don't think I'd ever seen him smile at me. It was kind of glorious, really.

"I was gonna ask if you have some sunscreen, because I forgot mine and it's too hot. I hate wearing a shirt when it's this hot, you know?"

I gaped at him. "Oh, um, yeah, I do. You don't have to wear a shirt." Fuck, did I just say that? Retard.

He looked like he wanted to laugh, but he bit his lip to keep the smile from showing. I wanted to smack my head at my obviousness, but instead I reached into my messenger bag and removed the bottle of sunscreen. "Here you go," I said as I handed it to him.

He shot me another dazzlingly attractive smile as he flipped the top open and squirted some into his hand. I thought he would leave, but he kept standing with me and talking. "So, how was the ride?" he asked.

I looked around swiftly to see if my friends were paying attention to this, but I was in luck because Emmett and Seth had taken them over to get some water from one of the vendors near the van. I turned back to Edward and decided not to let myself get too confused by his friendly behavior. "It was good, but long. We got here late last night and stayed in a motel," I told him. "How about you?"

He started slathering the white lotion along his arms, and my gaze was unwillingly transfixed by the sight of his inked up arms. My hands itched to apply the lotion for him, so much so that I had to curl my hands into fists behind my back. I was going nuts here, and we were talking about the weather.

"The drive was fine early this morning, but then the A/C in the van went out, and things got pretty sweaty in the van. I probably smell like a sweaty gym sock," he joked with a sexy smirk.

Without thinking, I leaned forward and sniffed him. All I smelled was deliciousness and coconut. I leaned back swiftly when I realized what I'd done. He looked surprised and amused. "What's the verdict?"

I blushed and squirmed. "Nah, you smell like...coconuts," I finished lamely.

Edward chuckled and started massaging some of the lotion into his face...his cheekbones, his jaw...the...oh, the jaw. He had a hot fucking jaw. I wanted to touch it. I wanted to bite it.

Too bad I was an idiot.

When he was done with his face, he started on what I liked to think of as The Chest Dreams Are Made Of. The hot-as-fuck chest that was quickly replacing Gerard Butler's in my "Top 10 Abs I'd Donate a Kidney to Touch." I watched silently, drooling and eye-fucking his tattooed chest as he made sure to get every square inch of skin covered. I wondered if I could become a "Make A Wish" kid and get a chance to touch his pecs before I died of desire.

Finally, I was shaken from my sexual stupor as he tried to lotion up his back. "Um, do you want some help with that?" I asked, trying to sound helpful and not at all like the lusty whore who currently possessed my body.

Edward dropped his arm in defeat after struggling to reach the middle of his back and handed me the bottle of sunscreen with a self-conscious grin. "That'd be awesome, thanks."

I accepted the proffered bottle and squirted some into my hand. I walked around behind him as I rubbed my hands together to spread the lotion around. I reached my hands up and hesitated slightly as I got a close-up look at the tattoo covering his back. "Is this...your mom?" I asked, feeling unsure of myself.

Edward turned his head to look at me from the corner of his eye. "Yeah."

I cleared my throat and laid my hands on his back, right over his shoulder blades. His back was taut with muscles and covered in a colorful portrait of his mother, and his skin was hot and smooth beneath my hands. "She's...she was beautiful," I told him through the lump in my throat.

He nodded his head and turned his head to look straight ahead. "Yes, she was," he replied quietly with great sadness coloring his tone.

I suddenly felt a huge swell of empathy for him. "How long ago did she...?" I trailed off, not sure how to ask.

He cleared his throat and stared down at his feet. "Um, about three years ago. She died of cancer."

My heart twisted for him and I wasn't sure what else to say. "I'm sorry," I murmured softly.

"Thanks," he mumbled uncomfortably.

We were quiet after that, which allowed my full attention to dwell on Edward's strong back. My hands glided over his skin, massaging the lotion in with quite a bit of thoroughness. His head was bowed and I reached up to massage more of the sunscreen into his shoulders and neck. My fingers barely skimmed the bottom of his hair and I thought I heard him moan.

