A/N: We've come to the end of this adventure now – the chapter is slightly longer but I didn't want to cut it anywhere ;)
Thank you so much for all the reviews, alerts, favorites. I am sitting down and replying to them as soon as I can – things are really hectic right now!
I am writing an epilogue for this, as well as an epilogue for 'baby, if you were mine', next there will be an m-rated holiday-themed story for klcm.
To Someone Aka Me: thank you for the prompts, I am glad you enjoyed it so far, I hope the finale is living up to your expectations and that the story worked for you :)
Happy Holidays everyone!
Penelope looked away, unsure of how her confession would be received. She hadn't planned on ever telling him this, but she didn't want Morgan to feel guilty about not helping her, not being there for her. He had done so much for her this Christmas time, that she felt she owed him the truth, even if things might become slightly awkward afterward, especially if he didn't return her feelings.
"What did he say?" Morgan encouraged her to go on, the palm of his hand resting against her cheek to make her look back up to him. Penelope felt the tension grow thicker, she swallowed hard before gathering her courage in both hands. This was exactly the reason why she had avoided him and her family for three weeks. She stood up, brushing the snow from her clothes, and he followed suit, his eyes searching hers to understand what was going on.
"He...," her words remained stuck in her throat, no matter how many times she had played the conversation with Kevin in her mind, she still had a hard time putting it into words, "Kevin couldn't handle what was going on between us. He has been jealous from day one." She decided to just start from the beginning, maybe that would make it easier.
Morgan nodded in response, his eyes still intently fixated on hers, he had known Kevin objected to their friendship. At least then, he'd still thought it was friendship. After she was shot, he had realised he loved her – but he kept telling himself, it was like a friend. He knew now, he'd been a fool.
"I kept telling him we were just friends, that there was no reason to be jealous..." she explained her reaction, "But I lied, he was right." She swallowed hard again, looking up at Derek expectantly, trying to gauge his reaction.
"He was right, I always wanted more from you," she carefully continued, shivering, not sure whether it was from nerves or the cold out there.
"Baby Girl, I had..." Morgan wanted to grasp the moment to tell her he did too, but she silenced him with her finger on his lips, so he cupped her face with both his hands now, intent on not letting the moment slip away from them.
"He told me to have a nice life, pining for someone who would never want someone like me." Derek opened his mouth, he couldn't believe she'd really have thought that, he couldn't believe she hadn't told him.
"Handsome, please, let me finish," she pleaded, this was probably the hardest thing she had ever done on a Christmas morning, "Kevin said... He said it had done me a great deal of good, to always defend you, take your side, continue to love you when now I had lost you too."
"You never lost me," Derek croaked, his voice gruff, but Penelope cut him off.
"He was right, there too. I let us grow apart, and I couldn't stand the thought I had lost you forever," she whispered, looking up at him with big eyes, "I was so angry with myself, to let that happen. Everything he said, about me, about you, made me question myself."
Derek stood silent, knowing that at least part of that was his fault. He'd deliberately put some distance between them when she started dating Lynch, not because the man was jealous – and Derek knew it – but because it hurt him too much to see her in the arms of someone else. He'd waited for so long to hear her say she wanted more – but not because she thought she lost him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He choked out the words, overwhelmed by the implications. If only, he'd been more straightforward, she wouldn't have been hurt like this. If she'd told him, they wouldn't have wasted so much time.
"I didn't want things to be awkward between us," Penelope answered honestly, "I didn't want to be the silly girl who falls for the man she can't have, Casanova's next victim. I knew a man like you wouldn't love a woman like me, wouldn't want the same and I didn't want you to feel bad about it." She gave him a wry smile, the past hurt evident on her face.
"Above all, I didn't want to lose my best friend, even though I thought I did anyway, and I'm glad I was wrong," she continued, unsure of what his sudden silence meant, the pained look marring his features, as she instantly regretted letting the moment lure her into confessing the real reason behind her strange behavior. She took a step towards him, craving his arms around her, a hug in his strong arms to tell her everything was alright. Instead, he took a step back.
"I don't know who you were thinking about, Penelope, but if you knew me at all, you'd have known you could trust me. That I'd always be your friend," he told her in a cold tone, before turning around and walking towards his mom's house.
"Derek, wait!" She cried, trying to catch up with his long strides, "Of course I knew..."
"Not now, P, not now," he interrupted her, raising his hand behind him to let her know he wanted to be left alone.
=~==The Profiler Who Saved Christmas==~=
"Derek, why is Penelope not picking up her phone?" JJ asked, her tone worried. She had tried to call her best friend repeatedly, and the tone always rang out. She'd left two voicemails over the last hour, and finally decided on calling Morgan in case something was wrong. She knew neither of them would ignore their phones on purpose, in normal times – after all, they could be called back for a case any time.
Morgan remained silent – he knew the answer, but he also knew JJ wouldn't be happy to hear it.
"Morgan, what did you do to her?" JJ demanded, interpreting his lack of response correctly.
