A/N: Blows off the dust collected on DoG* I know after a long absence, it's nice to dig into a big, long chapter...but unfortunately, when I wrote this, it ended naturally after about six pages. Sorry. I promise it won't be another 2 or 3 months until I update again. I was just kind of stuck on this chapter and it didn't wanna come out.

That being said, I hope you enjoy this, even though it's short:) Music in this chapter is by Beirut.

Thanks Adrena! You rock for getting this back to me so fast.

CPOV

I hadn't seen or heard from Edward in a couple weeks, but I knew that he was okay because I would have heard something if he wasn't.

That was a lie. I didn't know if he was really okay or not. Just because he hadn't shown up at the hospital didn't mean he wasn't suffering in some other way.

I stared at the phone on my desk at work and wished that it would ring. If he'd call, just to tell me where he was, maybe I could sleep easier. Maybe I wouldn't stay up all night sitting on his bare mattress, wishing he'd walk through the door.

Esme had been right when she said that I'd lost Edward.

I missed her, too. I had no right to miss her, but that didn't seem to make a difference. The only two people in my life that I cared about were gone, and I knew now that I only had myself to blame.

After staring at the phone for so long, it finally rang. I sent up a silent prayer that it would be my son, or Esme, and picked it up. "Dr. Cullen here."

Disappointment formed a lump in my chest. "Yes, I'll be right up. Thank you."

EPOV

"What melody will lead my lover from his bed?

What melody will see him in my arms again?"

The music played as Bella wrapped her hand around my neck and sighed into my mouth. My right hand was in her hair, but my left hand was in the neutral territory on her side between her waist and her breast. I thought I could maintain that position.

That was, until Bella did the thing where she circled her hips up into mine and moaned a little bit as I was kissing her.

I felt myself get harder than I was before, and I knew she could feel it, too. She kept circling her hips, ever so slightly, and I was going to lose control if she kept it up.

I tried to roll off her, but she just followed me until she was on top. She kept kissing me, and the more our tongues met, the more erotic the kissing got. I was getting hot, even though I was only in a t-shirt and jeans, and Bella had flushed cheeks. She was sitting on me, right where I wanted her but where I shouldn't want her, and I could see her hard nipples through her shirt when she pulled away for a moment to kiss my neck.

When she nibbled on my earlobe, I groaned in agony. There was no way this could keep going or I'd totally lose it and embarrass myself in front of her. Nothing killed the mood like premature ejaculation in your pants.

Bella didn't seem to notice, however, as she took one of my limp hands and brought it up to her breast. I could feel the pebble of her nipple in the middle of my palm, and the weight of her flesh was so tempting in my hand that just had to feel it for a moment. I promised myself I'd pull away before it got to be too much, but once I started, I couldn't really stop. I kept massaging it while Bella made those little moans.

Then she pulled her shirt off. I'd seen part of her torso before, that time she got the Pablo Neruda tattoo, but this was a completely different situation.

She was beautiful. For a moment, the evil side of my brain begged her to take off her bra, too. I wanted to see all of her, more than I wanted to be the gentleman and remove myself from the temptation that she presented.

Bella took my slack jaw in her hand and brought my mouth back up to hers. I sat up and hugged her around her back, hoping that if her breasts were out of my sight, they'd be out of my mind.

However, I hadn't bet on the feel of them pressed up against my chest, especially not when combined with the arch of her hips against mine. My skin felt hot and itchy, and I knew I was getting sweaty under my shirt.

"Let's get this off," she said with a devilish grin. I helped her take my shirt off, believing that maybe the cool air would help cool me down a bit.

Bella hummed in pleasure once my shirt was off, and I felt myself flush a bit; it's not like she hadn't seen my chest before, because I was used to going shirtless at shows, but once again, this was different. Bella was pressed up against me again, and I felt my hands drop to her hips. I was unwittingly helping her thrust against me, and it felt better than any fucking thing than I'd felt in years, even though our jeans.

Her mouth was sweet and hot on mine, and I could smell her skin all around me. I felt like a big, clumsy oaf with my paws all over her, but she was so small and delicate in my hands. I wanted...I wanted to be back on top of her again.

I turned us around so that she was beneath me again, and she arched her chest up into mine. I groaned into her mouth and kissed her deeper. My hips pushed into hers, and I forgot why I'd ever wanted to stop this in the first place.

We'd been kissing for so long that my lips were starting to hurt, but I didn't care at all. I kept on kissing her, and it was like I was becoming addicted to her taste. I wanted more; I always wanted more.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you smile..."