I snatched my hands back and curled them together to keep from touching him again. "Oh! I'm sorry, did I hurt you? You just got touched up, didn't you?" I asked, worried.

He laughed and sighed at the same time. "Um, no, I mean, yes I just got touched up, but no, you didn't hurt me. That's just a really sensitive spot," he explained cryptically.

I was confused. "You mean it hurts or tickles or what?"

He turned around and smirked down at me, but he looked embarrassed. "Not exactly."

OH! Comprehension dawned, and I felt like a dipshit. Again. "Oh, I see."

He reached back and finished rubbing the lotion in on the back of his neck, and I went to stare at my shoes for lack of something to do. Edward also seemed uncomfortable, but I had no idea what to say to ease the tension between us.

With amazing timing, the girls returned with Jake and Seth. Leah handed me a bottle of water and shot a snooty look at Edward. "I hope you left the FATA covers at home today," she warned with a steely glint in her eye.

Edward looked sheepish and shot a glance at me from under his eyelashes. I think that look probably singed my panties, pathetically enough. "Nope, no FATA covers today. We're only playing our own material, so that'll be good."

She nodded, appearing satisfied. Jake looked slightly uncomfortable, and so did Seth. Emily walked over and slung an arm around my shoulders. "Hey, baby, why don't we go find a good spot to watch the band?"

I snickered. "Don't let Sam hear of our love, hot stuff. He'd be so jealous."

She snorted. "Yeah, right. More like he'd be so into watching. I'm sure he'd break out the popcorn."

Edward laughed and I smiled up at him, feeling slightly awkward but a lot less than I had when we'd first started talking. "I guess we're gonna go sit down. Good luck with your show," I told him.

He smiled and I only had to blink a few times. "Thanks. I'll see you later?"

I nodded and walked off with Emily, prepared to find the best seat in the house so I could enjoy the hotness that was Toneward tearing up the stage to my favorite songs. Sigh.

EPOV

The next day, I dragged my hot, sweaty ass through the door and had to resist the urge to pass out on the white couch in the front room. My father wouldn't be pleased with a dusty outline of my body smearing the pristine fabric.

I didn't see his car, so I figured he was either at work or with Esme.

Carlisle hadn't been home all week, and I was beginning to get suspicious.

It wasn't as if I was his keeper, but still...where could he be? Or rather, who could he be with?

Of course I knew. Esme Smith was a beautiful woman, and she had to be lonely after losing her husband. She didn't have any kids to keep her company, and my dad was still a good-looking guy.

It didn't matter how cool she was, or how nice she was to give me those old records. What mattered was that my father hadn't been home in at least five days, and we may not have the best relationship (that's putting it mildly), but the one thing that kept us together as a family was living together. If we couldn't maintain our familial relationship with understanding and mutual affection, then at the very least we could maintain it through close proximity.

But I realized that wasn't going to work if he was going to stop coming home so he could spend all his time with Esme. He would probably move in with her and give up on his wayward son who had to try too hard to live up to his impossible expectations. It didn't matter how hard I tried to fit into that mold he wanted, or how much I tried to give up the things in my life that made me feel like I could still be me.

In the end, it might never be enough for him. Maybe it was time for me to accept that.

With a disgusted sigh, I shuffled to the shower and stripped down before stepping under the hot spray. I washed slowly, enjoying the feel of removing the grime from my skin. The drive back from The Gorge had been long and miserable without the A/C, but now we were home and I was ready for a massive nap of epic proportions.

While in the shower, I thought back to yesterday and the whole scene with Bella. I knew that I was attracted to her, but I hadn't really realized just how much until she was helping me put sunscreen on. I hadn't expected such a strong reaction to her hands on my back, but I couldn't deny it: I wanted her.

I may be a Christian, but I'm still a man, and I wanted her. I had to stand there so still as she massaged my back with her delicate little hands, but the entire time I was lost in lust for the feel of her touching me.

And then she'd discovered the spot on my neck that drove me wild...