"She wanted more from me all this time, JJ, and she never told me," he finally said, his voice sounding broken.
"Why would she tell you, Derek?" JJ's tone softened, understanding how difficult this had to be for both her friends.
"Why didn't she trust me? Why didn't she see she means everything to me?" He countered her question with more of his own – he knew very well why - he hadn't been able to admit that to himself until just recently. It just hurt him to know that he could have had everything he wanted, but that the woman of his dreams thought he was nothing but a player. That he hurt her so much. That they missed so many opportunities, so much time together.
"Morgan, did you ever give her any reason to trust you with that? To think she means everything to you?" JJ chided him, "You, the ladies' man?" He knew she was right – he had been dating an endless string of women, loudly proclaiming is independence and lack of desire to even think about settling left and right. The only time he'd been a little more serious about someone, they'd gotten into a big fight about it, because he didn't trust her judgment, and she had been right all along. The way he'd acted, it was a wonder she actually still had feelings for him at all.
"You're right. Thanks. Bye JJ," Morgan hung up the phone, and lied down on his old bed, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.
=~==The Profiler Who Saved Christmas==~=
Not really knowing where to go, Penelope had followed Derek inside, thankful his mother and sisters were busy in the dining room playing with the children and their new toys. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, her eyes puffy and her face red. She had gone up to Sarah's old room, pulled out a book from her bag but she couldn't concentrate on a single word, and ignored JJ's phonecalls for an hour. She just didn't want to deal with anyone right now. Of all possible reactions he could have had, she never thought Derek would have been upset and walked away from her because she hurt him. Thinking about it, she could see his point, but that didn't make her heart feel any better.
Just as she had decided to try and sleep, she heard a knock on her door.
"Baby girl, can I come in please?" Derek pleaded, no sign left of the harsh edge his tone had earlier.
She didn't answer, so he pushed the door open slightly, still standing in the hallway.
"Penelope, I'm sorry," he apologized, bracing himself for a difficult conversation, and he knew he deserved it.
"Derek, I'm really not up to this right now," Penelope said in a wary tone, illustrated by the dried tears on her cheeks.
"Hear me out, sweetheart, please," His tone was begging, a sharp contrast to his usual self-confident, almost arrogant demeanor. Penelope just nodded, but she still didn't look at him.
"I shouldn't have reacted like I did, out there," he started, carefully formulating everything he had been mulling over the past hour, "Truth is, I was hurt. Because I'm in love with you, and I had almost resigned myself that I could never have you." He swallowed, before continuing, "I didn't like being confronted with myself, with my player image, I didn't like realising it was my own fault if you broke my heart, because I never gave you any reason to think I was serious about you."
Penelope slowly sat up at his words, trying to process what he was trying to tell her. She was still hurt, by his reaction, but his words had a soothing effect on her soul, and just one look at him told her he was genuine, and suffering just as much as she was from the situation. She let him take both of her hands in his as he knelt in front of her, rubbing his thumbs over them.
"I'm in love with you, Penelope," he repeated, "You've always been the one for me." Sitting upright, his face was only inches away from her, and he searched her eyes, trying to convince her this was real.
"Then why didn't you trust me enough to tell me?" she fired his earlier reproach back at him, squeezing his hands, ever so softly, but enough to encourage him.
"I was an idiot, Baby Girl," he stated without hesitation, thinking back of his phone conversation with JJ, "I shut myself off of the possibility, first because I thought I wasn't ready to settle down, then because you had Lynch, and because of that I unconsciously ignored a large part of your life, to protect myself." She smiled at his words, it was true, he had been an idiot, but to hear him say it, was something different.
"I was an idiot too," she mused, "Think of everything we could've had if we both hadn't been blind." She brought her lips closer to his, her hands moving up to rest in the nape of his neck.
"Maybe we weren't ready then," he agreed, bridging the last inch between them. "I am more than ready now," he added, looking for a sign of permission to continue and do what he had wanted to do since the day they met.
"I - … " Penelope hesitated, his reaction still fresh in her mind, if they hadn't trusted each other, was that a good basis for a relationship now? "You shut me out, out there, Derek. I can't do that, if you don't trust me." Derek let his head hang, he deserved that one for blowing up on her like he had.
"I trust you, with my life, Baby Girl," he assured her, "I was overwhelmed, I'm not good with all these feelings." He chuckled, a little bitter.
"Just don't do it again, will you? Talk to me, always, like I promised you I would," Penelope whispered.
Nodding, he took the rest of her insecurities away with a soaring kiss, all conscious thought leaving them as fireworks sparkled between them.
"I love you," he murmured, as he came up for air, pulling her even closer into his arms. He couldn't stand the thought of letting her go. Ever.
"I love you too," she contently smiled against his lips, caressing his cheek.
"Forever," he added, stressing his commitment.
"Forever," she readily agreed.
A/N: aaw, you didn't think there wouldn't be a HEA now did you? I couldn't do that ;)
I know several of you wanted to make Lynch pay – that's for the epilogue!