Bella wrapped her legs around me and used her feet on my backside to push me into her. I could feel her heat through her pants and my body demanded to get closer to that heat.

It was like she was the fire and I was the man lost in the cold for years before I found her.

Without really realizing what I was doing, I reached behind Bella and found the clasp on her bra. I fumbled with the stupid material and Bella arched up to give me some room to work. Finally, it was open and Bella gleefully pulled her bra off.

Her naked breasts were there, right in front of my eyes. I could see them, I could touch them, I could do anything I wanted to them. Bella looked at me with an encouraging expression.

And then reality came crashing back down on me, and I remembered exactly why I should have stopped this before it got out of hand.

"What? What's wrong?" Bella asked, looking a little stunned as she searched for her shirt and held it up against her chest.

I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face, willing my erection to go away so I wouldn't "accidentally" let my dick fall into her hot, wet...

"I can't do this now. It's just too...too fast," I hedged.

Bella went to pull her shirt back on. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. I could tell she was embarrassed because the happy blush she'd had a moment ago had faded, only to be replaced by a deep red flush.

I stood up and went over to stand by the window. "It's not you. I mean, it is you, but not how you think. You're just too sexy and I'm not very good at controlling myself around you. I just..."

Bella smiled and I could tell I'd helped ease her embarrassment a bit. "Are you a virgin?" she asked.

I looked out the window. "No, but it's complicated and, I dunno..." I trailed off, totally incapable of explaining what was going on inside my head.

"It's okay. I'll be right back, okay?" She gathered her clothes and went to the bathroom. I turned off the music. When she came back, I had myself under control and she looked happy. We decided to go to the living room and watch a movie, because we were highly unlikely to fool around out there when Rose or Emmett could walk in at any time.

We'd finished our second radio show earlier tonight and we'd come back to Rose and Em's in high spirits. Bella was getting more comfortable with being on the radio, and I was beginning to hope that having the weekly outlet to discuss our differences would enable us to feel comfortable talking about them in our personal lives. We hadn't had an argument since we started the show, but I couldn't tell if that was because we were relaxing around each other or if it was because we were carefully ignoring the big elephant in the room.

I was still staying here while I figured out what to do about my dad, but I was no closer to figuring that out than I had been when I left. All I knew was that I had to get away from him, or I'd never be happy.

The room I was staying in was normally decorated in a frilly light green and white that Rosalie had picked out as a "neutral" look for the guest bedroom. Since I'd been here for awhile, and it looked like I might be here even longer unless Carlisle suddenly showed up with a pony and an apology for being such an overbearing asshole, Rose had urged me to make myself feel at home by putting up some pictures or whatever.

I'd decided to start paying them rent, but then I'd decided that the best thing to do would be to find an apartment of my own somewhere so that I wouldn't be in their way. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of last Thursday night, when I walked in on them fooling around in the kitchen. I shuddered as the mental picture of Emmett's half-naked ass filled my mind.

"What's that look about?" Bella asked with a laugh.

I pulled myself away from the grotesque thoughts and turned to her with a distracted smile. "Nothing, really. I just saw more of Emmett than I ever thought I'd see last week. I think it's time for me to get out of here."

She frowned a little. "You mean you're going to move home again?"

I looked away. "No, I don't think that's going to happen. I moved home when my mom died because I thought it was important to stay close with my-- I mean, Carlisle-- but that didn't really seem to help anything. I'm gonna start looking for an apartment somewhere close by."

She was quiet for a minute before she looked up at me with wide eyes. "You know, Jake and the guys have a car garage with a vacant apartment above it. They've been looking to rent it for months. You want me to ask them about it?"

I thought about that for a minute. "Yeah, I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look. I'll need something cheap, at least until I can find a job. Carlisle didn't want me to work while I was in school, unless it was something that would 'further my career.'"

She snorted. "Yeah, I guess the idea of his Golden Boy slinging burgers and fries wouldn't sit too well with him."

I shifted a bit, uncomfortable with talking about my father with Bella. She had a really low opinion of him, and while I couldn't exactly blame her, it still made me feel slightly guilty when we badmouthed him.

She must have caught on to my expression, because she said, "Sorry. I'll shut up now. So, what kind of work do you think you'll aim for?"

I shrugged. "Whatever I can find, pretty much. I've never had any kind of job other than the political stuff I do. I probably will end up asking people if they want fries with their supersized slaughtered meat smothered in its own breast milk."

Bella and I both grimaced and she fake-gagged. "Well, when you say it like that, it really makes me want a Big Mac!"