I hadn't been close to any girls since my mother's death, but mostly because I just didn't meet anyone who impressed me. Jasper and Emmett always teased me about how picky I was, but the truth of the matter was, I needed someone who was the whole package: intelligent, sweet, beautiful, confident, and funny. I needed to know she could hold her own in a debate with me, and disarm me with a laugh whenever I got too serious.

I saw those things in Bella in a lot of ways, but I also saw how different we were. So, I may want her, but I would have to settle with wanting her as a friend.

I heard the front door slam and Carlisle started shouting my name. I wondered why he sounded so angry, but decided I didn't want to find out while I was buck naked. I quickly rinsed off and turned off the water so I could get a towel. If his voice was any indication, he was furious about something.

Just as I'd slipped on the clean pair of shorts I'd brought into the bathroom with me, I heard him banging on my bathroom door. I toweled off my hair as I opened it, trying to look nonchalant. "Hey, dad. What's up?"

Carlisle's face was beet red and he was glowering at me. "Do you have any idea what just happened?" he demanded.

I was confused. "Um, no?"

He was shaking and clenching his fists now. "I just ran into Professor Allan, who told me that you turned down an opportunity to go to Washington DC with him! Why, Edward? Why!"

I hung the towel up and decided to choose my words carefully. "I didn't want to turn it down, but I have prior commitments that weekend."

Carlisle took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Is it your band?" he sneered.

I felt the familiar sting of parental disapproval and tried to push back the hurt. "Yes, actually. We're playing Bumbershoot next weekend."

He was trembling again. "You're going on the DC trip. You're not going to ruin your future in politics for some stupid little band!"

I felt the anger begin to rise. "Dad, I'm not a child. You can't order me around! I've got a commitment, a responsibility to my bandmates, and I have to be there."

His face was mottled with rage now. "Edward, do you have any idea what will happen if you don't take this opportunity with Professor Allan? Your entire future could ride on getting a good recommendation from him, and yet you're ready to throw it all away for tattoos and noise!"

That was it. "I have no idea why you're so angry, but if you would take a deep breath and calm down, I'd like to remind you that before mom got sick, I was at Stanford studying law. Now I'm here, so that I can be with you."

The wind blew right out of Carlisle's sails at my words. His shoulders slumped. "Please, Edward. You already left Stanford, and now you're stuck here going to community college. You shouldn't be here, you should be graduating with honors from an ivy league school with a bunch of law school acceptance letters."

I felt the familiar guilt creep in. Maybe I was weak not to return to Stanford, but after my mother's death, all I wanted was to be close to my father. He was all the family I had left, and I needed to be with him. It was part of why I was dragging out my classes out at the community college; I didn't want to be separated from him.

"I can't quit my band, dad. They depend on me," I said quietly.

He looked like he was sick to his stomach. "Esme won't marry me. She won't marry me until you and I are on the same page. She thinks you don't want her here."

I was floored by his words. "You asked her to marry you?" I practically shouted. Good lord, how long had they been together? Barely a month? This was insanity!

Carlisle immediately took a defensive stance. "Yes, I did! She said no, though, so you can be happy about that! She said we have to get our act together and you have to welcome her with open arms before she'll consent."

He sounded so defeated that I felt sorry for him. "How does my quitting the band help this at all?" I asked with confusion and hurt.

He glared at me. "It's childish, Edward. You're a grown man, and it's time to put away childish things. Stop getting tattoos, stop playing loud noise, and start focusing on your education. Your career as a lawyer will be demanding and you'll need all your focus."

His words cut me to the core, and I flinched away from him. "I'm not the only one acting childish here, father," I reminded him as I shut the bathroom door in his face.

Carlisle grumbled and pounded on the door a couple times, but he gave up and I listened for his footsteps until he left my room. As soon as he was gone, I opened the door and went over to my bed so I could lie down and take a nap. I was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically.

It was time to choose between Edward Cullen and Tony Masen.

It was not a question of happiness, but regret. Which one would I regret more? Losing my father, or losing my music?

Losing the only person I loved, or losing...myself?

I fell asleep, still questioning.

(Oh! I forgot! I'm gonna start sending previews of the upcoming chapters if you review, so please do so! I love exclamation points!!!) Gimme the goods, sugar!!:)