"I used to eat Big Macs when I was a kid. My mom took me to McDonald's as a special treat whenever my dad was working during dinner. Not all the time, but whenever we felt like being bad. I always felt like it was this special little secret between us, because my dad's a doctor so he didn't approve of his kid eating fast food, but it turns out he knew about it all along," I told her.

Bella came closer to me and pressed herself up against my side. "How'd he know?"

I sighed. "I'd been vegan for years, but the night after she died, I went to McDonald's and ordered the same thing I used to get when I was a kid. I sat there in that stupid, garish place and tried to feel like I was a kid with my mom again, but I couldn't eat a single bite. When I looked up, I saw my dad. He came over with a tray and sat down with me. We ate. When we were done, I asked him how he knew I'd be here and he told me that my mom loved McDonald's so much because that's where he'd met her back when they were college students."

"Wow," Bella said quietly.

I nodded. "I was sick after eating the food, but it was worth it. I'd found out something about my mom that I'd never known before, and it was one of the last times with my dad that made me feel close to him."

I turned to Bella and saw a tear slipping down her cheek. I frowned. "You don't have to cry for me," I said.

She shook her head and looked at me with her big, wet brown eyes. "Don't you get it? You're so sad, Edward. It's so hard to see you struggling with this. I never had that kind of love with my mother, and I never saw myself as close with my father, but you've had such a wonderful relationship with your parents and I just...I just wish that you hadn't been the one to lose your mom, you know?"

I shushed her. "Don't say that, Bella. You don't want to wish your mom had died."

She closed her eyes. "You know what I mean, though. You should have been able to keep her. She sounds like she was such an amazing woman. I'll never understand why people like her die so young."

I sighed. "God works in mysterious ways. It's not for you or I to figure out his bigger plan. We just have to have faith in the plan. He took my mom because she was meant to go. I can't pretend I understand why, but I can feel comfort in knowing that she had a higher purpose than living."

Bella pulled away. "How can you put so much faith in something you can't see? I mean, all this fucked up shit happens, and yet you think God is this kind and merciful being who has a 'higher purpose' for doing the things he does? It's like...it's like complacency. I understand you wanting to comfort yourself, but what if sometimes shit just happens? Does it always have to have a reason behind it?"

"For me, to believe in God means to have faith in everything that He does. If my mom died, it's because He had a reason. If my dad and I aren't getting along, it's because there's something that will come of the situation. It's just like I believe that I met you for a reason when your mom left, and I feel like that reason was because..."

"Wait, wait a minute. My mom left because she's a selfish bitch who only thinks of herself. I would have been in the poli sci class anyway, or I would have met you like I did at Veg Fest. It's just a coincidence," she insisted.

I sighed. The elephant seemed to be emerging. "Haven't you ever had a moment where you felt like you could see that there was something bigger than yourself? That maybe, just maybe, you weren't simply going through the motions, but that there was a bigger meaning behind everything that happened?"

She pinched her lips. "Not really, no. I believe life is what you make it. That's not to say that I've completely given up the idea of God, but I also don't think I'm just a puppet for him to do with what he wants."

I looked away. "I don't feel like a puppet. I never have. I believe we came into each other's lives when we did for a reason, and I think it was so we could help each other."

She slumped back against the couch. "It's a nice thought, but if we help each other, it's because we help each other, you know? Like you didn't just sit at home and wait until God plopped a guitar into your hands and told you to start a band, did you?"

I shook my head. "It's not like we're all completely devoid of free will, but rather that there is a divine order that is greater than human order. We have the perspective of ants when it comes to God's vision for the universe. We're only a small part of something much greater. What looks like chaos to us is actually a carefully organized plan. It's our destiny, and we all play a part."

Bella was silent, and I couldn't tell if I had gotten to her or not. I didn't mean to go on like that, but when we discussed things, we usually got heated and I didn't want her to feel like I was preaching to her.

"I wish I had that kind of faith, Edward. All I see when I look at the world is a bunch of people just trying to do the best they can, or the worst they can. I don't see people as agents of something bigger. When I look at you, I'm grateful you came into my life, but it's not because I think someone or something brought you to me. I think you're here because we're attracted to each other and we've both experienced pain that can help us understand each other. I like being with you, even if we're fighting. That's all it is to me, you know? I'm not trying to sound heartless. It's just the way I see it," she said finally.

I reached out and took her hand. "Maybe someday you'll see it my way," I said, trying to sound encouraging. It sounded like she really did want to believe the way I did.

She looked sad, but she lifted my hand up to her mouth and kissed the back of it before she put it back in my lap. "I think I should go. I'll see you in class, okay?"

She walked out the door before I could think of something to say.